Chapter 2
Tony rubbed his face with his left hand feeling utterly miserable. He turned in his bed for what must be the hundredth time and hissed as his palm rubbed against the sheet. He quickly looked away from his hand feeling sick. He had put his hand under the tap just like Jarvis had done that time he’d accidentally touched a hot pan but then his hand hadn’t looked or felt this bad. Maybe he should’ve looked harder for Jarvis. But he had been too scared and hurt that all he wanted was to crawl into his bed and try to not cry in the dark.
He really had thought Jarvis would come looking for him when he didn't show up for dinner. He was glad because he didn’t want to eat anyway but a huge part of him wanted Jarvis to look at him warmly and say everything would be okay. He gathered up his courage and peeked another look at his hand, he could almost hear Jarvis scolding him for not coming to find him. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint Jarvis too. All he wanted to do was to sleep and forget about everything he had done. Maybe he should start to build a machine to time travel to stop the whole evening from happening. He quickly pushed away that silly thought. Like he could build one when he can't even use a soldering iron without burning everything.
Tony got out of bed. He couldn't sleep, not after what happened.
He went to find Jarvis quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear him. Walking in the hallway, he felt really lonely in the large mansion. He wanted to go to mama but he knew his dad would only get angry with mama for coddling him and then they would argue and he really didn't want his parents to argue over him.
He saw a light seeping through to the dark corridor from one of his dad’s private chambers. Was Jarvis in there? Or was it dad? He slowly crept near the half opened door and heard two voices. It was Jarvis and dad.
He peeked at the room and saw Jarvis with a disappointed resigned face and his dad. He was really drunk with another bottle in his hand. Tony felt his breath hitch, his dad got really angry when he’s drunk, he didn't like it when he’s drunk. If dad found him sneaking around in the corridor he would get really angry, Tony turned around quickly planning on going back to his room when he heard his name.
Tony freezed, heart shuddering in his chest, did he see him? He turned around again praying dad hadn't seen him. Only to hear,
“I can't deal with Tony!” dad said in anger and frustration.
Tony bit his lip and stood still. He knew he really messed up this time but it still hurt to hear it.
“Why can't he just leave me alone?! Always coming to my workshop, wasting my time, never getting out when I say him to. Always in my way” he said angrily, taking another gulp from the bottle.
“He is your son, he misses you--” Jarvis said in a strange tone.
“Well then he should know better than to destroy my work! Should learn to leave me the hell alone when I am drunk and working for days without sleep to meet the deadline! He fucking destroyed it--”
Tony felt his left cheek burn where his dad hit him hard. Tony bit his split lip feeling his eyes burn, he still felt really sore when he moved his shoulder. That was why he didn’t go to mama, she would be worried. If he avoided mama tonight then she wouldn’t know how he messed up because very early in the morning she was going to Italy to meet some friends. But Jarvis never says anything to Tony, he would look at his burned hand and make it all better.
“--messed up. Shit! What am I going to do now? Having Tony was a mistake-”
Tony felt tears running down his face, he felt hopeless. A terrible anguish struck his heart, he had really messed up this time.
“--I never planned to have a kid. I didn’t want one for God’s sake!” he yelled voice slurred and threw the bottle to a wall.
Not wanting to hear anything else, he fled. Tony felt like his heart was being torn to pieces even though he knew it wasn't really possible. His dad didn't love him, he didn't even want him. He was a mistake that keeps making his dad’s life miserable. It turned out he was wrong again, his burned hand had hurt a lot less than this.
Howard stared at the fireplace, his mind playing an endless loop of his son’s eyes filled with tears and pain, staring at him with fear.
After he had hit him.
His son.
Tony
What had he done?
He took another gulp from his bottle, trying to drown his guilt. He should’ve kicked Tony out of the lab the first time he felt annoyed with him and none of this would’ve ever happened.
“Mr Stark, how many..bottles have you had?” Jarvis’s wary voice cut through his thoughts.
Howard looked at the empty bottles of.. some alcohol laying around him. He’s not even sure what it was that he was drinking. “Not enough” he spat out and took another deep gulp. He was rather surprised Jarvis was even speaking to him after what he had done.
Jarvis sighed in disappointment and looked at him resigned, “Might I remind you that you have a weapon demonstration scheduled tomorrow, sir? ”
He scoffed, “Cancel it, while you’re at it you can thank Tony for that too''. Tony, who doesn't cry easily, running out of the lab wiping tears out of his eyes. Tony , who was still a kid. It was his own fault for not looking at what the boy was doing.
He could’ve managed to finish the weapon at the last possible moment, regardless of the burned blueprints, if he had pushed himself seeing as he had managed to figure out the problem. Sure it would have saved him a lot of hours to have the blueprints intact but he could've done it. But after what he had done.. he was happy with drowning in his self-hatred.
What kind of a father was he even?
“I can't deal with Tony!” He snarled, feeling angry with himself and frustrated at his son.
“Why can't he just leave me alone?! Always coming to my workshop, wasting my time, never getting out when I say him to. Always in my way--” he ranted angrily, taking another gulp from the bottle.
Why would Tony even want to be near him when all Howard seemed to do is get annoyed with his son for disturbing his work? Tony would be a thousand times better off without him.
“He is your son, he misses you--” Jarvis said, his voice was laced with anger and disappointment.
“Well then he should know better than to destroy my work! Should learn to leave me the hell alone when I am drunk and working for days without sleep to meet the deadline! He fucking destroyed it—and-” his rant ended and he chocked out the truth he wanted to escape so desperately, “ I- god I hit him ”.
He saw Javis’s eyes widen at that. How could he ever raise a hand against his son? Tony, who was always following him around like a shadow trying to please him, who never would’ve intentionally done anything to destroy his inventions.
Who had looked at him with fear, eyes filled with tears.
“I messed up. Shit! What am I going to do now? Having Tony was a mistake, I never should’ve become a father. No one should trust me to take care of a plant let alone a kid. I knew I would be a terrible father. This is why I never planned to have a kid. I didn’t want one for God’s sake! ” he yelled, slurred and threw the bottle to a wall.
“Mr Stark”
Jarvis’s stern voice cut through his drunken haze and he turned towards him, breathing hard.
Jarvis did look angry, “What you wanted in the past does not matter. You have a son now and he thinks the world of you. So I suggest that you put him first for once and apologize to him,” then he narrowed his eyes “Tomorrow. I highly advise against going to see him drunk.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see young sir.”
Howard stared at his hands bitterly. For an inventor all he seems to do was destroy.