The Crafting of Freedom & the Killing of Liberty
The second those words leave the little girl’s mouth, Romanoff bolts into the woods.
“Natasha!” Maria can vaguely hear Pepper call out. It’s useless to stop Romanoff when she wants to run. There’s no catching her and no slowing her down. When she starts to turn, just consider her gone.
“What did she say?” Maria croaks out to Pepper, hoping against everything that she heard wrong. Her kid is like what? Four? Five? Six? Probably five. Can five year olds even talk? Maria hasn’t been around an actual kid in decades. She’s a little behind on where all the big milestones are supposed to be in a kid’s life.
“Tony,” Pepper starts and wipes her eyes, “he died in the fight against Thanos. He snapped the infinity gauntlet to destroy Thanos and his army. But he—he didn’t make it. It was too much.” Maria’s head is whirling. This doesn’t even make any sense. Didn’t Romanoff watch Thanos die? And she sure didn’t know that Stark was dead. Wasn’t the infinity gauntlet gone?
And then Stark. They had a weird relationship. He was a pain in the ass but overall he was a good person. Before the Decimation she was almost spending as much time with him as she was with Pepper. And now he’s just…gone.
“I have so many questions. You might have to start from the top,” Maria says and sits down on the ground. Her head is spinning so fast that if she continued to stand, she might’ve fallen.
And so Pepper tells her about Scott Lang and the time machine. She talks about the missions made to the past and to space to find the infinity stones. She talks about how Clint went with fake Romanoff to Vormir and only Clint came back, saying that Romanoff jumped off the cliff for him. Then she talks about Banner snapping the gauntlet and bringing everyone back. Then how Thanos and his army came from the past. Pepper explains how everyone gathered for one last time to defeat the army, everyone but Romanoff that is.
And Maria, but she knows better than to pretend like they actually consider her a valid and needed part of the group. They probably missed the real Fury though. But not her. Never her.
And then at last, she sobs when she explains that Stark got the gauntlet and got rid of Thanos and his army once and for all, but died in her arms.
“Where did the stones go after you used them?” Maria asks carefully, not wanting Pepper to relive anything else that might hurt her.
“Steve took them back to where they got them.” Pepper explains, then slowly adds on. “But he came back different.”
“Different how?” Maria frowns. She’s not liking where this might be going. If something happened to Rogers along with Stark… Romanoff might not recover.
“He stayed in the past. He came back old. Sam is now Captain America.”
“Shit.” Maria curses. How could Rogers be so fucking stupid. Stark dies, and so when his friends and family need him most, Rogers just disappears? What the absolute fuck is wrong with this guy?
“What I don’t get though, is why did the Natasha skrull jump off the cliff?” Pepper asks. “If it didn’t care about Clint, then why not just push Clint off? Clint said there was a struggle for who would jump off.”
Maria isn’t completely certain on this one, but based on what Pepper’s told her about the soul stone, she has a decent guess. “I’m thinking that because the skrull had no emotional connection to Clint, nothing would’ve happened if Clint died. I’m assuming that in order to satisfy the needs of the soul stone, then the feelings of the other person who didn’t die are used. It has to be able to sense in the other person that they lost someone they loved. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t the real Romanoff, it just mattered that Clint thought it was. So the emotions he was feeling were the same as if Romanoff really did die, because to him, she did. So he was rewarded with the soul stone.
“But if Clint died, the skrull wouldn’t care. They wouldn’t get the soul stone because the skrull didn’t lose anyone. And I’m assuming that the skrulls lost half of their own as well in the Decimation, so it would be in their favor to reverse it.” Pepper nods her head, accepting Maria’s explanation.
They sit in silence on the ground until her kid walks over to them, tired of playing with Liho.
“And who is this?” Maria asks, smiling at the cute little girl. She may not know how to deal with kids at all, but she does at least have enough common sense to know that she should probably ask her name.
“This is Morgan.” Pepper smiles, setting the girl in her lap. “Say ‘hi,’ Morgan.”
“Hi.” Morgan says softly and waves. She’s missing a tooth and has the cutest little smile Maria’s ever seen.
“Hi, Morgan, I’m Maria.” Maria waves back, in a soft enough voice to almost match Morgan’s.
“Haven’t I met Ms. Maria before?” Morgan loudly whispers to Pepper.
“This is the real Maria; the other Maria was just pretending to be her.” Pepper tries to explain. It’s complicated for adults to think about, much less kids. Morgan might not get it.
“Okay.” Morgan just accepts what Pepper tells her. She then leans back to whisper to her mom. “I’m hungry.”
“It is dinner time isn’t it? Up we go then.” Pepper stands up, hoisting Morgan up and onto the ground. Maria slowly makes her way off the ground as well. “I should have dinner ready soon.”
“It’s getting dark out, should we get Romanoff?” Maria asks. She’s worried for her. Based on everything she vaguely knows about how Romanoff was spending the last few years before she was taken, Stark was big part of her life. And if there’s one thing that Maria’s gathered that Natasha Romanoff does poorly, it’s emotions. “I could look for her while you make dinner. Do you know where she would’ve gone?”
“She would go out in the woods whenever she got particularity upset sometimes. Tony’s gone after her and I’ve gone after her but usually we can’t find her. She’ll come when she’s ready.”
