When you’re gone...
Tony and Peter stayed there for pretty much the rest of the day.
Pepper must have realized that both Tony and Peter just needed to be with each other so she brought their dinner out to them and kept Morgan inside.
Tony carried Peter inside after it started to get dark and changed him into a fresh pull-up and pyjamas then laid in bed with him. Tony wasn’t necessarily tired but he wanted to be with his kid and he knew he would fall asleep either way.
Morgan ran into the bedroom, dressed in her pyjamas and stood by the edge of the bed. “Can I sleep with you guys, daddy?”
Tony rolled over to give her a reassuring smile. “Yeah, jump in.”
Morgan happily crawled into bed and cuddled in next to Peter but Peter already had his face pressed into Tony’s chest and was passed out. “Is he sleeping?”
Tony brushed the curls on Peter’s forehead. “Yeah. He’s tired.”
Pepper walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later and saw her whole family in bed with their newest youngest member.
“We’re having another sleepover?” Pepper asked, amused as she crawled into bed and turned her lamp off so it was dark in the room now.
“I wanted to join you guys.” Morgan said then cuddled up close to Pepper once she got comfortable in bed.
Tony has all the people he cared most about in the bed so he closed his eyes and went to sleep while making sure to keep Peter close to him.
Tony didn’t wake up once throughout the night which was a rare occurrence. He woke up to the sun coming through the curtains and hitting him in the face so he lifted the blankets up to try and block out some of the light.
A few minutes later, Tony rolled over in the bed and realized that everyone was already awake since he was alone. He wished they were still sleeping since he liked to wake up to their faces but he must have slept late so he got out of bed and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and go pee before heading downstairs.
He saw Peter sitting on the kitchen stool in his booster seat with his back to him, eating something. He looked around the room but Pepper and Morgan weren’t anywhere in sight.
“Good morning, Pete. Have you been up for awhile?” Tony asked him, running his fingers through his hair as he passed by to make himself a coffee.
Peter turned his head to look at him and grinned. “Hi daddy. I eatin’ pancake!”
“Wow. I can see that, baby. Is it yummy?” Tony asked him and leaned against the corner to watch his kid pick apart his pancake into tiny pieces.
Peter nodded his head and slipped another piece into his mouth. “Yummy.”
Tony turned around to pour his coffee into his cup but he realized that he hadn’t even turned it on yet so he sighed and went to go turn it on but then he heard Peter calling him.
He turned around and saw that Peter was already down the hall, heading for the playroom. Tony looked at him confused, he didn’t know how Peter got out of his booster seat himself and made it all the way down the hallway so quickly.
“Pete? Where are you going?” Tony asked him, already starting to walk slowly towards Peter. He wanted to walk faster but his legs wouldn’t move any faster.
“I wanna play, daddy.” Peter said with a giggle and ran off into the playroom.
Tony sighed and walked down the hallway to get to his kid. When he got to the steps, Peter was sitting on the playmate with his back to him and stacking his blocks.
Tony walked over to him and sat down. “Wanna build a tower, baby?”
Peter nodded, concentrating on building his blocks. “Come play with me, daddy.”
“I am, Petey. I’m sitting right next to you.” Tony went to grab one of the blocks but Peter snatched it from him quickly and then smiled at him innocently.
Tony sat there and watched Peter stack the blocks on top of each other, one by one when suddenly Peter called him. “Daddy?”
“Yeah, baby?” Tony asked, looking at the playmat on the ground.
Peter turned to him so Tony looked up at him. “I don’t wanna go.”
Tony felt his heart drop. That brought back too many bad memories. “W-what? Go where, baby?”
Peter’s face scrunched up then there was so much fear written on his face. He looked up at Tony with wide, fearful eyes. “I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna go, daddy.”
“Peter.” Tony whispered. His heart was pounding painfully in his chest that it hurt. No. Not again. He just got his kid back. Thanos is dead.
“Daddy, I don’t wanna go.” Peter stood up and lifted his hands up to examine them. He took a wobbly step towards Tony and suddenly there was a large distance between the two of them.
“You’re okay. Peter, please. Don’t.” Tony felt tears pouring down his face now. He couldn’t go through this again. He couldn’t go through another ten years without his kid. He wouldn’t.
Peter stumbled towards Tony and fell into his arms just like that day on Titan only this time it was his five year old kid and they won. This wasn’t supposed to be happening.
A few days with his kid couldn’t make up for the ten years he mourned him for.
“Don’t go. Not again, Peter.” Tony clung on tightly to his kid as if that alone could stop Peter from turning to dust again.
