Nothing had prepared him for this. No amount of his training in the military, or with Hydra, or with the Avengers. No parenting books that he inhaled the first few days after meeting his baby girl. No advice from his mother in law. No advice from his friends.
Nothing. Nothing at all had prepared him for the complete and utter terror of having a sick child. It never even crossed his mind that she could get sick. She never once had the sniffles unless she was crying. Never had a fever, according to Jane. Never had the flu. Never had the common cold. No allergies.
Zola was an evil bastard, but he was a genius, evil bastard. The serum tested on him had been passed onto his own children, and while the prescence was weaker in them, it gave them a stronger than average immune system.
Or so they thought.
It all started a few days ago. Jane was out of town for the weekend so he was by himself with the kids in the apartment they shared with Steve and Darcy. Brooklyn was becoming more independent as a four year old and Laramie, who was four months old, was teething.
He hadn't had to go through the teething phase with Brooklyn, and as much as he loved his children, both of them, he was kind of glad he hadn't.
Friday night went by without a hitch. They had their supper, play time with Uncle Stevie, and a movie night. Frozen 2 was on repeat in their house these days so it was more like a normal night than anything.
Saturday they spent most of the day at the park. Darcy had packed an amazing picnic. They ran the dog and played on the jungle gym. Then they went home, showered, and ate, and went to bed.
Three thirty in the morning on Sunday, Brooklyn had crawled into bed with him. That was normal. He and Jane were use to getting dressed and unlocking the door after their "adult play time" was over. What wasn't normal was her curling into his side. She didn't like to cuddle much as independent as she was. And then....
"Daddy, my tummy hurwting."
To a normal parent, that realistically was a complaint they provably already got over a dozen times from their average four year old.
To him...
He didn't have an average four year old. He bolted awake and turned on the light. Her cheeks were red from fever and her breathing was harsh. That he didn't hear it from the baby monitor told him that the breathing problems hadn't been going on long.
The thermometer Jane kept in the bathroom for emergencies, just in case, ran her temp at 103°. And the vomiting started soon after. A quick call to Jane had her on the next flight home, and him on his way to the hospital after Steve agreed to watch Laramie.
She had a virus. And unknown virus. They couldn't pin it down. She'd probably had it for weeks but the serum had been working overtime to kill it, the virus just overwhelmed it last second.
The fact that doctors, paid professionals, scientists even, could not figure out what was wrong with his baby girl, did not help.
Jane arrived about two hours after they admitted her, wracked with grief and guilt.
She should have known.
She should have been there.
She can't lose her baby.
Bucky understood her grief too well. The thoughts were playing in his own mind like a record on repeat.
It wasn't her fault.
She was the best mother to their children. But this was Brooklyn.
Brooklyn was a talisman of hope and love that his precious wife clung to after his fall from the train. The gift and reminder of the love they shared when things were brutal. The little girl that looked like him and smiled like her.
He could do nothing to give her comfort and vice versa. But he did hold her. And she him as they watched every breath that their little girl took. Praying each time that there would be another one.
And another.
And another.
Just breathe, Brooklyn.
It wasn't so much her breathing that worried them as much as the infection wrecking her tiny body. The medicine they gave her to counteract the unknown virus made her break out in hives.
An allergy?
The benadryl was good news and bad news. The medicine had helped, but Brooklyn was allergic to it.
They tried a generic version, but it had no affect whatsoever.
They tried some blood that he donated, hoping that the serum would reactivate and start killing it again.
So far...it was not working.
Nothing was working. There was never a time when he had felt so hopeless, even when falling from the train.
His baby didn't deserve this. His wife didn't.
A normal child wouldn't have to go through this.
This was his fault.
His fault he got caught and tortured.
His fault he let that bastard experiment on him.
His fault. Period.
"You're thinking again," Jane murmured against his shoulder. "Stop it. This isn't your fault." She kissed his shoulder and sat back. Clearly ill at ease. She'd been here with him these four days, only leaving when Steve and Darcy came to sit with Brooklyn so they could shower and eat and spend time with Laramie.
"It is-," he croaked out.
"It isn't, " she interjected. "We have to stop doing this to ourselves, James. We did everything right. We didn't know. She had no symptoms."
"I'm her father. I should know when she's sick, Jane."
"Well now, that's just not true, baby."
And she was right. She usually was. She wasn't showing symptoms for long, but he did everything right when she had, including pushing fluids into her as Darcy rushed them to the hospital.
"Bruce wants us to move her to the med bay in the compound he wants to run his own tests."
"You think it will help?"
She shrugged and looked at their little girl. "I'm tired of her getting poked and prodded without results." She was crying now, so he wrapped his arms around her and rocked back and forth. "This is so hard, James."
