League grumps
“Alright, start explaining.” Tenko growled as he aimed his flashlight into his mother’s face.
“Sweetie, it’s not nice to shine a flashlight into someone’s eyes.” Nao pointed out as she pushed the light out of her eyes. “How about you just ask me what you want to know.”
“Don’t play dumb, momma. If you work at UA, our school credit is going down the drain.” Haha groaned as Himiko played with Mon-Chan in the kitchen of the bar.
“Come on, sweethearts. This way I can earn a bit of cash. Otherwise I’ll be just alone in this dark bar all day until you kids return.” Nao sighed innocently.
“…*sigh* But how did you even get a job as a cafeteria worker at the world’s most prestigious hero school?” Tenko asked as he pinched his eyes with two fingers.
“UA is prestigious? Mostly seemed like a bunch of elitist shams.” Nekiru cut in before Nao told the story.
After noticing that Tenko and Hana had forgotten their lunches, plus the fact that Mon-Chan still needed her walk, Nao decided to kill two birds with one stone.
But when she arrived at UA, the police were taking in someone.
“What the hell, Lunch Rush! Why the fuck did you put rat poison in those kids’ food?” A very tall, wide-set man of a bulky, muscular build with a few visible scars showing on his left cheek and short pale gray hair which is spiked upwards asked furiously as he was held back by a cowboy looking man.
“I had to do it, Kan! I’ve been cooking for these brats for nearly forty years! I can’t take it anymore!” The cooking hero screamed as he was moved into a police car.
“Poor Lunch Rush, perhaps the hero association should have implemented a retirement policy?” A small ferret…dog..stoat…weasel..maybe a small polar bear, whatever it was mused as he suddenly appeared besides Nao and Mon. “What do you say, my little friend?” He then asked Mon.
“*bark*”
“I see, I too miss having my testicals.” Nezu mused before asking Nao why she was here.
“Oh my kids forgot their lunch. I came here to drop it off for them if it is not too much trouble.” The Nomu explained, not noticing the animal’s slight change in facial expression.
“Not at all, Miss..?”
“Oh, Shimura.” Nao quickly answered, resulting in Nezu’s beady eyes widened again.
“Shimura you say. Well I’ll gladly check which class your children are in. If,”
“If what?”
“I get a little bit of their food. I am part rodent and rodents love eating scraps.” The mammal laughed as Nao, seeing no real problem besides her babies having a bit less to eat, gave him a piece of pork.
“Mmm, this is very delicious, Miss Shimura. Perhaps after you give your children their lunches, you and I can have a future partnership.”
“…I appreciate it but my husband hasn’t died too long ago and I don’t want to move too fast.” Nao muttered awkwardly. “That and you are an animal, which I’m not really interested in in that kind of way.”
“…Please just follow me.”
“After that, he offered me the job.” Nao finished the story.
“…You know what, fine. Make sure we have delicious food at school but please, we beg you, don’t act like you know us.” Hana begged. “I know we’re deceiving them but we would still want to keep our credit. And we can’t have that if you keep babying us.”
“So you want me to not baby you kids anymore? Alright then, I’ve worked hard today so you four can take care of dinner.” Nao suggested with a smile, causing the quartet of teenagers to look at her in shock.
“Y-you can baby us again.” Himiko stuttered.
“Come on, kids. I’m sure you four can cook something decent.
One fire later
“Welcome to Iguanie-Tenko? What are you doing here?” Shuichi asked from behind the counter as Tenko, Hana, Nao, Himiko and Nekiru entered his family restaurant, all of them covered in black soot.
After eating their takeouts, Shuichi’s mom urged the teenagers to go to Shuichi’s room while she and Nao had a ‘mom talk’, something Tenko and Hana didn’t object to since their mom could definitely use a friend.
“So, what do you do in your spare time?” Hana asked as she, Nekiru and Himiko sat on the reptilian boy’s bed, Tenko sat in a bean bag and Shuichi sat in his office chair.