“It h-hurts, Daddy.” Peter cried out so Tony laid Peter on the floor and cupped his face.
“No. It’s okay. You’re okay.” Tony said to reassure himself. He didn’t want his kid to leave him again. He wouldn’t survive it this time.
“Daddy. I’m sorry. I-I don’ wanna leave you but I have to.” Peter whimpered and looked away from Tony with a distant gaze on his face.
Tony’s worst fear started to come true. Peter began turning to dust right in front of his eyes. Then, just as it was on Titan, Peter turned to dust in his arms, leaving Tony to pick up the pieces from the ground where his kid once laid.
“Peter. No. No!” Tony could feel just heart pounding and the tears pouring freely down his face.
He stood up and stumbled out of the playroom. He couldn’t breathe. His kid was gone. Peter was gone.
Suddenly, Tony woke up with a gasp.
He was soaking wet from sweating so hard but he still couldn’t breathe and his heart was still pounding just as loud.
Tony turned on the bed to grab Peter but his hand fell to an empty, cold spot. No. Nononononono.
It was just like all those other dreams he had where he was with his kid and then he woke up to grab Peter next to him but Peter wasn’t there.
“No.” Tony whispered and started to move the blankets around to find his kid but Peter wasn’t anywhere. No.
Pepper woke up from the noise and movement and sat up in bed, turning on the lamp. “Tony. What’s wrong?”
Tony continued to feel around on the bed for Peter, completely delirious from the dream he had. “Peter. Where’s Peter?”
“Peter?” Pepper asked him confused and that was it for Tony. He shot up from the bed and clenched his chest. Pepper spoke the same way she used to whenever he woke up from a dream about Peter and asked where his kid was.
This whole thing was just a dream. He never actually got Peter back. He was just living in a beautiful dream that he wanted to go back into.
Pepper rushed out of bed and ran down the hall to find the boy. She saw Morgan’s bedroom light on and shoved the door open.
Peter and Morgan were dressed in their pyjamas and having a tea party and both looked at her surprised.
Pepper rushed over to Peter so she could grab him and bring him to Tony so he saw that Peter was in fact here.
“Mommy, I’m sorry. Peter woke up and wanted me to play. Don’t hurt him, mommy. Mommy!” Morgan started to panic after Pepper grabbed Peter by the arm and lifted him up without saying anything.
Morgan chased after them as she carried Peter back to their bedroom so Tony could see that he wasn’t dreaming.
She turned the corner and saw that Tony was sitting against the wall with the colour drained from his face and his legs stretched out in front of him.
Pepper carried Peter over to Tony and placed the five year old on Tony’s lap.
She didn’t want Peter to have to witness Tony after one of his horrible nightmares that was sadly because of Peter. Although there was no other way, Tony had to see for himself that his kid was very much alive.
Tony could barely register Peter being placed on his lap. He was too scared that it was all just another dream.
“Daddy?” Peter spoke and it brought him right back to his dream. “Why you crying?”
Tony looked down at Peter and felt his breath start to come back a bit but it couldn’t be. He looked up at Pepper and shook his head.
“Dad, why are you crying?” Morgan asked, scared. “Why is dad crying, mom?”
“Morgan. I need you to go back to your room and wait until I come get you. Now, Morgan!” Pepper pointed towards the door so Morgan ran off. She focused her attention back onto Tony. “Tony. It’s okay. You just had a bad dream. Peter is right here, look at him.”
Tony refused to look at Peter. He felt like he was paralyzed with fear and he didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that this was all just a dream too even if it felt so real.
“I’m dreaming. It… it was all a dream, Pep.” Tony whispered out and shook his head in denial.
Pepper cupped his face. “No. No, Tony. We won. You won. You got Peter back. We took him home and we went swimming in the lake with Morgan and she calls him her baby brother. We went grocery shopping together and ate lunch. You-you cleaned up his poop yesterday. It’s all real.”
Tony shook his head again even though it was starting to make sense.
Pepper nodded her head. “Yes. If that was all a dream then how would I know about it? How would I share the same memories as you? It’s all real, Tony. Just look at Peter.”
The whole time Peter had his head resting on Tony’s chest and was sucking on his thumb to try and calm himself down.
Tony looked down at his kid and brought his arms up so he could lift Peter up to see his face. Peter let out a whine at the movement and tried to rest his head against Tony’s shoulder once he was lifted up but Tony held him in front of him.
He tried to examine his kids face. Peter was alive. He was holding his kid. He could feel his weight in his arms and the warmth radiating off of him.
“Peter?” Tony asked. He needed to hear his voice and to really know that his kid was alive and real.
Peter reached for Tony and whimpered. “Daddy. Why you cryin’?”
