Chapter 4
Howard slowly drifted into consciousness with a throbbing headache. He cringed as his eyes met with harsh sunlight, rather confused about his current predicament. He was never the one to wake up feeling this hangover and why on earth was he slouched in a chair? He went through his muddled brain trying to remember what had happened.
“Mr Stark” came a voice devoid of emotion and a loud clang as a tray appeared in front of him with a glass of water and breakfast.
Howard looked up and was immediately filled with dread. Jarvis stared at him coldly, his face would look more friendlier if it was made from rough stone. If this was anyone else, they would be screaming at him and Howard would definitely end up greeting their fist with his face…
His earlier blissful ignorance was washed away with the memory of his hand greeting Tony’s face. ‘Drinking had worked for a while there’, Howard thought grimly, feeling sickened at actually managing to forget what he had done.
His next thought was that he was too sober to deal with this.
He noticed the too many empty bottles on the floor, “Jarvis, do you think there’s any left?”
“You want to keep drinking when your son is asleep after crying himself to sleep because you hit him?” came the cold reply.
Howard barely held back a flinch at the reminder and looked at Jarvis. He looked furious and a second away from quitting the job and running away with Tony.
“I take it that’s a no to getting help from you” he muttered trying to look unaffected.
“Tell me Mr Stark, Is your pride worth more than your son?” Javis asked, looking very unimpressed.
Howard pinched his nose and took a deep breath, “Jarvis-”
“What are you going to do sir?” Jarvis asked patiently, waiting for him to answer.
“Clear my schedule for today.” he answered, knowing it wasn’t what his friend meant.
A hint of approval entered to his eyes, “Of course sir”
He should go and see Tony. He may not be the perfect example of decent human behaviour, let alone a father but even he knew he had to do something. But all he could see was how Tony looked scared of him.
“Is he okay?”
Jarvis pursed his lips, “I called young sir’s doctor. He will be arriving today and noon. ”
Howard inwardly winced, there really was no need to bring a doctor into this. Jarvis really has overdone it, he could only hope that the doctor wouldn’t question anything.
“Then I’ll be in the workshop. Don’t let anyone disturb me”
A look of utter disbelief crossed Jarvis’s face. Honestly, he didn’t know why Jarvis would be so surprised. You’d think after knowing him for so long he’d know better than to expect for him to not avoid this sort of things.
“Mr Stark, I care about Master Tony very much and I refuse to see you hurt him everyday anymore.”, Jarvis said with narrowed eyes,
Howard stood up abruptly, “ How could you even think- ”
“I’m aware you haven’t hit him until now, Mr Stark” Jarvis interrupted “However, to be frank, you act like you don’t care about the boy and that hurts him more than anything else.”
“I don’t..” Howard trailed off in disbelief.
“I understand you are a very busy man Mr Stark but however smart Master Tony may be, he still is infact a child. A child, might I add, who thinks he needs to be better to be worthy of spending time with you”.
Worthy to be spending time with him ? He was doing Tony a favour. Tony is still innocent. He has fresh ideas that will one day change the world for the better. Howard was making it a much dangerous place with his weapons no matter how safe he makes his country. No good can come out of him spending time with his son. This whole incident had proven it in a much different way than he had anticipated very clearly.
Suddenly it was clear what he had to do.
“I’m sending Tony to boarding school. Make sure everything is ready, he’ll be leaving when summer ends” Howard stated turning away from Jarvis. He didn’t need to see his accusing eyes.
“Sir, you can’t” came a rather horrified protest.
Howard really did expect Jarvis to protest, but not so vehemently. He looked like Howard had just ordered a midnight oil attack on a bunch of toddlers.
“I have been thinking about this before Jarvis. Tony needs to learn to interact with the world. He needs to know how to socialize if he’s going to take over the company.” Howard explained.
Jarvis stared at him as if he had half a brain cell, “Mr Stark, I beg you to reconsider. You cannot send him so soon, especially since this happened.”
Howard ran his hand through his hair frustrated, “This is exactly why I have to”
Jarvis gathered himself, “Master Tony had heard part of your drunken yelling and is under the impression that he is the biggest regret in your life. He is rather broken up about it as expected. I fear too much for the boy to let him think that he is a worthless son for a moment longer sir. No child should ever hear those words come out of their parent’s mouth.”
Howard felt horror rising up as he recalled what he had yelled last night. From Tony’s point, there was no way a single word could be taken in the right way. Surely Tony couldn’t believe such a thing?
“I suggest you get yourself together and talk with young sir”, his tone made it very clear that it wasn't a suggestion and that he would deeply regret not following through it.
Howard paced in front of Tony’s bedroom, trying to figure out what to say. What could one possibly say in a situation like this? He supposed he should start with an apology but there weren't any words to describe how much he regretted everything. He couldn’t very well unload his guilt and self loathing into his son. He should just go inside without stalling any more. It isn't as if he is magically going to get a whole speech ready if he waits any longer.
A sudden thump and a yelp from inside took away any hesitation. Howard opened the door and rushed inside with a hint of panic.
He was greeted with a lump of blanket on the floor next to the bed. Howard stared dumbly as it started to move emitting sounds of distressed frustration.
Shaking himself out of his stupor, he knelt next to it and removed the blanket down, “Honestly Tony--” he cut himself off. ‘Stop, you are here to apologize to the kid. Not make fun of him’ he reminded himself. Tony would only take it as an insult anyway, last thing he needed was to make Tony feel even worse.