“She might not be ready for a long time, Pepper. And I’d rather not have her spend her first night back on Earth in five years in the woods.”
“You’re right. But do you think you can get her to talk to you? I’ve never been able to get a word out of her when she’s like this.”
“Yeah, I might.”
“When’d you two get so close?” Pepper raises her eyebrows. Maria doesn’t like what she’s insinuating.
Maria certainly doesn’t have enough time to tell Pepper that story. Instead of answering Pepper, Maria asks, “So do you have any small pieces of plywood I could borrow?”
That’s why Maria is now trudging through the forest with two pieces of plywood in her hands. She’s not sure exactly where she’s going. Fuck, she’s going to get so lost. Romanoff couldn’t just cry under covers like a normal person. No, she had to run away into the woods. That dramatic ass bitch.
Romanoff’s been out here long enough, maybe a few hours, so she shouldn’t still be crying. That means she’s probably somewhere that she can focus more attention on. Maybe some kind of water? But Pepper said there were lots ponds all over the woods along with a creek, so that doesn’t quite narrow things down.
She’s probably sitting on a rock. Sitting in the grass for hours would get itchy. Which means she’s probably on a rock in the creek. Now if Maria can just find the damn creek.
Shit, her head is just full of thoughts swirling around, blocking out all her wilderness training. Maria just stops moving and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath and tries to focus her senses. She tries to hear any sound of moving water. Tries to smell any wetness. She opens her eyes and looks around. The ground is slanted a little. Perfect, this she can work with.
Maria follows the downhill slope. Eventually she can hear the faint sound of water. Luckily it rained recently so the creek was churning enough to where sound could be heard. But on the downside, her feet are sinking into mud. Her only pair of shoes are covered in mud, and once again she finds herself cursing Romanoff.
Maria follows the creek until she spots a figure perched on a rock. As she gets closer, she can clearly see that it’s Romanoff sitting with knees pressed into her chest, her hand dangling so that her fingertips are just faintly dipping in the water rushing below her. Maria doesn’t feel the need to announce her presence; Romanoff probably heard her trudging through the squishy mud a while ago. And she didn’t run away, which is a good sign.
Maria slowly approaches her. Romanoff still has her back turned, focusing only on the water dancing and swirling through her fingers. Maria hands her a piece of the plywood and sits down on the rock, so that her back is pressed against Romanoff’s.
Maria holds her own piece of plywood in her hands, and using tap code, she knocks, “Shrek.”
Romanoff doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t put the wood down or tell Maria to go away.
Maria takes this as an invitation to continue, “I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.”
Maria goes again, “You know in AP Human Geography they study humans interacting with the earth, but in AP Human Geology they study The Rock.”
“I’ve actually never heard that one before,” Shrek taps to her.
“Well that’s because I came up with it myself in high school.” Maria brags her creative genius. “I can keep going if you want.”
“No, that’s okay.”
“Pepper has dinner ready whenever you’re ready.” Maria wants to give her an out if she doesn’t want to talk about it. They can just get up and pretend like none of this is happening.
“If it gets too dark, I can still find the way to the cabin.” So Romanoff might talk with her. Maria stops knocking, letting Shrek lead the conversation if she feels up to it.
“He was my older brother. He was always there for me. Even when I wasn’t always there for him, he was there for me. Even after the Accords we kept in contact. I thought he would hate me for leaving his side, and he did at first, but we still talked. And during the years after the Decimation he was there for me. And I couldn’t be there for him. I couldn’t get out of that stupid cell! He was always by my side for over a decade and I couldn’t be there during the one fucking time I needed to be by his.”
Maria’s had her share of “if only” thoughts in her life. And each time she tries desperately to convince herself that there’s nothing she could’ve done. Sure, she may not be super successful at that, but even she’s able to see when things have spiraled so far out of her control that there was truly nothing she could do. And those are strong words coming from her, because she believes she can control things 99% of the time, shit she’s almost as affective as damn Purell hand sanitizer. But eventually she can see if something is in that 1% that was beyond her realm of control. But for Shrek to say those things, it really didn’t make sense, because there was absolutely nothing that could’ve changed the outcome. This was a situation that is so clearly in the 1% of things that couldn’t have been fixed by her being there.
“Hey, there was nothing you could’ve done. Even if you got out before they reversed the Decimation, you would’ve died at Vormir and nothing would’ve changed. The only other option would be Clint dying and you living, and I doubt you want that option either. Not to mention you don’t know how to work a space ship or navigate space. You would’ve died in space before you could get back to Earth.” No matter how Shrek looks at it, there was no way she could’ve made it to Stark to help him. Honestly waiting in space was her best option, hands down.
“Okay but I could’ve gotten out right when you came and then we could’ve reached them right after they brought everyone back.”
“That would be impossible and you know that. It took us two days to reach Earth. Even if we got out the moment I was there, we still would’ve been four days late. There was nothing you could’ve done.”
“But I could’ve been there for Pepper. I could’ve been there for Morgan. I would know Morgan!”
“But you’re here on Earth now. And you’re not exactly with them right at this moment. There’s nothing you can change. I know it can be hard to see for yourself, but what happened to Stark was outside of your control.”
