Maria Stark has to leave alone for the Gala, with only the night and stars as companion.
The snow painting the windows of their mansion is warmer than his father's whiskey, Tony thinks, as his throat burns with winter when his father makes him chug another glass.
Jarvis smiles with half a mouth. It's all he can give. A sad smile that feels as synthetic as it looks and a promise of something better in the morning.
Promises mean nothing when they reek of lies.
She goes. Howard stays. December is a dark time for the Starks.
Howard looks at the picture of their wedding day when they bury her and thinks: 'You're not getting away that easily.'
-
Tony knew better than to disturb Howard when he was working.
It was common knowledge that you keep away from the sulky engineer when there was no sight of him for three days on the surface. If you didn't want to be met with a storm of hot boiling words and, occasionally, a wrench gets thrown at your head.
Tony was aware of that, learning it on his own skin more times than he would like. But even if their house was sinisterly quiet, he was cornered by the little creaks under the floor and squeaks of doors and the distinct sound of thumping in the attic or walls. They were feeding his young imagination in the worst of ways.
Logical thinking fled out as though it was never there. He found himself tiptoeing to the brown, shiny door attached to the inner wall of their kitchen. As he advanced, Stark shivered at the abruptly, chilly coldness brushing on the skin of his wet back.
Everything in him screamed to get away from there, telling him Howard would be anything but pleased to find his noisy son fooling around in his precious laboratory. Tony didn't want to listen. He told himself he could take the burn of Howard's angry words and vicious backhand as long as he wouldn't have to fall in the web of loneliness again.
His heart is the size of a pebble yet it struggled wildly against his ribcage like a feral animal, and his mouth feels dry like sand. The grip he has on the shiny handler is unstable when he pushes the door open.
No Howard. Just a dark room filled with projects that seemed to mock him.
THAT was surprising. Tony couldn't recall a time when his father willingly left the lab without at least a bit of convincing. It was always his mother or Jarvis that had to either wrestle him out or nag him enough to come up and kiss the sunlight for a change.
In his agitation, doesn't dwell much with that thought. Instead, he hops down the stairs carefully, not wanting to step wrong given the lack of light, and jumps at the bottom of the concrete staircase.
Tony is 6 years old when he discovers her.
There is a medical table implemented in the middle of the round. It's illuminated by the weak shininess of the light bulb above them and surrounded by littered pieces of paper and various components that Stark isn't familiar with.
Underneath the blank cover that blankets the object underneath, Tony can make out the outline of a body. Uneasiness crashes heavily inside his chest.
The pang of discomfort in his stomach hooks into him wants to drag him out of that room, but it battles with a scorching curiosity that wraps around Tony's ankles like vines that hold him frozen in place.
And it wins.
Hesitantly, able to move again, Tony wraps his little fingers around the white material and pulls it off with a herculean effort. His heart drops to his belly and earth seemed to run under his feet when he's met with what's underneath.
"Mama?"
He tells himself this is a bad dream. That his mother's face isn't staring back at him after not even a week after burying her. That Jarvis would be here any minute now to wake him up and he'll have the sweet scent of pancakes, bacon, and eggs under his nose in no time.
But that thought was an escape too sweet for him, and the world mastered the unforgiving art of cruelty all too well.
Reality whips him on the back with no remorse, snapping him out of the daze he hadn't realized he was falling into. He wants to scream until his neck gives out but his lips are clamped shut, refusing to make a sound.
His body seemed to get a mind of his own. His trembling hand raises slightly, wanting to at least brush across her smooth looking skin, wanting to see if it felt like he did with her.
When cold, strong fingers fly and catch his wrist in a grip too tight for comfort and lifeless blue eyes fix into him, Tony gasps and screams like a wounded animal. He pulls so hard against the hold he thinks his wrists would be ripped apart from his body and he begins to sob uncontrollably.
The thing on the table seems to understand that it was hurting him if the way she graciously slipped her fingers off was anything to go by.
