Tony had playing with some Legos when it happened. First, there was a loud thump, followed by a few seconds of silence before the sound of glass crashing on the wooden floor could be heard from upstairs. He stood still, fear paralyzing each of his limbs. The Legos in each of his hands were now hurting him, but he couldn’t relax enough to unclench his fingers around the plastic toys despite the blooming pain. Then, again, a moment of silence followed by some hurried footsteps toward his direction.
As the door opened, his baby brother, Kareem, entered the room, eyes widen in fear and guilt, lips wobbling. His entire little frame was trembling as he tried to repress his tears. Tony slowly opened his arms, not knowing what else to do and let the little one hug him tight. He closed he eyes and breathed in the scent of his baby brother. The Legos finally fell on the floor.
The sound of the baritone voice of their Babbo resonated in the entire house. Tony tightened his arms around his baby brother as terror struck him straight in the chest. He had trouble breathing, everything around was blurry.
“Kareem!” Babbo screamed looking angry, hands on his hips.
The mirrored image of Howard made Tony gulped. He opened his mouth to apologize for his brother but closed it quickly. He couldn’t talk back to Sir. It would have been seen as an insult.
Babbo took a few steps towards them. Tony reacted fast and came in front of his baby brother. His head held high, eyes staring straight into his Babbo’s. Whatever would happen, he wouldn’t let Howard – No - his Babbo do anything to Kar’. He had already taken some hits, Stark men were made of iron after all. He could defend Kar’. Tony was his protector and big brother.
So, he inhaled sharply and braced himself for the hits.
“Tony? What are you doing? And Kareem, don’t believe that hiding behind your brother is going to help. You are not avoiding your punishment.”
Tony’s eyes widened in pure fear.
“Don’t Sir...don’t hurt him...I’ll take his punishment…” The rest ended in inaudible babbles. Tony flinched and took a step back when he felt a hand on his jaw. It was it. He would strike him on the face, like Howard. I can take it…I can take it…he reassured himself.
“Tony?”
He shook his head, sniffing hard.
“Kareem, call your mom and tell her it’s about Tony.”
Light footsteps running away. Babbo sighed. “I should have told him not to -" A high-pitched yelp echoed in the stairs. "...run with his socks on. She is going to kill me, for sure.”
Tony recoiled into a fetal position. Memories flashed through his mind: Howard handing him a hot tool, Maria watching with disdain, Howard slapping his face when he cried… his mind fell down the rabbit hole, trapped under the web of years of abuse, sadness, empty love.
Tony felt on his skin all the bruises, cuts, panic attack. All at once. At a certain point, he was sure he could smell burnt skin from his palms, and he screamed as the phantom pain resurfaced.
He wasn’t aware of his mammina’s presence in the room, nor their interaction. His mind came back to the first time he visited his Howard’s lab. Tony had been so thrilled to watch him work and have the possibility to show him his dog robot.
He will be proud of me, little Tony thought happily. He has to be.
What Tony hadn’t foreseen was his dad’s anger at seeing a perfect functioning dog robot. Jealousy had run through Howard’s veins and he’d lashed out. He had grabbed his hammer and crushed the robot, his booming laughter echoing in the room at Tony’s obvious distress.
Jamie, Tony had named the dog. After the best Howling Commando soldier: James Buchanan Barnes. Tony always had a preference for him instead of Captain America. It scared him to think that Captain America could be friend with his father and would deem Tony as unworthy as his dad thought. Tony didn’t want to think of all the punishments, he’d receive from Captain America. He was so strong and powerful.
So, Tony pretended to not flinch when Howard mentioned Captain America and even faked his enthusiasm at hearing stories about him, but at nighttime, he’d place his captain America bear in his drawer, and would hug his Bucky bear tighter in his arms while sleeping. Bucky would protect him, like he did against the bullies beating down Steve Rogers.
He started crying and sobbing on the floor as he reached for the parts of Jamie. The wails of his little dog robot stabbed him in the heart. “I’m sorry, Jamie. I’m sorry,” he repeated loudly.
“Stand up boy ! You are pathetic!”
Tony stayed down trying…trying to get all the limbs of Jamie. Eyes blurry and hands shaking so badly it took him twice more time to gather everything. Suddenly, Howard snarled and stomped harshly and repeatedly on his hands.
