Chapter 20 - Unconditionally
It was almost the end of June, and Yunjin had just posted a tribute for Pride Month on the group’s official Twitter account: A picture of her in the colorful debut teaser set with the caption,
“Little throwback for Pride :) I love you. Unconditionally.”
As expected, this simple yet powerful statement erupted into a wave of gratitude from fans. Messages of love and appreciation flooded the comments. Some hailed her as the “Queen of Gays,” while others expressed how much her openness meant to them. Yunjin had always been unapologetic in her support for the LGBTQ+ community, but taking such a public stance—especially as a rookie idol—was a bold move. It was a statement that carried weight, especially in their industry. It wasn’t without risk, but Yunjin was the type to stand firmly by what she believed in, no matter the consequences.
Meanwhile, Y/N was curled up on the couch in the dorm's living room, sipping cinnamon tea. She’d turned on notifications for each member’s Twitter posts after her recent scandal, ensuring she never missed an update. When her phone buzzed, she picked it up, and her eyes widened at the notification.
Yunjin said WHAT?
“Wow,” Y/N murmured aloud, her voice tinged with awe. Yunjin had openly acknowledged the LGBTQ+ community. That was huge. It was one thing to express support privately, but doing so on such a public platform showed just how fearless Yunjin was. Y/N already knew Yunjin cared deeply for others, but this act of bravery made her admire her even more. She felt a sudden warmth bloom in her chest—a mixture of gratitude and something else she couldn’t quite put into words.
Her thoughts raced. She’d been grappling with her identity for weeks now, and the weight of it felt heavier each day. Seeing Yunjin’s post gave her a strange sense of reassurance, a reminder that she wasn’t alone. Maybe Yunjin would understand. Maybe she could trust her with this.
Taking a deep breath, Y/N stood up, grabbed her mug, and added a soda from the fridge for Yunjin. Then she made her way upstairs. Her heart thudded loudly as she stopped in front of Yunjin’s door. She hesitated for a moment before knocking.
*knocks*
“Unnie?”
“Come in.”
Y/N stepped inside, finding Yunjin lounging on her bed, her phone in hand. She looked up, her face lighting up with a warm smile.
“Hey, Y/N. What’s up?” Yunjin asked, setting her phone aside.
Y/N’s heart skipped a beat. “Oh, um, nothing much. Just… saw your tweet earlier. About Pride Month.” She tried to sound casual, but her voice wavered slightly.
Yunjin smiled. “Ah, yeah. That. What did you think?”
“I thought it was amazing,” Y/N admitted, her cheeks warming. “It’s brave, unnie. Not a lot of idols would do that.”
“Well, someone has to,” Yunjin said with a shrug. “I’ve always believed that people should feel seen and loved for who they are. If my post can do that for even one person, then it’s worth it.”
Y/N nodded, her admiration for Yunjin growing by the second. “It’s inspiring. Honestly.” She hesitated, her hands fidgeting in her lap. “That’s kind of why I wanted to talk to you.”
Yunjin tilted her head, her expression softening. “I’m listening.”
Y/N’s mouth felt dry. She glanced down, taking a moment to gather her thoughts, playing with the hem of her shirt. “I’ve been… feeling different lately. About myself. About… other people. And it’s confusing. I don’t know how to… categorize it.” The words tumbled out awkwardly, but she felt a tiny sense of relief having said them aloud.
Yunjin didn’t interrupt, letting Y/N speak at her own pace.
“Like about…about a girl,” Y/N stuttered.
Yunjin smirked. "You mean you might like girls? Is that what you're trying to say?"
Y/N blushed, feeling embarrassed. "Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say." Wow, it’s out now.
Y/N’s cheeks flushed. “But I’m not sure. I’ve never… been with anyone. So, I don’t really know how to categorize it.”
Yunjin’s lips curved into a reassuring smile. “Hey, that’s okay. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Feelings don’t always come with neat labels, you know?”