Tony swears he spotted a glimpse of something that looked like regret but he doesn't have time to further analyze it because he's out like a light, dashing up the stairs and wailing like a newborn, almost knocking Howard off his feet when the man finally made an appearance.
Howard orders him to come back like a general does to an army but Tony doesn't listen. He runs into his bedroom, barricades the door and hides under his covers. He cries so much he thinks he's going to be sick until Jarvis finally arrives and talks him into opening the door.
He hopes he won't be seeing any more of the woman downstairs. Of course, his luck would never be that good.
Howard keeps her around, in everyone's discomfort. For a while, they act as a happy couple. 'Mom' as Howard insisted Tony referred to as, was all smiles and happy chipper, not a frown to be seen on her unblemished skin or a tear on her face. Unhappiness was a foreign concept, but Stark wonders if it was also an undesired one.
When there's only the two of them in the house, Maria doesn't try to engage with him as aggressively as Howard encourages her to. She doesn't force him to call her by a title that doesn't belong to her. She has his mother's face, but Howard's voice comes out and she knows how much that effects him.
When there's just the two of them, Maria spends a lot of her time looking in the mirror. Tony doesn't quite know what she's looking for. After a time, he wonders if it was ever a 'what' or more a 'whom'.
Stark would sit and observe her, trying to find quirks or traits his mom had in Maria. When he doesn't find them, he's left both disappointed and confused. Howard Stark did things perfectly. So why would Maria not be the copy she was supposed to?
It was the little things, but he had taken note of them. While his mother was alive, her face lightened up at the sight of cranberry jam and crackers. Maria is the stark contrast of that, face cringing in disgust whenever it was served at the table, away from Howard's gaze.
They seemed to have different tastes when it came to style, hobbies, and fashion as well. Preferences, Stark thought, Maria wasn't even supposed to have. Yet, he didn't mention it, knowing what will follow if he did.
Tony doesn't know when the empty doll eyes started to sparkle with an unusual light, but they did. Maria, when thinking she was protected in the cocoon of solitaire, was the epitome of a paper cartoon coming to life. It didn't feel like something he was supposed to share, not even with Jarvis. It felt...Special, in away.
Slowly but surely, they start exchanging more than just greetings and one-liners. He can recall one night, he had heard the TV go off in the living room. This time, he didn't feel scared to walk down and find what was happening.
Tony finds Maria sitting on the couch, the blue coming from the TV illuminating her unmoving and unblinking features. He supposed this was her 'charging cycle' as Howard insisted on him calling it, Star Wars, his favorite franchise, playing in the background.
He lays his head on her lap and falls asleep to the sound of someone humming and fingers playing in his hair.
"I find your lack of faith disturbing. " Maria tells Howard one day when Stark comes home with a busted knee and bleeding elbow from falling off his bicycle yet again and he suggested he could just quit. They both shared a laugh at his puzzled expression.
-
"I'm not a regular mom. I'm a cool mom."
"Mom, oh my God--, ".
Neither of them says much when 'Maria' becomes 'mom'. It felt natural, as though it was meant to happen, something they didn't have to question.
Years passed, and the so-called relationship between Maria and Howard deteriorated. Maria started to be more maid than a wife. Tony, at some point, got sent away to M.I.T like a package more than a person, leaving her alone with only Jarvis as back up.
She smiled, but her eyes told another story: " Howard isn't as dangerous as he likes to think he is. Nothing I can't handle. So, don't worry about me and try to have a good time at school. I am aware it is school, but still."
But, apparently, Maria was very adamant about him keeping da distance. Howard was rude, tongue sharped at his best, and violent at his worst. All of that amplified with the burning of alcohol down his throat made for an unpleasant situation she wished on no one.
When Howard drank, endlessly, angrily, filled with pain, he didn't have hands. He had fists. And they did an awful amount of damage even if she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of confirming that.
Tony gets her out. Late, later than he'll ever forgive himself, but he gets her out.
