Is This Jealousy?
The bubble of slumber has barely found Loki when a ripple of scream shreds every ounce of peace this house knows. The silence of the autumn suddenly sounds like a Hallow's Eve blood bath when Loki's body dashes towards the source of the voice. He does not even think for a second, his body already charging itself towards the stone-y path, his son outrunning him on his fours to come to a skidding halt at the foot of her bed.
"Kira," he calls out with a contrasting tone compared to the rigorous beating of his heart.
But she does not hear. Her eyes are wide open, looking at the window in her room while her cries wear her lungs out. All she screeches are the words 'no' and 'stop' repeatedly while looking at the empty space.
What disturbs Loki, even more, is that she is numb to the blood oozing out from where the needles were once sticking into her are ripping her skin apart. The duvet that covers her is being used as a shield against whatever she is afraid of while the blood smears the fabric with a new hue wherever it comes in touch with it.
There is fear in his eyes for what he plans to do, but the fear of watching her writhing in pain like this far outranks it. And so he takes the first lunge by sitting down next to her and slowly taking her trembling hand into his.
She yelps and jolts away from his cold touch.
"It's me. Kira, look," he calls out to her while switching on the bed lamp close to him, "It's Loki."
Her shivering figure cowering away from him takes its time to hear his voice while he patiently waits by the edge. He knows he has to let her come to him. Or he might lose her again. And it would already be one too many times.
"Loki?"
She has no idea what her frail voice does to that man's being. He can feel an electric current drive from his head to toe and all he can do is sit there nodding his head. "Yes, I'm here."
That man has barely finished his sentence to breathe when he feels heated arms being thrown around his torso while her head wants to hide in his chest.
"There's someone out there. There's someone out there, Loki."
Silence.
What is he supposed to feel right now?
The otherwordly elation on the touch of her arms, whose heat seeps through the soft cotton and is absorbed by his thirst-ridden skin? Or should he feel sad for the suffering that does not seem to leave her even when she heals?
In the swift moment, his rational brain scolds itself for having not having any intelligible actions ready like it usually does; for being useful during the one time it should be working at one hundred per cent capacity.
"Please," a whimper comes from his chest, "make it stop."
Like a flip of a switch in a cornered animal, Loki's pupils go wide while his arms come around her back with a life of their own. The cold palms hold the sweaty shirt on either side, making a barrier around her.
"Come here," he whispers, pulling her closer to him, letting her rest her head in the dip of his shoulder while his body seeks all the unnecessary heat from her untethered figure. "Nothing can hurt you, I promise. Okay? No one can hurt you. I'm here."
The wails dilute to sobs under the rhythmic soft pats of Loki's palm on her head in between soothing strokes through her hair.
"I'm here."
The sobs reduce to loud inhales and exhales, trying to find the resting point of her lungs. The patting continues into the dead of the night when unexpected rain showers wash away whatever bad lurks in the beautiful dark night outside, making her eyelids heavy and her body heavier on Loki's chest.
Finding the strength inside him, Loki takes her head in his palm and carefully drags her down the bed to let her head rest on the pillow. The tightened nerves inside him relax when they hear her light snores, convincing him she is finally asleep.
It is not easy to drag himself away from that angelic face resting so tranquilly but he puts his foot down on the floor- ready to let her rest- only to find a strong tug on his shirt by her fisted hand, pulling that loosely woven pure threadwork closer towards herself with wrinkles in between her brows.
"Kira."
That man is now suddenly a little boy standing outside the study of his father, from where a mellow golden light flows out into a river at the end of which he stands with a unicorn in his tiny hands, his green eyes twinkling with the dance of both shadows and light as he tries to look inside through whatever space the barely open door allows him. Little Loki witnesses his father carry his brother in his arms, telling him stories of kings and princes that conquered lands and brought peace by defeating all evil; narrating his love for the golden boy and boasting to the air in that room how he will be the next man to take care of the empire that his father built for him.
Outside, the raven-haired boy stands patiently before turning away to walk through the endless corridors to his room where the nanny is already waiting for him anxiously.
"Loki! Where were you? Now is not the time to sneak out."
The little one does not bother explaining for he goes straight to bed under his covers, his eyes towards the ceiling to look at the stars put up on there by the servants for his musings.
"Mother says stars walk alone," Loki stated out of nowhere for the nanny to hear as she tucks him into the bed, "because they burn bright for everyone. She also says I am a star. A really bright one."
"Of course you are," the woman smiles at him while wondering where this talk was coming from.
