Hoard

“Darcy!” Tony yells.

“Tony!” Darcy calls back without looking up from where she’s treating Roque’s burns.

“Why are there a bunch of supposed-to-be dead mercenaries on my patio?”

Darcy looks up with a grin. “Stark, meet the Losers. Losers, Tony Stark. They made a bit of a mess in L.A. and since we were in Miami anyway, I sent Steve and Bucky to pick them up.”

“Not that I mind flipping the bird to the government, but… why?”

Darcy lifts one hand long enough to point to Jake. “Nerd over there drooling over your holographic tech is my baby brother Jake.” She pokes one of Roque’s less vicious burns and sticks her tongue out when he curses. “What the hell made you idiot think triple-crossing a CIA super spook was a good idea. It’s a fucking miracle none of you asshole’s died! I mean, fuck, Roque! Why the hell were you still on that plane?”

He mumbles something unintelligible before passing out.

Darcy rolls her eyes and pats his cheek. “You’re easier to patch up when you're not mouthing anyway.” She deftly finishes seeing to his wounds before moving on to Pooch.

The driver tries to wave her off.

She pokes at the nearest bullet hole.

“Fuck, D!”

She rolls her eyes. “Your wife will kill me if she finds out I let these sit.”

He rolls his eyes and waves in a ‘get on with it’ type gesture.

Darcy removes the bullets as quickly as she can.

Pooch bites his lip.

“Sorry… want me to knock you out before I…” She waves her fingers, flames dancing over them.

Pooch groans. “Please.”

Darcy punches him.

Tony winces. “You know I’ve got drugs in this place, right?”

Darcy shrugs. “They all deserve to be punched at this point.”

Clay strides out onto the patio, holding an ice pack to his jaw. “Trust me, she’s making her rounds.”

“Pretty sure Cougs is the only one who’s gonna escape,” Jake mutters petulantly. 

“That’s because Cougs was just following your dumbass,” Darcy fires back, finishing tying off the bandages over Pooch’s legs. “Who’s next? Jake?”

Her brother shakes his head. “Worst of my damage is the black eye you gave me. Did you have to break my glasses?”

Darcy rolls her eyes. “It’s not like you actually need them. Cougar?”

The Shifter shakes his head.

“Already healing?”

“Si.”

“Good. Clay, come on.”

The colonel shakes his head. “Get Aisha first.”

Darcy snarls. “Fuck your girlfriend and the horse she rode in on. If I touch her right now and I’m more likely to incinerate her than treat her wounds. Now get your ass over here.”

Clay drops into the chair in front of her, submitting to her patching him up with minimal grumbling. “You’re gonna have to come around to her eventually.”

Darcy snorts, smoke expelling from her nostrils. “Like hell I will.”

Steve joins the ragtag group, carrying a bottle of painkillers.

Darcy beams and lifts her face for a kiss. “You’re the best.”

He leans over and kisses her chastely, mindful of their audience. “Your wish is my command.”

Tony snorts. “He talk like that in the bedroom?”

“When I ask him to,” Darcy answers without missing a beat.

Tony gapes, but recovers quickly, then cocks his head curiously when Steve goes to sit next to Jake. “Anyone ever point out how much your boyfriend looks like your brother?”

Darcy wrinkles her nose. “You’re disgusting, Stark.”

Clay snorts. “He kinda has a point.”

“I mean, sure, Cap is taller, broader, darker hair, but the general look…” Tony shrugs. 

Darcy clumps forward, burying her head against Clay’s knees. “I hate you all.”

“What’d I do?” Bucky protests, wiggling a coffee cup under her nose.

Darcy straightens and snags the cup, kissing Bucky’s arm as it passes her face. “Nothing, tesoro, I still like you.”

He rests his hand on her shoulder and squeezes gently. “Good. Everyone all patched up?”

“Everyone but the bitch,” Darcy answers in a chipper tone.

Bucky rolls his eyes, then deftly picks her up, takes her seat, and deposits her back down in his lap. “So why do you hate everyone?”

Darcy pouts. “They all think Steve looks like Jake.”

Bucky grins against her neck. “They’re not wrong.”

Darcy jerks away, a sound of protest escaping her lips. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

Bucky tightens his arms around her waist. “I am, doll. I wasn’t done. There’s a passin’ resemblence, sure, but I’m willin’ to bet Jake’s missin’ a few things. Like that scar Stevie’s got on his right hip,” he taps Darcy’s hip, right where they both know Steve’s scar rests, “or the tattoo on his thigh,” his hand drifts down to tap her right thigh, “or the birthmark on his ass,” his other hand sneaks around to pinch her left butt cheek.

Steve is trying to hide his grin behind his coffee mug.

Jake looks like he’s trying not to puke. “There are things I do not need to know. Knowing my sister is sleeping with someone is one thing. Watching her go all glaze-eyed over her other boyfriend being a perv is a whole other level of ew.”

Darcy snorts. “Like I haven’t had to listen to you rhapsodize about Cougar’s ass and licking his tattoos.”

Cougar’s shoulders shake in silent laughter.

Tony is a little wide-eyed. “Cap! How the… you’re just gonna sit there and let them tell everyone all your… really?!”

Darcy winks at Steve.

Steve grins back. “Sure am, Stark.”

Tony gapes.

Steve turns his gaze toward Tony and his grin turns mischievous. “I mean, I can let them keep going, or I can start. Tell you about the hickey Buck left on my pec, or the one Darce left on my inner thigh. Tell you about the Dragon Darce drew on my ass with an ink pen. Or about-”

“Aagh!” Jake slaps his hands over his ears.

Tony’s jaw is still dropped. “Darce… how bad did you corrupt Cap?”

Bucky snorts. “Stark, we’re from Brooklyn, he toured with the USO, and we were in the Army. You really think the punk was innocent before we met Darce?”

“Uhh…”

Darcy rolls her eyes. “Steve may be Cap, Stark, but Cap isn’t Steve.”

“Getting that,” Tony mutters weakly.

Darcy sticks her tongue out and makes a broad gesture, generally indicating herself, Bucky, and Steve. “This is all your fault, you know. If you’d never left that damn book out…”

“You’d still be miserable,” Tony shoots back. “But my childhood innocence would still be intact.”

Darcy snorts. “Right, ‘cause that was ever a thing.”

Tony smirks. “Well, when you have more money than sense… back to the original issue, what are we gonna do with a bunch of wanted mercenaries?”

Darcy cocks her head. “How do you feel about taking on the CIA?”

The manic light that springs to Tony’s eyes is precisely why Darcy likes him so much.