A heart wrenching scream resonated in the room.
“What the hell, Cameron! What have you done?” she whispered, stunned.
“I don’t…I swear to God, I didn’t do anything.”
“Think back. I’m sure there was something you did, even unconsciously to terrify him”.
Cameron paced around before stopping. He suddenly turned around and stared straight in his wife’s eyes.
“Punishment. He told me to “hurt him” instead of Kareem”. Cameron lurched forward, gagging. His breathing was getting heavier. “Oh my God, he thought I would- ”
“Babe, calm down. I know it’s difficult, but you need to be there for him. I can’t do it alone. If I take care of him alone…”
“He’ll think I’ll hurt Kar’, and then him.”
“That’s my man. You’ll have to take care of him and talk to him. He needs to see that you are not Howard.”
A whimper came from Tony at the mention of the name. Cameron swore under his breath. his wife took his hands in hers and looked straight in his eyes. “Now go to the bathroom. He’ll need to take a good and hot bath. Be prepared…don’t joke, in his state I’m not sure he’ll understand.”
Cameron steadied himself and walked out. He only turned to witness his wife kneeling on the floor, singing.
Che bella cosa e' na giornata 'e sole
n'aria serena dopo na tempesta!
Pe' ll'aria fresca pare già na festa
Che bella cosa e' na giornata 'e sole.
Tony’s flashback stopped. He was still in his dad’s lab, but the strike never hit its mark. He opened his eyes and saw the figure of Howard looming over him, eyes gleaming with evilness. He gathered what remained of Jamie, cradled it and stepped aside, grimacing at the wet sensation in his pants. New tears appeared.
"I’m not a baby, I’m not a baby," he sobbed, as he tried to dry his pants, but messing up. Blood was smeared on the fabric.
Ma n'atu sole,
cchiù bello, oje ne'
'O sole mio
sta 'nfronte a te!
'O sole, 'o sole mio,
sta 'nfronte a te!
sta 'nfronte a te!
Tony stood straight and looked wildly around him. He just…there was a voice, singing their song. Mammina, he screamed. Mammina. He ran frantic around the lab looking for her. He only stopped when he noticed Howard moving again. Then Tony started running again, while Howard was chasing him. A scream escaped his mouth as he dodged dangerous tools and blocked all the insults. Tony wasn’t sure he could understand them anyway, with all the blood rushing to his head deafening all background sounds.
Quanno fa notte e 'o sole se ne scenne,
me vene quase 'na malincunia;
sotto 'a fenesta toia restarria
quanno fa notte e 'o sole se ne scenn
Tony tripped and crawled clumsily away from Howard. A hand gripped his ankle and he lashed out. Howard’s hand slipped away. Tony scrambled to his feet, eyes on Howard who looked menacing. But he wasn’t looking at him. Tony turned around and sighed in relief. Mammina’s body stood still and calm, eyes solely focused on Howard, but her hand on Tony’s shoulder was soft and welcoming. He reached for her side and buried his face in her stomach. She caressed his head and pressed soft kisses on top.
“You can do it Luce dei miei Occhi. He can’t reach you. No more.”
Howards first blow at Mammina went straight through her. Howard staggered and fell through her and Tony as if they were ghosts. Tony looked at her in awed.
“You too can do it, Tesoro. I will never let anyone hurt you in your head. Never.”
His fear melted away at the confidence and love thrumming in his body. As Howard stepped forward to hit him, he passed through him, too. Howard’s face made Tony giggle. He watched Howards hurtling tools in his direction, only to have them go through his body.
“You have the power to do everything, here, Tesoro. Make it your peace.”
Even at his young age, 8 years old, her words resonated in him.
He nodded.
The change was instantaneous. The lab morphed into his room in Mammina’s house. He heard his baby brother giggles and his older sister, Janice, arguing with his older brother, Darius. Babbo was joking with Mammina while she was cooking.
Ma n'atu sole,
cchiù bello, oje ne'
'O sole mio
sta 'nfronte a te!
'O sole, 'o sole mio,
sta 'nfronte a te!
sta 'nfronte a te!
Tony came back to himself exhausted. He couldn’t move one limb and didn’t want to. The flowery perfume of Mammina was too calming, her warmth and strength allowed him to be loved, freely. Mammina had never judged him for making mistakes or taking her time. She always was happy to see him. Like his brothers and sister. Weirdly enough, they seemed to have taken a liking in him and yet never expected anything from him.
