Serenity

            I managed to finish my packing and I tried on my equestrian outfit. It was oddly cute and not terribly uncomfortable. Nothing was overtly sexual, though the leather seat breeches were very snug and left nothing to the imagination, they were still the sort of pants I’d grown up wearing when I would ride horses.

            As a kid they’d helped me stay in the saddle, as an adult I realized these breeches helped my butt look kind of amazing. And even though the pants were tight, they moved with you like really great leggings.

            Why wasn’t I wearing these damn things on missions? Next mission involving a motorcycle, I’m wearing these, I thought idly to myself.

            Judging by the lingerie I’d be wearing underneath my clothing, I speculated a good chunk of the buttons on the white blouse were likely meant to remain unbuttoned.

            Nat came into my room just as I was slipping on the riding boots.

            “Do you have any idea how hard it was to find boots like that in your tiny shoe size?” she asked as she eased herself down onto my bedside.

            “I can only imagine,” I said as I admired the sleek and elegant design.

            Natasha stared at me as I examined my reflection.

            “Well?” I asked.

            “You look good, kid.”

            I rolled my eyes at her reflection. “Gee, thanks.”

            “Are you going to fuck him?”

            I sucked in a sharp breath, nearly choking on it. “Ho-ly shit, Nat, what the hell?” I turned to face her; surely I’d misunderstood.

            Natasha just sat on the edge of my bed, staring at me with a half grin on her face. “Well? Bruce and I have a bet…I say yes.”

            I stood, staring, mouth agape.

            “What? You guys have off the charts chemistry. And Barnes definitely needs to get laid.”

            I shook my head again. “What? What? You can’t seriously think I could just…do that in public for a mission.”

            Natasha rolled her eyes. “I do think you could do that and I don’t think it would end with the mission, either. You guys actually like each other. Weirdos,” she added, though she smiled sweetly.

            My gut knotted. She wasn’t entirely wrong. I could seriously do that with Bucky, though I highly doubted I could do anything in public. For one thing, I was just too shy. And for another, I wasn’t exactly super experienced. I’d only seriously dated two people in my life, and only one of those had resulted in a physical relationship.

            Of course I kept all that to myself.

            I sat on the edge of my bed across from Natasha. “We do have great chemistry,” I confided to Nat, and she turned to better face me. “But I think what you’re seeing is Bucky helping me train for the mission. Nothing more. It’s what he always does; what any of you always do when I’m assigned to a field operation.”

            “Pffft, I call bullshit on that. Barnes has been into you since the minute he opened your personnel file before you even walked into this house.”

            I furrowed my brow. I didn’t even know the team went over that information.

            Natasha ducked her chin so she could give my some serious eyeball. “I’m serious. Have you ever known Barnes to go out of his way to help anyone else with a mission?”

            I threw my head back. “No one else needs help like I do, Nat. You all help me.”

            “Not true. We help each other, but Bucky generally shows us all our weaknesses.” Nat looked kind of pissed about that; she worked hard to hide any weakness, but Bucky did have a way of ferreting out flaws and missteps when they trained.

            Though, truth be told, Natasha would do the exact same thing. If she found a weakness, she would exploit it. They were actually very similar to each other.

            “He’s different with you, Z. We all see it…you’ve just never known him any other way.”

            I shrugged. “I don’t know, Nat. Honestly, I am the weakest link when it comes to ops—“

            “You’re his girl, Z.”

            My eyes widened a bit at her statement. If Bucky had ever called me his girl, in that way at least, I’d certainly never heard it from him. It was a phrase Bucky would say, though, and my heart did beat a bit faster at the prospect of him calling me his girl…as juvenile as that may sound.

            “So,” Nat continued, “are you gonna fuck him?”

            “Gah!” I exclaimed as I flopped my body across the bed, jostling Natasha in the process.

            The redhead laughed though she held her side. Clearly I’d hurt her when I performed my graceless flop since she was still recuperating from a freaking gunshot wound to her side.

            “Oh! I’m so sorry,” I exclaimed as I reached out to her.

            Nat shooed my hand away, “It’s fine. Besides, I needed the laugh. Bruce has been so serious lately.”

            We were both quiet for a while, each of us dwelling on our own deep thoughts.

            “I don’t think I can do casual sex,” I finally said out loud.