Tony cupped Peter’s face and felt a few tears slide down his cheeks so Peter brought his tiny hand up to his cheeks and wiped away the fallen tears.
“Don’ cry, daddy. Please don’ cry.” Peter said innocently and so Tony smiled at him. Alive. Peter was alive and real.
“I won’t cry anymore. I just had a bad dream but you made it all better.” Tony took a few calming breaths and then stood up with Peter in his arms and walked back to the bed.
Pepper had left to go get Morgan but he wasn’t focused on that right now.
Tony knew he wasn’t going to be getting anymore sleep that night but Peter still needed to sleep and so Tony planned on watching him sleep until the morning came.
A few minutes later, everyone was back in bed and sound asleep except for Tony. He was used to pulling all nighters even though that was something he did in the past but he could do it for another night.
Tony’s eyes were glued on his kid. He watched as Peter moved around so that he put his arm above his head and his other hand near his mouth to suck on his thumb with his head facing Tony.
Tony watched him well into the morning even though his eyes were burning and begging for him to go to sleep, he just couldn’t. He wanted to say awake in fear of having another nightmare like that again.
At around seven in the morning, Peter was waking up and lifting his head up to look at Tony. He had massive bed head hair with his curls sticking up all over the place. Tony loved seeing that.
“Good morning, Pete. Did you have good dreams?” As horrible as his dream was, Tony would have a thousand more just so Peter wouldn’t have to experience a dream like that.
“Uh huh.” Peter sat up on his knees and lifted his arms up for Tony. “I wan’ breakfast. I’m hungry.”
“Alright. Let’s go make some breakfast and then later today maybe we can go for a hike together.” Tony suggested.
Him, Pepper and Morgan used to go on hikes almost every morning but they stopped that a little over two years ago because Tony was finding it harder and harder to get out of bed every single day so he slept in pretty late most days.
Tony lifted Peter into his arms and set him on his hip, deciding to get Peter changed into clothes after breakfast. He kissed Peter’s cheek on the way downstairs but stopped walking when Peter pointed to a picture of himself on the wall.
“Me!” Peter pointed to a picture of himself when he was a teen since that’s all they had of him at the moment. There were about 1000 pictures of Peter taken since he arrived back into the world but they hadn’t gotten the pictures developed yet.
“Yeah, bud. That’s you before… do you remember?” Tony pointed to another picture of Peter that was taken about a week before he got dusted. He was sitting on a deck looking out to the lake while Tony stood behind him to hold him.
That was probably Tony’s favourite picture of all times. It brought back so many memories that were so painful to think of before but now all it did was bring him peace.
Peter reached out to touch the picture. “And that one's daddy.”
Tony smiled. “Yeah, baby.”
As much as Tony loved that picture, he grabbed it to take it off the wall. Peter was five years old so he didn’t need to look at teenagers' Peter pictures when he had his five year old.
“We need to put up new pictures around the house, don’t you think, Pete?” Tony walked down the stairs and placed the picture frame on the kitchen table.
“I think so. I like to sit on my chair.” Peter said which had nothing to do with what Tony was saying. He didn’t mind the child talk, he actually missed it since Morgan was older now and could hold a conversation.
“There you go.” Tony sat Peter in his booster seat and dragged the chair over so he could be close to him while he made breakfast. “Do you want your sippy cup?”
“I wan’ my bottle.” Peter said and made grabby hands for Tony but Tony knew he couldn’t give Peter his bottle. It was a one time thing but he couldn’t get Peter too depended on it.
“I’m gonna give you some apple juice in your special sippy cup.” Tony opened the fridge to grab the apple juice and looked over at Peter who was watching him from his seat that Tony dragged over.
“Daddy? I wanna go swimmin’ again.” Peter told Tony and grabbed the sippy cup that was handed to him.
Tony didn’t know what the weather would be like today. Mornings were always the worst time to go swimming since the water was still cold from the night, and so the best time to go swimming in the lake would be after dinner and before bedtime.
“Maybe later if the weather is nice then we can go swimming again after dinner.” Tony told him and got started on breakfast.
Peter didn’t say anything since he was watching Tony with wide eyes and drinking his juice. Tony enjoyed the comfortable silence with Peter. He used to hate it.
After the snap and after he got out of the infirmary, it was always too quiet. Way too quiet, almost painfully deafening and after they had Morgan, the deafness was filled up once again but there was still always something missing.
And that something was Peter.
Tony always knew it was his first born that was what was missing and some days it was harder to deal with than others and that made him hate the silence but now, for the first time in ten years, he found that he liked it and it brought him comfort.
