Tickle Monsters

Peter glanced up from his phone for an instant before immediately turning back to the screen. “Have I?”

“I mean, I’m not complaining. I’ve just gotten so used to developing a headache by five o’clock from all your yammering, it feels weird to be able to see straight right now.”

Peter rolled his eyes but didn’t retaliate. His thumbs flew across the virtual keyboard while he lied upside-down on the couch, legs draped over the pillows and head dangling off the edge of the cushions. No matter where he was settled, the kid didn’t seem capable of sitting normally. Sam Wilson narrowed his eyes as he stared at him, mildly amused.

“What do you kids do on those things all day anyway? Gamble? Look at porn?”

“Yep, that’s it. The secret’s out. You got us.” Spider-Man snickered. “Gosh, you sound so old.”

Sam scoffed. From the recliner beside the couch, Bucky snorted.

“Glad I’m not the only one. The Wakandans basically thought I was a caveman.”

Sam threw his hands in the air. “Seriously, though, what are you doing right now? I gotta know what could possibly be entertaining enough to shut you up for the entire evening.”

Sam swore he saw the tiniest hint of pink rise in the kid’s upside-down face. “Just texting,” he replied. “My, um…friend.” Peter held the phone slightly closer to his chest, clearing his throat.

“Really?” Sam said. “A friend?” He raised an eyebrow at Bucky, who grinned back at him knowingly.

“Uh, yeah. That’s what I said.”

“A girl-friend, perhaps?” Bucky inquired, rising from his chair. He sat by Peter’s head as the blush in his cheeks deepened.

“W-what? No, it’s not—she isn’t—”

“Ah, a she it is then,” Sam said with enthusiasm, flopping on to the other side of the couch, smiling smugly. Now Peter was sandwiched between them. He gripped the phone like it was a lifeline.

“So? I can have girl friends. I mean—um, y’know—friends who are girls.”

“Sure you can,” Bucky agreed, slapping the kid’s shoulder. “But I’ve never seen someone beam all googly-eyed at a text conversation for as long as you have. I know a brewing love affair when I see one.”

Peter huffed and shook his head. “You’re crazy,” he grumbled. The pair of veterans always seemed to have it out for him, like two annoying older brothers. Once he joined the team, embarrassing Peter Parker became their new favorite pastime. Peter seriously hoped the phase would blow over quickly.

At that moment, the phone buzzed in his hands, making his eyes drop to the screen and his heart skip a beat.

“Then prove us wrong,” Sam said, reaching forward. “Let me read your texts.”

Peter jerked away sharply. “What? No.” His elbow bumped into Bucky, who made a grab for the device as well.

“If you’re telling the truth, then you’ve got nothing to hide.” Bucky caught his wrist, but Peter ripped himself free, panic blooming in his throat.

“You’ll just send something weird!” he yelled. He whipped his arm around to keep it out of both men’s reach, regretting his unconventional sitting habits, struggling to free himself from the unexpected couch trap, when Sam pressed his hand against Peter’s stomach. It wasn’t on purpose, but the effect was all the same. Before he could stop himself, Peter slammed both arms down to his sides, a squeal leaping from his lips.

“What was that?” Sam snorted. Peter clutched the phone to his chest with both hands, his face heating up.

“W-what was what?” he asked, shifting nervously. “Just lay off already, would you?”

Peter thought he’d played it off well enough to divert suspicion, until a finger tasered his side, shattering what pitiful remnants were left of his facade. He jolted and yelped and glanced left to see Bucky towering over him, boasting an evil grin.

“Well, what do you know,” he said, tilting his head to the side. “Do my eyes deceive me, or is Spider-Man a little ticklish?”

Peter wanted to disintegrate. Sam smiled.

“Oh, is he now? Is that true, Spider-Man?”

Peter shook his head fervently, curling further and further into himself. As if Bucky and Sam didn’t already have enough embarrassing dirt on him. Now this? Couldn’t it be anything but this? His legs shrunk from the top of the couch to his chest.

“In that case, this situation becomes much simpler.” Sam held up both hands, wiggling his fingers threateningly. “Give us your phone, Spider-Man, or else.”

Peter looked between the two Avengers with wide eyes, hiding the device as well as he could, grasping for a way out of this, but they didn’t give him a chance to find one. The second he made a move to escape, the two heroes pounced on him.

“Ahaha!” Peter shrieked. “N-nohoho, wait!” Sam went for his right side while Bucky attacked his left, the pair gunning for every ticklish spot that was exposed. They squeezed his sides, kneaded his belly, and drilled his ribs with their evil fingers. Peter thrashed and kicked, unable to contain the explosion of giggles that immediately started pouring out of him.

“Oh dear,” Bucky chuckled, digging his thumb into hip. “The itsy-bitsy spider is very ticklish indeed.”

“How did we not figure this out sooner?” Sam wondered, dodging the kid’s flailing legs as he tickled him all over. “We’re barely even touching you, and you’re already squealing like a little spider piggy!”

