Chapter 4
Miles loves his wife. He loves her so much it’s probably a little bit unhealthy.
He remembers when they met, both waiting for the train on a cold winter morning. A train that never arrived. Elizabeth Barnes, a beautiful woman with bright eyes and dark hair peeking from underneath her hat, had walked up to him, and asked where he was going.
“I just called a friend, he’s going to come pick me up” she had said, pointing at the phone on the corner of the platform, “Can we give you a ride?”
“Oh, that would be very kind” he replied, “Thank you.”
They had sat together in the backseat, and talked. Miles was mesmerized by the woman as she told him about her plans for after college. After they arrived, they exchanged contact information. They had gone on two dates before making it official.
Six months he proposed to her, and she accepted.
He couldn’t imagine growing old without her, and it had been amazing. Sure, they had a few arguments. On one memorable day she had even packed her bags and threatened to leave. But they made it through, they had a son, and then a daughter.
And their little family had been perfect, both happy and healthy kids. Until James enrolled in the military, and then Olivia disappeared. Everything changed. Their world collapsed.
So they grieved their loss, accepted the situation, and – although it was probably not the healthiest way to cope – didn’t talk about it.
The conversations at the dinner table fell silent – not sure what to discuss, except on days that James visited with his family.
And then the data dump happened. Miles had always been interested in anything to do with security, call it an occupational hazard, and had read the entire thing.
Seeing the familiar name pop up gave them something to talk about.
And then one day he got a text, Betty telling her she found her uncle, and that she was bringing him home.
It wasn’t the same, obviously, it wasn’t like having their daughter back. But it took up their days, and it gave them something to do. They started talking again, first just about how they were going to help Bucky, then slowly about other things. They started rebuilding their relationship, and Miles fell in love with her all over again.
[…]
Bucky and Steve text. Not a lot – not even daily. But at least once a week – Bucky will look at the phone and reply to Steve’s message.
He ignores the usual “I miss you” texts – he doesn’t know how to reply. He’s not used to people caring about him again – it’s a strange feeling.
He’s constantly fighting against the little voice telling him he’s a burden to other people. That he’s in the way – that they don’t actually want him there.
Reading the “I miss you” on the screen feels so unreal – he just has to ignore it. Even though his mind keeps telling him that he misses Steve as well.
“Honey?” Miles looks at his wife as he walks into the room and sees the expression on her face, “What’s wrong?”
“I just got a call from some guy saying he’s from the secret service” she says, her hand shaking as she stares at her phone, “They’re saying they found Olivia?”
“I thought they weren’t looking for her?” Miles says, frowning. He’s not sure he believes it, not after what they went through after they lost contact with her.
“He says that Iron Man pulled her out” she says slowly, “Why would he?”
“I don’t know” Miles hesitates, “Are you – is she coming home?”
“He said they’re keeping her under observation, and that they’ll release her as soon as possible” she replies, “I don’t understand how..”
“I asked Steve” Bucky says, as he walks into the room, “I told him to find her.”
“Oh”
They stare at him, and then Miles takes a step towards him and envelops him into a hug, “Thank you.”
He shrugs awkwardly “sure” he mumbles.
He extracts himself from the hug and leaves the room again, he’s never been good at people being nice to him. Not even before the brainwashing.
[…]
He doesn’t see Olivia, he knows she’s back, and he knows that Betty and Miles meet up with her – but she’s in therapy. She’s not ready to come home yet.
“I – I can find somewhere else to live” Bucky says, “when she comes home.”
“Oh no, honey” Betty shakes her head, “Olivia has her own place to return to. You don’t have to go anywhere.”
“Oh” he looks down, “okay.”
[...]
There’s a knock on the door, and Miles opens it.
They’re not expecting anyone, and his son would curse at him for opening the door when not expecting people – but Miles saw it as a common kindness to let people in.
The person at the door is, however, not someone he was expecting.
“I know” the man says, “I know I promised not to come – to give him time – but. I just want to see him. Please?”
“Hi Steve” Miles smiles softly, “It’s not really up to me.”
He sighs, rubbing his eyes. He looks tired, as if he hasn’t slept in days.
“I know” he repeats it again, “I just – I want to – I need to know this is real. That it’s actually happening. That everything might actually – work out?”
There’s movement behind him and then Bucky steps into view.
“It’s okay, Miles” he says, his voice soft, “I’m okay.”
“Okay” he turns towards Bucky, “Why don’t you two talk in the living room. Betty and I will give you some privacy.”
“Thanks” Bucky nods, and Steve follows him inside, turning for a second to watch Miles close the door.
“This is nice” Steve says, “Very homey.”
“I like it” Bucky shrugs, Steve sits down across him, staring at him.
“I can’t believe you’re real” he says, “I’m sorry for just barging in, Buck. I just – I had to know. It’s been driving me crazy.”
“I get it” Bucky smiles softly, a blush creeping up his cheeks, “I remember, Stevie.”
“Yeah?” he asks, looking hopeful, “Really?”
“Of course I do” he laughs, “it was the first thing I remembered. The only reason I couldn’t kill you. The reason I dragged you out of that river.”
“That was you?” he asks, Bucky nods, “I thought it could be, but I was too afraid to hope for it.”
“Getting you out of trouble in my favourite pastime, remember?”
“Getting me into trouble was your second favorite pastime” Steve adds, making Bucky laugh again. It’s an amazing sound, it transports him back to before the war, before everything changed. Before life was ripped away from them.
