2
Tony believed there are certain feelings in life that you must absolutely not feel once over the age of 25... for example; no middle-aged man should have anxiety about calling a potential romantic interest. Especially if said 'potential romantic interest' shamelessly hit on Tony in the first place. The guy was interested, and he had made it clear to Tony that he was definitely interested. Tony could just call the guy... but would he.
A week earlier, when Peter Parker woke from the nap he was taking in a booth at an Irish pub for some reason, Tony absolutely did not imagine that any conversation they might have would go the way their's did. It was a testament to Mr. Parker's extempore prowess. It was also mildly embarrassing and almost traumatizing to be scolded and praised all at once. But after Parker left, Tony found himself... smiling... and blushing, like a complete idiot, but smiling and blushing nonetheless.
When back at home, Tony set Friday on the curious case of Peter Parker. Which led to spending an ungodly amount of time on the guy's Instagram. Which in turn led to Tony gleaning some useful information about him, Peter Parker wasn't exactly new to the world of the rich and famous; he appeared to be a close friend of Harry Osbourne, posing with him in not just generic selfies but also pictures taken at high profile social events.
It also appeared that Mr. Parker was no stranger to superheroes either, his work with the Daily Bugle was almost entirely photos of Spiderman... Tony didn't know Spidey personally but going by the coverage the newspaper gave him, it was hard to imagine that the masked hero would be a friend of Parker's but the guy somehow always managed to get the best picture of Spidey, which indicated a willingness to follow trouble on Parker's part.
And then there was the entire thing about how gorgeous and intelligent and utterly disarming the boy was...
The three patents he had told Tony about were no joke- a medical-grade adhesive, an industrial-grade adhesive, and a potential replacement for spandex. Not to mention his eyes...
Tony kept telling himself that he was too old to have a crush, but he knew it was too late. He thought back to the way he felt when Peter smiled at him, bruised and all... The damage was done.
The first time Tony called Peter, he didn't pick up, and it went to voicemail. Tony didn't leave a message. It was just 9 PM, and there was no way he was already asleep. Right? For a second, he dreaded the possibility of Parker being one of those millennials who don't take phone calls, then for another hour, he wondered if this was a sign from the universe about an endeavor that should be abandoned. So, of course, Tony called again.
"I don't do booty calls past 10. I have a job now," was how Parker answered the phone. Jesus Christ.
"Good to know, I was thinking about lunch tomorrow actually," Tony said without missing a beat
"Jesus Christ!" Parker exclaimed, obviously thrown.
"Close. Tony Stark," He chuckled.
"No, I know... Crap, I'm sorry, my friend Harry is the only one I know who calls with a private number. I thought it was him." He explained
"Am I sorry to disappoint?" Tony asked, trying not to sound anxious.
"Absolutely not. I actually definitely would do a booty call after 10 for you." Tony could hear the smile in his voice.
"But not after 11, though?" Tony joked, trying not to blush.
"No, that honor is reserved for Bruce Banner and Bruce Banner only."
"You have good taste in men" Bruce was Tony's friend, he had to admit he was warmed by the fact that Peter wasn't one of the assholes who held 'big green' against him.
"Ha Ha, thanks... he represents us, bio-chem nerds, well, one of my projects is actually inspired by him, and also he is adorable in press conferences."
"The spandex replacement?" Tony guessed
"Oh no... you googled me. Ew."
"Hey, that's rich coming from the guy that sticks my photos on his wall." He defended himself
"No, no... there's this god awful picture of me that comes up on image search from when my team won the scholastic decathlon, I look like a single prepubescent noodle in it." Parker grouched
"Good tip... also nice covert bragging with the decathlon thing Mr. Parker," Tony said as he pulled the picture up and sniggered.
"Thank you. I'm so glad you caught that... so what was it you were saying about lunch?" Parker inquired.
"Right... Lunch? Tomorrow?" Tony hoped he didn't sound desperate.
"Sounds good to me. I mean, it sounds like a bizarre dream I'm having, but I don't wanna stroke your ego unnecessarily, you already called first... I love that I have the upper hand here."
"Congratulations on the upper hand smartass... do you wanna do 'Nobu'?" Tony suggested
"Oh my god... I'm going to throw your PA and your PR team a bone and nix that idea... you beautiful disaster," Peter laughed.
"Umm... what?"
"Nobu has paparazzi outside of it 24/7, and I hate to break it to you buddy, but your break up with Ms. Potts was kinda' public. I can't even begin to imagine what hell you, being photographed with a strapping twunk half your age, would be on your team." He explained himself
"Okay, calm down strapping twunk... How would anybody even know its a date?" Tony scoffed
"Umm, Mr. Stark, if I have the chance to grab your ass in public and have photos taken of the event, then I absolutely will do it," said Peter, very sincerely.
"My God, how can you call me Mr. Stark and talk about grabbing my ass in the same sentence?" Tony cursed his susceptibility to blushing whenever talking to this guy.
"Listen, man. I'd call you Tony but this 'Mr. Stark' thing lowkey turns me on, though." Peter said in a teasing voice.
Same, Tony admitted to himself.
"Kink noted. You do have a point I haven't had to deal with my personal PR or had a PA in a while." Said Tony, thoughtful.
"How can you not have a PA? Is that even legal?" Peter asked
"Well, I made my last one the CEO of my company, fell in love with her, started dating her, and then very publicly got dumped by her... so I'm apprehensive about replacing her." Tony regretted this outburst as soon as he finished talking.
"I think about you when I touch myself," Peter informed
"What. The. Hell. Parker," Tony said, trying to sound affronted when he could barely contain his laughter.
"Oh, sorry, buddy, I thought we were playing the oversharing game." Peter sniggered. "You know what you should do? You should get an older Jewish lady to be your PA. It's what Norman Osbourne did for his son when he kept hitting on his PAs.
"Because you know what, Mrs. Leibowitz would bring you Passover brisket, and she would never dump you publicly." Peter was almost giggling now.
"Right, she would write me a considerate note." Tony laughed along with Peter.
"Exactly!" He chuckled
There was a lull in the conversation then, during which Tony made up his mind.
"Lunch at the tower tomorrow." Tony decided
"Fine by me. Wait. Do you have any dietary restrictions?"
"No. I sometimes go gluten-free but not because of celiac just because I like to be an asshole. Why?"
"Cool, I'm bringing Pizza. You paid for drinks last time," stated Peter.
"You do realize that I have chefs on my payroll?" Tony asked
"You do realize that I'm offering to bring you Joe's from Greenwich?" Peter countered
"Point taken." Tony conceded
"Good"
"See you."
"Not if I see you first."
"Oh my God"
"I know... I hate myself."
"I'm gonna' hang up now."
"Wait! What do I tell your security tomorrow?" Peter asked
"Tell them the king has summoned you," Tony said, only half-joking.
"God, you're such a douche, but I'm so into you..." Peter replied
"I'm glad" Tony admitted
"Okay, bye."
"Bye."
The next day Peter Parker texted to confirm the time and then showed up at Tony's place with pizza and a dozen red and yellow roses. And Tony didn't know what to do with himself.