“Yeah, because you let go of the past so well.” That was uncalled for. Maria knows that Shrek is just lashing out because she’s feeling vulnerable but fuck if it doesn’t hurt. And frankly she’s tired of always being a punching bag.
“Sorry.” Shrek—no, Romanoff—whispers out loud.
“It’s okay.” Maria whispers back.
“You’re right.” Shrek goes back to knocking. “I just don’t get how something this big can happen and I can’t do literally anything. Especially not now. And you’re right, I would’ve jumped off the cliff. If the skrull gave Clint a run for his money, then our struggle would be nonexistent. I would’ve done it. And it wouldn’t have mattered. He’d still be gone.”
“It’s really better that you stayed there. Maybe you knew that.”
“I definitely didn’t know that. If I could’ve escaped, I would’ve.”
“Well I think where you are now, is a lot better than dead at the bottom of some crummy cliff.”
“Aw would you have missed me?”
“I never said that.”
“You were thinking it though.”
“Whatever, all I’m saying is that this group of people really look like it needs some cheering up. And I’m not just talking about Pepper and Morgan, even though they are a start. Stark had a pretty big impact on everyone. And I hate to admit it, but you also had at least a tiny impact on the same people. I’m sure they might like to know that you’re not at the bottom of a cliff.”
“Are you planning my return party?”
“I’m thinking floor length robes and lots of glitter.”
“Sounds perfect.”
“You might want someone else to help with the planning, considering I’m about seven years behind the times.”
“You say that like you weren’t already ahead of all technology by a decade. I mean you worked at SI. You even drove that damn space ship. That seems pretty damn up to date to me.”
“True. And I guess I was never up to date on any pop culture before this anyway.”
“Hey it could be worse; we could’ve been stuck as popsicles in ice for half a century.” Shit, Rogers. Maria doesn’t even know how to break the news to her. Truth is, Maria doesn’t really know much about Romanoff’s relationship with Rogers. Maria knows her own relationship with him and some of it does have to do with Romanoff. When they ran off together, it crossed Maria’s mind a few times that they were a couple. Okay maybe more than a few times, closer to a daily thought occurring in her mind. It was always taking up root in the back of her mind and poking at emotions she didn’t want to feel.
“About Rogers…”
“Fuck no. Donkey, don’t say what I think you’re about to say. He can’t be gone too.” Maria can feel her back move as she takes a shaky breath.
“He’s still alive.”
“But…”
“But…he’s not the same.”
“Just fucking tell me, stop being so damn cryptic. I can take it, rip off the damn band aid.”
“They got some of the stones from the past and Rogers went to return them. But he decided to stay in the past. He’s old. Like actually old.”
“No he wouldn’t do something that fucking stupid. This isn’t a funny joke. You don’t know him; he would never do that.”
“It’s not a joke. He gave his shield to Sam.”
“Does Pepper know where this old Steve is living?”
“Maybe.”
“I’m leaving first thing tomorrow.”
“Are you sure, we just got here?”
“I have to go. I won’t be able to do anything without seeing for myself.”
“I guess I’ll tell Pepper not to expect us for breakfast then.”
“You’re staying here. Someone needs to be here for them.”
“They’re not exactly the ones I’m worried about right now. They seemed to be fine to me before we got here. I’m coming with you.”
“You don’t need to come with me.”
“Then do it for Morgan. I’m so bad with kids. I would just make things worse here. Besides, you know I can just remove the starter or something so that the car won’t go.”
“Fine.”
“Colon end parenthesis.”
“Did you just make a smiley face using emoticons?”
“What, it’s not like you can see my face.”
“That is the dumbest thing.”
“Colon open parenthesis.”
“Your jokes are still horrid, Donkey. You can’t even justify yourself now. Come on, let’s get up before I push you in this creek.”
“Colon end parenthesis.”
“Goodbye, Donkey.”
“Bye, Shrek.”
Maria stands up and offers her hand to Romanoff. Romanoff takes it and she pulls her up.
“Let’s go eat. I’m starving.” Natasha complains, leading the way out of the woods.
“Are you saying you need more than stale cereal?”
“Hey, stop attacking my cereal. You know that’s the only thing I can make. Plus, it’s your fault I’m so hungry; you didn’t let me stop off at the McDonalds we passed!”
“You would’ve thrown it up. It’s plastic food. Now if there were a Wendy’s, that would’ve warranted stopping.”
“Food snob, even when it comes to fast food.” Romanoff rolls her eyes, holding back the branches for Maria to walk through.
“I’m sorry but Wendy’s is the only valid fast food restaurant. Their sea salt fries? Immaculate. The spicy nuggets? God tier. Their frostys? Beautiful creatures. Plus, their ice cream machines actually work.”
“The ice cream machine joke is so old.” Romanoff whines.
“Hey, I’m old. And it’s still probably relevant. I doubt an apocalypse suddenly made their ice cream machines work. Meanwhile I bet Wendy’s is still pumping out cold, creamy goodness.”
“You don’t know that.” Romanoff grumbles and Maria laughs. “Plus I’m technically older than you now. By almost three years even.” Maria hasn’t even considered that. That’s weird.
“Holy shit, I’m past 40.” Maria suddenly feels ancient. She pretty much just celebrated her 30th birthday. Honestly in her line of work, Maria had a strong suspicion she’d never reach her 40s.
