Steve. That idiotic, reckless, stupid son of a bi-
"Another?"
Bucky smiled sorely. "You better make it two."
The grinning bartender gave Bucky a knowing look as he grabbed two shot glasses from the shelf and filled them.
"Something troubling you, Sergeant?" Bucky scoffed goodheartedly at the man, turning his attention to the laughing group of men across the smoky bar. His dark eyes fixed upon the tall (modified, he remembered) blonde man, sitting and conversing with the newly formed Howling Commandos. The bartender followed his gaze, assuming that Bucky was looking at the group of large and bubbly dames occupying the table next to the group. The women were entertaining giddy men who had had too much to drink and wives to get home to.
"Some people are worth all the trouble." Bucky finally spoke up, his gaze longing.
"Yeah, I suppose. But with the chance of goin' back to that hell zone called war? No way in the Lord's good name would I ever pick up a dame, too risky. Leavin' her by her lonesome while I fight the good fight is a sure way to...." The bartender went into a sprawl of words. Bucky tuned him out.
Little did the bartender know, though, this wasn't about a dame at all.
Once, back in Brooklyn, after Steve had just stumbled into their shabby apartment with a busted lip and bloody nose, he explained to Bucky that this time he was defending a woman.
"A woman? Why?" Bucky inquired after a painful laugh over Steve's good nature, dabbing blood from his face with a cloth.
"Because it was the right thing to do," Steve mumbled out.
Later that night, Bucky laid in bed, silent fear creeping up on him and wrapping itself around him like a blanket.
He didn’t worry about who Steve stood up for - somebody had to do it - but he was worried that Steve would never know his biggest secret.
He was afraid that Steve would love a woman.
And not him.
Bucky didn’t have anything against a lady; if he didn’t know Steve, he’d be all over them.
But Steve, he was different.
As he tossed in his bed, he scolded himself. ‘Stevie can't love you back,’ he chided. ‘It's the 1930s for cryin' out loud! It's illegal for two men to feel such feelings for each other!’
Now, as he watched Steve pick up the Howling Commando's beer mugs with a hearty laugh from the group and gave them to another bartender, his feelings seemed to overwhelm him.
Sure, Steve was a swell guy before the serum - he had the biggest heart of anyone Bucky knew, and was undeniably brave - but now, now he was huge. His legs grew, his arms and head and heart all grew.
And so did Bucky’s love for him.
Heartsore,Bucky’s head said.
Icy blue eyes caught his and his heart jumped, easily knowing who's eyes they belonged to. Steve wandered over to him, smiling the whole way. Bucky smiled back, a true smile, with teeth showing and everything.
"What about you? You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?" Steve asked jokingly, giving a playful shove to his comrade and swiveled the stool, sitting down.
"Hell no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight," Bucky smiled as his heart clenched painfully worried (and also proud, he remembered again). "I'm following him." Steve stared at him, marveling and conflicted.
They nearly smelled her before they saw her.
Red dress, bright red lipstick, bouncy brown curls. She walked through the smoke and haze of the lively bar, which had grown quiet from the stunning presence of the woman. She walked right up to Steve, not acknowledging Bucky in the slightest.
The boys stood and Steve and the woman exchanged short conversation. Bucky threw in a few of his witty remarks, but inside, he could feel his organs melting. Panic clenched his already withered heart at the thought of this woman taking his Stevie.
He saw the way Steve looked into her eyes, saw the spark (even though he knew Steve would deny it).
The woman looked smart, brave, defiant.
Everything Steve deserved.
He saw the look in Steve's eyes as they talked, the look of adoration and care. Bucky felt the thin strings of hope for him and Steve snap.
Friends? Of course. Forever. Lovers?
Never.
Bucky felt despair rising up his throat as he watched the only thing he’s ever wanted ripped away from him.
He quietly looked on as she left the bar, vaguely remembering her telling his Steve to meet at 0800. He glanced at Steve, hoping with false hope that his comrade - his best friend and first love and only love (unbeknownst to Steve) - would refuse to meet and they could run away together, but no such luck. Steve smiled politely - he was always polite - and watched the woman walk away until she was out of sight.
He realized that he couldn't be Steve's number one anymore. This woman - who he later learned was named Agent Carter - stole Steve's heart and ran without Bucky noticing.
His heart shriveled up.
He had been replaced by a dame.
His biggest fear, manifesting itself right in front of his eyes.
In the fight for Steve's love, fate decided Bucky wasn't good enough for the man in the star spangled suit.
He never even stood a chance.
....
And later, he fell, with nothing but Steve’s name on his lips and ice in his veins.
And Steve, as frozen as it was now, would hold Bucky’s heart in his hands for decades to come.
....
Then, Bucky woke to nothing.