"I don't think she knows that I know stars can burn whatever comes near to them. It is not even practical to be a star without dying a cold death."
Margeret has to gasp. "Relax Margeret. It is the work of gases. You would not understand."
And saying that, he turns to face the other way. "I don't want to be a star," he mumbles, wishing upon those bogus stars a wish that crumbles with every passing breath in his life till there remains no evidence of these ashes that were ultimately tagged as hollow hopes. Hopes that seem to be reborn without so much as a warning when Loki finds himself lying down next to her and she- without even a conscious effort- pulls herself upon his arm, burying her head in his chest, facing away from the world.
A jolt of shiver runs through her body, immediately bringing Loki's arm over her shoulder, overworking his already imbalanced heart.
But the calm finds him in her presence just as it finds her in his arms. The night outside, fresh out from nature's bath feels the need to notice its presence not acknowledged by the two souls that used to let their demons roam in her robe. Now, those very souls rest them in each other's arms, devoid of the exhaustion that once haunted them in their loneliness.
"Okay, I'm already putting this out there so no judgments are made later on...I just learned how to drive. You don't get to say how bad I am. If you are scared to sit next to me hold on to your seat. If the car stops in the middle of the road do not rush me, I know I am bad with shifting gears and the accelerator right now. Oh, and at no time will you offer to drive instead. Okay?"
Loki's eyes take in your body on alert in the driver's seat of your dad's borrowed Suzuki. You adjust the rearview mirror and look at the controls, mumbling some things to yourself before double-checking the seat belt and starting the engine.
He cannot help but stare at your elation with heart eyes when the car starts without any trouble. What churns up the lights inside him is that crazy giggling smile stuck on your face.
"I'm driving a car," you squeak at a really low volume while your neck disappears and your shoulders go up in tender excitement.
By the Norns, who made her this cute, he truly has to wonder without realising a goofy smile has invited itself on his lips and has been sitting there even for Heimdall to see outside the gate when you exit.
"That good a breakfast, huh?" He teases his boss, who is quick to hide any evidence of joy on his face. Sadly the master strategist and deceiver can't hide it from his eyes.
"Did you get all the work done," Loki does not even move his brow when talking to the Watcher.
"I had a nice breakfast too, thanks for asking," he is quick to acknowledge that cold stare, "and yes it's done. So, where are you guys headed?"
You scoff, raising your hands from the steering wheel. "At least act surprised to see me driving even if you know it already."
Heimdall chuckles.
"I'm taking Loki to show around my town. Wanna c-"
"Oh good, Lord!" Loki blurts out of nowhere, making you jump where you sit, "turn the car, Kira! There's a cat about to walk under it!"
"What?"
"Turn it out of the driveway!"
"But-"
"Let's go! Before it tries to climb the wheel!"
You are hastily shifting the gear to drive. "They do that?"
"Now! Now!"
This is his first time. And he still cannot believe it is happening.
Well, shame on me for thinking only Odin had the finest colonial lands.
Trees line up both sides of the roads that are cleaner than the supposedly progressive concrete jungle that you two left behind for a while. The patience all the drivers have on the road with their cars in a smooth drive is really impressing the man, besides putting him at ease considering his heart has taken the wheel. There are people out and about on the sidewalks. And there are people exploiting the cycling tracks to get their blood pumping in this cold weather. Kindergarten kids, school kids, college kids- there are clusters of them coming and going; some sad to leave their parents, while others are running and skipping towards theirs.
This city is coloured in every hue imaginable even in the coldest of days. And unlike the iron world, he sits atop, this one seems like it takes out time to look around.
The car is parked in a spot right outside a local city museum and unlike you, someone notices the line of expensive rides next to yours while their owners are huddled together over one with beer cans and cigarettes. Every one of the five men standing on the other corner wear brands that equal your one month's salary.
"Let's start with this place," you bring Loki out of the calculating trance he is in since the second he laid eyes on the men that has been staring this way, "so we can get out and enjoy something much better if you get bored of this place."
Loki smiles at you and makes it a point to walk towards your side to place his hand on your back, mellifluously ask, "shall we?" and walk away with you with the energy that marks the five feet around you as a zone not to be stepped in.