            “So don’t,” Nat said matter-of-factly. “I don’t think that’s what Bucky is looking for anymore.”

            Her use of the word anymore had galled me. I’d known Bucky was a ladies man back in the day. Of course, back in the day was seventy years ago, and during the height of the war, but still, hearing Nat voice his prowess stung a bit. I’d even go so far as to say it made me a bit jealous.

            And that made me feel like a hypocrite given I’d jumped all over Bucky when he’d said I was making him jealous.

            I propped myself up on my elbow so I could look at Natasha. “Has he—“ I hesitated as I traced the stitching in my comforter, “I don’t know, dated anyone in a while?”

            “Why? Are you jealous?”

            Damn Natasha. I couldn’t get anything past her.

            “No.” Yes. “I’m just curious…I mean, if he hasn’t dated, and he’s just starting to feel like his old self again, maybe he’s just looking for something—I don’t know, physical.” Like the old Bucky would.

            And he does seem like a physical kind of guy, I thought to myself.

            Natasha huffed as she sat up straighter. She curled her arm around the pillow, using it to support herself through the pain of moving. I felt bad for her, but I knew she wouldn’t accept any help from me so I let her maneuver herself until she was standing. When she was up, she threw her damn pillow in my face. Hard.

            “You jerk,” I quipped as I rubbed my face. “I think you broke my nose,” I joked.

            “He hasn’t dated anyone because he hasn’t been interested in anyone. At least until you came along.” Natasha shook her head as she smiled down at me, yanking her pillow back to her side. “As for the old Bucky, he’s gone, kiddo. That Bucky will never be back. Bucky is who he is…and I think he’s finally made his peace with that.”

            I nodded. It made sense.

            “Now get your ass up and help this injured woman make some food. I’m starved.”

            “Fine,” I chuckled, “but I’m wearing these pants…they are hella comfortable.”

            “Yes, and they look great with that Scooby Doo neon pink shirt, dork.”

            We laughed as we make our way into the kitchen. I ordered Nat to sit at the island and miracle of miracles she actually did as I requested. I made us both a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich with some veggies. We were surprisingly full after eating and talking.

            “Seriously,” I said as I crouched down to put the pans back in a cabinet, “check this out. These pants are freaking amazing. They feel freaking amazing but they stretch like a pair of sweatpants.”

            “Yeah, but can you bend over and touch your toes?” Natasha giggled as she tossed the last brussel sprout in her mouth.

            I stood, bending at my waist to see if I could touch my toes. Lo and behold, I did. Easily in fact.

            “Hey, and your ass looks great with that leather inlay too,” Nat laughed.

            I spread my feet apart to laugh at her, though I held my position. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind…stay in this position to make my ass look good—got it!”

            Of course Bucky and Steve chose that exact moment to walk into the kitchen. So that’s how they found me. In the kitchen, bent over at the waist with my freaking ass in the air, talking to Natasha through my spread legs.

            “Hey guys,” I chuckled, knowing full well my face was tomato red. I was hoping to play it off as a result of being bent over, but in reality I was embarrassed as all get out because I was ass up in front of not one but two handsome men. “Just…testing my new equestrian pants,” I said casually as I stood back up and smacked my own ass.

            Why did I just smack my own ass? I thought to myself.

            And thanks to the leather inlay, the smack was so loud.

            So, so loud.

            Natasha choked on her brussel sprout. Hell, I nearly choked on my own embarrassment. We both snort laughed in a most unladylike manner.

            “Th-They look good,” Steve stammered, his face also turning red.

            Bucky smacked Steve across the back of the head, again giving me a glimpse of their boyhood.

            “What the heck, Bucky,” Steve said as he ducked too late, “I’m just sayin’—“

            “We all heard what you were just sayin’, buddy,” Bucky growled as he gave me a look.

            “Thank you Steve,” I said smugly, smiling at him before turning to give Bucky an equally menacing, though mocking, glare. “I really like these pants.” I said to no one in particular. “I mean these might be my go to mission pants from now on.”

            “Hell yes, girl,” Sam said as he dashed into the kitchen for a water refill.

            “No, hmm-mmm,” Bucky hummed. “You are not wearing those on missions.”

            “Well, I mean, not without the Scooby shirt, of course,” Sam chimed in, laughing at his own joke. “Ruh-roh, Hydra.”

