Make me breathe and feel alive
“Put your bathing suit on, baby, so we can go play outside.” Tony looked at Peter who was too busy sucking on his thumb and watching tv. “Petey.”
Peter continued to ignore him so Tony sighed. He had to get up now to get his five year olds attention. “Peter. Hello?”
Peter whined and tried to see the tv around Tony who was standing in front of it. He was cranky. It was obvious but they had to start cutting his naps in half now which was not easy on Peter. Or anyone for that matter.
Peter was going to be starting kindergarten in a few days. It was half day kindergarten so he would go from 8:30 am until 12. Tony didn’t think he could survive without Peter if he had to stay a full day but thankfully that wasn’t the case.
Although he was still sceptical about Peter starting kindergarten to begin with. It was scary. Peter was his little boy.
Tony didn’t want to worry about that right now because they were going to have a fun afternoon together. He helped Peter take off his clothes, applied the sunscreen onto his pale baby skin and put his bathing suit on then the two of them were heading downstairs.
Peter ran over to Morgan who was waiting by the front door and eating popcorn out of a bag. Peter looked up at her and held his hand out, wanting some of the snack so Morgan handed him some but Tony was quick to grab it out of Peter’s hands, causing it to fall onto the floor.
Everyone looked at Tony.
“Uh oh.” Peter said, shrugging and looking up at Tony.
“Dad.” Morgan said, annoyed. “Peter was gonna eat that.”
Tony picked up all the pieces so Peter didn’t eat it from the floor after. “He can’t. He’s too young to eat popcorn because he might aspirate it.”
Morgan scrunched her eyebrows up. “What’s asp-aps… that word you just said?”
The father chuckled while he threw the popcorn into the garbage and tied the back up. “It’s when something enters your lungs by accident. The only thing that goes into your lungs should be oxygen.”
“Not popcorn.” Morgan added with a proud smile.
“Exactly.” Tony quickly grabbed Peter from grabbing the popcorn bag out of Morgan’s hands. “Sorry, kid. You can’t eat this.”
The five year old frowned then looked over at Pepper who was walking down the stairs in a pool coverup. Peter ran over to her and tugged on her dress. “Mommy, daddy says I can’ eat my popcorn.”
Pepper grabbed onto her son's hand and turned to look at Tony. “He might aspirate it.” He explained.
“Sorry, baby. You’re too young but I’ll tell you what we can do,” Peter waited eagerly. “we can battle daddy and Morgan to a water fight.”
Peter loudly squealed, bouncing up and down. It wasn’t often that Peter willingly chose to be on anyone else’s team other than Tony’s so this was something new.
He always picked Tony for everything, no matter what that was. Even if it didn’t even involve teams. The other night Peter was sitting on the toilet and called Tony to come wipe his butt when Pepper was sitting in the bathroom with him folding laundry.
It was comical.
Tony didn’t mind. He missed this age with Morgan and now he got to experience it with Peter. His favourite boy in the world.
The family of four made their way outside with Peter running ahead and Morgan chasing after him, making sure he didn’t jump into the pool yet.
It was a small pool. Barely two feet deep but it was still possible for Peter to drown, even for Morgan to drown so as long as there was water around, Tony wasn’t letting his kids be unattended.
Morgan held Peter’s arm back so he couldn’t jump in which had Peter whining. “I wan’ go in! Let me go, Morgan!”
“Not yet. Stop it, Peter. Not until mom and dad say so.” Morgan pushed Peter onto his butt which had the five year old crying and turning around to get comfort from Tony.
“Aw, come here, baby. You’re okay.” Tony picked Peter up and rocked him slightly but Pepper was shaking her head at him. “What?”
“You’re babying him, Tony. That’s not good.” Pepper wrapped her arms around herself, pulling her dress closed so it didn’t blow open.
Tony didn’t care. He waited for the child in his arms for ten years. He did not care. Peter could be fifteen and he would still baby him. “I’m giving him comfort when he needs it. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I’m not going to argue with you in front of the kids. Can we just have fun?” She looked up at him with pleading eyes. “Please?”
Tony sighed. “We’re not arguing. I just want to know what you’re trying to say.”
When Pepper didn’t say anything, Tony continued. “Do you not want me to pick my kid up when he’s in distress? Do you want me to let him cry?”
“No, Tony.” Pepper said, losing her patience. “I want you to let him deal with it on his own. If he’s okay and not bleeding or actually hurt then just reassure him that he’s okay. That way he doesn’t cry and seek comfort every time he falls over or gets a tap on his head.”
Tony nodded, not agreeing with what Pepper was saying but wanting to let it go and drop it. “Okay. Let’s just play.”
He stepped into the pool and put Peter in it. Morgan climbed in after them and immediately laid on her stomach, soaking her hair and her body in the water.
Peter went to copy her but once the water soaked his bathing suit a bit, he jumped back up and stomped on the spot, shaking his head and laughing. “It’s too cold!”
Tony was like Peter. He hated the cold water but Morgan was like a fish and always swimming, no matter how cold or disgusting the water is.