Well, it is hard to get bored of your face no matter how long he looks at it because he is certain he has memorised every little scar on it till he watches you fascinated by the medieval art displays. Your eyes have the deepest ocean of y/e/c ever seen that goes shallow for that black endless void that widens on seeing something that curates to its curiosity. Your lips. Damn those lips that have been blessed by the Gods themselves. They turn and pout in question, are tormented by the teeth when something does not sit right and are touch in a peculiar fashion by your fingers that Loki forgets he has to breathe at one point. He envies the fallen eyelash that sits on your cheek; envies that it gets to touch you and be prayed upon for a wish or desire while he stands to praise nature's work from a distance. But he does not let that bother him for he cannot recall any other time when he has been this content with his life.
"Point at anything in here and you will love it."
"Really?"
"Mm-hmm. They are really good at everything they make."
"Oh...that's-wait. Is this the place that serves that pasta you keep comparing to everyone else's?"
Your face is already breaking into the smile and Loki's heart cannot help but whisper 'stop' while running a marathon.
"Yup."
"Okay, so I'll have a-"
"Kira?"
Loki turns around before you to see who recognizes you and if it is a threat.
"Henry?"
The marathon comes to a pause for there is a little prick that is felt right in the chest. You recognise this man with a decent scruff, wide eyes and a bubbly smile. He has already been read head to toe by Loki. He does not seem like a threat.
"Hey!" greets Henry before swooping you in his arms and giving one tight hug which leads to your alleged date to grind his teeth.
How dare he.
"How are you?"
"I'm good. What about you?" You don't have to ask him that. He looks fine for someone who just got up from his sleep and drove here.
"Fantastic now that we meet." Right. As if you were miserable before. "Where are you these days?! I've met CJ and Kat but never you."
"She's with me," Loki declares.
And that is when you notice the shift in the energy around you.
"Henry, this is my boss, Loki. Loki, this is my school friend, Henry."
You watch as Henry brings his hand forward for Loki. "Nice to meet you, man."
Loki reciprocates but you can tell by that sharp cut of his jaw that something bothers him even though he isn't being vocal about it like he usually is.
"Wait-" Henry's narrowed eyes are already telling Loki something he is tired of hearing- "Loki as in Loki the guy from Sun Corp. The Loki who went missing for two years before-"
"So I heard from Kat you're opening a rest-" you try to divert the conversation.
"Yes," Loki affirms much to your surprise, "that very Loki." And a smile.
"Damn," Henry whispers. "Well, I'll leave you to it then. And you two are invited to my restaurant's soft launch today. Kat will give you the deets and you have to bring Loki."
"Oh." You are a little dazed by the incomprehensible smoothness of this conversation. "Uhh..."
You feel the brush of Loki's arm with yours when he closes the distance with the two of you. "We will be there," he concludes with his smiling eyes while you are wondering all the reasons you could be feeling this sudden gush of warmth in your cheeks.
Nothing escapes Henry's eyes and that bubbly smile. You two have never been close which is why you are wondering why this guy is so excited to meet you. It hits you after a few seconds that the reason you were noticed might not have been because of you but your company.
You are still thinking about it when you and Loki settle down in the corner seat looking out the bakery shop.
"You don't have to go if you don't want to," you stress, reaching out for the bill in Loki's hand that he has already paid for.
But that sly man is already pulling the receipt away from your grip. "I'll go if you go. And considering you are a textbook people-pleaser around your friends, you will be going tonight."
All he reflects for your slightly unhinged and offended jaw is his smirk that has a tendency to stir something up inside your gut. "Correct me if I'm wrong."
"I am not a textbook people plea-"
"You went out to visit Kat even when your leg wasn't healed because she said you had not met her in a while."
You scoff. "W-It was true! I hadn't met her in a while and I-"
"And because CJ said she was mad at you because you hadn't answered her texts and calls."
You do open your mouth to contradict but nothing comes out except a defeated sigh.
"You could have told her about your health." Loki tilts his head and melting eyes that have their full attention on you. And you are feeling the goosebumps all over your body from that dedicated stare.
Did he always look at me that way? The sensible voice in your head clears her throat and wonders...He could look that way to anyone.
But your inner voice is already dancing. Look at the face, woman. Drown me in shallow waters if he isn't head over heels for you.
"I...have used my health as an excuse for multiple occasions so I don't think it'll cut for them anymore."
There is a slight crinkle in between his brows that does not seem to get as much attention as his tongue that darts out to wet his lips.
Why is that even legal? Your inner voice is angry while it involuntarily purrs.
"It is your health, Kira. I am pretty sure your friend will understand. Would you not rather that your friends tell you they are not fine instead of hearing about it when it all gets worse someday?"
You turn your toes to internally curse yourself on realising he has a point; a very good one.