            Which, of course, sent Natasha and I into a cry-laugh fit while Steve and Bucky completely missed the joke.

            Gotta work on the animated classics with those two guys.

            “What time do we leave tomorrow, Steve?” I asked, ready to give Bucky a reprieve. He seemed wound tight so I thought I’d make an excuse to leave so I could give him some space.

            It was that same weirdness that always came between us. Sometimes I felt like he was mad at me or irritated with me. I knew it was likely something going on in his head, but sometimes it was hard not to take things personally.

            “We’ll leave at o’five hundred.”

            Why couldn’t he say five in the morning like a normal person?

            “Why do we always leave at dark o’clock?” I whined. “Why can’t we leave at ten, or even noon? Just one mission leaving at noon…I don’t feel like that’s too much to ask.”

            “Okay,” Steve acquiesced. “How about five thirty?”

            “Yay,” I deadpanned. “Dark thirty.” I faux pouted. “It’s better. I’ll take what I can get…thank you.”

            We bumped arms as I passed him. I hazarded a glance at Bucky, who was still giving me the stink eye. I rolled my eyes then made my way to Natasha.

            “We should eat an early dinner. I’ll pick up Garden Café if you guys will text me what you want. Let Bruce know, Nat,” I said as I started to leave.

            “You’re not wearing them,” Bucky called out again, drawing me back into the kitchen doorway.

            “Damn it, Bucky, I will and I am,” I growled.

            “I’m so, so looking forward to winning my bet,” Natasha sing-songed, further irritating me.

            “You!” I pointed to Bucky, “and you!” I pointed to Nat. “Both of you, just, grrrr!” I stomped off.

            Sure. It would have looked much more menacing if I hadn’t been wearing a neon pink Scooby shirt.

            And if I were taller than five feet and one whole inch.

            And if I didn’t have a bouncing pony tail.

            A couple of hours later I had everyone’s food order submitted for pick up, and to my surprise Bucky volunteered to go with me to grab the food. We made our way to the only sedan Tony owned, and Bucky followed me to the passenger side so he could open my door for me. It wasn’t an unusual gesture, he’d done it many times before, but this time he crowded me against the car door instead of opening it for me, catching me off guard.

            “Bucky?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow at his proximity.

            “I’m sorry about earlier…I really do like these pants,” Bucky said gruffly though he slid his right hand down across my backside.

            “Gee, thanks Bucky. You sound so sincere,” I said as I lightly pinched his cheek.

            “Hmpf,” Bucky grunted as he lightly touched his boot to mine. “It’s just—I don’t know.”

            “Oh, I know,” I half laughed. “You are the type of guy who needs to be in charge, Bucky.” He leveled his gaze with mine and I knew I was right. “But here’s the thing, remember what you told me? Remember when you said you might be in charge, but I have the power?”

            Bucky’s small smirk indicated he did indeed remember our conversation that night…and probably quite a bit more.

            “Well,” I continued, “the truth is I don’t mind you having control when it’s us, but when it comes to matters outside the bedroom…stuff,” my God, my face was flaming, “or when it comes to missions, you can’t control me. Deal?”

            Bucky stood stock-still, looming over me.

            “Bucky?” Earth to Winter Soldier? I thought to myself, given the dark look I was currently receiving.

            Bucky broke eye contact to look around the garage before settling his gaze back on me. “I like that you give me that control, Z,” he said, his voice sexy and gravelly again.

            My eyes darted to his mouth as he swiped his tongue across his lower lip before biting it. The site of him doing that turned my insides into molten lava.

            “I thought this might be a good opportunity for us to test the waters in public, doll. What do you say?”

            I nodded. “M’kay,” I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant though on the inside I was a bubbling pile of goo.

            “Nothing major,” Bucky lowered his voice. “Just a bit of touching, maybe some kissing,” he said as he cupped my jaw, “you know, things lovers do.”

            I held my breath when he ran his thumb across my lips.

            Bucky leaned down to whisper in my ear as he pulled my core against his thigh, “I’ll try not to ruin these pants, but I’m not makin’ any promises, sweetheart.” He licked the shell of my ear before gently biting my earlobe and placing several slow, searing kisses down my neck, sending shivers down the column of flesh and causing my nipples to pebble.