"I know, sweetheart. I know."
"At least Bruce and Tony have more resources. And they'll make her their number one priority. "
That was true. Every Avenger's child was treated like a king or queen by the other Avengers. But brown hair, blue eyed Brooklyn stole the show.
Every... Single...Time.
And she was teaching her baby sister to do it as well.
"If we move her to the compound we can be with Laramie more."
The guilt for not knowing his baby was constantly overwhelming him. The guilt he felt for not being with Laramie was threatening to do the same. He hadn't been able to be there for Brooklyn because of Hydra. Laramie was his second chance and he was blowing it.
"I say we do it. I trust Tony and Bruce more than I do these idiots."
The transfer to the facility came via quintet and almost without hitch. Brooklyn was cozignant of being moved and cried the whole time until she could see her mom and dad again.
As soon as she was in her room at the facility she was put into a medically induced coma.
She wasn't healing and she could barely breathe. The coma would hopefully help her relax a little more and give her strength to fight.
She'd been sick a week now...
Bruce and Tony along with Helen Cho immediately set to work on finding out what was wrong with the little girl. Bruce even set aside his pride and called Betty Ross who immediately flew in to help. Granted she did it more for Jane than Bruce, but no one was keeping score.
The first thing they did was draw blood from both him and Jane. While his blood had the serum and all it's antibodies, Jane's DNA had contained elements of Alien matter from her time with the Aether.
And while Brooklyn took more after him, her blood was different enough from his so that treatment that worked on him, possibly wouldn't work on her.
The doctors at the hospital never even thought to ask about Jane's history. They were too in awe of the serum.
It didn't take long however for Betty to find out that it was a biochemical weapon, created especially to attack the serum. It was created to put him down, should he ever get out of order.
Fucking Hydra.
He banged his fist against the wall in frustration, scaring Laramie in the process which led to Jane shooting him a frustrated glare. "James!"
"Even now they're using me! My own child!"
"Our child, James. And they're not my biggest fan either. The important thing is, is that we know what it is now. We're that much closer to a cure."
Nobody knew how she got it or when. The only time she'd been out of the tower was the Saturday she got sick. "The playground," he muttered.
"What?"
"We were at the playground. They could have laced something there."
"That makes sense," her tone was not accusing as it should have been. It was understanding. "If it was created specifically to target the serum, it wouldn't affect regular kids. Just your kids. Unless there are other people who have your type of serum."
They already knew there were other serum carriers, they were all dead, and none of them had kids. And it wasn't Zola's serum or even Erskine's.
"I hope Steve's kids never go through this."
Jane giggled for the first time in over a week. "No. Steve and Darcy's kids will have to put up with Steve and Darcy as parents. I love them but together they're a bunch of goofball idiots."
He cracked a smile. 'Goofball idiots,' was a good way to describe his best friend and the brunette that ensnared him. Steve couldn't say no, ever, to Darcy. So last Halloween saw Steve in green leggings and and dress, playing Peter Pan at Brooklyn and Morgan's personal 'haunted house'. Brooklyn had gotten a kick out of Uncle Stevie in ballet tights and had to change into hers so they could take a picture together.
To this day it sat on her nightstand next to the picture of her with her mommy and daddy. Uncle Stevie the Ballerina. Though the fact that Steve and Darcy would do anything for Brooklyn and Laramie spoke volumes to the type of parents they would actually be.
They'd be great. If only they'd get their acts together.
"You realize we'll have a whole herd of children before they even have one," he smirked at her.
"A herd?"
"Yeah. You know like a group of cattle."
"I know what a herd is. You planning on carrying this 'herd?'"
He laughed at her. Never once had he heard of her complaining during her pregnancy with Laramie, and Darcy had said the same about her pregnancy with Brooklyn, though she was so preoccupied with missing him to even notice. "You know I would if I could. But as it is. I have to plant them , you have to grow them."
"Figures," she mutterd before breaking into a teasing smile. "Well we do make pretty babies. A herd of them wouldn't be so bad."
He smiled back before sitting back in his chair and taking Brooklyn's tiny hand in his metal one. She loved his metal hand.
"Daddy your arm different from mine, but that ok, that makes you my daddy, and not anyone else daddy. Specially not Sarah's daddy. Just my daddy."
If anyone could put his life into perspective with a simple look, or hug, or 'daddy,' it was her. The iv covered most of her hand, and when normally she would curl her fingers around his, it laid limp in his own.
It was a week in a half since he really hugged his little girl. "Hydra's going to pay for this."
"I'll carry the grenade, Barnes." Tony walked carrying a couple bottles of water. "For what it's worth, you're handling this better than I would be." He handed them both a bottle and took Laramie in his arms. "Darcy said it's her nap time and Steve agreed. And we all agreed that you two need a break. Go out and eat and catch a breath. Brooklyn is fine right now her vitals are steady. Pep and I will stay with her. But you two need each other or else this will tear you apart."