“You don’t look a day over 35.” Romanoff coos, batting her eyelashes up at her and smiling.
“Thanks.” Maria rolls her eyes. The cabin is in her line of sight now.
The inside of the cabin is cute. Very Pepper like. It has that cozy feeling only a cabin really has. The dim, but warm, lighting and soft decorations are a welcome change from the bright lights and sharpness inside of the cell. Maria feels instantly relaxed walking through the door.
“There you two are.” Pepper says, looking up from her plate. “It was getting dark. I was worried you weren’t coming back for dinner. I apologize that Morgan and I started without you. But I have two places set so help yourselves. Make sure to wash your hands!”
“Thanks, mom.” Romanoff rolls her eyes and walks to what is probably the bathroom.
“It smells delicious.” Maria says. And it really does. Maria really hasn’t smelled actual food for a long time. She’s had stale bread, maybe a handful of apples, and bowl of lentils for over a year straight. The smell of actual spices is intoxicating.
“It’s just spaghetti and meatballs. I figured I’d go with a classic food.”
“You’re the best, Pepper.”
Maria washes up and sits down next to Pepper. Maria loves pasta. It’s her base food for pretty much everything. Seeing those shiny perfect strands of spaghetti on her plate is all it takes to bring tears to her eyes.
“You haven’t even tasted it yet.” Pepper shakes her head at them. Maria turns her head to see that Romanoff also has a similar look on her face.
Maria takes a sip of her water while Romanoff takes her first bite of the food. The second Romanoff’s mouth closes on the fork, her head goes back and a sound emerges from her. Maria almost spits out her damn water. She’s seen that exact face before and it should never be next to Morgan. Maria starts choking on her water, she wants to say it’s to distract Pepper and Morgan from Romanoff’s “moment” but she really is getting defeated by this singular sip of water.
“Maria!” Pepper exclaims and whacks Maria on the back. Maria puts her hand up, shooing Pepper away as she continues to hack on the water.
“I’m okay!” Maria hacks out between coughs. Finally, her throat calms down and she can breathe again.
“I’m good.” Maria repeats. Feeling embarrassed, Maria focuses her attention back on her food. She drops a forkful of the spaghetti in her mouth and oh wow did Romanoff have the right idea. This is the greatest thing she’s ever tasted. Her tongue is dancing. Her body is singing. Every fiber of her very being is rejoicing.
It takes every ounce of her strength to not shovel the entire dish in her mouth. And then another. And then another.
Once the plates are clear of food, Pepper and Maria go into the kitchen to do clean the dishes and Romanoff goes into the living room to play with Morgan. After staying relatively silent for most of dinner, Pepper was finally able to get Romanoff talking to Morgan. Maria figures she also knows how badly Romanoff wants to be close with Morgan.
Maria is washing the dishes and Pepper is drying.
“I feel so stupid.” Pepper signs as Maria hands over a dripping bowl. “I should’ve realized that you weren’t you. Granted I just thought being dust changed you and I didn’t want to push. But I should’ve known that Natasha was taken. She was living with us for almost two years and then all of a sudden she got distant. I would call her and she would just say that she was busy.”
“How could you have known aliens were impersonating your friend? It doesn’t feel real. Like that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard and I’ve even seen actual proof.” Maria points out, scrubbing a particularly difficult stone skillet.
“I just blamed it on Natasha’s tendency to run away. I didn’t even look into it. I knew damn well how excited she was for Morgan and to help with our family. I should’ve known.”
“Hey, like I already said to Romanoff, it worked out in the end. If you somehow figured it out and got her back, Romanoff would be lying dead at the bottom of a cliff right now. And I think she’d rather be here right now than there.” Maria nods over to the living room where Romanoff is twirling Morgan around in the air.
“Natasha be careful!” Pepper shouts just like a frantic mom would. “She just ate! Watch the lights!”
“Okay, mommy!” Morgan giggles as Romanoff tosses her on the couch. It looks like Romanoff has decided tickling is her next best bet. Morgan is now howling with laughter and kicking her legs out against Romanoff.
Romanoff has the widest grin on her face. She has this certain twinkle in her eyes, making them a sparkling green. Her laugh is low and warm, washing over Maria even from afar. It fits so well with the feeling of the cabin. Romanoff belongs here. This is her home. And now there’s a deep constricting squeeze in her heart that has Maria wishing it were her home too.
“Cute, isn’t she?” Pepper asks, looking at Maria who’s just been staring into the living room, not washing any dishes.
“Hmm?” Maria looks over at Pepper, who’s now following her line of sight. Shit. “Um, who?”
“Morgan.” Pepper smiles. It seems innocent enough, but Maria knows that look. That’s the look she would give to her whenever she “casually” mentioned someone working at SI who she tried to hook Mara up with. That sneaky little bitch. Sharp as ever.
“Yeah, she’s adorable.” Maria agrees, hoping Pepper will drop it. She looks at Pepper and gives her a big smile, trying to convey that of course she was looking only at Morgan. Pepper glares at her for a few seconds, then silently takes the wet pan from Maria’s hands. Thank gods. Pepper is not going to pursue that line of questioning anymore.