“Sit, dad. Then Petey will copy you.” Morgan crawled in the water towards the mini slide and stood up to look at Peter. “Go in the water. It’s fun!”
Tony knew Peter would follow him but he was too cold. They filled it up with hose water and it was freezing. It was basically an ice bath. “Lie down in the water, Peter.”
The five year old shook his head and leaned down to slap the water. “No, daddy. You do it!”
Tony stepped towards Peter and picked him up, trying to force him to lie on his stomach in the water but Peter let out a high pitched scream so and clung onto him so Tony let him go. “Okay. I’m just teasing you, Peter. Just joking.”
Peter found it funny and stomped in the water again. Morgan slid down the slide, almost going over the edge since the baby pool was for small children only, maybe not even five year olds but Peter was on the smaller side, he always has been.
When Morgan went down, Peter let out another high pitch scream and walked over to the slide to climb up it as well. He sat at the top and looked down. It wasn’t even two feet high but Peter hesitated and Tony could tell he was going to change his mind and get off but he lost his balance and slipped down the slide.
Tony watched as Peter fell face first into the water down below so he quickly leaned down to pick Peter up to get his face out of the water. “Are you good, kid?”
Peter gasped in shock of both what just happened and the cold water suddenly soaking him. He nodded his head and stood up with the help from his dad. “Yeah. I wan’ go again with you.”
“Oh, I’m not gonna fit, baby. I’ll break it.” Tony chuckled. Morgan almost broke it and she was only ten. He was a grown man.
Peter tugged on his hand. “Please, daddy. I-I-I wan’ sit on your lap.”
Peter went to tap Tony on his man part so Tony quickly pulled his hand away. Peter had no idea what personal space meant. It wasn’t even because he was de-aged to a five year old, even when he was fifteen, Tony always had to tell Peter to keep his grubby hands away from him at times since the kid was clueless.
“Alright. Let’s hope I don’t break it.” Tony walked towards the slide. He was almost four times as big as it so he had no idea how this would turn out.
“Oh my gosh, dad. Don’t break it.” Morgan gasped and covered her hands over her mouth.
Tony rolled his eyes. “Thanks.”
Pepper was sitting off to the side and watching her family with a proud smile on her face. Happy to observe them and not join in for now.
Peter held his arms up for his dad so Tony picked him up and held him against his side before quickly getting in the slide. Peter was already laughing even though they weren’t moving anywhere so Tony slid forward and went down the slide, practically flying down it and almost breaking the material at the bottom.
Both him and Peter ended up getting soaked in the freezing cold water but they were laughing too hard to care about it.
Peter rolled off of Tony and crawled towards Pepper once the giggles died down. “I’m cold. Can I have my towel?”
“No, we just came out here, Peter.” Pepper shook her head at her son. They lived next to a lake, she wanted him to get used to swimming in cold water.
Peter turned back to play in the water since he couldn’t get a towel. He sat down and grabbed onto his bathing suit. “Daddy, I take it off?”
Tony was used to the cold water by now so he didn’t bother getting out. He pulled Peter’s ankles so he was closer to him. “Up up. I’ll take it off.”
Once Peter was standing up, Tony tugged his bathing suit down and tossed it out of the pool so Peter could swim freely and enjoy his childhood. Tony knew Peter didn’t grow up with a backyard before since he lived in an apartment building his whole life so whether or not Peter remembered, Tony was going to be giving Peter a better life.
Peter sat back down in the cold water and gasped, looking up at his dad.
“It’s cold, isn’t it?” He chuckled, looking at Peter’s face.
Peter did a quick nod and then stood up so he could sit on the alligator head in the pool, laughing at the way it had it’s mouth open. “Look, daddy. He’s funny looking.”
Tony smiled as he watched Peter. He loved him so much and could spend hours watching him, even if he was freezing cold.
The family spent the next hour outside before deciding to head in.
Tony got out of the mini pool and looked around for towels that they forgot to bring out. Good thing the house was right there.
“Let’s run inside. It’s freezing.” He helped Peter out of the pool and turned to see Morgan running towards the house with Peter chasing after her. “Look how fast he’s going.”
Pepper wrapped an arm around him even though he was soaking wet and she only had her bottom half wet. “He’s fast. I think he just wants a warm bath more than anything.”
“Probably. I’ll do it.” Tony knew bath time was a fun time, most of the time, sometimes Peter cried and didn’t want to go in or didn’t want to get out. He still did the bad bath times since he wanted to spend every second with Peter.
Pepper nodded. “Of course you will. I’ll join you guys.”
Tony liked to have one on one time with Peter but he was fine with Pepper and Morgan most likely joining them.
Once inside the house, Tony walked over to Peter and picked him up, setting him on his hip so he didn’t run anywhere while he turned the heat up and locked the front door.
Peter wiggled his legs out to be put down but Tony didn’t let him go. “Nope. You stay with me.”
“No.”
Tony turned to Peter, surprised that he was talking back to him. “Excuse me? Do you want to sit in time out?”
“No!” Peter gave Tony puppy dog eyes and wrapped his tiny arms around his neck. “I sorry.”