“Well, I..kinda have a let’s play channel I like to upload to.” Shuichi confessed shyly.
“…Guys, I know what we’re going to do.” Tenko stated proudly as his four friends were overcome by dread.
Shuichi: Welcome back, I’m Shuichi and today we have a couple guests.
Himiko: You all may call me Himiko..because it’s my name
Nekiru: Nekiru
Hana: Sourpuss. I’m Hana by the way.
Tenko: And I’m Tenko. Now let me show you noobs how a true gamer plays.
Himiko: He’s really into this.
Shuichi: Those are fighting words. But firstly, one of the last subscribers was allowed to choose the game I would play.
Shuichi, checking the latest subscriber’s answer: *sigh* Super troll island.
Himiko: Yeah!
Shuichi, starting the game: Let’s just give this a try.
The game starts, showing multiple big eyed, shirt wearing trolls with long colorful hair.
Hana: Oh god.
Tenko: What the fuck?!
Nekiru: So they’re tiny naked people.
Shuichi: Goddammit, fucking Goddammit.
Himiko: I’m about to have a mushroom inspired seizure.
Hana, reading the opening that showed the programmer: Thank you, Mike Ball.
Himiko, snickering: Dropped the ball
Nekiru: I would have gone for the more easily referenced testical.
Shuichi, seeing the playable trolls again: Oh my god, dude.
Tenko: Oh god, why aren’t they wearing pants?
Hana: Why are they wearing everything but pants?!
Himiko: Oh god look at his tiny little belly moving around
Shuichi, who while his friends talked moved around until he found a mirror that functions as a portal: Oh Jesus I didn’t know I could go through the mirror.
Tenko, seeing the colorless level: Oh fuck what’s happening?
Shuichi, moving the troll around to color the stage: OH GOD! Oh, I'm scared!
Hana: It’s a nightmare.
Shuichi, after coloring the whole level, a troll-faced sun appeared in the background: Oh the sun! Oh! Oh NO! No no no no! Get it all away!
Himiko: This is disgusting.
Shuichi: Am I trying to kill the sun?
All five after a giant troll head suddenly moves towards them, backs off and goes towards them again: OH GOD!!!
Himiko, reading some text out loud: The evil mist has been banished.
Tenko: NO IT HAS NOT!
Nekiru: Oh god, that’s some fucking, that is not even nightmare fuel. This is nightmare fuel for the nightmare bus. That you drive off the nightmare cliff into nightmare canyon.
Shuichi: That’s it. We’re switching games. I-I-I dunno, I dunno!
Tenko: I know dude, I’m having a silent nervous breakdown.
Shuichi, still watching to troll head: Just let me go! No, no. NO.
Ten minutes later, the gang played Mario Sunshine.
Tenko: Can I play now? That way your viewers will see a true gamer in action.
Tenko, after spending fifteen minutes trying to the top of the harbor, only to fall off for the eighth time: Come on man. Oh, oh, wanna fucking fight? Wanna throw down?! I’m down for that.
Himiko: Hey look, you can get a blue coin.
Tenko: Blue coin, smue coin! Who needs blue coins when you have a mental breakdown in the back of your head! I don’t even care where the blue coin is! Give me Shines and shit? Shines are for bullshit! I don’t even care! Can’t buy crack cocaïne with shines! You got to use real money! How are you going to make money? Go on the black market and sell your body!
Nekiru, laughing nervously: I’m scared
Tenko, still ranting: They’ll be like ‘Oh you pretty little boy, imma stick a penis in that butthole. But ya know, it doesn’t satisfy you! When you have the coke, you just need a little bit more coke so you’ll get fucked in the ass a little bit more
Hana, very worried: Momma, Momma! We need an adult!
After that, Tenko was not allowed to play video game for a month.
At the same time, Shuichi’s channel gained a lot more subscribers.