Chapter 2
Y/N stares out of the window as the landscape runs by. The seatbelt is tight on her chest and thighs, cutting uncomfortable into her shoulder and neck. She really has no idea why she agreed to this vacation and specially to ride in the damn car. They’re driving for an hour now, Steve driving, Bucky in the passenger seat and Y/N has strictly positioned herself behind Steve so she sits different than in her dream, hoping the events can’t happen that way. She still doesn’t know if it’s some sort of memory hitting her in her sleep, a fear that settled deep down in her guts and mind or if it’s just some sort of vision? She hopes it’s not a vision.
Uneasiness makes its way into her stomach, growing bigger by each passing mile and Y/N starts to feel nauseous already. She looks away from her window to see Steve and Bucky laughing and she tries to spot a sign for a parking lot so they can take a break. “Steve, stop! That just sounds terrible.”
“It doesn’t. I can sing this song all day long and sound better than you.”
“You which you would, punk!” Y/N’s eyes snap to Bucky as he winces at Steve singing along to the current song. “Pleeease, stop! My ears are bleeding! Y/N… help me out here.” Bucky turns to Y/N with a whine but she only shrugs at him and he pouts. “Not helpful.”
“If you say that you’re better at it, go on.” Steve motions to the radio and smirks at Bucky before he focuses back to the street. “okay.” This time Y/N has to wince to at the bad sounds that leave Bucky’s mouth. He’s just as bad as Steve, who’s currently laughing his ass off. “That’s even worse!”
“Ha! But you agree you’re bad, too!” Bucky smirks triumphant at him. “You’re both bad at it.” Y/N mutters and earns herself a glare from Bucky and Steve through the mirror. “We can’t all have a lovely voice like you.” Steve laughs again while Bucky playfully glares at her and Y/n has to laugh too. But she stops abruptly as the car dodges jerkily and Steve curses. “Fucking look on the street and not your phone, you idiot.” Y/N stops breathing for a second, feeling the panic set in and her heartrate pick up.” Steve. Pull over.”
“What?” Steve glances over his shoulder and back on the street. “Pull over! Now.” Her nails dig into the seat and she closes her eyes trying to get her breathing under control. At least for the moment. “Okay, okay. Hold on a sec.”
“Doll, deep breathes. We’re okay. We’re all good.” Y/N feels the car slow down and Bucky’s hands on her legs as he tries to calm her down, but it doesn’t work. Pictures start flashing in her mind; Pictures of what could had happened and of what actually happened in her dream. As soon as the car is rolling only slowly, Y/N unbuckles and rips the door open, not even looking if another car comes, and runs to the side only to collapse into a small but tight ball on the ground. She’s shaking, hyperventilating.
Bucky jumps out of the car and slitters on his knees beside Y/N. He runs his hand up and down on Y/N’s back as she lies there on the re ground and murmurs softly to her. “It’s okay, doll. Breathe, come on.” He doesn’t look up as he hears two other cars pull up beside them and people getting out. He hears Tony’s and Nat’s concerned voices and Steve answering but he concentrates on Y/N. “Come here, doll. Shh, it’s okay. It’s just me.” Bucky continues his calming stroking on Y/N’s back, voice all soft and silent while he gently pulls her out of the ball and into his lap. She whines but buries herself instantly into his chest, letting him wrap her up in a tight embrace. He rocks a little back and forth as Bruce crouches down in front of him. “Hey, Y/N. it’s Bruce. Can I touch you? I want to measure your pulse?” Bucky looks down at Y/N as she doesn’t react. “Doll. Bruce takes your hand now.” He detangles her hand from his shirt, tightening his remining arms as she starts to whine and her breathing picks up again. “It’s alright. I’m here.”
“S-Steve?”