More years pass. He stays as difficult as ever, in some days so much so that Maria sees an angry, stomping child, sometimes helpless in front of her rather than a grown man.
She always fixes his ties because every time he does it, they get all crooked and messy, and the fond smile always stays the same. "A man with a set of hands that can create any invention possible from scratch but can't fix his own tie."
"Nobody's perfect. I mean, have you seen your clothing style? It's like someone took a wife out of a 50s black and white movie. You have options now. I thought we agreed outdated doesn't mean vintage."
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the amount of shit that comes out of your mouth right now. No drinking, no car racing, and no bringing people home because you haven't cleaned your room yet."
"So, no fun. Got it. "
These are their moments. With a kiss on the cheek, Stark leaves and all Maria can do is watch.
Natasha happens, and Tony still gets a kick out of how she got founded out.
"Agent Romanoff, I'm sorry dear, but can you help me with these bags?"
"Sure Mrs. Stark, no pro--... Oh, fuck me!"
Afghanistan happens and she's more than reluctant to leave him out of her sight. But, it was okay, because Tony didn't exactly wanted to be left ungazed.
Stane happens, and besides complaining about having to clean the blood and scolding him for getting the floors dirty, his mother does the work without too much fuss.
"You almost choked him to death one time."
" 'Almost.' Thank you for reminding me of my failures."
Rhodes shakes his head but even he has to laugh. "You guys are fucked up, but I wouldn't trade you for the world."
Loki happens, and Stark swears he was going to rip the doors of the elevator open. Knowing his mother was alone with that creep didn't do anything to put him at ease.
Watching the mess outside, Maria can't help but shake her head in displeasure in Loki's way. "You caused quite the havoc outside. Thor has been more than messy before, but at least he was a sweetheart enough to feel bad about it. I hope you know that once this is over, my son is going to have to fix everything! I think you owe him an apology."
"...I've met insolent mortals in my time, but none that can paralled the nerve you have, woman. Who, exactly, do you think you're talking to? more importantly, what makes you think your boy has what it takes to repair the unfixable?"
"Dear, he's my son, " Maria answered simply. "He can do everything and anything he puts his mind to. And ten times more past that. He's durable. He's strong. He'll be here standing long after you go home."
"So supportive… I feel terrible for not allowing you to live long enough to see your mighty son fall at my feet, " Loki smiles when his spear clashes against Maria's chest but it erases in the minute he hears the sound of the metal clink.
Maria's one, however, is sickeningly sweet. "Have a safe landing!"
Before Loki could ask what she meant, Stark is tackling him through the windows.
" He fixates Loki with a stony look and the demi-God pauses. "Now's a good time for that apology, Salem."
-
Stark wasn't a stranger to the possibility of being insane. People always had a different definition for insanity when applied to him, though.
-
"You're insane, " Howard reproaches to him when Stark is 8. His messy hair is dirty and reeks of sweat blended with oil and chaotically sticks in every direction. His eyes, wide and rabid, are filled with too much fury for a father's face. Stark thinks the toy robot trapped in his hands might crumble at the force Howard applies in his hold.
When he speaks, The bourbon breath flooded Stark's mouth with bile and almost makes him run for the toilet.
"If I say you can't fix it, then you can't fix it! Can I be more clear about it!? It's compromised, Tony, leave it alone! Maybe if you showed the same care to your studies, you wouldn't be such an embarrassment."
Howard smashes the robot against the ground and thunders back into his workshop with an angry stomp on his heel. Stark quietly retrieves his mini tool kit from underneath the bed and constructs his metallic friend from the ground up.
The next day, C.H.I.P., as Stark names it, takes the role of the butler and serves everyone with syrup and honey at the breakfast table. He's shiny, fully functional, and Stark likes him to no end for his quirkiness and impressive acrobatic abilities he apparently possesses . His spectacles are the best part of his day.
Howard watches his happiness , hia attachment with a hawk stare.
C.H.I.P. mysteriously disappears the next day and there's an icy silence surrounding the household. Stark doesn't utter a word to Howard for months.