Peter laughed helplessly, blushing from head to toe, bucking and squirming all over the place. “Stahahap! Guys! Come ahahon!” He squeaked when Bucky poked his armpit, making the two Avengers grin.

“Cough up the phone and we will, loverboy.”

Peter held his arms as tight to his sides as he could, but Bucky started pulling at his wrists to dislodge the phone, occupying him just long enough for Sam to shove both hands into the kid’s underarms. He wiggled his fingers against the incredibly ticklish spots, sending Peter into a frenzy of laughter.

“Ahahaha nohoho! Oh gahahad! Gehet ohoff me!”

While squirming hysterically, Peter accidentally flung his legs far over his head, so much so that his weight went with them and he ended up somersaulting backwards off the couch. Taken by surprise, Sam and Bucky flinched out of the way as Spider-Man tumbled to the floor, landing ungracefully on his rear end. He sat blinking for a moment, dazed and breathless with giggles. He lifted his eyes to his tormentors, the phone still clutched in his hands. The two men smiled deviously.

“Run.”

He did not need to be told twice.

Peter bolted towards the wall, knowing that if he made it there, he could crawl to safety. It felt like he was moving faster than he ever had in his life, perhaps because the incentive for escaping was such a big motivator. He took off in a running leap, nearly there, so close to salvation, when a metal hand caught his ankle. Peter flailed and dropped to the ground. He glanced over his shoulder to see Bucky holding his leg, grinning evilly. How the hell is he so fast?! Peter thought. He often forgot just how super the super-soldier serum had made him.

Sam was on him a second later. Peter couldn’t scramble away fast enough. He screeched and curled into a ball just as Sam reached him. Immediately, the Avenger started tickling his sides, scuttling his fingers up and down his torso. Peter bunched his arms and legs to his body, guarding himself and the phone as best he could, but it wasn’t enough. High-pitched laughter was soon flooding from his lips and shaking his entire frame. For reasons none of them could fathom, it seemed tickling reduced Spider-Man from a nimble, powerful superhero into a helplessly giggly kid who could do nothing but take it and laugh his ass off. It was kind of adorable.

“There’s got to be something real juicy on that phone of yours if you’re this determined to keep us from seeing,” Sam said, worming his hands through Peter’s defenses and clawing at his ticklish tummy. “What is it, then? A heartfelt love confession? A poem maybe? Or a song? Please tell me it’s a song.”

“Ihit’s nahahathing!” Peter laughed. “Sahaham! Pleeheehease!”

Bucky joined the tickle-attack, drilling his fingers everywhere left vulnerable on the poor kid, making Peter twitch and jump and giggle like crazy. “I bet they just send a bunch of those little cartoon hearts back and forth,” he chuckled. “What are they called again? Emojicons or whatever?”

Sam snorted. “Close enough.”

Peter squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his face to the floor, his laughter muffled and punctuated by hiccups. “Ahahahaha! Nohoho morhore! Noho morhorhore!” He squirmed and squealed and clung to the phone for dear life. Sam and Bucky chuckled.

“What’d you say? More? All right, if you insist.” Sam ground his knuckles into Peter’s ribs, making him erupt with giggles. Bucky followed suit, slipping his hands underneath his shirt and squeezing his bare sides and belly. Peter collapsed on to his side, shrieking.

“NOHOHAHAHA! STOPSTAHAPSTAHAHAHAP!”

“We’ll stop when you give up!” Bucky said playfully. “Until then, we’re the Tickle Monsters! The dreaded nemeses of Spider-Man, sworn to defeat him with our evil tickle powers!”

Sam went for his neck, making him cringe and squeak. “That’s right! Give up, or we’ll tickle you to death!”

It was amusing to see the Falcon and the Winter Soldier behaving so childishly. Unfortunately, Peter was too busy laughing like a child to enjoy it, and their teasing was not making the unbearable tickle attack any easier to endure. His blush deepened and his giggling climbed.

“OHOHO MY GAHAHAHAD! PLEEHEEHEASE!” Tears pricked in his eyes. He knew he was done for. He couldn’t stand it another second. Every little poke and prod was driving him mad. A sudden squeeze to his knee startled him so much, the phone clattered out of his hands, skidding across the wood to the other side of the room. Welp. Shit. That was it, then. But before anyone could get up and retrieve it, a figure stepped through the doorway, scooping it off the floor.

“Um, hi,” Tony said, studying the odd cluster of people on the ground with narrowed eyes. He held the phone out skeptically. “Peter, is this yours?”

While Bucky and Sam were distracted, Peter flew to his feet. “M-Mr. Stark! Please—don’t let them—EHAHAHA!”

Bucky seized him from behind before he could finish, wrapping both arms around the kid’s midsection and drilling his fingers into his tummy and sides. Peter flailed with laughter, clawing at his metal hand and kicking his legs but unable to escape the super-soldier’s grip. Bucky lifted him off the ground to decrease his leverage, wrecking the poor teenager with a barrage of tickles. Stark watched Peter laugh hysterically with confusion and amusement. Mostly amusement.