“Punk!” Bucky looks up. Bruce is measuring Y/N’s pulse, quietly talking to her. Steve is talking to Tony, Nat and Clint, probably explaining what’s happening if Clint and Tony’s glances are any indications. “Steve!” Bucky calls again and this time it catches Steve’s attention. He hurries over as Bruce vanishes. Steve kneel down beside them and wraps an arm around Y/n. “Hey.” He kisses her shoulder and grips her hand. Y/N pulls him closer and holds tight on his and Bucky’s shirts. Bucky leans in and kisses her temple before he glances up a last time as Bruce comes over to wrap a blanket around Y/N’s shoulders, then he walks back to Tony and the others. They sit a moment on the ground until Bucky feels his legs start to tingle. He gently shoves Y/N more into Steve’s embrace. Her breathing had calmed down but picks back up as he stands up. “I’ll be right back, doll.” He kisses her temple and Steve’s forehead and walks over to the others. “You two could go, get inside and all. Rita has only a few hours until she needs to leave, her son has his first concert tonight.” Bucky catches only half of what Tony had said but Clint and Nat nod and leave to get back in tehri car and drive away. “Where are they going?”
“I send them ahead so Rita hasn’t to wait. Is she okay?” Tony looks concerned over to Y/N who clings to Steve with all she has, head buried in his chest and enveloped in his arms. Bucky glances back for a second and runs his hand through his hair. “I… don’t know. That was too close to her dream, I guess.”
“The one with the car crash?” Bruce’s voice is silent and calm and Bucky turns back to him to find him staring past him to Y/N. “Yeah.” Bucky sighs and closes his eyes for a second before he forces them back open to look at Bruce. “Do you think you have something to get her to sleep?” Bruce and Tony both frown at him and they’re both opening to object but Bucky hold up his hand. “I don’t want to drug her without knowing but we still have a few hours ahead of us and we can’t just walk there. She needs to get back into the car and I figure she rather sleeps the drive away than having to suppress another panic attack. Something to calm her would be just fine too.”
“I see what I can find.” Bruce glances a last time to Y/N before he slips into the car and to his bag. Bucky nods after him but stays with Tony. “Do you think… Do you think it was a good idea?” Bucky looks uncertain at Tony. He can’t deny that he feels guilty for Y/N’s panic attack. It was his idea after all. Tony only shrugs. “There’s no right or wrong. You tried to do good, though. I doubt she’s mad at you.” Bucky nods numbly and looks back at Y/N. “I eh… yeah.” He points over his shoulder, nods awkwardly and turns around. “Do that, popsicle.” Tony claps Bucky on the shoulder while he leaves and Bucky thinks for a second about the fact that Tony never loses his stupid nicknames or sass. He kneels down beside his lovers and envelops Y/N into his arms again. She’s calmer than before, her eyes still closed and hand tightly fisting in Steve’s shirt. Bucky kisses her shoulder, then her temple. “Bruce is looking for something that makes you calm and maybe sleep, doll.” Y/N tenses immediately but Steve is quick to shush her while glaring at Bucky. “It’s okay, Y/N. I sit with you in the back and we both cuddle, okay? It’ll be alright.” He kisses Y/N’s temple once again and waits in silence with Steve for Bruce to return.
The man actually has some valerian tea and sleeping pills with him and passes both to Steve. They let Y/N sip some tea, sending Tony and Bruce ahead, too, so they don’t have to wait for them. Eventually Y/N agrees to Bucky’s suggestion of sleeping the ride away. They wait on the side of the street until the pills take affect and she falls asleep before they settle back in the car. They’re an hour behind the others but they don’t really mind, though.
It is a vacation after all.
Bucky slips in beside her in the back and straps them both in before he leans in close to cuddle her for the rest of the ride.
* * *
The second Steve pulls up in front of the house Bucky loos immediately to Y/N. She’s still fast asleep, head on his shoulder and nose buried in his neck. Steve turns on his seat to look at them and smiles. “Finally sleeping peacefully.”
“yeah… because of meds.”
“Better than nothing, Buck. She needs the sleep, no matter which way she gets it.” Bucky nods. Steve’s right but that doesn’t mean that Bucky has to like it. Carefully, Bucky slips out from under her and out of the car, only to round it and open Y/N’s side. He picks her up like a sleeping child, arms wrapped around his shoulders, leg on either side of his hips and head on one of his shoulders. Steve has already gathered their bags and leads the way inside the beach house that not so surprisingly, is Tony’s. “Captain, Sergeant. Boss informed me that he and the others are at the beach if you want to follow. Your rooms are on the first floor the last door on the left. You have a perfect view over the ocean and room for a kid’s bed if needed.”