“I was hoping” Steve continues, taking a deep breath, “That maybe – in the near future – you and I could live together again.”
“Don’t think Stark would want me in his building” Bucky says grimly.
“Not in the tower” he says, “Somewhere else. Anywhere else, to be honest. The second you’re ready to come home, is the second I’m ready to walk away from the war.”
“Always with the grand gestures you” Bucky shakes his head, “I think maybe soon I might be – it’s just. I don’t want to be the center of attention. When everything goes down – they’ll be watching me. Watching us. I don’t want to – lose us.”
“Nobody has to know unless you want them too” Steve says immediately, “Whatever you want Buck. I promise. You want to tell the world, we will. You want to keep quiet, we will. You want the world to think we’re just best friends sharing a house – I’m fine with that. As long as you’re there with me, I’m good to go.”
“I really missed you” he whispers, leaning towards him, “It’s so strange to wake up at a time where we are allowed to be – us?”
“I know” Steve smiles at him, reaching out and taking Bucky’s hand, “Can I see you more? Call you?”
“Yeah” he nods, “I’ll – uhm – try to arrange a few things.”
“I wish I could stay longer” Steve mutters, “But they’ll start asking questions if I’m gone too long.”
“It’s okay” Bucky replies, “This is enough for now. I’m tired anyways.”
Steve nods, and they both get up as Bucky walks him to the door. He lingers in the hallway, taking Bucky’s hand again, but this time bringing it up to his lips – placing a soft kiss on his knuckles.
“Until the end of the line” he says, looking at Bucky.
“End of the line” he reiterates – the loss of Steve’s touch stings a bit – but it’s time. For a first meeting after such a long time – it’s enough.
[…]
“How was it?” Betty asks, Bucky can’t help but blush at the question and he low-key hates that about himself.
“He – he looks exactly the same” he says, “I’ve seen pictures – but I didn’t expect him to look so – familiar.”
“So it was good?” she asks, he nods.
“Really good” he says, “He wanted to know if I remembered.”
“And did you?” she asks – not asking about what he is supposed to remember.
“How could I ever forget” he smiles, “he’s my Stevie.”
He knows he messed up immediately, as she stills and looks straight at him.
“Oh” she looks surprised, “I – I didn’t realize.”
His eyes go wide, suddenly terrified for her reaction – for what she just realized – for what he couldn’t hide on his face when he could hide it with his words.
“I – uhm” he stammers, “It’s – uh.”
“That must have been difficult” She says, “Remembering that when they were controlling you.”
“I – yeah” he nods, taking the lifeline, “I didn’t want to hurt him – I just – I couldn’t stop.”
“You must love him a lot” she says, Bucky looks at his hands, avoiding her gaze.
“Yeah” he admits, barely a whisper, “It’s terrifying.”
“I can believe that” she says, “Mom used to tell me about being gay before the war – and long after. Did you know she attended every possible lgbt protest she could? I never really understood why – but I’m starting to see it now.”
“She did?” Bucky looks up, “Becky did that?”
“Yeah” Betty smiles, “She was fighting for your rights, Bucky. She loved you a lot.”
“I never knew she knew” he says, “She must have read the letters.”
“She was always too curious for her own good” Betty smiles, “You know – waking up 70 years into the future might actually have some benefits for you – it seems.”
[…]
He starts texting Steve. It starts with a simple good morning and a good night. Sometimes Steve replies by mentioning a memory, and most of the times Bucky remembers what he’s talking about. The first time Steve sends him a selfie Bucky’s heart stutters, and before he’s even aware of it he’s pressed the call button.
“Bucky?” the voice on the other side sounds so hopeful.
“Hi Stevie” he replies softly, “I wanted to hear your voice.”
“Oh” there’s a short pause, “So – all I had to do was send you a picture huh?”
“Oh, you’re sneaky and you know it” Bucky laughs, “It’s not just some photo.”
“Whatever do you mean?” he asks, trying to sound innocent.
“That soft, sleepy look. I haven’t seen you like that since – since.”
“Since the morning before you shipped out” Steve says, “When you woke me up with a kiss.”
“I want to see you” Buck says suddenly, “Touch you – feel you. God, Stevie, it aches. I never thought I’d feel like this again.”
“Yeah?” he says, “Tomorrow? Or today?”
Bucky checks his clock, it’s early morning.
“Today” he says, “I’ll check with Betty and Miles – I thought they had plans with Winnie today at the park. You can come here.”
“Just tell me what time – I’ll be there” he says, excitement in his voice.
“I’ll text you” he replies, “I gotta go now – get ready, take a shower.”
“Okay – I’ll see you later. Love you.”
And before he even realizes it, he replies “Love you too” without a second thought. Easy as breathing.
[…]
He’s not sure how to ask Betty and Miles about it. It feels like asking his mom for permission to go out with his friends after dark.
“So – uhm” he says slowly, as he sits at the breakfast table with him, “I asked Stevie to come over today.”
“Oh, that’s nice” Miles says, “You know we were gonna take Winnie to the park, right? Or would you like us to stay here?”
“No – uhm” he scratches the back of his neck, not sure how much Miles actually knows about him and Steve.
“I think the two gentlemen might want some privacy” Betty says, smiling softly at Bucky.
“Oh” he nods, “Okay, well. We’re leaving at around noon, planning to be back at about – I think three? Of course he’s always welcome to join for dinner!”
“I’ll ask him” he smiles, quickly sending him a text with the time, “Thanks.”
“No worries, this is your home as well.”