Tony stayed on her chest, as she sang again and again, their song. Soon enough he could hear Janice, Yanick and even Kareem’s voice singing to him.
“My baby, it is time for you to open your eyes,” she murmured softly.
He shook his head, pressing it deeper into her cleavage.
“Don’t you want to take a good bath, with your toys. I’ll prepare a good hot chocolate with cinnamon, Chantilly and Speculoos, with a dash of caramel, and some cookies with big chunks of dark chocolate.”
Tony almost jumped out of her embrace to run to the bathroom with a renewed energy. Only now, he remembered his misadventure. He had peed on himself. Flushing heavily, he tried to hide, only to be scooped up by Darius. He stopped moving and hid his head in the crook of his neck.
“It’s nothing Tonio. We all had accidents; it happens. Not to me of course, I’m a man (his mom and Janice snickered) but...you should ask Janice about yesterday.”
“Hey!” Janice screamed indignantly. “It was an accident and you promised to never talk about it.”
“Put your pride aside, baby girl. You wouldn’t want me to tell your little c-r-u-s-h about it.”
A furious growled erupted from the 13 year-old-girl. Darius took his cue and walked briskly to the bathroom. Kareem's giggles encouraged him to go faster. He opened the bathroom door and closed it on Janice. The last thing they saw was her red face. Darius made a grimace, which should resemble Janice's, took a high-pitched voice and reenact the previous scene. Tony giggled softly head still in Darius neck.
“Do I even want to know?” Cameron asked, looking tired.
“Nope. Anyway, I did my job and delivered a grumpy Tonio. Mom said she’d bake some cookies and a hot choco..." Cameron whooped. "for him”.
“Meh. I’ll send Janice to negotiate with your mom.”
Darius looked away. Cameron sighed. He scratched his beard as he thought.
“What about Kareem? No. He is too small, and your mom has him controlled. What about you?”
“I’m still grounded.”
Cameron threw his hands in the air and grumbled.
“I have 4 kids…” He stopped in his tracks. “4 kids.” He repeated slower.
Darius shook his head, recognizing the usual shenanigans being set in place in his dad’s head. His faith in his own abilities was quite impressive, if nor a little concerning. He never succeeded when it came to their mom. She always found out.
Tony whimpered in his arms and tightened his legs around his hips. Cameron stopped rambling and glanced sadly at him. He walked slow and loud towards them, enough for Tony to hear him, and avoid any panic attack like earlier. He shivered at the thought. He prayed to never be as hopeless.
“Tonio, can you look at me?” Cameron said with a low voice.
“No.”
“Ok. Why do you not want to look at me?”
“Hurt me…”
Darius eyebrows rose to his hairline. Hurt him? One look at his dad confirmed the suspicions he also had. He kissed Tony’s head and whispered to his ear.
“Tonio, you know that I would never hurt you, nor lie to you, right?”
Silence.
“Dad had never hurt me. He had never hit me. He may raise his voice, but never to insult. He is not like that.”
He let Tony mulled over what he said. Until a tiny voice replied. “Why Kar’ looked afraid?”
Cameron rolled his eyes amused.
“He knows Dad told him not to run in the house with his socks. He was afraid because he’d get grounded, like me. No TV, no games and no protests for naps. Even though I’d like to have naps, mom won’t let me get one,” Darius finished pouting.
“Oh please, you wake up at 10am every day, you don’t need a nap.”
“Lies and Slander! My days are productive, thank you very much, and I need a nap.”
“Productive? You are on vacation. You don’t have to do anything. And if you want that nap, I’ll talk to your mom.”
“So, no nap for me.” Darius concluded dramatically.
“What is with you and the lack of respect! I can make your mom agree with me.”
Darius snickered. “You can…what?” He scoffed. “When mom is going to know about you ‘making her do stuff…”
Tony was now fully relaxed. He giggled at the interaction, head peeking out of his brother’s neck.
“Sorry, Tonio, but mom needs to know about that.”
Darius put Tony down and rushed outside. Cameron screamed after him, only stopping when his wife’s voice was heard.
“He told you what! Cameron Benedict Jones!” She yelled from downstairs. He stayed stuck for a second before jumping in action. He closed the door and rushed towards Tony.