“Thanks, Friday.” Bucky nods at the ceiling, still a reflex and follows Steve up the stairs on to their room. Steve stops shortly and Bucky actually takes a step back as he looks into the room. “That is huge!” The room really is huge. It would easily fit three king sized beds and there would still be room to dance a waltz. The windows are large, ceiling to floor windows that faced the ocean like Friday has said. Bucky doesn’t doubt that they give the perfect view for the sunsets.
Steve is the first to come out of his stupor. He quickly drops the bags on the floor and walks over to the bed, carefully falling down on it. The sigh that leaves his lips could easily be mistaken for a moan. “Buck! This bed! It’s like a cloud.”
“Make some room, punk. You’re not the one asleep here.” Steve jumps up and makes room for Bucky to lie Y/N down. He even takes the covers away ad slips Y/N’s shoes from her feet. The moment Bucky covers her he looks at Steve. The blonde actually looks conflicted. His eyes jump to Y/N, then to Bucky and back out of the window to where he suspects the others are sitting on the beach. “Stevie.” Bucky walks up to him and wraps his arms around his waist. “You can go swimming, you know. As soon as she’s awake we come down.”
“But-”
“No buts.” Bucky smiles at pulls the blonde down. He presses his slips on his in a passionate kiss. As on autopilot, Steve’s own arms sneak around his waist. “Go, punk.”
“Jerk.” Steve smiles and leans back, then he leans in, gives Bucky another kiss before he slips put of his embrace to give Y/N a kiss on the forehead. “Thanks, Buck.”
“Go.” Bucky smiles contently as he watches Steve gleefully run out of the house. He shakes his head and walks back to Y/N’s bedside to sit beside her. He strokes some strands out of her face. She looks calm, a bit younger but content. She makes a cute little snore sound and turns on her side, hand just in fort of her face and suddenly Bucky frowns. Her thumb has slipped into her mouth. He waits a second until he notices why. “Fuck.” He sighs and rubs his hand over his forehead. “We fucking didn’t brig kids’ clothes. Shit.” HE looks at the bags and back at Y/N. She’s already smaller now so Bucky has not much time left before she’s finished dropping. He stands back up from the bed and opens one of the bags that’s filled with Steve’s and his own kids’ clothes. Why they thought of bringing them but not Y/N’s is oblivious to him. He pulls one of Steve’s shirts out of the bag. Since he’s not that tall as kid, it probably looks like Y/N’s wearing a shirt as dress. Thankfully they had brought Elli, Y/N’s elephant with them since little Steve always claims that she’s lonely all alone at home when Bucky’s bears and his sheep aren’t home either. He pulls the elephant and a pacifier out of the bag and walks quickly back to Y/N who’s little by now. She even blinks her eyes open groggily, clearly having enough sleep for the moment. “Hello, sweetie. Did you have a nice nap?” He smiles at the little girl but Y/N stares up at him with her big eyes before she stretches her arms out for him. Bucky puts the items on the bed and quickly pulls Y/N out of the big shirts to cradle the naked girl against his chest. He kisses her temple and smiles down at her. “We both have some Papa time now. I think we need to buy some new clothes for you, baby doll.” Y/N continues staring at him until she lies her head against his chest. “Come on, baby doll. Let’s get you dressed in Stevie’s shirt and then we go and buy some clothes, yeah? After that we go and see daddy and the others.” Y/N doesn’t fight Bucky and nestles close to his chest. Bucky kisses her head several times, packs Elli and the pacifier in his backpack and goes out with Y/N to the see what the shops on the beach can give. He buys some utensils that they probably need, such as sun creme, swimsuit and rubber rings, a small rubber dingy, books and diapers. He even brought some that are for swimming, which he actually is a little skeptical about. Then he walks with her into a shop for kids’ clothes dresses her up to see what fits and puts more things into the basket. Y/N throws a small fit as he tries to get her out of the clothes so he quickly shushes her and leaves them on, only taking the tags form them and passing them to the cashier who look slightly amused but scolding at him. Bucky dugs his head in shame and strips the baby sling he brought around him and plucking Y/N inside. She instantly starts squirming a little for comfort and leans on his chest with a sigh and a small sigh but then starts pulling on his hair. “Y/N, sweetie, stop that. It hurts.” Bucky flashes a small look to the woman behind the counter that folds the brough clothes to put them into a bag. She smiles at him and coos a little at Y/N. The small girls pulls again, lighter this time. “Elli?”