“Should I even ask what’s going on here?” he snorted.

“Nah. Just calling the kid out on an obvious lie he was telling us by looking through his texts.”

The corners of Stark’s mouth twitched upright. “A lie, huh? He is notoriously bad at those.” He eyed the giggly hero, smiling bemusedly. “So what’s all…this about then? Avenger hazing?”

“Persuasion technique. He wouldn’t give up his phone. Turns out this particular technique is incredibly effective on him.”

From how adorably pathetic Peter Parker looked, Sam’s assumption appeared sound. The kid was doubled-over with squeaky laughter, his entire face flushed pink, struggling and failing to break free of Bucky’s tickly hold. It sounded as though he was trying to squeeze in a word or two between bouts, but all of it was drowned in a bubbly waterfall of giggles. Tony bit back a chuckle.

“What’s he lying about?”

“A girl he’s been texting all day. He says they’re just friends, but we don’t buy it.”

Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You people are ridiculous,” he sighed, but handed the phone off. When Peter saw the exchange occur, he started thrashing even more.

“AHAHAWAHAHAIT!” he cried. “PLEEHEASE DOHOHON’T!”

“Let’s see,” Sam said, ignoring him as he went to his messages. “Ooh, okay, here we go. Two unread texts from a person named…MJ.”

He started scrolling through their conversation. It went on for a significant amount of time without any breaks. They had, in fact, been texting for two hours long, back-and-forth, which was impressive. But the texts themselves? Boring. So dull. Arguments about space, math, science stuff. Homework questions. Total nerdfest, with only the occasional friendly tangent here and there, some of which made Sam cringe a little on Peter’s end. Overall, completely devoid of romance. Disappointing to say the least.

“That’s all they said?” Bucky murmured, frowning.

“Please tell me I’m missing something here,” Sam scoffed. “If this really is your girlfriend, this is the saddest relationship I’ve ever seen.”

Bucky stopped tickling the kid but didn’t loosen his grip. Peter went limp, giggling dazedly, wheezing for breath. “Aheh...eheh…oho man, pleehease…” His sides ached and his head felt loopy. “Please don’t tell her...”

“Tell her what?” Bucky asked. When Peter didn’t answer right away, he tweaked his side, making him flinch and squeal.

“Aha! Fine! Th-that I like her, okay?”

The room fell quiet. Peter’s face burned every shade of red under the sun.

“There, happy? I said it. I like her.” He huffed defeatedly, glancing around the room. “But please. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’m not ready for her to know yet. Just please don’t tell her, okay?”

Slowly, Bucky set him down. Peter hugged himself around the middle, grateful to be free, still short of breath, lifting his gaze to Sam desperately. A smile spread across Sam’s face. Across everyone’s faces.

“Ah, kiddo. You are too damn cute, you know that?” He clicked off the screen and tossed Peter his phone. He caught it messily, relief rushing through him. “Just look at him. Little Spidey with his little high school crush, stuck in the friend zone, too shy to tell her how he really feels. Doesn’t that just make your heart melt?”

“Shut up,” Peter mumbled, smiling coyly, shoving the phone into his pocket. Immediately, Bucky tasered him from behind, causing Peter to leap with a start and giggle sharply.

“I’d suggest speaking to us with a little more respect, Spider-ling,” he said, smirking.

“Don’t forget,” Sam hissed, wiggling his fingers. “We know your weakness now.”

Peter winced back like a scared puppy, partially hiding himself behind Tony Stark. Tony chuckled, ruffling the kid’s hair.

“This girl you like—she’s the one I saw at your last decathlon meet, right? Blunt, a bit on the scary side?”

Peter blushed. “Probably. She’s a lot nicer than she seems.”

“Yeah. She definitely already knows that you like her.”

He cringed, the color draining from his face. “What? Mr. Stark, w-what do you mean? How?”

“Because she’s smart. And you’re really bad at hiding your emotions. I guarantee if you tell her, she won’t be surprised. I picked up on it the first minute I saw you two in a room together.”

Before he could even process this very unexpected and alarming information, Bucky and Sam burst out laughing. Peter’s color returned, blooming bright red in the apple’s of his cheeks. Dying right about now sounded pretty great. At the same time, if MJ did know that he liked her, and she was still talking to him, that gave him a little bit of hope for the future.

“Well, you know what that means,” Sam said, cracking his knuckles. “Time for phase two of our evil plot: get Spider-Man to confess his love to his dream girl.”

“When should phase two begin?” Bucky asked, eyeing Peter with a devious smile. Peter looked between the pair in disbelief, laughter already welling in the back of his throat at the mere thought of being tickled again. He looked to Tony for help.

Sam grinned. “Why not…right now?”

As the two Avengers approached, Stark turned to Peter and shrugged. “Well, what are you waiting for?” he said, spidering his fingers menacingly. “Better start running.”

The teen’s jaw dropped. You—you traitor! He didn’t have time to dwell on it though, for the Tickle Monsters were nearly upon him, now with a third member. He took off in a mad dash, giggles already spilling from his lips long before they caught him.