            I sucked in a sharp breath, surprised by his move. Bucky took the opportunity to kiss me, quickly dominating me. He used one hand to fist my hair, holding me to him, while the other hand roughly grasped my ass to grind my core against his thigh.

            My head swirled as Bucky pressed me against the car. I knew I should show him I could give as well as I could get, but I was a confused, hormonal mess at the moment.

            “Bucky?” I breathed between kisses, “How about you worry about what’s going on inside your own pants instead of what’s going on inside of mine, hmmm?” I asked coyly as I slid my left hand down his abs.

            I felt his stomach muscles quiver and I relished the effect I was having on him. Of course he stopped moving altogether as my hand slipped lower, below his belt and over his cloth-covered crotch. I cupped his erection, rubbing him up and down over his jeans several times.

            Bucky grunted and pressed me against the car; his thigh still pressed between my legs as he ground me against him. His kisses were no longer probing and gentle; my aggressive, dominant Bucky was back.

            His right hand covered mine as I rubbed him through his jeans. “Feel what you do to me, sweetheart.”

            “All of this is for me?” I feigned innocence.

            “Every inch,” he growled before kissing me with such need I felt as if I might ignite.

            Just then a high-pitched horn honked, breaking the moment.

            “What the fuck?” Tony said as he and Peter pulled in to park next to the sedan. “There are children present,” he said, gesturing to Peter.

            Peter’s face reddened. “Mr. Stark, I’m not actually—“

            “Shhh, child. Shhh,” Tony gestured dramatically.

            “Hey,” I said as stepped away from Bucky and leaned down toward Tony’s window. “Language, mister…in front of the children.”

            I winked at Peter though, letting him know I didn’t actually think he was a child.

            Tony’s eyes rounded. “Don’t you start on me too, Elizabeth Finnegan,” Tony said as he prepared for a tirade. “I get enough from Rogers, I don’t need another one!”

            His voice faded as I climbed into our car, Bucky closed the door behind me. They had a muffled conversation that I couldn’t understand, though Bucky did shake his head at me as he rounded the front of the sedan so he could get in on the driver’s side.

            We exited the garage with Tony still yelling empty threats at us. Funny enough he also texted an order update to me so he and Peter could join us for dinner.

            Tony was a man of many layers, that’s for sure.

            We made it to the café with time to spare, so we meandered around the shopping area. We window shopped, we joked and laughed, we held hands and appeared like any other couple in love to the outside world. My insides flip flopped every time Bucky would pull me closer or kiss my forehead; this mission was doing nothing but fueling the fire for my already smoldering Bucky crush.

            Who was I kidding? I was well beyond crush territory now.

            My chest would implode every single time I thought about this being over, though. And after this weekend it would be over.

            I decided I would enjoy it for the time I had left, so I drank in everything he gave me, committing it to memory for the heartache ahead.

            We hauled an outrageous amount of food home with us. I’m sure the café thinks we routinely feed a small army when we pick up our cadre of calories, but two super soldiers and a hulk tend to tuck in to just about anything.

            I hit the sack feeling full, nervous, excited, and melancholy, so needless to say dark-thirty rolled around way sooner than I would have liked. The flight to Ireland was blessedly calm, and I managed to catch a few winks on Bucky’s shoulder. When we landed, though, the cool, damp Irish weather made me want to shrink in on myself.

            I hated the cold. The only thing I hate more is being cold and wet. And the only thing I hate more than that is being cold, wet, and hungry.

            Steve instructed us that we would leave the airport in a private car so we could arrive at our hotel. Our suite and cover had been arranged by Tony, and another private car would transport us to the club. Our membership was good for Friday and Saturday, just one weekend. We were guaranteed inside the club, but we would need to procure an invitation to the selective back rooms by tonight or we might never find details regarding Garner’s operation.

            We had one night to get that invitation. Natasha and Bruce had threeweekends.

            Garner was using the club as his base to synthesize his drug, hoping the very nature of the club itself would keep people from prying, as well as willingly using members as shields if necessary.

            We were hoping to find out exactly where is labs were located so we could go in with minimal damage and exposure. Though T’Challa was understandably eager to take down the lab at any cost, Tony was reasonably sure at least two of the three investors knew nothing of the operation, and he didn’t want to ruin a unique business…though I had my suspicions as to why.