Tony looked up at him startled, sprawled across the floor. A brief look of fear and distress flashed in his eyes before he quickly tried to sit up, causing a flash of pain across his face.
Feeling concerned, Howard quickly scanned him to see if the fall from bed hadn’t been as innocent as he had thought. Tony was holding his arm in pain..
A bandaged hand.
“What happened to your hand?” Howard asked and grabbed the hand when Tony tried to hide it.
“N-Nothing?” his voice sort of went high.
Howard narrowed his eyes at him. It wasn’t like Tony at all to lie to him. He carefully turned the hand towards him and noted Tony wincing. ‘ Surely he couldn’t have caused this?’ He thought dreadfully. He looked at Tony’s face and saw an accusing bruise in his cheek staring straight at him while Tony tried his best to avoid his eyes. His mind flashed to what Jarvis had said about the doctor arriving at noon and felt a wave of guilt hitting him. He hadn’t even questioned why Tony would need a doctor, what kind of a father was he?
He pushed down his guilt and carefully made Tony turn toward him, “Tony..” he trailed off when he noticed the look of shame in his face.
“I-I burned it when I was using t-the soldering iron..” Tony admitted avoiding his eyes looking utterly ashamed with himself. “I- I know I shouldn’t have.. I’ll do better.. ”
Howard’s mind went blank. Tony had been wielding. Tony had burned his blueprints. He had burned his hand. Horror washed over him as his mind connected the dots. He had known that it was an accident but he hadn’t known that Tony had been hurt. That he had hit his son who already had to have been in pain, all because of some dumb invention.
He unwrapped the bandage in a trance and lost his breath when he saw the wound. It was deep. Almost his entire palm was burned. Even he couldn’t bare it without some cursing and wet eyes and Tony wasn’t used to even slight burns. Most of all he was just a kid . Kids have fits and cry when they get even the slight scrapes don't they? Howard felt sickened. How could he not notice? How the hell did he not notice that his son was in agony? He was suddenly reminded of the tear filled eyes when he had pushed him away.
“I-I’m really sorry d-dad” Tony’s voice cracked “I promise I’ll never come to the lab..”
Howard snapped out of his self pity. “Why would you never come to the lab? You love inventing. It was just a mistake.”
Tony shook his head biting his lip, “But-I don’t want to be a bother” he looked at him with anguished eyes “I’ll stay out of your way. You d-don’t have to put up with me dad.. I understand.”
This was not going the way he wanted it to go. Howard felt what was left of his heart shatter into subatomic particles. What had he done? “I don't put up with you..Don’t talk like that.”
Tony lowered his head, “I heard you last night dad, I’m sorry i know I shouldn't have-”
Howard interrupted before he could go any further, “I didn’t mean I wished you weren’t my son Tony. I never wanted to be a father and I never planned on having a kid. I was horrified when I knew I was going to be a father.”
Tony looked even more stricken and this was not what he wanted so Howard quickly continued, “Tony..do you know what your name means?”
Tony remained silent.
Howard swallowed “Anthony means praise worthy, priceless...from the first time I saw you I knew you are going to be the most important person in the world to me. I knew one day you are going to change the world and people would idolize you.”
Tony looked at him so quickly in shock Howard was half afraid he’d get whiplashed.
“When you were born you looked so little and I didn’t want to accidentally drop you. You're mom almost threatened me to hold you.. But the moment I did, I knew I would do everything in my power to keep to you safe. I’m beyond happy that you are my son and I wouldn’t want to change it for anything. ”
Tony stared at him as if he was speaking another language and Howard felt even more horrible.
“Tony, I need you to listen to me very closely, yesterday was my fault not yours. I’m your father Tony, I should have been looking out for you and I let you get hurt. Even worse, I hurt you. That is not acceptable do you hear me?”
Tony looked confused, “But I destroyed..”
“They were just blueprints. Sure they were important but you are more important to me more than anything. And I hurt you. I’m your father first Tony. I’m suppose to protect you and make sure nothing happens to you.” And in trying to make sure of that I lost sight and hurt you anyway. What good was the company, SHIELD or even trying to find Steve was going to be if he is the danger in Tony’s life. Howard lightly touched Ton’s bruise and swore to himself never to touch a hint of alcohol in the lab again.
“If you ever get hurt don’t hide it from me. At least tell Jarvis or your mother.” It didn’t escape his attention that either Jarvis hadn’t known Tony was hurt last night. Tony must’ve kept quiet about it for hours until Jarvis checked on him.
“I cancelled the meeting..maybe I can take a look at your engine, if you want?” He extended an olive branch, though he really wouldn’t hold it against Tony if he never wanted to spend another second with him.
His eyes flickered with a speck of hope, “You're not mad?”
Howard held back a sigh. Really? Had he been talking to a wall this whole time? How can Tony have any doubt after listening to the whole speech he just gave? “Of course I’m not.”
All the dullness vanished instantly and Tony looked at him hopefully, “Yes, I- if you want to dad” he replied tentatively and Howard knew that Tony had already forgiven him.
Don't forgive me.. I don't deserve you.. “Thank you” Howard hugged Tony, feeling spent after all the guilt and regret.
Tony clinged hard and sniffed.
He couldn’t remember the last time he touched his son. He was sure that wasn’t how a father was supposed to be. He swore to earn Tony’s so easily given forgiveness. He would do his best to be a good father even if he doesn’t have a slightest clue on what to do.
But maybe...all he had to do was spend some time with Tony. If Maria didn’t kill him first.