“Oh, right. Sorry, doll.” Bucky leans down to where his bag pack sits and searches through it until he finds Elli and passes the elephant and the pacifier to Y/N who hums happily. As he straightens and takes the backpack in hand, he sees the woman smile kindly at him. She passes him the bag and a small package of gummi bears for Y/N and wishes them a wonderful day. Bucky thanks her and encourages Y/N to wave, which she does happily and makes his way to where he suspects the others to be. While he walks, he listens to Y/N silently playing with Elli in the sling and has to smile.
* * *
“Buck!” Steve jumps up from his blanket as he sees the brunette man approach. Which an unfamiliar baby sling and bags in hand. He practically runs up to the brunette, concerned that Y/N has dropped, and wraps him up in his arms with a gentle kiss. Then he leans down to press a kiss on Y/N’s heads which makes her squeal in delight and press Elli in his face. “Too.”
“Oh, Elli, too?” Steve smiles and presses a kiss to the trunk of the stuffed toy. He watches Y/N smile and cuddle the elephant before he turns to Bucky, smile almost gone and swapped with concern. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah, seems so. She just dropped in her sleep. We didn’t pack anything so I went to buy some things.” Bucky smiles at Steve, passes him the bags and takes his free hand in his own. “Stevie, we should remember to pack things for her as well. We never know if she drops.”
“Right. She always packs stuff for us.” Steve nods thoughtful. “Did you get some sun crème?”
“’Course I did. And some sand toys. Who do you think I am?” Bucky throws a mock offended look at Steve and the blonde bursts out laughing. He slips his hand out of Bucky’s only to throw it around his shoulders to pull him in and press a kiss to his cheek. “Let’s get settled then. Clint and Nat are itching for a swim but they want us to join in so they waited for you.” Steve smiles a dopey smile at the brunette which makes Bucky only smirk. They’re quick to settle down on the blanket beside Tony and Bruce and unpack what they probably need. While Steve gets the sand toys out and sets the rubber ring and dingy up, Bucky tries to fight their little girl into a swimsuit and put sun cream on her. She squirms and whine the whole time but soon is fully changed and a little pouting. Tony watches them with amusement, his and Bruce concerned look from a few minutes ago washed away. “Where are Nat and Clint?” Steve looked up and around at Bucky’s words. He spotted the wo just as Bruce answered. “Down on the shore, getting their feet wet until you join.” Bruce smiles at both of them before he returns to the book he was reading. “No!” Steve’s eyes are trained on Y/N as she pouts. She rips the pretty blue had from her head and lets it fall to the ground. Bucky picks it back up and puts it back on. “Doll, you need a hat or you’re getting a sunburn there.”
“No!” The hat lands once more on the ground and before Bucky can pick it back up Y/N scrambles up and reaches for his head and his cap. “Mine!” She reaches higher but can’t quite touch it. Steve bursts out laughing with Tony and Bruce joining in at her determined face. “No, that’s mine, baby doll.”
“No, I want!” Bucky smirks at her and takes his old cap from his head and sets it carefully on Y/N’s only for it so slip in her face immediately. She giggles a little and lets herself fall on her butt while pushing it up. “And what are we going to do with your pretty hat?” Steve picks it up and holds it out for Y/N. She pushes the cap out of her face again and grabs the hat to pass it to Bucky. “Papa wear.”
“Fine. At least I’m pretty than.” Bucky laughs and sets the tiny hat on his hair. Y/N laughs and claps her hands in delights, clearly finding Bucky ridicules. Steve chuckles and looks up and down the beach, remembering a shop that had caps even for small kids. “Be right back.” He pressed quick kiss on Y/N’s head and runs down the promenade to the little shop. He searches a few minutes until he finds what he searched for, buys it and runs just as fast back to his little family. Y/N is on her back squealing and shrieking while Tony and Bucky both catch her on a tickle fight. She’s already bright red and Steve figures that only his arrival saves her form worse. “Daddy!” Y/N stretches her arms up at him and Steve helps her to sit up, sending a playful glare at the two brunettes, just then does he take the cap from Y/N’s head. She instantly pouts and reaches for it. “Mine!”