Y/N nodded shyly and looked down.
“It took me a minute to label myself as well,” Yunjin said, causing Y/N to look up quickly.
After a moment of silence, Yunjin spoke again, her tone more thoughtful. “You know, I’ve been where you are. Figuring things out, trying to make sense of it all. And I… fell for someone once. A girl.” Yunjin had Y/N’s full attention with this revelation.
Yunjin then opened up to Y/N about her own identity, "Yes, I'm a lesbian. And I know it can be hard to come out, but it's also freeing to be yourself."
Y/N nodded, taking in Yunjin's words. She was quite shocked, not expecting Yunjin to come out to her especially after publicly posting about pride. This woman was bold.
"Thank you for telling me, unnie. It means a lot." Both women smiled at each other, grateful to have someone among the members who they could somewhat relate to in this aspect.
“Unnie,…. How did you… how did you know for sure?” Y/N asked while avoiding eye contact with her older member.
“Well, aside from always kinda being attracted to women, I fell for a girl a few years ago. I didn’t expect it, but I instantly knew. There were butterflies, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. That’s how I knew I was into girls,” Yunjin said explained, her voice slow as she reminisced.
“Did you get together?” As soon as Y/N’s mouth left the question she had her answer, as Yunjin eyes immediately dropped to the floor. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s really fine, it’s been a long time.”
Y/N felt a pang of sympathy but didn’t press for more details. The weight in Yunjin’s voice hinted at a story that wasn’t ready to be told.
“Unnie… I think I can trust you with this,” Y/N said, her voice trembling slightly. “I’ve been feeling… different around someone. But I’m scared to admit what it might mean. Even to myself.”
Yunjin’s eyes softened. She already had a feeling Y/N was referring to Kazuha. “Take your time, Y/N. There’s no rush to figure it all out. I know, it can be hard to talk about. But trust me, it's better to be true to yourself and be open about it."
“But what if the others…” Y/N’s voice cracked. “What if sh-“ her breath hitched, the weight of a name too heavy to say. “They feel uncomfortable around me? What if they think I’m… looking at… them the wrong way?” The unspoken word hung in the air like an elephant in the room. Kazuha.
Yunjin’s eyes softened. “Y/N, listen to me. That’s not going to happen. The girls love you. We all do. And none of us would ever think of you like that.”
“You can’t know that for sure,” Y/N said, her voice trembling. “What if I ruin everything?”
Yunjin’s grip on her knee tightened slightly, grounding her. “I do know. Because I’ve been there. I’ve had those same fears. But this group? Doubt it. We’re family. And families support each other.”
Yunjin pulled her closer. "And when you’re ready to talk more, I’ll be here. Always.”
Y/N nodded, sensing the unspoken depth of Yunjin’s experiences. She felt a surge of trust and admiration for her older member. Yunjin’s openness and vulnerability made her feel safe, like she could finally start to untangle the confusing emotions she’d been carrying
Y/N smiled through the tears that threatened to spill. “Thank you, unnie. Really.”
Yunjin pulled her into a gentle hug, her voice steady and reassuring. “You’re braver than you think, Y/N. And no matter what, you’re not alone.”
Yunjin reached for Y/N’s hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. “And you’re allowed to feel this shift within you.”
Y/N’s voice faltered, her gaze fixed on the floor as if afraid to meet Yunjin’s eyes. “Unnie… what if—what if the person I’m talking about isn’t just anyone?” She swallowed hard, her hands fidgeting nervously. “What if it’s… someone in Le Sserafim?”
The words hung in the air, heavier than anything she’d said before. Yunjin’s heart skipped a beat as her suspicions crystallized. She had already sensed how Y/N’s demeanor shifted whenever Kazuha was around—the nervous laughter, the lingering glances. She even teased her about it. But hearing it made it more serious for everyone. The situation suddenly became real.
Her voice softened, careful not to let on that she had pieced it together. “If it is… that’s okay too, Y/N. Love doesn’t follow rules or boundaries like that.”
