Chapter 4
Saturday morning welcomed a heavy downpour of rain. As Peter yawned and blinked open his sleepy eyes, he could smell the damp air from the slightly ajar from the other side of his bedroom. He sighed heavily and curled up tighter in his bed. It wasn’t that he really disliked rainy weather, but something about today just felt melancholy and the rain definitely wasn’t helping.
Sometimes this just happened. Sometimes there would be a day where everything felt heavy and suffocating but empty and distant all at once. It made no sense and he felt disoriented, his mind filled with fog that he couldn’t find the motivation to fight his way through. Even opening his eyes felt like a struggle that was just too great to overcome. These days were frequent enough before his Aunt May died but now, they were more frequent than ever. It was easier when he had to get up for school, the routine giving him something to focus on. It was still unpleasant, but he knew what he had to do. But on weekends, when staying in bed was an option and no one was expecting him to be doing anything in particular, finding the strength to just keep going was harder than ever.
He rolled over, picking up his phone and began scrolling mindlessly through his twitter feed. But that got boring fast, so he started watching some dumb YouTube videos until that got too dull. Soon enough, he was on TikTok watching video after video while really taking none of it in. Eventually that got boring too and he decided to sleep for a little longer. He buried his head beneath one of the pillows on his bed, in a weak attempt to block out the light that was streaming into his room from the floor-to-ceiling windows.
Tony appeared at around lunchtime, wondering why the kid hadn’t made an appearance in the lab, or at the very least, the kitchen.
“Hey kid. Everything okay? What are you still doing in bed?”
“Tired.” Peter mumbled from the underneath his nest of blankets.
“Tired like you’ve had a long week and you need to catch up on sleep or tired like you’re getting sick?” Tony asked, slightly confused. “Or maybe a different kind of tired?” Tony added on at the end, knowing that the kid had almost certainly been hiding how much he was struggling with things.
Peter sighed quietly. He knew he could lie and just say he needed to catch up on sleep. It was perfectly reasonable considering the busy schedule he had. But even a simple lie like that seemed too exhausting right now and honestly, he didn’t really see the point in pretending. Tony had always been supportive and understanding; listening to him when he had a problem but never crossing the line into overbearing helicopter parent that could do more harm than good.
“Maybe… maybe the last one?” Peter responded. It came out like a question and he wasn’t really sure why. But his head was still foggy and forming sentences was draining.
Tony sighed and made his way over to sit on the edge of Peter’s bed. Part of him was worried that this was crossing a boundary. After all, as much as they had become better at opening up to each other since they had first met, and in the few days following May’s death Peter had been particularly clingy and desperate for comfort that only Tony could give, the barriers between them were still there. Not because they didn’t care deeply about each other, but because they were both so damaged from the traumas of their past that this kind of bond that had been forming between them was something that was difficult for both of them to face.
But right now, none of that mattered. Tony couldn’t bare to see the way everything about the kid seemed… off. He looked down at the kid that was barely visible in the nest of blankets and felt an unbridled desperation to help him.
“What can I do, kid?” He asked quietly, knowing from past experience that when Peter was having a rough day, it was much more likely that he’s experience a sensory overload. He knew he needed to help, and he hoped Peter would let him.
Neither of them could have predicted what happened next. He didn’t know what it was that made him do it, maybe it was the tone in his mentor’s voice, or the way the rain outside was still pouring, or the distinct smell of the lab still present on Tony’s clothes, reminding him of one of the only places he felt safe. He didn’t know why he did it, but he found himself launching his tired body into the arms of his mentor, burying his head in his chest. Tony had been ready, sensing that the kid might be in need of the physical comfort that he only really allowed himself to seek out when things were really bad. He braced himself against the kid’s weight, arms holding him tight. Firm and fierce so that the kid would feel protected from whatever mental pain had decided to rear its ugly head today. Peter wasn’t sure at what point he’d started crying but he was aware of it now. Because he was sobbing in a way that he’d not done since the day of May’s funeral.
But this was different. He wasn’t sobbing because he was mourning her death. Yeah, maybe that was part of it but really, he was just having a bad day. A really bad day. And in a way, this felt so much worse because there was no logical explanation for why he felt the way he did. Why his chest felt like stone and throat felt like acid. His sobs were making it harder for him to breath and he reminded himself to take deep breaths. He knew that Tony was probably telling him to do that too, but the ringing in his ears was making it hard for him to listen to anything. Nevertheless, he could feel his mentor’s strong arms wrapped around his body, holding him together while he allowed himself to fall apart. He could feel one of Tony’s hands combing through his hair in a way that calmed him like nothing else. And he knew that this, whatever this was, would be over soon. And he’d be able to breath properly again. And everything would feel brighter. And that’s what gave him the strength to focus on his breathing and calm down.