Once the dishes are done, they head into the living room to see a worn out Morgan half asleep on Romanoff’s lap. Meanwhile Romanoff is French braiding her hair.
“Bed time, Morgan.” Pepper says, scooping Morgan out of Romanoff’s lap after Romanoff twists her hair off with a hair tie.
“Mpph.” Morgan mumbles, flopping her drooping eyelids over her eyes.
“I think I’m going to bed too.” Pepper yawns. “Natasha knows where the guest bedroom and bathroom are. Goodnight.”
“Night, Peps.” Maria copies Pepper’s yawn. It’s been a long, long day and Maria didn’t even know how tired she actually was. Wait it’s been more than a day since she’s slept. She’s had to drive everywhere. She hasn’t closed her eyes for more than a few minutes in over two days. Maybe three days even.
The tiredness hits her right away. Now it feels like her bones are melting away. The couch is looking cozier by the second.
“I think there should be two beds in the guest room.” Natasha says, standing up. She starts walking to the hall but Maria is staying put. She’s so tired. She might just fall asleep here.
“No, come on, Hill,” Romanoff pleads. “That couch is too small, even for me.”
“I’m tired.” Maria whines and flops face first into the couch cushions, ass still in the air. “I can’t move.”
“Come on, Hill, you’re gonna be driving tomorrow, you need sleep.”
“I’ll get sleep here.” Maria grumbles. The couch is so warm and soft. Maria doesn’t want to ever open her eyes, much less move.
“Come on, Hill.” Romanoff tries pulling her arm. All it does is cause Maria to fall completely on the couch.
“Noooo.” Maria whines, curling around a pillow on the couch.
“Up we go.” All of a sudden, Maria feels two warm hands curl around her body. Before she can protest, she’s being lifted into the air.
“To the guest room we go.” Romanoff says, settling Maria into a bridal style carry. Maria looks up to glare at her, but her eyes drop close. Following her eyelids, her head lulls to the side, catching itself in the crook of Romanoff’s neck.
Forget the couch, this is a much more comfortable position. Romanoff’s arms around her feel like pulling a heated blanket around her body. Her hair is silky soft, making for a great pillow. Maria breathes in its sweet apple and cinnamon smell. Maybe her hair smells like that too? She spent a while in Romanoff’s shower staring at that shampoo bottle in there. Apples and cinnamon. It just brought back so many memories.
“There you go.” Natasha says, and Maria can feel her body being placed on a bed.
“Cold.” Maria whines once Romanoff’s arms go away.
“Well then get under the covers.” Romanoff supplies. Maria just groans in response. So what if she’s cold? She’s so tired she’ll probably be asleep in a minute. Then she feels the fabric beneath her move. Romanoff is pulling out the covers from under her. The covers are then dragged over her body, to her chin.
“Anything else I can do for you, princess?” Romanoff asks sarcastically.
“Nope.” Maria mumbles. Her body falls into unconsciousness after that.
Maria is woken up by a knock on the door. Just because she’s no longer sleeping doesn’t mean she wants to open her eyes or get up, so she just buries her face further into her pillow.
“Pepper?” A low, raspy voice in front of Maria calls out.
Maria can hear the door creak open a little as Pepper says, “Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you guys, I was just seeing if either of you wanted to go on a run or join me in yoga.”
“Yeah, I might go on a run in a few minutes. Just give me a bit to fully wake up. Hill might still be sleeping but she should be awake soon.” Pepper closes the door and it goes back to peaceful silence. Maria breathes in. Mmm apples and cinnamon. Apples and cinnamon?
“Hey, I know you’re up.” Romanoff mumbles in her low sleep filled voice. “I’m gonna go on a run and then we can talk to Pepper about Steve at breakfast?” Then Maria’s pillow begins to move and her arms get pulled upwards. She slowly opens her eyes a little to see that she’s completely grabbing Romanoff. Like, arms completely around her body, squeezing her for dear life, grabbing Romanoff. Shit.
Honestly right now Maria is too tired to react more than retracting her limbs.
“I thought you said there were two beds.” Maria mumbles, head back on her actual pillow.
“Pepper moved some things around. The guest bedroom used to be where Morgan’s is. This was my room.”
“Hmm.” Maria eloquently responds, already considering if she should take a nap.
“I should be back soon. You might wanna take up Pepper’s offer to exercise with her. It seems like she was pushing that option. Plus, I’ve been banned from doing yoga with her. She got annoyed with me showing off how flexible from ballet I am.” Hmm, flexible is right. Fuck, Maria’s sleepy brain is just letting any thought in. At least it has the decency to not say it out loud though.
“Fine.” Maria grumbles, removing herself from the pillow and sitting up. She sits up in time to see Romanoff taking her sweatshirt off along with her bra. Seeing Romanoff standing in front of her half naked is… weird.
It’s not that either of them really cared much about modesty. Hell even before Budapest they would shower in the communal showers after sparring and be completely fucking naked. Who cares?
It’s just that her body is like everything else Maria’s seen since she’s come back: the very same, yet different. There’re more scars scattered around, less muscle from malnutrition, and paler. She still has the long, winding vine of roses she got tattooed on her back along with the lamb. Roses were always Romanoff’s favorite flower: pretty yet dangerous. It’s easy to see where she thought the one up. The lamb Maria’s always been unsure of the meaning behind. Romanoff would always dodge the question when she would inquire about it, so she just gave up asking.
