Chapter 28
Thor throws a book at Loki. Not to hurt him, of course. Thor is really just making sure that this is actual-Loki and not illusion-Loki.
Of course, the downside of this plan is that, when the book hits actual-Loki, he’s pissed.
“Thor!” He snaps, cradling the book in his hands. “Must you be so vexing?”
“‘Twas a joke, brother.” Thor smiles at Loki.
Loki mutters under his breath. “I need a new family.”
“Very funny,” Thor laughs heartily.
“No, seriously,” Loki says. “I’m going to go traverse the multiverse to find someone who won’t throw books at my head. Sometimes I don’t understand how we’re related.”
Tony laughs. “Good thing you’re not actually related, right kid?”
That, Tony realizes a second later, was a monumentally fuck up. There are things that their Loki knows and things that other-Loki knew, and knowledge of the whole adopted-from-Jotunheim was firmly in the other-Loki camp.
Loki freezes and Tony is not 100% sure he’s breathing. Thor looks extremely uncomfortable. Bruce and Steve look between Loki and Thor, as if Loki is going to spontaneously combust.
“What does he mean by that, Thor?” Loki asks, voice dreadfully soft.
“I was going to tell you,” Thor says, hands out to placate Loki, as if he were a wounded animal. “I just didn’t know when the right moment was.”
“How long have you known?” Loki asks. His voice is too calm, face too still.
“A couple years ago,” Thor sighs. “Really, it matters not. You are still my brother, and I love you dearly.”
Loki shakes his head. “No, that doesn’t make sense. Because if it didn’t matter, you would have told me. Which means that it does matter. And I’d like to know why!”
“Brother,” Thor says softly. “Maybe we should go somewhere private. This may upset you.”
“No,” Loki snaps. “It seems like they already know whatever this secret is, anyway.”
Tony winces as Thor shoots a glare at him. Yeah, he has screwed up monumentally.
Loki grits his teeth. “What. Aren’t. You. Telling. Me.”
“Fine,” Thor sighs. “I will tell you. But first, I need you to remember that you have been and always will be my brother.”
“Just tell me!”
“We were on Jotunheim a couple years ago,” Thor says. “A jotun touched you and… instead of freezing, you started turning blue.”
Whatever Loki was expecting, it certainly wasn’t that. Odin cheating or Frigga - or even Frigga cheating on Odin - had seemed more likely. That he had been hoisted on the royals by a noble with connections and leverage, a possibility. But that he isn’t even Asgardian - isn’t even mother’s child - makes no sense.
The book falls from Loki’s hands, hitting the carpet with a soft thump. His heart races in his chest, getting faster and faster and fasterandfasterandfaster.
“Please don’t freak out,” Thor says.
“I’m not freaking out!” Loki screams, clearly freaking out.
He lurches off the couch, backing himself into a corner where he can see everyone else in the room. He stares at his hands with wide eyes. A deep blue spreads up his arms.
He looks up, and his eyes are bright red.
He makes a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “I’m the monster parents tell their children about at night.”
“You are my brother!” Thor says, standing up and taking a step towards Loki.
“No.” Loki shakes his head. “What was I? Another one of the All Father’s stolen relics?” Loki laughs, brittle and broken, and the Avengers can see how easy it would have been for him to shatter completely the first time.
Steve stands up. Thor is clearly just stressing Loki out more. But maybe someone else might be able to calm him down.
“Loki,” Steve says soothingly. “I need you to take a deep breath, can you do that for me?”
Loki nods shakily, chest rising and falling slightly slower than before.
“Good,” Steve says. He takes a step forward, hoping Loki won’t notice. But of course he does.
“Don’t come near me!” Loki takes another couple steps back, until his back hits the wall.
“Nobody’s going to hurt you,” Steve says as soothingly as you can. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
Loki shakes his head frantically. “I’ll hurt you.”
“Why do you think that?” Steve says. In other circumstances, it would be almost funny that Steve does not even register that as a threat. In this one, it’s heartbreaking.
“Jotun’s touch can kill,” Loki slides down the wall, staring at his hands. “I don’t think you want to go back on ice, Rogers.”
Not knowing what to do with his shaking hands, he presses them against the tile. Slowly, frost starts crawling across the tile. His eyes widen and he snatches his hand back. “I’m a monster,” he whispers.
“You are no such thing!” Thor bellows.
Loki looks up at him. Thor makes a valiant effort not to flinch when the red eyes meet his, but he doesn’t quite succeed.
“If I’m not a monster,” Loki says, eerily calm. “Then why would you keep this from me?”
Thor looks painfully sad. “Last time you learned about this, you threw yourself off the Bifrost.”
Loki laughs then, sharp as one of his knives. “When we were kids, you promised you’d kill all the jotun for me! Maybe I was just finishing the job!”
“Don’t say that,” Thor says. His voice is soft, for once. If Loki reaches back into the depths of his memory, he can almost remember Thor using that voice on him as Loki toddled behind him.
“I need you to go get the cuffs,” Loki says. His eyes are desperate, his hands wringing violently. “So I can’t hurt anyone.”
“Absolutely not!” Tony snaps, beating all the other adults in the room by just a moment. “You have trained your sedir for generations, Loki. This will be an adjustment, but it will be fine. You won’t hurt anyone.”
Loki looks up, red eyes wide. “I always hurt someone.”