baby, we can be enough
Steve could see it in his eyes. The tense way Bucky held himself. What he was going to say wasn’t something he was going to like.
“You’re my best friend Steve, always have been and I’d like to believe that you always will.”
“Buck,” Steve said. Why was he doing this? Why did the expression on his face fill him with dread. “what’s going on?”
“We can’t keep going on the way we have been,” Bucky said, gesturing to the air between him and Steve, “all the late nights sneaking around, we can’t keep doing that, it’s dangerous.”
“What?” He froze. “Are you saying that you want us to, what? Just stop loving each other? Want us to stop being everything to each other? That’s not possible.”
Bucky tensed further, his shoulders becoming more rigid, his breath coming a little shallower, “We don’t have to stop loving each other.” He sighed, frustrated, “It’s just, you could be killed for this Steve, you’re a fucking icon, you’re the face of America you should have the white picket fence, you should have the two-story house with your kids and dogs running around in the yard. You deserve that. You don’t deserve to be dragged down with me.”
Steve stood tall, no longer frozen, instead anger coursed through his body making his skin hotter, “And who says I have to?” His eyes steeled, the determination he was so well known for beginning to take its roots, “What if I want to? I don’t want to have a white picket fence, the two-story house, the kids and the dogs, if I can’t have you.”
“Well you shouldn’t!” Bucky exploded, “You’ve seen the way they treat us Steve, they aren’t going to make an exception for you, a fairy is a fairy.”
Steve tensed, not understanding, “Loving you was never wrong to me,” Bucky froze, his breath becoming more ragged. Steve took his chance and stepped close, “You can’t expect me to just ignore the urge to touch you,” Steve grew closer his voice losing the anger and becoming softer, “to ignore the way you light up the room, to ignore the way you make me the happiest person in this unfair world. Who would I even have this future you want me to have?”
Bucky looked into Steve’s eyes. His resolve threatened to give the longer he stared into those beautiful blue eyes. His “… Peggy.”
“Peggy?”
“Yes, she’s perfect for you Steve. She could be everything I’m not allowed to be.”
“The only thing perfect for me is you. Peggy’s great, but she is and never will be you. We know each other better than anyone this isn’t what you want, it’s what you think you have to do.”
“And what? I can’t want the best for you? I can’t want to not be afraid for your life? I can’t want you to live free and happy? Even if that includes me not being in your life anymore?”
“You can’t believe that. You can’t actually believe that you leaving is the best for me. I want you there with me, through thick and thin, ‘till the end of the line, like you promised. Or was that just another thing you said because you thought it was the best thing for me?”
Bucky’s eyes flashed. “Don’t joke about that. I fucking love you, don’t ever doubt that. We can’t be together the way we want Steve. People are going to expect things from you, shit they already are, how long do you think it’ll be before they ask for a family? Before they ask you to marry some pretty lady? What are you going to say when they ask you those things? You can’t fight everyone, and you shouldn’t have to. I’m with you to ‘til the end of the line. I’ll meet you there, I can’t walk the line with you the way we fooled ourselves into thinking we could, but I’ll be there at the finish line.”
“You really believe this huh?”
“Yes.”
“Well, “Steve said. Bucky steeled himself. He closed his eyes, hoping that the pain he was feeling would fade with time. He heard Steve step closer, could feel his heat, his comfort overtake Bucky’s senses, making Bucky feel safer than he ever thought he could in the middle of war. “I don’t.”
Bucky opened his eyes, “huh?”
Steve chuckled, pulling Bucky’s chin up gently with his fingers, Bucky gasped softly. Steve was staring right at him, those beautiful blues staring into his sad greys. “Bucky, if I had to choose, I will choose you. Every. Single. Time. I’m with you ‘til the end of the line, pal. It won’t be easy I know that, but you know what will be easy? Choosing to be with you. Because you chose me every single time even when I felt I didn’t deserve it. How many times have we had this conversation? The roles reversed? If you wouldn’t leave me, I sure as hell ain’t leavin’ you.”
Bucky chuckled, his eyes glistening with hope, “What if I hadn’t chosen you? All those times? What would you have done then?”
Steve smiled, “I would’ve stared at you hoping for a chance, but even then, with my heart broken I would’ve chosen to be there with you, however you would have me.”
Bucky laughed, he threw himself at Steve, already knowing he would be caught. “I hate how stubborn you are.”
Steve threw his head back and laughed, he leant in and grazed his lips with Bucky’s, “No you don’t.”
“No I don’t.”