-
"You're insane, " Rhodes tells him at 15 when Stark shows up with his first AI. The bags underneath his eyes are deep and dark, and Stark fights to stay awake as every minute passes. Dum-E is almost as tall as him, wheeling and spinning around with his claw in the air while happy beeps fill their dorm.
He's curious like a child exploring a new world. Stark loves him from the first glance.
Rhodes is amused when he says it, no heat or real frustration in his fond laced voice. Stark's smile is as bright as sunbeams when he hears it.
"Better insane than dull, " his reply came with a wink. "You know, I'm really starting to like this whole Mad Scientist shtick people keep assigning me! Everyone is scared I'll use them as guinea pigs and at least 3 students stopped me in the hall to ask me if I replaced you with a clone. As if I'd tell them."
"As happy as it makes me to see you finally accepting your issues, we have a chemistry paper due tomorrow, " Rhodes reminds him, ruffling his hair as he throws his supplies on his desk. "So get on with it, Dr. Frankestein, because I'm not covering this time."
"Keep at it. Your clone is waiting in the cafeteria freezer and it's been dying to get warm, " Stark sticks his tongue out at him and almost yells when Dum-E drops hot coffee on his lap.
"The vodka you keep in the water bottles to trick the teachers are in the freezer too?"
"Fuck you, Rhodes."
"You couldn't handle me if you tried, Stark."
-
"You're insane," Potts has tears in her voice and so much pride in her eyes that Stark almost chokes on it. The car ride from the press conference was three times longer than it should've been. Stark's grasp on the duffel bag strap didn't ease one bit.
"And i love you. There's a very short list of people who would've done what you did, Tony. I'm proud of you for being a part of it."
"Not sure if you should be proud of normality, " Stark replies, trying to keep the strainess from his tone. But he feels so lightweight it was hard to be anything but exhausted. "That should've never been necessary in the first place. If we had a good world, --"
"But we don't, " Pepper stated firmly, with a look that dismissed any argument. "We may not have a good world. We never had. But what you did today shouldn't be overlooked because of that. It contributed to the good, Tony. Even if it shouldn't be something you'd have to do."
"Pep, I just unfucked a mess I had a hand in. Nothing new. I wouldn't exactly call it good since I was one of the main reasons why it even happened. You shouldn't be proud of me for not hurting people anymore."
"You didn't hurt anyone. Tony, what you did is not the same or compares to what Stane and the people who stole from you caused. "
"They were MY weapons."
"And I work under the same company who used to manufacture those weapons, " Peoper pointed out, challenging him to say something else. Wisely, his lips stayed shut. "Does that make me a killer? Or Happy? Or the dozen of employees under your care?"
Tony shields his eyes with sunglasses before they could comment on the moisture in his eyes.
"Our world may not be the best, " Happy supplies, watching his boss from the view mirror. His tone is as soft and understanding as ever. "But it can be, as long as it has Iron Man as her protector. And I believe in Iron Man."
-
"You're insane, " Steve pants right before he collapses close to his damaged armor in New York. When Tony laughs, the burns marks, prominent around his jaw and forehead, stir his skin even harder but he can't bring himself to care. The others are splattered on the ground, passed out, groaning in pain.
They won.
"And Fury is going to put your head in a spike. Fling it right on top of the 'carrier like a fucking car accessory, Shellhead, " Steve has earnest written all over his face, and Tony can't bring himself to feel any regret. "You're just asking for a knockout."
"Then he'll have the prettiest, most macabre accessory around, " the smirk Stark has spread on his face hurts. Because he's frightened at what he has seen; He's pretty sure he had brushed with death; He is used to staring at it, he never expected it would stare back. "I'm not scared of him, but I am scared of my mom. If I have any luck, she hasn't seen the news."
"She did, " Fury appears before him out of nowhere, and Stark almost jumps out of his suit. "You're grounded. And we're invited to dinner."
"Thrilling."