But the silence didn’t last long because there was banging coming from upstairs which meant that Morgan was waking up.
She came down the stairs, already dressed and ready for the day which she had been doing since she was four.
Tony always felt that Morgan was growing up too fast. She was extremely independent and liked to do everything herself from a young age so Tony was happy that Peter was different.
“Morning, Bug. You want pancakes or waffles?” Tony asked her as she went right over to Peter.
“Pancakes please.” Morgan told Tony and grabbed onto Peter’s cheeks, causing him to let out a loud whine. “You’re so cute.”
Tony looked over and saw Morgan squeezing Peter’s face way too hard. “Morgan, be gentle. He’s not one of your dolls.”
Morgan let go and handed Peter back his sippy cup. “He looks like one right now because he’s so cute.”
Tony chuckled. “Yeah. Where’s your mom?”
“Um, she’s in the shower I think. Can we go for a walk in the forest after breakfast?” Morgan asked, excitedly.
“Yeah! I wan’ go for a walk, daddy!” Peter said excitedly too.
Tony couldn’t say no to those faces. “Yeah, if you guys want to. After we eat and I get Peter changed then we can go.”
“Okay. I’ll help you too.” Morgan said as she ran her hands through Peter’s hair repeatedly. Tony was glad to see that he wasn’t the only Stark who was obsessed with those curls.
After Pepper came downstairs, they all ate breakfast together and then Tony took Peter upstairs to get him changed. He knew that Peter was old enough to walk on his own but he liked to carry his kid that he mourned for ten years and Peter seemed to like to be carried too so win-win.
“Can you get the sunscreen, Morgan? I almost forgot about that.” Tony placed Peter on the bed and pulled his pyjama pants off but then he was crawling away.
“Dad? Can you help me grab it?” Morgan asked. Tony looked over to see Morgan stepping on the dresser to reach the sunscreen that was on the shelf.
Tony walked over to her and grabbed her arm so she didn’t fall, he then grabbed the sunscreen and bug spray and handed it to Morgan.
“I have a hat for Peter to wear. It’s pink but it’s the only one we have.” Pepper walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed.
Tony walked back over to the bed. “It’s fine. Pink used to be a boy's colour anyways.”
Peter was trying to do a somersault on the bed but he was failing miserably at it. Tony reached over and patted his butt that he couldn’t resist. “Come over here so we can go.”
Peter fell onto his butt and looked at Tony with a grin. “No. I wan’ to play with you and Morgan.”
Tony smiled. “We will play. We’re gonna go for a walk.”
Peter shook his head, still grinning. Tony knew that Peter was in a playful mood now but that meant it would be even harder for them to get ready and leave the house.
Tony reached forward and grabbed Peter’s legs, pulling him towards the edge of the bed. Tony held his chest with one hand and used the other hand to pull the pull-up straps off the sides then pulled the pull-up from Peter and tossed it to the side.
Pepper handed him a wipe but Tony struggled to wipe Peter since he was giggling and squirming too much. He managed to wipe him clean but had to let him go to grab his outfit out for the day.
Peter took that opportunity to crawl away back on the bed so Tony let him go while he dug in the laundry hamper for some clothes.
“Should I put him in shorts?” Tony asked Pepper since she always knew what to wear and still sometimes picked out Tony’s clothes for occasions like this.
“Yeah, it’s nice out.” Pepper grabbed the sunscreen bottle from Morgan because she was putting way too much on herself.
Tony walked over to the other side of the bed and quickly grabbed Peter so he didn’t crawl away again. “I got you.”
Peter giggled and tried to get out of Tony’s arms. “No daddy! I’m gonna run!”
“Nope. Not on my watch.” Tony carried Peter over to the other side of the bed and sat down, sitting Peter in his lap so he could easily get Peter’s underwear and pants on.
He didn’t remember it ever being this hard with Morgan at this age but then again, Peter has a whole other personality and he’s a boy that is very reckless and playful.
Tony still can’t get over the fact that he has a son. He always thought of Peter as his son while he was… gone, but now it’s really true. It’s one thing to think of Peter as his son while he’s gone but it’s another thing to actually have that kid to hold and raise.
Pepper didn’t bother to help him since she was helping Morgan put the sunscreen on her back and face but she kept looking over at Tony and sighing at the dramatics of their kids.
Tony pulled Peter’s pyjama shirt off of him and wrestled him into a T-shirt by holding him with one arm and using his other arm to put the shirt on. It was extremely hard but something told him that he had to get used to it.
After putting Peter’s socks and shoes on and loading him up with sunscreen and bug spray, they were ready for their hike.