Peter wasn’t sure when it had happened, but at some point, Tony had readjusted them, so that he was leaning against the headboard of Peter’s bed, the younger boy still firmly wrapped in his arms. It had been at least 15 minutes since Peter’s crying had stopped but neither of them could say how long it had been since Tony had first entered the room.
“Th-thanks, Mr. Stark.” Peter mumbled against his chest. He was too exhausted to really be embarrassed by his breakdown, but he still felt a little shy.
“Hey, I thought we’d gotten past that.” Tony smirked, his chin resting on top of his Peter’s head. It had been months since Peter had called him that. Peter didn’t really know how to respond, choosing to bury his head deeper into Tony’s chest. The smell of engine oil and coffee continuing to ground him.
“Wanna talk about it?” Tony asked. Peter shook his head. Sometimes there was nothing to talk about. Sometimes things just sucked and there was nothing more to it. Tony understood that.
So instead they moved to the living area and watched a movie. Or rather they pretended to. Peter worked on returning to reality, clearing the fog from his mind and easing the tension that he could feel in his limbs. And Tony, watched closely from the corner of his eye, one arm thrown around Peter’s shoulders to remind him that he was still there if he needed him. By the time the movie had ended, Peter had managed to return to some semblance of normal. Pepper had returned with pizza and Peter had devoured almost the usual amount that he normally would, which made Tony almost sigh audibly in relief is he hadn’t been trying hard to not make a big deal out of Peter’s breakdown. Tony had texted Pepper to inform her of what had happened so she’d been quick to rush home as soon as she could to provide comfort to her boys and was now situated on the other side of Peter. Close enough to provide comfort but giving him space too. Their relationship had certainly grown since Peter had moved in, but they were definitely not as close as Peter and Tony were.
Peter stretched and yawned loudly as the credits rolled. He rubbed his eyes and looked at Tony.
“I should probably go get ready for the party.” He spoke almost timidly, expecting Tony to shut him down immediately. He didn’t think Tony would agree to let him go after what had happened. He knew how much Tony worried about him and he suspected that the events of the day would only make him worry more.
“I’m not going to stop you from going, kid, but are you sure you want to? I’m sure Ted and your scary girlfriend wouldn’t mind if you skipped it.” Tony replied, knowing that this would elicit a smile from the kid.
“Tony!” Peter groaned. He knew that Tony knew Ned’s name. After all, Tony was not all that good at hiding the fact that he was actually impressed by not only Ned’s capacity to be an amazing friend to Peter but also a damn good hacker and generally smart kid. And of course, Tony knew that MJ wasn’t really Peter’s girlfriend, but everyone knew it was only a matter of time before she was, including Peter.
“I think I want to go. I think it’ll be fun, y’know.” Peter smiled, shyly. He knew it was what he needed. Staying in tonight would only remind him of what he was missing out on and for once he just wanted to be a normal teenager.
“Whatever you want, kid. Just let me know when you’re ready to go.” Peter nodded and left the room.
Tony sighed and pulled Pepper closer, filling the space between them that had previously held Peter.
“I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to come home to. It sounded pretty bad. You did good, Tony.” Pepper reassured her husband. She knew that he was probably already questioning whether he had handled things properly. But it was clear to her that whatever he had done was as good as it could’ve been.
“I hate seeing him like that, Pep.” Tony replied. He wished he could take all of the pain away. He’d known early on that Peter was a complicated kid, when they’d first started to work on Spider-Man tech together. He’d arrived at the lab after school one day, and it was clear to Tony that something was wrong. He’d ignored it initially, feeling like it wasn’t his place to ask questions, but when he noticed the slight tremor in the kid’s hands when he’d asked him to hold something, and when he saw the glazed over look in the kid’s eyes when he’d asked him for his opinion on a new idea, he knew that there was more to the teenager than the happy-go-lucky attitude that he normally showed. That was the first day they’d stopped working to grab food and just hang out and Tony had made it a habit to check in a little more often and open up about some his own problems just a little bit to make sure the kid didn’t feel so alone.
“He’s been through a lot, but he’ll be okay. He’s got you,” Pepper smiled, “He’s got us.”