Steve smiles at him, and it's a kiss over a wound.
-
"You're insane, " Banner tells him when he proposes to create Ultron. His core is unsettled and his paranoia is off the roof. Stark never felt more uncomfortable in his own shoes in his life. Every time he looks at Banner, or at any of them, he sees lifeless eyes piercing through him like a dagger. "Tony, I don't know--,"
'Why didn't you do more?'
"Well, good thing I do, " Tony interrupts, fingers already brushing against the holograms, shaking tapping on the different shapes presented; Blue energy covers his face and Stark's mind works like a well-used machine, already unraveling its secrets. "I know what to do. I always do, unfortunately."
"Where did this come from?" Banner asked gently. "You're acting weirder than usual. And that's coming from me. What happened?"
"We're not going to be here forever, " he explains, wanting to push the actual explanation out; It sounds too crazy even to his own ears. "Do you want to leave the world unprotected? I don't. This is for the future, Brucie Bear; You can call me everything you want as long as you help me bring it to life."
Bruce doesn't say anything. He just gets to work, and Tony is grateful for that. Time passes, and he gets invested in this project, too, to his joy. That puts Stark at ease, even a little. There's a bad feeling at the back of his neck, but he wrestles it away.
"You boys look tired, " his mother smiles fondly as soon as she enters the lab. Her arms are full of blankets, coffee and a thermos full of what he assumes to be tea. "At least try to get some sleep between your since binge? So I can get some decent twinkies."
Stark tiredly kisses Maria on the forehead as he always does. "No promises."
-
"You're insane, " Romanoff bores, obviously exasperated. The little girl he earlier grabbed before she could get touched by bullets flees at his request. "What genius runs in an open fire with no protection on?"
As she talks, Stark looks around until he stops around an already run down building that has seen better days and with a swift kick, the piece of faunt pavement crumbles, revealing a dusty brief case. Stark retrieves it and the content of shiny black and gold parts don't surprise Romanoff one bit.
"The kind of genius who has protection everywhere. Now come on. We have a tin can to dent."
-
"You're insane, " Ultron tells him, metal foot pressed hard against his chest. For a robot, he sounds amused when saying it, making Stark's blood boil even harder as he recognizes the same arrogance he possesses in him. "For thinking you could control someone like me. And look at the irony. The creator, at the machine's mercy. Bowing at my feet. No soldiers, or assassins, or Gods to save you. Yet you still tried to fight me on your own. How foolish of you."
"Yeah," he smiles, teeth tainted with blood but still as mighty as ever. ''And I don't do foolish, do I?"
By time Ultron understands,he goes flying, and his chest is freed from the almost devastating weight. A grey gauntlet offers a hand, and relief washes over him when he realizes its Rhodes.
He gets back on his feet and is about to say they better retreat while Ultron is still down when he notices Rhodes is holding on a long hander, and Stark's eyes travel to the hammer resting on the armored shoulder. He can practically see his best friend beaming through the faceplate.
"Is that…?"
"The one and only."
"Oh, you are never letting this go, are you?"
"Nope! As if you would."
-
When Banner drops the news, Tony feels his life stop.
'Ultron can transfer in any program, any device that has any kind of technological value to it. Phones, computers, cars, -- he can go into everything. We have to shut every single mechanism up if we want to have a chance, ' he looks at Maria who kept a cool face, different from earlier when Ultron attacked first.
She had been angry. Angrier than he or anyone has ever seen her. Maria was the embodimenwatchwatth in that moment, snarling and baring her punches more like a beast than a woman.
Stark wished she showed emotion when she found out she had to die, too.
'Every mechanism.'
Fury and the rest don't dare to look at her, or at him. Fury's eyes are red-rimmed, pained when Maria pulls a lost Stark in the lab and he looks like he wants to reach out, but he holds back, fingers clenching at his side,letting the two of them go.
"You're insane, " Maria tells Stark when he refuses to deactivate her. He's stuttering and his voice is choked up but she smiles softly down at him and kisses the hands that are about to end her life. Stark wants to die with her. "You've always been. My little crazy pants."
