Jealousy
Chaos greeted Darcy and the kids when they let themselves into Jane and Bucky's apartment. Tony was there moving totes around with what appeared to be clothes. Bucky was setting up a crib with Tía Luci in the corner. And Jane was in the middle of the living room floor, a little girl wearing only a diaper in her lap sucking on a pacifier, and Pepper sat with them, a pile of clothes between them.
"What about this," Pepper was asking while holding up a tiny dress with a matching headband. "You know your mom is taking her to church," Pepper laughed. "She's taken Morgan and AJ the last several weeks."
Jane laughed and held the dress up in front of the little girl. "What do you think," she asked the little girl. The little girl raised her hands and clapped and yelled around her binky. "Ya!"
Darcy looked down at Sofi who was staring at her Aunt Jane. "Who that, mommy," she asked. Darcy reached down and took her hand and motioned the other to usher the kids into the room.
"Let's find out. She's cute, huh?"
Bella squealed and rushed to Jane and the little girl before Darcy could stop her. The little girl startled and turned her face into Jane's neck. Jane rubbed her back tenderly, shushing her. "It's ok. It's just Bella."
"Oh I'm sorry Aunt Jane," Bella covered her mouth. "I didn't mean to scare her."
Jane shook her head and smiled up at Bella. "It's ok. She's still getting use to us." Jane held the dress up to Bella. "What do you think?"
"So cute," Bella exclaimed and plopped down next to her. She tapped the baby on the arm and when she looked at her Bella held her arms out. "Can I hold you? What's your name?"
The little girl stared at her for a little bit before removing her binky. "I Wivia." She went into Bella's arms easily.
Flashbacks to a few years ago when Sofi was that little and was Bella's little doll, caused Darcy to smile. Jane looked up and beamed. "This is Olivia. She's two," Jane said and handed the baby back her binky. Jane didn't really believe in pacifiers, Darcy knew this, but if the babies wanted them they would have them.
Darcy sat on Jane's other side watching as Sofi crawled into Jane's lap, her baby bump almost too big for Sofi anymore. She stared at Bella and the baby in fascination. "How did this happen," she asked amused.
Jane passed a fond look towards Bucky then looked back at her. "Bucky thinks he can save the whole world."
"And he probably will," Pepper laughed.
"Probably," Jane smirked. "I'm lucky the entire orphanage isn't here." She turned back to Darcy and smiled. "She gave him a dandelion and he fell in love." She rubbed the girl's back who was playing with Bell's necklace.
There was a time in Darcy's life, right after Bella was born, where she was the center of attention. There was a new baby she created, and the entire family celebrated her and her accomplishment. It was the same with Mason and Sofi. And always there was family there. It was always her. And Jane was always at her side for each and every child.
So Darcy hated the jealousy she felt now that it was Jane experiencing it in a much quieter way. The entire family wasn't here, but they may as well have been. Tony and Pepper were as much Jane's family now as she was. Add in Steve and Sam, who she was sure would both be here soon, and this baby girl was going to get the homecoming of her lifetime.
So why did she feel jealous? She'd been feeling it a lot lately when it came to Jane, but she had no idea where it was coming from. She'd had her babies, and a marriage. All of that had been her choice.
Bucky came over and joined the group on the floor on the other side of Bella, and the little girl held her arms out, wanting to go to him.
Oh... that was why.
It had everything to do with Bucky and the way that he would always be there for Jane and his children. Something Darcy had never had. Something her children never had.
Something she could never give them.
Even when Nick was living in the same city as them, he was never around.
Did she miss Nick? If she were honest, sometimes she actually did. He was the first man she ever fell in love with. The man she thought she'd spend forever with. She didn't miss the cheating and lying. Or the way he thought he owned her.
Bucky never treated Jane that way.
And then there was Steve. Darcy wasn't naive, she knew that he was interested in her as more than a friend. He was amazing with her kids. He was amazing with her even. And there was a chemistry there that she couldn't explain.
Bucky and Jane seemed to think that they'd be good for each other.
But what she understood that Bucky and Jane didn't right now was that a relationship couldn't survive on chemistry alone.
And she wasn't sure she would survive failure again.
Bucky moved the crib into his and Jane's room. Their little girl would sleep in their room with them until she was a little more secure in this strange and new environment.
Tony and Pepper had been so happy with their news they'd immediately donated a few million dollars to the orphanage and brought out all of Morgan's toddler clothes that they had saved in storage.
And Jane. His sweet Jane. She'd taken to the little girl as easily as he had. He'd known she'd be a good mother. He saw her with Darcy's children all the time. But to see her hold her own child, that was something different. It was all he could do not to take her in his arms and do something that would embarrass them both.
Darcy and the kids had arrived. Steve and Sam were working out but they'd be here later. And Olivia was taking turns between his and Jane's lap after she had been introduced to everybody else.