            Maybe he and Pepper were into this kind of thing. I could certainly see the draw. It was thrilling and exotic.

            Well, to me anyway.

            Bucky and I arrived at our hotel. It was fancy and screamed money in a way that neither of us would ever get used to. We checked in and were escorted to our suite…which was giant by European standards.

            I’d traveled abroad some, privately, in my youth. My room in London was little more than closet sized, if you didn’t mind your closet having both a shower and a toilet as well as your bed.

            Paris? Same.

            Rome? Same, except they collected every glass bottle ever manufactured at 3 a.m. right outside my window.

            This place though, it was opulent and so very Tony Stark. There was a living room with two sofas and several chairs, a television that only made an appearance if you pressed a button so it could raise from a cabinet, a fully stocked bar, a dining area, and a private bedroom with the biggest bed I’ve ever seen. The master bath was bigger than my entire bedroom back at the compound. I felt like I might require a life jacket to get in the tub.

            “Wow,” Bucky said as we made our way through the rooms.

            “I agree,” I replied quietly.

            We walked around for a few more minutes, both of us taking in the place. Bucky glanced at a clock and indicated we should get ready since our car would be arriving soon.

            We each stepped inside one of the two closets in the master bath. My bag looked puny and out of place in the closet. Heck, I felt puny and out of place…even in the closet.

            I slipped on my outfit for the evening, loving the bra and panty set. It was super soft and at all not scratchy like most lace. The bra was very lacy, though not see-through, and the balconette cups were exceedingly flattering. I spun around, feeling sexy and dorky at the same time.

            I slipped on my pants, still loving the way they felt. I was oddly thankful for the breeches; I’d been worried I would end up wearing a ridiculously short miniskirt or something equally difficult. The shirt was smocked at the waist and didn’t tuck into the pants, which meant I had a bit of midriff exposed. Also, there were no buttons until about halfway down, which meant it was indeed designed to showcase the girls.

            It’s a good thing the bra gave me great cleavage.

            I managed to get the boots on, which is no easy feat for equestrian boots, and did a quick French braid for my hair. It went with the theme, after all. I used to braid my hair for riding competitions.

            When I made my way through the bathroom, I expected to find Bucky waiting for me. Instead, I was met with silence.

            “Bucky?” I called out.

            “I’m still in here,” he said, his voice muffled through the closet door. “I don’t think this is gonna work, Z.”

            I stifled a laugh, wondering what outfit he’d been given.

            “Well, come out…let’s take a look.”

            Bucky opened the door looking both embarrassed and frustrated, though, honestly he had no reason to be either.

            Bless the person who chose his outfit. Bless them. I never would have thought it sexy, but seeing Bucky in a Black Watch Polo Team uniform made think all sorts of bad things.

            The short sleeve polo shirt was tight and showcased his broad chest and biceps. Shuri’s sleeve camouflaged his vibranium arm. The pants were equally tight, and drew my attention straight to his thighs. And then his crotch.

            Bucky was a lefty, if you know what I mean. I could clearly see the outline of, well, that. I mean, he wasn’t exactly small, and there wasn’t exactly a lot of room inside those pants to hide anything.

            I pressed my lips together to hide my smile.

            “That’s it,” Bucky said, turning around, gifting me with a view of his fine, fine ass.

            “No, no, no, no,” I called out, grabbing him by his waistband. “It’s—you look…” I shook my head. “You look hot, Bucky. Really. This is a good look on you.” I said as I gestured up and down his frame. “You should seriously consider joining a polo club.”

            He smiled, and darn if it didn’t make him look even more sexy.

            “And you should consider taking up riding, sweetheart,” he growled as he pulled me to him. “Then again, if you feel the need to ride anything you just let me know. I’d be happy to accommodate my girl.”

            And there it was. The phrase. The two words. My insides melted and I waited for him to kiss me.

            He ground against me and I shamelessly pushed right back. His hand found my backside and I raked my nails across his scalp as our lips met in a frenzied kiss. Our tongues pressed and pushed against each other until we were interrupted by a chirp, letting us know our car had arrived.

            “Guess we better go,” he whispered as he peppered kisses across my jawline to my ear, then down my neck.

            I sighed as he trailed down my flesh. My God, tonight was going to be hard…but the coming weeks would be brutal. How was I supposed to go back to life before this now that I knew how this man felt against me?