Pepper was quite forceful when kicking them out of their own daughter's room.
Bucky took Jane's hand and led her downstairs and outside into the garden area where they could walk around. They didn't make it long when Jane started crying.
"I'm trying not to think of losing her. It's like I'm betraying her. But I've done a couple years of medical school before switching to physics with my dad. It's a week in a half later and she's barely opened her eyes, James. We're not any closer to getting her back than we were when this started."
He could only rub her back and rock her as she cried. Jane had been the strong one in their relationship for so long. From the minute she found him again she'd been there, telling him it was ok to be angry for being used as a pawn. It was ok to be hurt for missing out on the birth of his daughter and her baby years. It was ok.
It was just ok.
He should be a pro at comforting her two years later, but he just wasn't. This wasn't his forte. This was hers. It reminded him of how lopsided this relationship actually was. He was resolved to fix it.
"Jane, nobody blames you for having those thoughts. I get them too all the time. For all of you. I always feel like I'm going to wake up to this being all a dream and that would devastate me. You don't have to be strong all the time. You just be Jane. I'm not good at knowing what to say or what to do to make you feel better all the time. But I'll be there. I'll listen. I promise you that."
He soothed her hair as she sobbed into his chest. "Sweetheart. She's going to be fine. She has a team of people who are working night and day to find a cure. And she has Jane Foster and the Winter Soldier as parents. She's not going anywhere."
He walked with her head in his chest the remainder of the time but it opened up a lot of the pent up guilt that either of them had been carrying. Sometimes words were just words. They could say everything would be fine but that didn't mean it would.
Sometimes you just needed to know that the other half of your soull was on the same page as you. And that came through actions. And while their Brooklyn was always on the back of their minds, they loved each other with their bodies, showing each other the only way the knew how that they would be with each other until the end of time.
Even through their little girl's sickness.
Three Days Later...
The hope was that Jane's blood had some elements that would help Brooklyn's tired body fight off the bug. Any blood he donated would only be attacked.
Brooklyn had a feeding tube now. Her weight was dropping and it was necessary. It didn't change the fact that she was still the most beautiful little girl.
Jane's mother was staying with them ensuring that the whole family was taken care of. And he himself made sure that Jane never forgot he was there, even when she got so wrapped up in her guilt.
It came in cycles. They'd get to her room. She sit on her right side, he would sit at her left. She'd grab her little hand and tell her stories about Laramie. And Uncle Stevie. And Elsa. She'd tell her that mommy and daddy couldn't wait for her to wake up so they could all have that princess tea party, she'd promised her the day she left.
And then came the guilt. The guilt that she left. In Bucky's mind that was absolutely ridiculous. Jane had never, ever left their child before. She was a great mother. And he would tell her that.
It didn't work though because of course it didn't. He felt the same way about himself. He should have been paying closer attention. Even though he knew it had to have happened before they even got their.
Nobody snuck up on the Winter Soldier and lived.
He pulled her out of the room to regroup and then they'd go back in.
The cycle continued.
Betty Ross jumped up and down with excitement. The relief she felt looking into the microscope was was welcomed with pure joy.
There were elements of both Jane and Steve's blood, that when combined were working to attack the cells containing the virus. With a few more successful test runs, she'd be able to tell the concerned, well everyone.
And they could finally wake the little girl up.
By Bucky's standard, two days later, the antidote wasn't working fast enough. But it was working. She was still asleep, but her labs were producing positive results at each draw. He held her hand while Jane went to lay Laramie down for her nap.
When she came back in, she was serious. "I think I want to go back to medical school."
That was a shock. Jane loved her stars and the night sky.
"Why sweetheart?"
"Because the stars won't help me take down the sick bastards that did this to our little girl. I could have been helping to find a cure. I can't imagine other parents going through what we're going through. I want to help people."
He'd never tell her 'no' when she was being so damn reasonable. "I'll support you with whatever you decide, you know that."
She planted a kiss on his cheek and plopped down in his lap.
"Thank you."
"Of course ."
They'd taken her out of the coma. She was breathing on her own. All that she needed to do was wake up. He missed her.
Her eyes.
Her laugh.
Her smile.
Just her. His little baby.
His-
"Daddy?"
Brooklyn.
Nobody said a word when a day after Brooklyn woke up an old military base in Virginia blew up, killing fifteen Hydra operatives and injuring over a dozen.
True to his word Tony did carry the grenade, but Bucky made sure the explosion was in the exact right location for maximum casualties.
Hydra was useful for teaching him something. They probably never guessed he'd use it against them.