Sofi had been quiet at first, but was currently sharing her spot on Jane's lap with the little girl, telling her all about sledding on Steve's shield and how she was going to teach her.
And Luci was in her element cooking for her large family, since she'd all but adopted Tony.
Bucky picked up a little shirt from the pile that read 'Daddy's Little Girl', he handed it to Jane. "We're keeping this one."
"Oh," she read the shirt and rolled her eyes. "Can you spell whipped?"
He grinned and winked at Tony who smiled in return. "She doesn't understand bro. When Morgan was born, I wanted everyone to know that I was her father!"
Pepper laughed and Darcy smiled. He'd had noticed she'd been a little off since she'd been here, but he hadn't been able to ask Jane about it yet.
"There is something to be said about little girls and their fathers though," Pepper said.
"I was a daddy's girl," Jane chimed in.
"Me too," Darcy said and looked away.
Bella, who was on his phone, creating an Instagram for him laughed and they all looked her way.
"Well," she started. "Instagram is glitching. Looks like you really did break the internet, Uncle Bucky."
Darcy sat on the couch across from Dr. Raynor reflecting on all that had happened the previous day.
Steve had arrived with Sam and Nat just in time for dinner. He'd taken one look at Olivia and fallen instantly in love with her. Proving that he too, like Bucky, would make a great father to some lucky children some day.
"You're quiet today, Darcy. Did something happen."
"Just a little hit to my pride," Darcy quipped.
"Pride can be a bruising thing. It's a great equalizer. Too much and you can fall. Too little and you'll be trampled."
"Mine is just me being an idiot."
Raynor frowned. "What happened?"
"Jane and Bucky are adopting a little girl. A little orphan."
"Yes," Raynor smiled. "It's all Bucky can talk about. He's very proud."
"We all are. And she is so sweet. And beautiful. She's how I imagine the twins are going to be."
"And that rubs you the wrong way?"
"Only in the sense that I'm jealous of a little girl who until yesterday had no parents at all," Darcy fiddled with her hands and looked down.
"And why is that," Raynor asked.
"Because my children don't have that."
"Well that's not exactly true, is it Darcy? Your children have a mom and a dad."
Darcy snorted. "Nick is in their lives for a two minute phone call every week. And he only does that because he thinks I'll take him back to court for child support."
"But comparing your children to this new little girl is a little bit extreme, isn't it?"
"That little girl will always have something that my children don't. And that's a father that is always there for her."
Raynor wrote something down in her notebook and looked back up at her. "Last week we talked about what your definition of family was, do you remember?"
Darcy nodded.
"You told me that absolutely Jane was like your sister. Even more so than your own sister and brother. Even though she is your cousin."
"Yeah, so," Darcy said.
"You said that your Aunt was like your mother. That Bucky was becoming like a brother. That your kids saw every single Avenger as one of their own family members. So that tells me that to you, family isn't always blood."
Darcy looked down as her words were being thrown back in her face.
"So why are you feeling pity for yourself?"
"It's for my kids!"
"Well Darcy, now that's just not true is it," Raymor said. "I guarantee that if I were set Bella down right now and ask her would she trade anything about this family she has for what the new little girl has, would she do it? What do you think she'd say?"
"Well Bella isn't close to Nick," Darcy said.
"And are the other kids," Raynor asked. "You said Last week that Sofia isn't even asking for him anymore. And she was the only one that had been asking for him."
"She deserves a father."
"Every child deserves a mother and father. Not every child is lucky enough to have one. Sofia has a mother and father. One is just not always around. But is she upset about it?"
"No," Darcy admitted.
"No because she has Bucky here. And Sam. And Clint. And Scott. And Tony. And Rhodey.And Steve. And they are more than filling in that paternal spot for her. Which leads me to believe that your jealousy isn't over your children not having a father. I think you're lonely. And you miss what you had."
"I am not lonely," she scoffed. "I'm enjoying being single and going out."
"You spent your life comparing yourself to Jane, and you thought you settling down and having a family made you above her. Because that's how you were raised. Family above all."
"Hey," she exclaimed. "I love my cousin."
"I didn't say you didn't. I'm trying to get you to discover the way you view the world. You were better than her. Because she was single and you were married with children. She was out every night and dating and you were home reading stories to your kids," she said.
Darcy stayed quiet.
"Now your roles are reversed. And your jealous because it's Jane who is experiencing all that and maybe more. Because you esteem the man she's experiencing it all with more than the man you chose for yourself."
"I'm not in love with Bucky!"
"I didn't say you were," Raynor smile irritated Darcy to her core. "I said you held him in higher esteem than you do your ex-husband. Because you see him doing all these things for Jane that Nick has never done for you."