Romanoff turns around and holds her gaze as she puts on a sports bra. Maria’s eyes lower. That’s different. On her right ribcage is a large tattoo of an owl.
“It’s an owl.” Romanoff says, pulling the sports bra halfway over the tattoo. “I got it a couple of months before the Decimation I think.”
“Why an owl?” Maria tries to push her luck. Romanoff seems weirdly chatty right now for once.
“I don’t know. I just kept seeing owls.”
“And so putting one on your body made you stop seeing them?”
“Nope, but it looks cool.” Romanoff smirks and starts walking out of the door until she pauses. “And it looks like Pepper is about to start her yoga so I’d get your lazy ass up.”
“I’m already half way there.” Maria argues. Fuck Romanoff and Pepper for making her leave this beautiful bed.
Romanoff leaves the room and Maria finally gets up and goes over to where Romanoff got her clothes. Not really caring whose clothes these are, she throws on shorts and a sports bra and calls it good enough.
Maria peaks her head out of the door to see Pepper starting to stretch.
“Morning, Peps.” Maria says, padding over to her.
“Hey, Maria, would you want to do some yoga with me?”
“Sure. Heard you banned Romanoff from this. Should I be worried you go through partners too fast?”
“Natasha tell you that?” Pepper asks.
Maria, not seeing yet that she’s falling into Pepper’s perfectly weaved trap, answers, “Yep.”
“Are you two friends?” Maria raises her eyebrow at her. What’s Pepper trying to fish out here? It’s not like she told Pepper anything about her and Romanoff. Not even that one night after the Accords.
Maria shrugs. “More like allies for now I guess. Which is a step up from enemies. But I have a feeling it’ll go back that way after all of this is sorted out.”
“I could’ve sworn you two were friends.”
“Nope. If you look back in some of the S.H.I.E.L.D records, you’ll see that we had one of the most infamous rivalries at S.H.I.E.L.D. Couldn’t put us on the same mission together. Not after the disaster of the first one. I said I’d never work with her again and she said she’d never work with me.”
Wow, thinking back to their very first mission. That was such a long time ago. It was all the way in 2006. Which was Maria’s second, almost third, year at S.H.I.E.L.D, second month in charge of a mission. She heard of course of the Black Widow being recruited to S.H.I.E.L.D. How Coulson’s specialist Barton brought in a rogue Black Widow, instead of piercing her with an arrow. S.H.I.E.L.D was torn. Half the agents were outraged that they were trying to give redemption to a mass murderer and the other half was glad to have such a high asset on their side. Of course Maria was on the secret third side, which was she didn’t fucking care, because what was done was done and it didn’t really affect her in any way. Really these agents needed to get their own hobby or something.
As quickly as the murmurs about the Black Widow started, they ended. It was almost like she had gone into hiding. The rumors were flying around though: S.H.I.E.L.D gave her back to the Russia, S.H.I.E.L.D was ordered to kill her, she escaped, etc.
Maria started to work her way up from getting the orders to giving them. She wanted to make sure that she was getting good information and that good information was being given to those below her. She refused to be as blind as she was in the military. No, Maria wanted to make a decent organization. One that wasn’t a sellout and corrupt. An organization that wasn’t killing innocent people under the façade of “freedom.”
The only person she could really trust was herself. Except maybe for Coulson and Carter, who despite her initially pushing away, were growing on her.
A few weeks before her first job as handler, the Black Widow emerged again. She was cleared for duty after undergoing some kind of deprogramming. “Angled solely toward America’s ideals” was what they called it. “Bullshit” was what Maria called it. If her ideals were in fact changed then they would’ve had to brainwash her and Maria would have to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. She didn’t stand for brainwashing no matter the intent.
Maria was born to be a handler. Quick and efficient was her preferred method of working. She was always prepared for every situation. “Over prepared” some people might have grumbled. But then again they were just furious at being shown up by S.H.I.E.L.D’s only female handler.
Maria worked seamlessly with every field agent they gave her to command. Even those that at first refused to work under a young female handler could get behind Maria’s ability to lead.
That was until Maria was given a mission with the Black Widow. Of course they didn’t tell her it was the Black Widow. Natalia Romanova was the name that was provided for her, along with a picture.
Maria could see how pretty she was from the picture. Even S.H.I.E.L.D’s shitty printer ink didn’t subtract from that. The mission would still be one of stealth, which was always a little trickier with a pretty agent. People always tended to draw their eyes to pretty people.
But it was a simple enough mission, not meaning that Maria didn’t have three other back up plans. Listed in order of course.
On the day of the mission, Maria greeted Agent Romanova with a strong handshake. Agent Romanova looked back at her with an equally blank face. Agent Romanova’s hand grasped hers a little firmer. It probably would’ve hurt most people, but Maria was not most people. So Agent Romanova wanted to show dominance? Let her have this, but she needed to know in the field, Maria had ultimate authority.
Maria tightened her grip as well. Agent Romanova looked surprised for half a second before her lips curled in a smirk. She tightened her grip just a little more before dropping her hand altogether.