“Tonio, if you love me, you’ll get into the bathtub as quick as possible.”
His panicked face may have been what sent Tony into full joyful laughter. Cameron didn’t stop to enjoy his little boy happiness and helped Tony out of his pants and shirt. Once fully naked, he scooped him and placed him slowly in the bathtub. At the same time, the door opened violently.
Cameron forced himself to stay calm and moved normally. As normal as he could considering the breathing dragon in his back and his boy mocking him in front of him.
“Hey dear! We were just having fun.” He said, his voice trembling.
Tony laughter was still ringing in the room. Cameron craned his neck and glanced behind himself. His wife’s small frame was trembling. A few snorts escaped her mouth.
“Hey! Not you, too! First Tony, then Darius, and you, my wife!” He yelled, indignant.
Tony hid his face in the foam of the bath. Cameron let himself smile and relax a bit.
“You are really too easy to frighten, my precious husband. But I won’t forget what you said to Darius.” She finished in an ominous voice. Cameron gulped. She walked toward them, leaned to kiss Tony foamy face, then kissed Darius softly on the forehead.
“I never forget," she muttered, before leaving.
The fun didn’t last long. A few minutes later, Tony was again nonverbal. He didn’t even try to play with the toys anymore and instead was gathering some bubbles around him. Cameron refrain himself from sighing. Really, why did he have to be the one to do that? He wasn’t even good at speeches like his wife and he tended to say the wrong things. And with his anger simmering under his skin, itching him to beat the hell out of Howard, he didn’t know if he’d be able to stay diplomatic. The bloody face of Howard passed his mine. He rejoiced in it. Darius would do it. He’d kill Howard. Jailtime or not. It would be worth it.
“Tony? Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?”
“No.”
Well, what a start.
“Tonio, we have to talk about it, you know it. You’ve seen us resolving conflicts before. That’s what family does.”
“You are not my family.” He said sadly. Cameron ignored the pang of pain in his chest that vehemently contradicted what Tony just said. He helped Tony out of the bath, drained the water and grabbed fuzzy towels. He wrapped his little boy in them and then squeezed him in his arms.
“Blood doesn’t make family. I was adopted. My parents died when I was a toddler and I had the chance to find a good family. Like you too. I know it is not the same, you still have Howard and Maria (He praised himself for not spiting their names. His wife would be impressed that’s for sure.) but we can be your adoptive family. Plus, you spent most of the year with us, anyway.”
Cameron kissed the top of Tony’s head and felt tiny arms around his neck, embracing him tightly. My precious boy, Cameron thought, cooing internally. Now came the hardest question.
“What were you really afraid of?”
Tony tapped his fingers on Cameron’s shoulder. He didn’t reply.
“Tonio, you scared me – us, earlier. I thought we’d have to go to the hospital. You really scared me within an inch of my life. I know that I did something to hurt you, and I wish to know what, so I won’t do it again.”
“When Howard is mad he…he raised his hand to punish me. I thought you’d the same to Kareem. But I’m his big brother and I’m supposed to be his protector,” he said firmly. “I did it because I wish someone would do that for me. But…I’m too weak. I could have never protected K’, you didn’t even hit me that I was ran away.”
Cameron bit his lips and closed his eyes tightly. His heart broke at Tony’s words and his hatred for Howard swelled up.
“I don’t want to hear those words out of your mouth, Tony.”
He unwrapped Tony’s arms from around him and cupped his tiny, red face. “Tonio, what you did was selfless. You fought your own fears, putting yourself in danger to protect someone smaller and more fragile than you. You were ready to get punished for him and jumped to his defense straight away. You did great. But…I’m not Howard, Tonio. I will never hit you. I never hit any of my children and will never. It disgusts and pained me to think that Howard could do that to you.” Tony opened his mouth probably to deflect the praise. Cameron shushed him.” No matter the reasons. It is not legal and normal for a parent to beat their children.”
Tony’s eyebrows were furrowed. Cameron let him ruminate. He knew it would take more than few words to prove it to him, but they, as he entire family, would do everything to allow him a somewhat normal childhood.
As he watched Tony’s face transform under various emotions to settle on hopeful, Cameron let the little bubble of love grow in his heart.
Everything would be okay. They’d make sure of that.
Fin.