“Don’t talk back to me. It’s bath time.” He walked up the stairs and went straight into his and Pepper’s bathroom, placing Peter on his feet and starting the bath. “Grab your bath toys, Pete. No bubble bath tonight because I’m gonna wash your hair.”
Peter opened up the bathroom cabinet where his basket of toys were. He decided what he wanted and grabbed out his fish and buckets then he walked over to Tony. “I pick these toys. This one is my blue fish and not my red fish since he broked the last time.”
“I remember. I’ll get you some new toys.” He picked Peter up and placed him in the bath just as Pepper walked in. “Hey.”
“Mommy! Look! My blue fish. My red fish is broked.” Peter held up his blue fish in his hand, proudly.
“Wow, baby. Sit on your bum.” She told him so he didn’t slip and then she took a seat on the closer toilet seat.
Tony wanted to correct Peter’s pronunciation. “It’s broken, Peter.”
“Yeah.” Peter nodded, not understanding what Tony meant.
“No, it’s not broked it’s broken. That’s the proper word.” Tony explained to Peter but he was only five, it was okay that he didn’t understand.
Tony washed Peter’s hair and his body so after bath time, Pepper was wrapping Peter in a towel and laying him on their bed.
“What’re you doing?” Tony asked, grabbing a pull-up since he was going to do that as well.
Pepper grabbed the bedtime cream and poured a generous amount onto her hands. “I’m putting cream on him then I’ll get his pull-up and pyjamas on. You can shower if you want. I got him.”
She grabbed the pull-up from Tony and placed it to the side for now then started applying cream onto Peter’s baby skin which had him giggling. Tony frowned. This was his favourite part of their bedtime routine since it helped him bond with Peter and he loved hearing Peter giggle when he applied the cream.
He hesitated. “Okay… I’ll be quick. Don’t bring him downstairs yet.”
Pepper sighed and turned to look at him, pausing as she gave Peter a quick foot massage but he was too ticklish for that so she had to do it quickly. “I know you want to do this too but you’re acting like time is running out with him or something, Tony. He’s our kid and he’s here to stay.”
Tony nodded but he still felt off that he wasn’t the one doing that. He still had a feeling like this was all too good to be true and that he was going to wake up and it was all going to disappear on him.
It was always a fear of his, since the day he got Peter back.
No matter how much Tony tried not to think about it, he couldn’t stop sometimes.
There was so much they didn’t know about the snap and the dustings.
Were all the dusted people never going to age? Were they never going to get all their memories from before back or do they still have all their memories?
Tony’s biggest fear of them all, was that after ten years pass, would all the dusted randomly disappear from the face of the earth again.
Tony hated thinking like that but he couldn’t help it. He hurried out of the shower, got dressed and walked into his bedroom to find Peter trying to stand on his head in the middle of the bed and for now, all of Tony’s worries disappeared.
.
.
.
Tony held Peter in his arms, patting his butt and swaying side to side while he watched Pepper pull the blankets down on the bed so they could get comfortable.
He then gently laid Peter down in the middle of the bed since Peter was still sleeping with them and they had no intentions of stopping anytime soon.
As soon as Tony laid down, Peter was crawling onto his chest, resting his head atop of him with a content sigh and his thumb going into his mouth. Tony looked down at his boy, not realizing his face was breaking into a smile as he looked at his beautiful boy.
“I can’t.” He said quietly.
Pepper paused and looked over at him. “Hmm?”
“I can’t.” He said a little louder, still looking at Peter sleeping on his chest. “I waited ten years for this. Ten years of absolute hell. I know I had you and then we had Morgan but… I didn’t have Peter.”
Tony ran his fingers through Peter’s soft baby curls. “I… it was painful. For me to love Peter so much but… all my love for him had nowhere to go and it just kept building and building and of course there were good days but then the bad days came and I wanted to die. Even if that meant leaving you and Morgan behind. I-I can’t live without him, Pepper.”
Pepper wiped at her eyes. She knew how much Tony struggled during those ten years. He struggled so much and it pained her to watch but she couldn’t do anything about it. Only Peter could fix Tony.
Peter’s dusting hurt her a lot but she wasn’t nearly as close to the then fifteen year old as Tony was. He was a wreck after.
Tony turned his attention away from Peter to look at Pepper. “I’m not gonna stop. I’m sorry if you disagree with the things I do with him like coddle him or baby him a little… or a lot but… I can’t stop and I won’t try to. I’m not saying you have to but I’m not gonna stop.”
Pepper nodded. “Okay. I’m sorry for telling you too. But Peter isn’t your son. He’s our son. Meaning we both still get a say in things regarding him. You don’t get the final say.”
Tony thought about that. He was definitely a Peter hog. During movie nights he always grabbed Peter to cuddle with if Peter wasn’t already cuddling with him. He always stole Peter away from Pepper to do bath times or was the first one to volunteer to put Peter down for a nap or change his pull-up and get him dressed.
He did everything but he loved doing it all.
He didn’t know if he could take a step back and stop.