"I love my cousin," Darcy said adamantly.
"I know that. But you also want what she has. And that's normal. So I'm going to ask you a question."
"What," Darcy asked wearily.
"Nick has moved on," Raynor said. "Why haven't you?"
"I just don't see you as the mother of my children," Don was saying. "You're too small, and too uptight. I can't picture you being a mom."
Those words had Jane waking up in a cold sweat. A look at the clock said it was seven in the morning. The sudden movement had jostled Bucky awake. She smiled and kissed his cheek.
"Go back to sleep," she whispered and kissed his cheek. "Love you."
She went to the bathroom. Thankful that the back pain hadn't kicked in yet today. She splashed her face with cold water and exited. Walking past the crib, she saw Olivia standing and watching her.
She lifted her gently. "Good morning, sweetheart." She kissed her head in the still dark room and inhaled her sweet baby scent. After quickly changing her diaper, she re-snapped the buttons on her sleeper and carried her out to the to the living room. She sat her quietly on the couch. Her mother wasn't up yet. She made her a bottle of milk and cut up and apple for them both to share and brought it back to the couch and flipped the tv on and turned the volume on low.
Olivia liked to doze when she woke up in the morning. Something they learned quickly these last four days. The morning after they took her in, she fell asleep in her plate of eggs.
All in all, she was a very calm toddler. She heard the door to their bedroom open and Bucky walked out, and sat down next her. He took her in his arms, a surprising feat since she was getting so big. He gave her a gentle kiss and looked her in her eyes. "Want to tell me about that dream?"
Jane sighed. She should have known. "It was nothing."
"Baby," he said quietly. "I know that's not true."
"It was about an ex," Jane smiled.
"Oh," Bucky smiled. "Should I be worried?"
Jane smiled back and kissed his cheek. "No. Absolutely not. There is no one else for me."
"Tell me about it."
Jane leaned back into her spot on the couch. Olivia had already dozed off, her bottle hanging from her mouth as her little limbs sprawled out. Jane reached over and laid a light blanket over her.
"She's beautiful," Bucky said. "I'm glad we have her. "
"Me too."
"I was worried about how you would react," he admitted.
"Why," she asked.
He shrugged and looked away. "No matter how good we are in our relationship, I always feel like we're one step away from falling apart."
Jane bit her lip and grimaced. Yeah that was on her. And truthfully she felt the same way. But it had nothing to do with him. And everything to do with her.
"I couldn't survive if we did," Bucky admitted and looked down.
Jane took his hand. "That's my fault. This whole pregnancy has been a struggle. But even before that. I'm not very good at relationships. Truthfully. You've been so good to me and for me. I fall more in love with you every day. As my lover. As the father of my children."
"Tell me about your dream, sweetheart."
Jane took a breath. "It was about Don. Before we broke up. He said he couldn't picture me as the mother of his children. He couldn't picture me as a mother period."
Bucky inhaled and Jane nodded. "Yeah. I'm messed up."
"You know that what he said is pure idiocy, right? Tell me you don't believe that."
"I don't believe it," Jane began. "Well I don't anymore."
"Jane," he sighed and reached a hand up to caress her cheek. "It kills me the things that man did to you."
"Me too," she admitted.
He leaned over and kissed her neck. Behind her ear. Her cheek. "Promise me that you won't let that come between us. That you'll come to me whenever you feel in doubt."
"I will," she said.
He pulled back and looked her deep in the eyes, his blue eyes piercing her soul. "I mean it, Jane."
"I will."
"Good," he said satisfied with her answer. "Now I have another question to ask you. And it may be too soon. But it's been in my heart these last few days and it feels right." He began to dig around in his pajama pants pocket.
"Oh," Jane said genuinely confused. Bucky was usually so open with what was on his heart to her. She couldn't imagine what it was now.
She gasped when he pulled out a box and opened it. Her hands immediately went to her face and tears filled her eyes. "Ohmygod, Bucky."
A beautiful, yellow diamond solitaire, set in a platinum band with tiny diamonds set in it, was gleaming up at her.
He grinned at her reaction. "I think that's a good reaction to keep going?"
She nodded, her hands still on her face, still staring at the ring.
"Marry me?"
She'd been proposed to once before. The setting had been elaborate. The dinner was five star. The ring had been as big as her fist. The speech had been perfectly prepared. And still, it didn't compare with this.
There in their apartment, the morning light peaking out behind the darkening shades. Their tiny, new baby daughter asleep on the couch beside them. The tv on in the background.
No speech. No candles. Nothing inbetween them except hands and tears.
Her tears.
She could only nod her acceptance before using all of her energy to throw herself into his strong arms and kiss him senseless.
A feeling of calm settled over her as he returned her kiss and wrapped her in his arms.
A calm that told her she had made the right decision.