Y/N’s eyes filled with tears, her lips trembling. “But it’s not okay, unnie. It could make everything so complicated. What if it changes everything for the group?”
Yunjin’s chest ached for her, but she maintained her calm. “Y/N, no matter who it is, it doesn’t change that you’re allowed to feel how you feel. You can’t help who your heart gravitates toward. And I know the others—they would never judge you for it.”
Y/N sniffled, her vulnerability laid bare. “You’re sure?”
Yunjin smiled, a soft but knowing look in her eyes. “I’m sure. And you don’t have to say anything more until you’re ready.”
Yunjin only held her tighter. “We’ll figure this out, together.”
In that moment, Y/N felt a tiny seed of hope take root inside her—a hope that one day, she might fully embrace this part of herself.
And maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t have to do it alone.
The late afternoon sun casts a soft glow over the studio, and Yunjin finds herself alone in a quiet corner, her mind a whirlwind of emotions. The days have passed since Y/N came out to her, and while things between them have returned to normal on the surface, Yunjin can’t shake the sense of unease that has settled in her chest. Every time she looks at Y/N, she sees the quiet turmoil in her eyes, the way her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes anymore.
Yunjin’s been there, feeling the weight of things unsaid, of suppressed feelings that could break a person. It’s hard to watch Y/N, someone she cares deeply for, carry that burden in silence. She knows that Y/N has feelings for Kazuha, even though Y/N never vocalized it. It’s in the small things—the way Y/N’s eyes linger on Kazuha when she’s laughing, the subtle way she shifts her posture when they’re in a group. Yunjin can see it all, but she doesn’t say anything. Because what could she say?
But the uncertainty gnaws at Yunjin. She worries about Y/N, about the unspoken pain that might be festering beneath her calm exterior. What if Kazuha doesn’t feel the same way? What if Y/N’s feelings go unreciprocated? The idea of Y/N being rejected, of having her heart broken, fills Yunjin with dread. She can’t bear the thought of Y/N going through that, especially after everything she’s already faced—the scandal, the hiatus, the loneliness.
Yunjin’s own heart aches for her. But she doesn’t want to push, doesn’t want to ask questions Y/N isn’t ready to answer. All she can do is silently hope that, in time, Kazuha will understand how special Y/N is. Yunjin hopes that maybe, just maybe, Kazuha feels the same way, but she can’t know for sure. And that uncertainty is like a heavy cloud hanging over her thoughts.
Later that evening, Yunjin sits at the piano, the familiar chords beneath her fingers a small comfort amidst the chaos swirling in her mind. She’d been writing for hours, trying to capture everything she’s been feeling. It wasn’t just about Y/N. It was about the whole group—the girls who had become her family, the ones who had stood by her through the darkest times, the ones who had never let her go.
A soft sigh escapes her lips as Yunjin begins to play, the keys sounding under her fingertips with an ease that feels almost like a second language. She doesn’t know what she’s writing, not yet—just playing, searching for something that feels right, something that helps her make sense of everything swirling in her mind. Her eyes drift to the side where Y/N and the others are laughing, a little too loudly, a little too carefree. It’s a beautiful sound, but Yunjin feels the distance between them all, even though they’re in the same room. It’s a loneliness she can’t shake, no matter how hard she tries.
“Mmm, it’s kinda shitty, isn’t it?” she murmurs to herself, singing the first few lines of a song that’s been bubbling inside her for days now. Her voice is low, just loud enough to fill the empty space. “not the way we pictured it…”
Yunjin shakes her head lightly and mutters the next line under her breath, “Feels like an existential crisis... or am I being dramatic?” She chuckles softly to herself, but the sound is more bitter than amused. It’s a sentiment she’s been carrying for a long time—the weight of their lives in the spotlight, the constant scrutiny. The fear of saying the wrong thing, of feeling like they’re not enough, or too much. She left Produce 48 heartbroken and without a debut spot. What did she do wrong? She devoted so much time to training, she even stepped into the spotlight for this chance only for it to dissolve.
