It was weird
The way he'd woken up feeling this morning; like something's coming
He didn't what it is in the morning in the emptiness of his apartment, not at work while he laughed with his colleagues and did his best to hide the uneasiness in his chest and not while he stopped to get groceries either.
It wasn't until he was on the way home, bored in traffic that he felt it, the subtle shake
It was an earthquake, and despite how light it is, little to no danger at all, it settled in his mind. This is it.
The very next thought was a familiar face, blue eyes and a lovely smile that he missed more than anything in the past year.
He needed to see Sebastian.
***********
The 30-something minutes it took to change routes and drive to the address he knew by heart, to park in front of the building like he did a million times before were the longest of his life.
But as he took the elevator up to the top floor and rang the doorbell, he couldn't be more sure that this is exactly where he needed to be.
Sebastian opened the door then immediately freezed when he saw him, looking confused and another emotion on his face that Chris can't read
"Chris? wh-" but he's quickly cut off by the other man
"Seb.. I don't know how to explain it and you probably don't wanna see me," he see Sebastian shake his head as if to protest and he looks at the door frame instead, "but I just, the earthquake, I think I just needed to see you" one last time, his brain adds but he doesn't say it out loud. Figuring he already sounds insane enough and he waits for Sebastian to shut the door in his face or tell him to leave but nothing happens
When he meets Sebastian's eyes again, he's stepped closer so Chris can see how his usually bright eyes are duller and slightly glazed over with tears but he still doesn't say anything and he's about to ask when Sebastian wraps his arms around him in a hug
The shock keeps him from responding immediately, because this definitely wasn't the reaction he expected showing up at his ex's door,
but he hugs him back after a moment, arms wrapped tightly around his middle and breathing in the scent that has long faded from Chris's pillows.
"This is fucking crazy but I think I know what you mean" he feels more than hears the words whispered into his shoulder and his heart speeds up, "I can feel it too, Chris, I don't want to but I do"
The pull back to look at each other again with understanding and an old love shining through, but mostly sadness, painfully visible in Sebastian's eyes and Chris wants this to be a dream more than anything, wants to wake up tomorrow and everything is fine but his gut tells him otherwise
Sebastian seems to remember just then that they're still standing outside with the door open and he takes Chris's hand and pulls him inside
When they walked inside Sebastian had asked him what he wanted to do but it sounded more like "any last wishes?" Chris simply said he didn't care, as long as they were together
Two hours later, they've somehow fallen into the comfort of something resembling a night from a year or two ago, slow and affectionate with just the two of them.
They drank and ate their favorite snacks while they cuddled up on the sofa, telling stories that they both knew but could never get tired of just because.
Somewhere between the third and fourth beer Sebastian had looked at him for a long minute before taking his hand again
"Stay here?" He looked over his face, eyes skimming over him as if he's trying memorize his every detail then locked their eyes once more, "I don't wanna say goodbye, again" the last word added after some hesitation
Chris intertwined their fingers and rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand as he nodded, "You won't have to"
Sebastian kissed him then, softer than either of them ever remembered doing so, tears silently rolled down both their faces through it
After a while they moved to the kitchen to open one of the fancy wine bottles because why not? While Sebastian had some record playing in the living room so the music was trailing softly into the kitchen
While Chris was pouring the two glasses, he heard Sebastian chuckle slightly from where he was leaning against the counter
Looking up, he couldn't help but smile along with him
"What!"
"Just. Remember that time we went out with Anthony to celebrate, god I don't even remember what it was, but we got shitfaced and he had to drive us back?" And Chris was already laughing before he finished, knowing exactly what he's talking about and how much they annoyed Mackie then
They share a look before talking in unison in their best imitation voice,
"What am I, a motherfuckin' babysitter?"
They burst out laughing, it's not until they've calmed down a bit that Sebastian talks again
"Oh my god, sleeping on your kitchen floor was no fun ride for my back"
"Hey! I did give you a massage" Chris tries to point defensively with his wins glass
"Chris, I think this is about the right time to tell you that it was a terrible massage"
Chris opens his mouth in mock offence that has Sebastian laughing again but it's more subdued this time and Chris knows why. It's bittersweet, this memory.
One of the last few happy moments they had before they drifted apart, realizing they weren't meant for each other and letting go
He shakes his head against the thought slightly, it doesn't matter now. The heartbreak, the distance, the longing, the rejection, none of that is relevant in this moment.
It's that thought that has him putting his glass down and walking over to Sebastian, holding his hand out.
The other man's brows furrow in confusion at the gesture but he's still smiling nonetheless
"One last dance, beautiful" Chris's voice is barely above a whisper in the space between them and he can see how Sebastian gasps, as if the simple words are enough to knock the breath out of him then he's nodding and putting his hand in Chris's
They move together to the middle of the kitchen and start swaying slowly to the faint music from the living room, barefoot, getting drunk on alcohol and each other, foreheads pressed together and eyes closed, afraid if they pull apart or move too quickly they'll break the delicacy of this moment
One of Sebastian's hands moves from his neck to caress his face and Chris opens his eyes to see two glassy ones staring back at him with so much emotion and love that it overwhelms him, so he kisses him, a tiny little thing of pressed lips but Chris thinks this moment couldn't be more perfect.
When he pulls back, he realizes something,
"I didn't tell you," he whispers and Sebastian waits for him to continue, "I love you, Seb"
"I love you, Chris. Forever" Chris sees the tears he blinks back and holds him tighter in his arms
He doesn't know how long they stand like that, but as the lights go out and the sky starts to fall, he knows he loved Sebastian and Sebastian loved him,
Forever.