“No, sweetie. That’s yours.” Steve puts the cap he just took from Y/N on Bucky’s head, on top of Y/N’s hat and places the one he just brought on Y/N’s. This one obviously looks new, because it is, but otherwise is just the same color and look as Bucky’s. For a second Y/N looks like she doesn’t like it and wants to protest but then a big grin spreads on her lips. “Like Papa!” She points at Bucky’s head and then on hers, turns around and punches hard on Tony’s bare leg. The slap is loud and Steve has no doubt that it hurt. “Like papa.” Y/N grins at Tony in delight and Tony grins right back. “I see! I should build you an armor too, so you can be a hero too.”
“Yes!”
“No!” Steve and Bucky stare and answer at the same time as Y/N does and claps her hands.
They settle a bit down afterwards until both, Steve and Bucky, itch for the swim with Clint and Nat. Bucky shortly pushes a book at Y/N that he had brought and the little girl walks straight over to Bruce. She pushes the book that he’s reading down and saves her own into his face. The man is a little startled but smiles kindly at her. “Oh, I see. You have a book too.” Y/N nods and pots for a second as Bice doesn’t take it but lifts his won back up. She pushes his book down again and places hers on top of his. “Do you want to read it with me?” She nods again, bouncing a little in delight and flops down on Bruce’s lap, leaning against his chest while he opens the book. “Hm, that a good night story. Do you want to take a nap?”
“No sleep. Read!” The little girl looks up at him and Bruce nods, still smiling. “Alright.”
After Bruce had read the story three times and Tony fall asleep while listening Y/N has enough. She squirms out of Bruce’s lap, crawls a few feet away and sits down in the sand, burying her hands in it and pulling back out only to do it again. She giggles while doing so, noticing that the sand is cooler the deeper she gets. “Hey, sweetie. Having funs?” Steve comes up, still glistening with droplet of salt water and bends down to kiss Y/N’s head. The little girl doesn’t pay him much mind, she continues her doing until Clint flops down beside her, grabs a shovel and the basket and starts on building a castle. Steve and Bucky watch the little girl as she stares at Clint before she reaches out for him. “Too.”
“You want to help build a castle?” Clint smiles at the little girl as she nods eagerly, so he pulls her between his outstretched legs and gives her the shovel. “We fill this bucket up, yeah?” The blonde guides Y/N’s hand all the way through building the castle. Steve and Bucky guess that they have, obviously, much fun and it takes almost an hour until Y/N has enough. The sun is at it’s highest by now, nap time is approaching fast bust Steve and Bucky both know that Y/N won’t get to sleep. The sleeping pills probably will have her wide awake for the rest of the day. At least so they hope.
After a small rest and eating dome fried for lunch, Steve gets up again. He takes Y/N’s hand and walks with her down to the shore. “Careful, Y/N. It’s a little cold.” Y/N watches the water curiously. To Steve it looks like she notices that it looks different than the big lake at home but can’t decide if it’s still feeling the same. So, Steve take a few steps into the water until his toes are covered in water. Y/N is still on his hand and forced to follow him. She squeals and screeches at the cold liquid and clings to his swimming trunks while trying to get away from the cold. “Come, sweetie. Just a bit further.”
“Nooo…” Y/N whines but follows Steve’s steps until she’s knees deep in. Steve then kneels down to be more at her level and smiles at her. “See, not that bad.” Y/N eyes him skeptically but lets him pull her on his lap. Then he gives her the little water ball he took out of Bucky’s bag earlier and she instantly seems to forget about the cold water as she happily lets it float in front of her, pushing it under the water and squeals as it bounces back up. Steve laughs with her, sometimes holding the ball under the water util Y/N frowns and looks at him quizzingly, probably thinking the ball is gone, and only then lets it float back up to make her laugh again. It goes on like that for an hour until Steve feels the hot sun burn his neck. She stands up, takes Y/N’s hand and the ball and walks back out of the water. “No.” Y/N stops walking as her feet his dry sand and Steve has to stop. “No?”