The start of the mission went smoothly enough. Agent Romanova was listening to her directions and the target was outside the building. Now all that needed to be done was have Agent Romanova sneak into the building to get the files.
“There should be a door to the left” Maria said into the microphone connected to the earpiece in Agent Romanova’s ear. Except Agent Romanova turned right, heading straight for their target.
“Romanova, turn around!” Maria demanded. “Do not engage with the target. We want the files he has, not him!” Agent Romanova continued walking straight at him
“Romanova! This is your handler ordering you to turn around!” Agent Romanova turned off the earpiece. Turned it off! Fuck! Who the hell was this asshole? Out of all the ways Maria has been disrespected, this has got to be up there.
Maria watched in horror as Agent Romanova talked with the target. Was she flirting with him? That was not in any of her plans! That was the worst way to get things from people. It made things messy. Agent Romanova could’ve slipped in and out easily.
Agent Romanova and the target walked into the building together. The building that she could’ve already entered and exited from!
Agent Romanova was able to secure the files, but not after making the mission at least an hour or two longer than it needed to be.
“Sir, she directly disobeyed my orders.” Maria said to Director Fury. After asking around the people above her, they eventually pointed her to the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. She had to make sure this reckless rookie was taken out of field work.
“I was following my instincts.” Agent Romanova countered, looking far too casual sitting on a chair with her feet propped up on Director Fury’s desk. Who did this rookie think she was? “I wanted to make sure he didn’t know any more useful information.”
“And did he?” Director Fury asked, somehow looking at both of them with his one eye.
“Nope.” Agent Romanova said. “He didn’t even know the importance of those files. I think someone was using him.”
“Which was already determined beforehand, sir.” Maria pointed out. “I came to that conclusion when looking at the files on the case yesterday. I did extensive research to plan out the best strategy for today. It was a simple in and out mission and Agent Romanova ruined that.”
“I wasn’t sure if that was the case.” Agent Romanova shrugged.
“Yes you did, Agent Romanova.” Maria grit her teeth. “I gave you the case file and my notes yesterday to read.”
“I didn’t read them.” Maria was livid now. She made sure that Agent Romanova was in the loop. And Romanova just didn’t care. Maria wasn’t afforded the luxury of looking at her handlers’ cases when she was a new field agent. Looking at cases was not the normal protocol. Maria went out of her way to make sure that her agents had a surplus of information. That they were never left in the dark. And this rookie had everything available to her and didn’t even bother glancing at her page of condensed notes about the job. Un-fucking-believable.
“Sir, I believe her to be reckless and unfit for field work. She’s too dangerous to be sent out on a mission if she can’t even do a simple in and out mission correctly.”
“Sir.” Agent Romanova mocked. “I believe her to be too reliant on the case and unfit to adapt. Which is crucial as a handler.” Maria glared at her. Was she trying to get Maria kicked out of her job? Oh that was low. She was the one that messed up the mission!
“Agents, I need you both to stand down. As far as this goes, this mission was a success.”
“It was not a success.” Both agents said at the same time.
“If you won’t remove her from the field, at least give me form 31g to fill out so I can have her removed from my team.” Maria said, frustrated. “I refuse to work with her.”
“Me too.” Agent Romanova mimicked. “I refuse to work with this hardass.” Director Fury rolled his eye but got out the forms for them to fill out.
“Anything else or are we done here?” Director Fury asked bored.
“I want to change my name.” Agent Romanova stated. Maria looked up from her form confused.
“What to and why?” Fury sighed, pulling out another form to fill out.
“Natasha Romanoff.” Agent Romanova—now Romanoff—said proudly. “Aka the Black Widow.” Maria’s eyes widened. The Black Widow? Like Red Room KGB Black Widow? The one that burned down an entire school of children and would shock her victims to death? That Black Widow?
“And why would you like it changed, Agent Romanoff?” Fury asked, writing down the new name.
“I don’t like the way she says ‘Romanova.’” Agent Romanoff said, glaring at Maria. Oh fuck her, Black Widow or not, it was on. Maria Hill never backed down from a challenge in her life.
From that day on, it was an unspoken rule that Agent Romanoff and Agent Hill were in some kind of eternal battle. There was even a scoresheet that was kept in the office on who had the better success rate for missions. Both agents were trying to prove that they were better so that the problem was with the other agent.
Field day games became a battle ground. Paintballing, balancing an egg on a spoon, chubby bunny, no game was off limits. While all the other agents were enjoying their day off for these games, Agent Romanoff and Agent Hill were in an intense standoff. The agents would crowd around them, drinking beer and placing bets on who would win. Team Romanoff or Team Hill was a popular ice breaker question to ask people around the ship.
Director Fury didn’t care, as long as they did it in their down time and it didn’t affect their work.
So no, Agent Romanoff and Agent Hill weren’t friends.
Maria is broken out of her memories when Pepper says, “You two always acted civil at Avengers functions, even Tony’s bonding time when there was no press. You didn’t have to pretend to be friends there.”
Maria shrugs, “Why bring our problems onto everyone else?”
“Hmmm.” Pepper hums, but leaves it at that.
“We were going to mention this at breakfast, but Romanoff wants to go see Rogers. Do you happen to know where he lives?”
“He lives in a suburb in Maryland near DC. It isn’t too far from here. I can give you the address.”