"I'll talk to her," you agree and thank the waiter who brings you your lemon and mint iced tea and Loki's cold brew.
"Okay," you sing with crackling judgment humming in your voice as your eyes are stuck on Loki's dark drink, "since when are you into coffee? I haven't been gone that long."
"My existence will disagree," he mutters without so much of a thought as he lets his lips touch the straw in great anticipation while his eyes look up at the blank bump of an expression stuck on your face.
Heart thumping to the beats of embarrassment, your brain shuts down, pulls away the glass of cold brew and pushes your iced tea towards him. "Just have the tea, you monster." You try really hard to keep up that frown on your face while your insides want to come out and confirm the words he just said.
"Me? A monster?" If you did not know any better, Loki would seem flabbergasted right this second.
You narrow your eyes and let sarcasm drip just from your expression. "I have seen you murder your employees without even having to raise a weapon when you aren't in a good mood. Trust your assistant, Mr Loki, coffee is not your friend."
"Are you sure?" He narrows his eyes at you and crinkles his nose.
"Do you see anyone else being worried about you?" you direct at the surrounding with your hand.
There is a tilt of his head and crossed arms come to rest on the table. "So, you are worried about me?"
Your eyes pause any movement to stare into his for a moment so long he can feel his soul bare in front of you. "Someone has to..."
He is left numb with that look on your face.
"Because I am too tired to find another job."
Numb from the heart attack he just had till he feels his senses coming back to let him wack in the back of his head and let him know how he got played. What is better than those microscopic jolts of relief he is feeling on your skin is your wide-toothed laughter then nearly pinches your eyes close.
Whoever is watching him right now can without a strain of doubt point out at the man in love, looking at his life shine brighter than anyone in the room while he pauses all that he is doing- even breathing- to look at you like it is his first and last time doing so. Whoever is watching him is suddenly craving for a longing look like that; whoever is watching you envies what you can do to that beautiful man putting a good number of insecure humans to shame.
"Oh my Gosh-" you suddenly break out of your laugh with a sudden realisation- "I almost forgot about him."
Loki, the stoic-as-ever man- who is nearly bending over the table ready to dissolve- furrows his brows at the thought of you remembering someone other than him! "Who?" he asks with a surly taste in his mouth.
"Fenrir! How is he?"
"Oh."
You are somewhat puzzled at that flawless face going from a simmering stare of potential judgment to an innocuous reflection of understanding.
"He is as fine as he can be," he shrugs and scratches something on the nape of his neck, making your eyes dart at the bit of exposed skin under the maroon that is royally screwing up with your head with pictures you do not want to be imagining in public right now.
"So, he is being a bitch," you summarise for him. He nods in agreement, bringing back his hand and leaving that exposed microscopic yards of his shoulder and neck to be devoured by your stare so hard even the devil would blush. And unbeknownst to you, the devil hath blushed multiple times.
"I think he misses his roommate," Loki throws the statement nonchalantly, pulling your iced-tea back to him.
"Aw," you squeak a little putting your face in your palms and glittering eyes, "I miss him too."
"Then get back to work, Miss Kira," Loki's flat and stern tone softly plays on his tongue, "you have had more than enough of vacation time."
"Excuse me?"
"What."
"I got my bones broken for my company."
Loki shrugs and sips your tea. "I nearly died for mine. Big deal."
"Wow," you exhale. "Fine. I need a raise."
"Okay."
"..."
"What."
"Just like that?"
"You nearly died for the company. The company wants to thank you for your unwavering loyalty."
You don't really know what to say next. You never planned this far, thanks to your impulse.
That is till the socialist in you finds a silver lining.
"Cool," you tilt your head in your palms, "then you can cut my salary for a few more vacation days." Concluding it with a wink.
And Loki feels his insides sigh. Never in a million years could he have imagined a soft face like hers would hold the ultimate power to melt his insides like this.
Nature watches again.
Through the windows and winds that enter at the opening and closing of the door. Two souls more than just content in their hearts to be in the presence of the unexplainable they thought they lacked. That little boy inside Loki is sitting at that table looking at you with all the innocence and love he can feel in his little heart; all that he wants to give to you. Little Loki knows who the star is and what it is like to be in its presence. And he would not have it any other way.
The bakery plays a lofi mix of Just Want To Be The One You Love as these two closeted lovers bickered and enjoyed their much deserved time together, never knowing the company far away clicking pictures of their private time together before disappearing into the crowds and cars on the road outside.