"Mom, " Stark's voice gets tighter and tighter, and he feels like he can't breathe. He's shaking all over, and it just worsens when Maria takes his hand and drifts it across her forearm like a brush on a canvas, leaving a trail of greatness behind. "Mom, mom I can work something out, I can-- we can trick him, we can install a virus in you maybe and-and capture him there--, "
"That wouldn't change anything, " Maria shakes her head negatively, handing him the tools he needs. Tony wonders if her smile is so sad because she can't cry otherwise. ''He would destroy me either way, darling. We have to stop him from hurting anyone else. I know that you can do it."
"I--I don't want to k--ki--, "
"You're not, " Maria touches his face with feather-light touches, and wipes away the tears falling from his eyes. "You're just… Putting me to sleep. Just like I did when you were a child, remember? And you were scared of the Boogeyman coming to get you?"
He listens to her words, and his hands work on their own.
"I sang lullabies to you until you fell asleep in my arms. You clung to me so tightly, I thought you'd break something. Jarvis would tuck us in with the warmest blanket and You wrapped it all around me because it was winter and you thought I was cold, " she chuckled, and it was like hearing a rain of sobbing. "Can you sing to me? You know how much I love your voice."
Stark's singing is as pained as his heart. Maria doesn't show any signs that she minds. The crushed voice breaks several times under the pressure of a broken heart.
"High in the halls of the kings who are gone
Jenny would dance with her ghosts
The ones she had lost and the ones she had found
And the ones who had loved her the most
The ones who'd been gone for so very long
She couldn't remember their names
They spun her around on the damp old stones
Spun away all her sorrow and pain
They danced through the day
And into the night through the snow that swept through the hall
From winter to summer then winter again
'Til the walls did crumble and fall. "
When Tony dares to look up, Maria's pupil and iris are swallowed by an electrical blue that shines bright beneath the hyper-realistic plastic and his hands stop working once the deed was done. His breath is stuck in his neck and his lungs refuse to permit inhaling.
"I'm sorry, " he breathes out, hiccups and sobs filling his words. "I--I was supposed to be a hero. It wasn't meant to be like this."
"You were always a hero, " Maria's eyes shut down slow, but in her last moment, she fights to stay awake. "Before… Iron Man… there was... Tony Stark… You were always my hero…."
The blue vanishes away.
The world stopped for Stark when Maria stopped being responsive. He tapped his mother on the shoulder, shook her with the gentlest of touches, and cradled her cold body to his own. They fall together.
Stark stays on the ground for what feels like years. His legs and upper body lack feeling, and his body has never felt number. His mind is a black void, no thought or capability of processing emotion is present.
Multpairs pair of arms wrap around his body and held him close until he's wrapped in a protective cocoon. Stark can't bring himself to feel. The emotion was foreign to him at that moment.
He never felt more machine than this.
-
"You're insane. " Hills tells as they watch Ultron drip closer and closer into the oversized pot filled with melted steel. Banner assured him he wasn't coming back from this. The robot struggled in the special chains, trying to set himself free, like a worm on a hook.
"I know, " Stark swallows. "Not exactly new information."
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Ultron screams, almost desperately. "YOU-- I'M ALIVE! I AM ALIVE!"
Stark doesn't blink. "Not for long."
It's a pleasure to watch him burn. He has a feeling everyone in the room can relate.
-
Tony and Bruce work on her for a week. Everyone inhales at that time, but no one dares to breathe. Not until they can look at Maria again.
"It takes a Stark to put down a Stark, " Tony tells them, hands moving masterfully along the circuits crackling under his fingers. He gives Bruce a tight nod, and prays once in his head. He figures the universe owes him that match. "And it takes a Stark to fix another, too."
Bruce mirrors an affirmative head movement, hand moving smoothly across the holographic prints, shining blue and great.
They pale put beside the glow of his mother's eyes when she opens them.