“Thanks. We were thinking about going right after breakfast too.”
“So soon?”
“Yeah, Romanoff was acting really weird about it. Which I get. So we’re leaving first thing.”
After Maria finishes speaking, Romanoff walks in, sweaty from her run.
“Hey, Pep, can I join?”
“You know your place.” Pepper gives a mock glare. Romanoff places her hand on her heart in over exaggerated pain.
“Do you mind if I take a shower?” She asks.
“Have at it. I should have breakfast when you’re done.”
“You’re the best, Peps!”
“Oh wait, Romanoff!” Maria calls out before Romanoff can close the door of the bathroom.
“Yeah?” Romanoff peaks her head out of the door at her.
“Pepper knows Rogers’s address, so we can leave right after breakfast.”
“Perfect!” Romanoff disappears back into the bathroom. The sound of water starts up.
Maria turns around to see Pepper smirking at her with her damn eyebrow raised again.
“What?” Maria questions.
“Oh nothing.” Pepper leaves it at that.
After breakfast, they gather their small bit of luggage and put it in the car. They say their goodbyes to Pepper and Morgan, who is still sporting Romanoff’s braid from last night. They promise to come right back after they see Rogers.
They’re just about to leave before Pepper comes up to their car.
“Wait!” Pepper shouts, jogging over to them. “I need to talk to Nat about something.” Romanoff and Maria look at each other both confused. Romanoff slowly unbuckles her seat belt and slides out of the car.
“We’ll just be a sec.” Pepper says, dragging away a confused Romanoff. That’s weird. Whatever. Maria’s not hurt that Pepper didn’t include her in this super-secret talk. Nope. She’s just having fun in this car. Alone.
Maria sighs and checks the map one more time to triple check that she knows where they’re going.
“Alright let’s go.” Romanoff slides back into the car and clicks in her seat belt.
“What’d Pepper talk to you about?” Maria asks, hoping it sounds casual and not at all nosey.
“Steve.” Romanoff answers. She looks out the passenger widow and waves back at Pepper. Oh of course it would be about Rogers. She was probably preparing Romanoff for what she might see. I mean it can’t be easy to see your friend? Boyfriend? Fiancé? Husband??? Suddenly as an old man. Maybe Maria should’ve been firmer on not seeing him. A little too late now.
The ride is quiet and uneventful. They don’t joke about the Stark signs everywhere anymore. Each one feels like daggers in Maria’s very soul.
They end up parked outside a small old yellow house in the Maryland suburbs.
“This is it.” Maria says, getting out of the car.
“This is it,” Romanoff repeats slowly.
They walk up the overgrown walkway to the front door. Maria knocks twice on the door. The two of them wait there, staring at the splintering white door.
She can hear the sound of a lock turning. And then the door knob turns.
The door opens to reveal an old man. An old man that happens to share a lot of features as Steve Rogers.
“Natasha, are you here to take me to heaven?” He asks in his old man voice. That’s too weird. Maria hates that sound. Her and old men don’t usually tend to get along well. Old men tend to dislike powerful women. Especially those who work in a field considered only for men. Especially those who are the second in command at said field. Especially those that are lesbians.
“I’m not dead.” Romanoff says carefully. “Not that I can say the same for you.”
The old man cackles, “Sharp as ever, Widow. I missed that fire. Come in, come in. It might rain soon.”
“Are you afraid you’ll melt?” Romanoff quips.
“Melt? I’m afraid I don’t follow. I just don’t want you girls getting cold.” Maria hates being called a girl; old men say that to make women seem younger than they are to cause them to be vulnerable.
His home smells like old people, like the very house is decaying along with him. Maria feels uncomfortable in here. Everything is screaming at her to leave. All the war memorabilia is disgusting. There’s stuff from every war it seems, no matter how pointless and terrible they were. No one should be this open about celebrating mass murder.
There are souvenirs from all of them. Including a framed picture of some guys in cameo smiling and holding up a Captain America shield. Maria might vomit. They’re standing in the desert. A desert she recognizes. She needs to get out of this house.
It’s like her hell house: old men and wars. She needs to leave, but she can’t leave Romanoff. So far, Romanoff has been pretty fine though. Maybe she can get a little air to get the smell of stale out of her nose.
“Can I interest you girls in something to eat or drink?” Rogers asks them, hobbling to the kitchen.
“No thanks.” Maria grits her teeth. Maria had her one sided problems with normal Rogers. She can’t handle old Rogers.
“I’ll have an onion.” Romanoff says politely. That’s weird. Who eats a raw onion for a snack?
“Always the strangest of tastes, Widow.” Rogers laughs.
“You know,” Romanoff calls out, “they call the onion the ‘ogre’ of all foods.” Really, another Shrek reference? Maria rolls her eyes.
“Huh, I didn’t know that.” Rogers says. The fridge door is slammed shut and he walks back over to them with an onion in his hand.
He makes in only a few feet in front of them, before two bullets are shot directly into his skull and chest.
“Romanoff!” Maria screams in horror at the stone faced Romanoff holding a glock, still cocked in her hands and aimed at Rogers.
Maria watches in horror as the Sentinel of Liberty’s body collapses to the ground, the flowing blood turning the white carpet into the American flag.