Love Confession (Maxianna)
“I’m in love with you.”
It slipped out before Maxie could catch herself. A fleeting thought that reached her mouth before her brain could catch up. It wasn’t as if it was a lie, though. Maxie did love Khianna — a hopeless, painful, gnawing love.
Khianna didn’t turn to face her, focusing on gluing on her fake eyelash properly. “Ha ha. Very funny,” she deadpanned.
Maxie felt a pang in her chest, and suddenly, she wanted – no, needed – Khianna to understand.
“Khi, look at me. I’m serious. Do you think I’d joke about something like that?”
Khianna slowly put down the glue, turning to face Maxie. Her expression was unreadable. “You aren’t in love with me. Don’t be dumb.”
Her throat went dry. Khianna was many things, but callous wasn’t one. For a moment, Maxie could have sworn she didn’t recognize the woman standing across from her. “Don’t tell me what I do and don’t feel. You don’t get to do that,” her voice was barely above a whisper, eyes frantically looking for a glimpse of Khianna, her Khianna.
Something flashed in Khianna’s gaze, so quick that Maxie couldn’t read it before her expression closed off again. “I have a boyfriend, Maxie.”
“I know,” her voice sounded off. She swallowed a lump in her throat before continuing. “I know. I just… I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore.”
“You should have.” Khianna looked away for a moment, and when she turned back to face her, her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “You can’t love me. You’re my best friend. I need you to stay my best friend.”
Maxie bit her lip hard enough that she tasted pennies. “Nothing has to change; I can still be your best friend.” She took a tentative step towards Khianna.
Khianna stepped backwards, staring up at the ceiling in an attempt to quell her tears – Maxie had seen her do it a million times. She had never been the reason for it, though. “Fuck. I’m gonna have to tell Shae.”
“Wait, what? No, you don’t; why would you have to do that?” Maxie’s voice was going up in pitch with each word. She could feel the room growing smaller and smaller. It was getting harder to breathe.
A lone tear rolled down Khianna’s cheek. “He’s my boyfriend, Maxie,” her voice broke. “He needs to know if someone I spend every single day with is in love with–” She cut herself off, starting to nervously fidget with her hands, squeezing and wringing her fingers.
Maxie didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t take her hand or stroke her hair; she didn’t know how to calm Khianna down without making things worse. Besides, she was seconds away from a panic attack herself. “I’m not gonna come onto you or anything. He doesn’t need to know; we can just forget this ever happened,” she pleaded.
“How? How the fuck am I supposed to pretend you didn’t just blow up years of friendship with one sentence?” she laughed hollowly, rubbing her face. Her carefully applied eyeshadow smudged all over her cheeks, but she didn’t seem to notice – or care. “How are we supposed to just go back to normal?”
Maxie stopped breathing. In one fell swoop, she lost the person she was in love with and her best friend in the universe. All because she couldn’t keep her stupid mouth shut. “Don’t do this, please,” her voice seemed to dissolve into the ether, so soft that she doubted Khianna actually heard.
Khianna sat down on the edge of her bed, staring at her hands. “I think you should go.”
“Wait, please–”
“I said go!” Khianna’s head shot up. Her eyes were red and puffy, mascara running in streams down her cheeks. It took all of Maxie’s strength not to collapse in on herself at the sight. She had never meant to hurt her.
If she could take it back, she would. God, she would give anything to take it back.
But she couldn’t. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I never wanted to upset you,” she whispered, hand shaking as she reached for the door. “I’m going.”
As she stepped over the threshold, Maxie knew in her gut that she was facing an ending. She turned around, taking in the sight in front of her. Khianna hadn’t moved, looking smaller and more fragile than Maxie had seen her in ages. “I’m sorry,” she repeated once more, the first tear spilling from her own eyes. “You know where to find me when you… if you want to get ahold of me.” She wiped away the offending tear, finally tearing her eyes away and grabbing her phone to text Angel.
I fucked up.