Chapter 18
Peter’s tinkering in the lab on his bionic pancreas when the mission alert TS POSS CARDIAC ARREST / INCOMING QINJET flashes across every screen in the lab, his heart skipping a beat the second he comprehends the gravity of what he’s reading. He drops the pen in his hand, runs for the elevator so that he can get up to the MedBay floor.
He’s met by Pepper and Morgan, and after waiting anxiously for more than two hours, there’s a collective sigh of relief when Bruce appears and announces that it wasn’t a cardiac arrest, but rather an electrical storm caused by lightning, and that Tony is awake and talking.
When they’re finally allowed to see him, Tony is resting comfortably in a dimly lit room in MedBay. Morgan’s keeping some distance from Tony’s bed, is clinging to Pepper’s leg and eyeing the bright, noisy machines on the wall with worry. Peter’s noticed her wide eyes, the way every new sound makes her jump. She’s overwhelmed, just as he is, by the rush, panic, and newness of everything and he doesn’t know how to fix it for her.
He doesn’t have his ViewMaster with Disney reels to distract Morgan or MJ to help explain everything in kid language so that she understands. He’s not even talking to MJ right now, can’t even text her to explain what’s happening or ask for support. All he can manage to do is sit on one of the chairs in the corner and try and feel relieved that Tony’s okay. He wants to give Pepper and Morgan their space, feels so out of place just lurking in the corner, but he’s afraid to leave, feels like this is his fault because he should have been there.
Pepper places a shaky kiss on Tony’s forehead. “I want to know who reported you as a possible cardiac arrest. I thought…I thought we had lost you.” She exhales slowly to keep herself from crying, has one hand on Tony’s while her other is held tightly by Morgan. It doesn’t look comfortable, but it’s clear she’s trying to manage both Tony and Morgan, as well as herself.
“I’ll change the protocols when I’m up and running again,” he promises. “Clearly someone screwed the pooch, jumped the gun, whatever the right phrase is. I’m a little loopy from the meds Bruce gave me to jumpstart my heart.”
“God, you were struck by lightning, Tony!” Pepper says in disbelief.
“When you put it like that, it sounds pretty extreme,” Tony says, laughing. “I’m okay, Pep. Promise.”
A machine begins to beep, which sends a skittish Morgan into a panic. “Mommy, I’m scared!” she sobs, reaching both of her arms up to be held. “It’s too loud! Too loud!”
“Okay, okay,” Pepper soothes, taking Morgan into her arms and bouncing her like a baby. “Why don’t we let Daddy rest with Petey for a little and then we’ll come back, okay?”
“Too loud!” Morgan screeches, which prompts Pepper to take her into the hallway.
Bruce pops in a moment later and silences the alarm on the IV pump, nods at Tony’s improving vital signs, and promises to check on him in an hour.
It’s just Tony and Peter now blanketed in hospital silence.
“Well, I guess that’s an IOU on the ice cream,” Tony jokes quietly. The kid hasn’t so much as blinked since he arrived with Pepper and Morgan, and he’s worried about Peter’s mental state after the last few weeks.
“I should have gone with you,” Peter finally whispers.
“Hey,” Tony says, reaching out for Peter’s hand even though he’s across the room. “This could have happened in the lab, or in the middle of the night, even during one of my snooze-fest meetings. Sometimes our bodies just do whatever, whenever.”
“You were struck by lightning, Tony! I should have been there!”
“No,” Tony states, shaking his head. “Kiddo, it was not your responsibility to be there to protect me. That’s why we have a team. We take care of each other, let each other rest when it’s needed. And I’m here now because our team was there for me. One day, someone else will need to rest and you’ll take their place during a mission. It’s okay that today wasn’t that day, though.”
“I was too busy taking a stupid break for my stupid mental health to even think about how stressed you’ve been! I…I should have been able to sense it coming…b-but—”
“Taking a break for your mental health is never stupid, Peter. And my heart is always primed and ready to go. I’m pretty sure my daily caffeine intake alone is enough to jumpstart a cardiac event. There’s like a one in a million chance I’d get struck by lightning—”
“It’s one in 500,000, Tony, and could you stop doing that?!”
“Doing what?”
“Worrying about me, focusing on me! You’re the one who’s sick and doing that just makes me feel worse!”
Peter knows he’s made a valid point when Tony pushes his head back into the pillow behind him and sighs. “You’re right. I’m on autopilot right now because of the adrenaline. Gotta turn it off.”
Peter sniffles, rubs at his nose with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “Thank you.”
“Not everything that happens to other people is your fault, kiddo. This,” he says, waving his hand around, “is not your fault. It’s not my fault. Sometimes shit just happens. Lightning isn’t predictable.”
“Excerpt it is predictable! There’s an algorithm and everything and I wasn’t paying attention!”
“Kiddo, you can’t intellectualize yourself out of processing everything that happens.”
The statement paralyzes Peter, his brain trying to compute the information but failing.
“Come here,” Tony says softly, patting the white sheets on his bed.
Peter doesn’t move right away, draws his hands into the sleeves of his hoodie and tries to take deep, calming breaths. He wasn’t exactly expecting Tony to drop a truth bomb on him in the middle of all of this. For a moment, he wishes May was here, but then he realizes that he actually wants Tony, that he’s been so panicked and worried about Pepper and Morgan that he hasn’t actually let himself feel anything these last few hours.
Scratch that, he hasn’t been letting himself feel for weeks to months.
By the time he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, he can’t keep it all in anymore. He throws his arms around Tony and sobs, lets the ball of emotions unwind without being named individually.
For the first time in months, he just feels as the emotions come, the internal dialogue in his head falling silent.