Her fingers start to move again, playing the chords to the next verse, and she softly hums the melody, her voice barely a whisper. "I wish the world would shut its mouth... give me space to fuckin' sort it out…" The words seem to fit, in a way. Everything feels like it’s moving too fast, too out of control. Yunjin just wants space to breathe, to think, to make sense of everything.
Her mind lands on Y/N once more, and for a moment, she wonders what Y/N is truly feeling. She hopes, she prays that Kazuha feels the same way. But she knows there’s no certainty, no way to guarantee that things will work out. She felt it once too. “But if I’m being honest…” she murmurs softly, a hint of doubt creeping into her voice as she plays the pre-chorus. “I’d hate to waste us on this… but I truly hope they find their own peace of mind…”
She softly sings the chorus to herself, barely a hum at first. “I don’t know what I’d be doin’ without you… you love who I am…”
Her fingers gently press down on the keys, letting the music carry her. She writes this for them, for the girls who have stood by her, for the family she’s found in this chaotic, unpredictable life. “In this ugly world where the color is fading…” Her voice cracks slightly, and she stops, breathing deeply, trying to steady herself.
“Raise your glass to the past in the story of us,” she writes, the words flowing from her heart with surprising ease. She feels a weight lift as she plays the first few chords, the melody unfolding like a breath she didn’t know she was holding.
Her thoughts drift back to the difficult days after Y/N’s scandal and the subsequent hiatus. Yunjin had felt so lost, so powerless. She couldn’t fix everything, couldn’t make the pain go away, but she could be there. She could be a constant, a friend who never wavered, no matter how much the world seemed to be pulling them all in different directions.
The lyrics pour out as Yunjin reflects on how much the girls have become her anchor. "I don't know what I'd be doin' without you," she writes, her fingers moving almost on their own, capturing the sentiment she’s always felt but never fully articulated. It’s true—without the girls, without their unspoken bond, Yunjin doesn’t know where she would be. They’ve been through so much together, and even though there’s fear in her heart, there’s also gratitude. They’ve weathered storms, and Yunjin knows they’ll continue to do so—together.
“You love who I am,” she shed a few tears as she tried the lyrics.
She pauses, looking at the words she’s written. The song feels like a release, a way to give voice to the things she’s been holding inside. It’s not just about Y/N or the group; it’s about the journey they’ve all been on, the struggles and triumphs that have shaped them into something stronger. The lines about “an ugly world” and “the color fading” resonate deeply with her—this industry, this life they lead, can often feel like a draining, gray existence. A reminder of when she first met Chaewon and Sakura and how their first attempt wasn’t meant to be. But in the midst of it all, there’s the girls, their warmth, their love, their unwavering support. And that, to Yunjin, is beautiful.
She can’t shake the worry that lingers in her chest—the fear that Y/N’s pain will consume her if left unchecked. But Yunjin tells herself that she’ll be there for Y/N, no matter what happens with Kazuha or anything else. She’ll be there to help Y/N through the darkness, even if it means silently standing by her side. Because Yunjin knew exactly how Y/N felt.
She takes a breath, then softly murmurs the last part of the bridge, her voice trembling slightly, “It took a while to get here… I’m fearless, but I still fear…”
Her hand hovers over the piano once more, and she finishes the final lines of the song in her head: “You’ll disappear ‘cause I couldn’t be the person that you need… I won’t ever leave.”
It’s a celebration of everything they’ve been through, of the moments that have shaped them, and of the love that remains. It’s a promise that no matter what happens, no matter how hard things get. The six of them would be together.
With the final chord, Yunjin sits back, letting the silence settle around her. The song feels like a weight lifted, a cathartic release of everything she’s been feeling. It’s not just a song about friendship; it’s a reminder that they are all in this together, no matter what the future holds.