Chapter 6
2013, 28 February
Galina had somewhat settled down already. It's her third week, or maybe fourth, she's not sure. She counts in hours and days, not weeks.
Galina snaps her gum and heads down to class. She's heard that Yelena's built quite the reputation, punching another classmate on the face after he called her European bitch. Good for her, at least she stood up for herself.
Galina stuck to the shadows, no matter how much her actual 6 year old self wanted to be the shining star in the class (she could, she might, but now's not the time).
Galina settles down, hiding her gum under her tongue. No one notices her, of course. She's in the shadows with ghosts of the past.
If she sits still enough and has music playing at a soft volume she might just hear them, but they usually don't bother her
Galina sighs as she curses S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy for not giving the kindergarten kids chairs and tables. Would it kill them to have to sit on chairs for six hours, with intervals between?
She could complain to Maria. She'd understand, Natasha would have just dragged her own chair and table in.
Galina sits and suffers in silence. Everyone in the class has already found their "best friend forever". Ms Anita had encouraged the kids to mingle, to have a "united class", and Galina tried her hardest not to snort. As if any of these people would understand.
Friends were just puppets to get what one wanted. There were no friends in this world.
So Galina snaps her gum silently, leans backwards and crosses her legs.
2013, date redacted
Natasha handed in her form and the response comes back in the morning the next day.
Natasha swears so violently that the agent that walked past tsked. Natasha glares and she scurries off.
"What. The. Fuck. I swear I will hunt down the person who gave me this mission and-" Natasha cuts off as she sees the neat signature of Maria Hill at the end. A stamp of approval. "-and give them a kiss," Natasha sighs.
So. Great start to her day. Training rookies was going to be a thing now huh?
So she was going to train stupid cocky 16 and 17 year olds at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy as a substitute now.
Natasha sometimes wonders if Madame is specifically trying to make God let her suffer. Or perhaps Satan, she was definitely burning in hell or playing tennis with Hitler. Or she was still alive and S.H.I.E.L.D. was hunting her.
Hopefully the former, if anything happened to Maria...
Natasha shakes the grim thoughts away from her mind.
"Well, gear up Romanoff, you're going to be beating more fresh ass again."
2013, date redacted
She hates this fucking job. She wore a disguise just for this, and gave herself a new name, Miss Golding.
Miss Golding was blond, had blue eyes (not like Masha's though, Masha's were a pretty ocean blue that sparkled).
She was already ten minutes into the class, still at warm-up, and blowing her whistle like her life depended on it because holy fuck is this really the future of S.H.I.E.L.D.?
Most of the agents in training were struggling to make it through 3 miles. It was idiotic, and it looked like Natasha would have to get them up to fitness standard first.
Natasha groaned and rubbed her forehead.
Fuck this, she regrets handing in that form. She was so annoyed at Maria right now.
One of the girls yelled that another girl was going to faint and Natasha rolled her eyes before going to attend.
2013, date redacted
"Babe, I hate you," Natasha grumbles as she calls Maria.
Maria laughs.
"And why?" She teases, raising an eyebrow.
"You know why. I hate training kids."
"You did well with Galina, from what she tells me," Maria shrugs.
"Galina's completely different from these stupid, idiotic and unfit slugs you call Agents in training!" Natasha whines before she can stop herself.
"You know, someday we'll have to hit the gym together, have a bit of sparring match again, then we'll see how good you still are."
Blood under her nails, blood in her hair. Someone's guts in her pants, Maria squinting at the darkness after her.
"Nat? Nat?"
Natasha shakes her head violently.
"Where are you? Where'd you go?" Maria softly says.
"Back. I don't think I'll be comfortable, you know, sparring with you yet. Sorry," Natasha says after a pause.
"It's stupid I know, I'm sorry."
"It's fine Nat. You're not in there anymore. We're going to hunt them down, Barnes is going to recover."
"Sometimes this feels like a dream you know. Like the song you sing. Like its all a dream, maybe a long fever dream. What if I'm still back there? White cube. Chains, James feeding me the liquid. Seeing you, making me hate you. Snap. On pointe," Natasha whispers and trembles.
"Nat, baby, you're safe. You're okay, you're no longer in Red Room. Nat, breathe. This is not a dream. Nat, babe, breathe for me. In and out."
Natasha's breaths come in gasping shudders.
Maria swears silently as she sees a full on panic attack.
"Nat, Nat. Look at me. I love you. Breathe for me Nat. Breathe. In and out. Just follow my voice. You're safe, you're okay. You are Natasha Romanoff. You are no longer the Red Room's."
Natasha closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose, slowing down the sharp inhales and shaky exhales. Her chest is rapidly rising and falling, wheezing sounds coming out.
Maria aches to be back. To hold Natasha, to wrap her in a hug and not let go. Never let go, let her wrap herself around her like a koala the whole day, to hell with that, the whole week if she needed to.
"Hold on babe. That's it, breathe. Breathe Nat, любовь."
Natasha inhales through her mouth, calming her heart down.
I'm okay, I'm here, I haven't killed Masha or Galina or Yelena. I am Natasha Romanoff, I am with S.H.I.E.L.D.
It takes a while, but she finally works through the last of the tremors.
They sit in silence for a while. Maria's smile looks rueful and like she's hurting because Natasha was hurting.
"Nat," she whispers.
"Masha, I'm sorry. I love you."
"It's okay, I've got you baby. I'll be back in a week, maybe less. If I kick more rookies' asses tomorrow, I should be back earlier."
Natasha gives a chuckle at the mental image of a scary Commander Hill with her "do not fuck with me today, or tomorrow, or any day actually" face to the poor agents and barking orders at them.
"I miss you. It's like I need you or I'll go crazy," Natasha smiles a bit.
"I miss you too. Say hi to the girls and Liho for me. I got you Nat. I love you."
Natasha uncurls herself from her small ball and stretches out.
"I have to go, screaming at the others and all that. See you soon Nat."
"See you," Natasha says, blowing a kiss to Maria as Maria pretends to catch it and Natasha laughs at the over exaggerated manner she does it.
Maria always knows what to do to cheer her up.