“No.” Y/N shakes her head and points back at the water. “Ah, Y/N, sweetie. It’s so hot. We need to go into the shadow for a moment. We can’t stay in the water all day.”
“No.” Her voice is louder now and she has an adorable pout on her face. She throws her puppy dog eyes at him with full force and he tries to resist it. He really tries. But fails as usual. “Okay, sweetie. Let’s make a deal.” He crouches down and kisses her forehead. “we go a little up and down on the shore and find some pretty shells for your castle, then we go back.”
“Shell?”
“Yeah. You see all this little things here?” Steve pick up a broken shell and shows it to Y/N. “That’s a shell. Let’s try and find some more.” Y/N looks around and promptly points at a small white shell. Steve nods and picks it up, showing it to Y/N and she claps her hands, taking it from him. She looks around again walks a little ahead of him and picks shells and little stones up. After a few minutes something seems to catch her attention and she runs ahead. Steve is close behind, only walking a little faster. “Careful, Y/N! You’re gonna…” He calls out but too late. Y/N stumbles over her own feet and falls forward right into the wet sand, just as a wave come up. “Fall.” Steve finishes his sentence just as Y/N starts crying and coughing. Steve runs up to her and sets her on her feet, clapping the sand off her and running a hand over her back. “I know, that tastes awful and burns. Shh.” He holds her to his chest and continues to comfort her util she only sniffles. She leans back and rubs her eyes that are quite red from crying and salt water. “All better?” Steve nods her shakily and suddenly point at something. “Shell?” Steve follows her finger and stares. There, right in front of them, lies a shell. But not any shell. It actually looks like a hermit crab shell. And it actually seems to be as big as Y/N’s hand. “Oh, yeah! That’s a pretty one, Y/N. Let’s see if a crab is living in it, yeah?” He walks over to pick up the shell. Y/N stares at him as if he just got a second head. “See. Sometimes a crab lives in these shells. It’s their home then. Just like snails.”
“Home?”
“Yeah. But this one looks empty. You can listen to it. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can hear the ocean in it.” Now the little girl looks even more confused so Steve just hold the shell against her ear. “Listen.” He watches a second until her eyes widen and a grin spreads on her face. She starts giggling and reaches for the shell. “Carefully, okay? We don’t want for it to break.” Y/N nods and cradles it close to her chest while Steve picks up all the other thing she has collected and takes her hand to finally walk back to the others and the needed shadow. He all but comes two steps further as Y/N starts running, letting go of his hand. “Papa!” She calls and runs a little faster. Steve sees it coming before it happens and so must Tony because the man is on his feet just as Y/N stumbles on the uneven ground and falls. Steve runs up to her and arrives just as Tony bounces a crying girl on his arms. She’s full of sand that clings to her damp swim suit and face. The shell is gone, though.
Bruce and Bucky come up to them while Clint and Natasha look with sympathy over to them. Bucky runs his hand through Y/N’s hair just as Bruce picks something up. “Oh, is this yours?” He holds it out for Y/N to look at and she instantly stops crying and grabbing for her pretty, and sandy shell that Bruce has found again. She smiles at it and shoves it almost into Tony’s face. “Hey, this one looks nice. Goof job.” Tony smiles at her and she grins before holding the shell to Bucky, trying to find his ear. “Ocean shell!” She squeals and giggles. Bucky smiles at her takes her hand and listens to the shell before he nods. He watches as Tony quickly hurries away with Y/n to put the other shells that Bruce has taken from Steve onto the sandcastle. Bucky uses the time he has to sling his arms around Steve’s hips. “So, Mr. Rogers. How’s our little girl liking the water?” He smirks at Steve and presses a small, soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Well, Mr. Barnes, I would say she likes it. At least if it’s not in her face.” Steve smiles back, strokes a strand of hair behind Bucky’s ear and leans in for an actual kiss.
Somewhere behind them, Clint mimics a retching noise.