Chapter 1
The floor was solid against his feet, everything else around him was fuzzy, but the floor was the only thing keeping him tethered to reality- or what he believed to be reality anyway.
It was weeks since his last lab day, months since his last decathlon meet, he was losing his grip on reality and there was no one around to notice. He couldn’t keep doing this, he couldn’t keep pretending that he wasn’t breaking inside with every false reassurance of him being okay.
He was going up stairs, up, up up-
The wind hit Peter like a wall, bringing him back. It made him dizzy and slightly nauseous- but maybe that was just because he hadn't eaten all day and just climbed countless flights of stairs. It was almost midnight, there was no one to ask why spiderman was wandering around at hours past midnight.
Peter closed his eyes and grounded himself, he couldn’t let him slip away, not yet. He knew what he was about to do, and he was ready for it.
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Peter had realised a long time ago that things wouldn’t get better. He repeated the words like a mantra in his head when bad things happened. Whenever flash shoved him in the hallways, whenever he got hurt on patrol, whenever tony yelled-
That’s how he ended up here, mask discarded a few feet behind him, along with his phone, which he knew would be blowing up with calls by now. He knew it was… sometime after midnight. Last he checked, it was an hour after curfew- but things started to get blurry after that.
It had been months, maybe years since he was okay. It had been so long since then, since May died, since Tony took him in. He knew he was the reason Pepper left Tony, he knew Tony wasn’t happy with him in his care. With him gone, Tony would be happy. Rationally, Peter knew that Tony would be sad at first but once that past, he would be okay. His life would be back to the way it was before everything, before the civil war… before he met peter.
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Slowly, Peter breathed in the frigid new york air, lifting his head for the first time since he sat down. Sluggishly, he walked over to his phone and lifted it. He ignored the numerous texts and calls waiting for him, and selected Tony’s contact. He sat back down on the ledge, dangling his legs and looking down, staring at the hundreds of feet of air below him. He’d been preparing for this moment for weeks, he knew he had to do it right. The dial tone stopped and Peter heard his mentor’s worried voice through the speaker, calling for him, almost begging him for a response. The sound was distant, but it was there. Peter couldn’t pull his consciousness closer so he gathered all his energy for a few words.
“Mister Stark?” The teenager rasped, trying to ward off the tears that threatened to spill, he kept them in for this long, why would they fall now?
“Kid? Talk to me kid, where are you? Are you hurt?” Peter almost smiled at the worried tone of his mentor
It wont get better
“‘M not hurt” Peter whispered
“Okay, kiddo. Can you tell me where you are?” Tony’s voice suddenly souded less frantic, and more- worried? Relieved?
He’ll be relieved when you’re gone
“Dunno” Peter said simply, not lifting his eyes from where they landed on the ground, not having the energy to focus them again, content with the blurriness in his head.
“You- you don’t know? Okay, that’s fine, are you in your suit?” Peter hummed, “Okay, I’m tracking you now, can you wait until i get there?”
Peter suddenly felt wrong. This was wrong. No, he can’t come here.
“Don’t come” Peter blurted, clarity in his voice for the first time in weeks.
“What? Why not, bud?” Tony sked, voice soft, but tony could still hear thrusters in the background.
“You’re not supposed to come here. You’re not supposed to know,” Peter’s voice sounded wrecked, tears streamed down his face as he stood up on the ledge, a step away from nothing.
“Peter. What’s going on?” Tony sounded serious now, he knew something was wrong since he heard Peter’s voice, but it was now becoming increasingly obvious.
“You haven’t cared for weeks. Why now? When i was about to solve everything? Why would you- why-” Peter trailed off into muffled sobs, he threw his phone backwards, Tony’s voice still filtering through the speakers, slowly getting louder.
Distantly, Peter could hear thrusters, too far away for them to reach him in time. He let his mind drift away, leaning forward slightly, twisting his body so he was looking up as he fell, staring up at the fuzzy sky. He smiled, for the first time in what seems like weeks, hearing the wind rushing past his ears, he closed his eyes.