Ashton decides that this is officially the worst day as far back as he remembers. It even tops the time he fell off that goddamn balcony and quite literally changed the trajectory of their entire life.
Hell, it’s probably his worst week. Gods, did he have a week – and most of it was just spent getting drunk in the back of their airship and wondering if it was too late to recreate the accident and just jump off the edge. At least this time it’s on their own terms.
(The airship – what a fucking waste. One of the last things their patron gave them and it didn’t even do shit in the end. Eshteross would be rolling in his grave if he could. Would the afterlife even still exist if the gods are gone?)
Fuck. He could use a drink.
Ashton rubs their forehead and groans, ignoring the red moon in the sky shooting a beam straight to Exandria. Pretentious motherfucker. They didn’t need a reminder of how fucking bad everything went. He walks over to Orym instead where he sits in the sand, shell-shocked and staring at Ruidus like he can’t do anything else.
“Orym, hey. We need to get out of dodge. Who fucking knows what lives in this place.” There could be a dragon underneath the sand for all Ashton knows. Why the fuck would there not be.
Orym doesn’t even acknowledge them, just curls his fists in the sand. “The… the Tempest. She didn’t even stand a chance.”
Ashton grits his teeth. They’ve never felt more useless before that moment when all he could do was stand there and hide while their strongest ally dies. “Yeah,” is all Ashton can offer because what else could they have done?
“Guys,” Laudna staggers up to them and Ashton’s never been more glad to see her creepy ass face. “Are we even still in Marquet?”
“I don’t fucking know but we need to get the hell out of here.” Ashton grabs Orym’s shoulder but the halfling barely budges, “Orym, come on. We can think about things later, but you need to get the fuck up.”
Orym only hangs his head, “what even is the point anymore.”
Are you fucking kidd–
“We don’t have time for this.” In one swift motion, he swings an arm around Orym’s torso and carries him on their shoulder. Ashton ignores the waves of pain throughout his body, grits his teeth, picks a direction, and just starts walking. Orym doesn’t even make a single noise of protest.
Laudna catches up to them, “where are we going, Ashton?”
“Anywhere but here.”
“I hope the others are okay.” Laudna picks at her fingernails, worrying about the fraying edges, and Ashton’s concerned that they might start bleeding. They don’t even have anyone who can heal them. “None of us can do Sending, we don’t have a means of transport, and I– I can’t feel Paté with me and I don’t know if that means he’s forever gone–“
“Alright, dead lady.” Ashton stops in their tracks so he can grab one of Laudna’s arms so she’ll stop destroying her fingernails and cause a wound or some shit. Ashton doesn’t remember if their group ever bought any med kits and it would be really shitty if a fucking infection is finally what gets her. Imogen would kill him so fast. “Do not have a panic attack on me right now because trust me when I say this is neither the right time nor person for that. Let’s save it for when we find a roof and Orym snaps out of it, okay?”
Laudna only stares at him like she’ll start crying anytime soon and Ashton really hopes she won’t. They squeeze her arm, “okay?”
“O-okay.” Laudna takes a deep breath and readjusts the grip so that she’s holding onto their hand instead. Ashton suppresses a wince but appreciates the fact that Laudna’s keeping her grip light. “I’m sure they’re fine. They – they have to be.”
They better damn be. Ashton tries to smile but it probably looks more like a grimace. They start walking again with Laudna in tow.
It takes a good two hours before they finally stumble into what looks like a road if the faint lines that look like the wheels of a wagon are anything to go by. It’s at this point that Orym speaks up since their trek began.
“Ashton, you can put me down now.” Their shoulder is all the happier to comply. “Thank you. I’m sorry you had to do that; I know it hurts.”
“Eh, when does it never?” Ashton squints into the distance but is having a pretty shitty time trying to see past the never-ending rows of sand dunes. “Hey, you think you can spot some sort of landmark?”
Orym nods but he doesn’t have the usual sprite to him. Like he’s just… going through the motions because there’s nothing else he can do. It’s fucking unnerving. “Sure, wait here for a bit. I’ll try and check what I can see from there.”
“Be careful, please.” Laudna says, “and quiet.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.”
I think we have every damn reason to worry about you.
Ashton doesn’t need to read minds to know Laudna’s thinking the exact same thing but they both say nothing, letting Orym go run up one of the taller sand dunes and scout ahead. With nothing to do, Ashton sits down on the sand and waits. Laudna eventually does the same but she’s forming swirls of shadow around her hands as if she’s trying to conjure something.
“You trying to look for your rat?”
Laudna smiles wryly, “would you rather I didn’t?”
“I still don’t trust him.”
“He’s my comfort dead rat, you know.” Laudna closes her hand around the shadows, brows furrowing in concentration before she grimaces when the shadows only disappear into nothing. She starts pulling at her hair instead, that nervous habit she can never seem to shake off. “I don’t want him to be gone, Ashton. Not when we don’t even have the others.”
“Not when I don’t have Imogen” is what she says between the words left unsaid. Ashton gets it. There’s an uncomfortable itch in his chest in knowing that he doesn’t have Letters in their line of sight.
Ashton grunts and looks upwards at the sky. The leylines continue to taunt him and Ashton wishes they could just punch it out of the world. “He’ll be back. He’s too horny to leave.”
“You’re right. He would never leave Sashimi.”
“Or you, dumbass. He’s a fucking weirdo but Paté’s loyalty to you leaves zero doubts.”
That gets a smile from her, “I would hope so.”
Footsteps signify Orym’s return and they watch as he jogs back. “I think I saw a town down west of this road.”
“How far?”
“Probably a mile or two, give or take. We might make it by sundown.”
“I’ll take those odds.” Gods, Ashton hopes they have a tavern in that place. He really needs a fucking drink. Scratch that. All of them need to fucking drink until they pass out shitfaced in some back alley. They deserve that at least.
The walk is accompanied by a silence that seems to wrap around them like a fog and it’s so weird. Quiet is not one of the things Ashton would ever describe their motley group when they can’t even avoid blowing something up for more than a few days. But even Laudna – chatty and has a million different musings per second Laudna – has nothing to say as she only continues to stare at the sky and plays with the ring on her finger. Orym is just walking like he doesn’t have two other people with him.
Fearne would probably have something funny to say to break the tension or, hell, even Chetney would. He’d probably start bothering Imogen just to get rise out of her, so they could think about something else that isn’t that stupid fucking moon and everything that comes with it. Ashton really wishes Letters is at least here.
The sun is long past set when they finally arrive at the place Orym saw and, really, town is too generous of a word. It looks more like a small trading outpost a couple of merchants stood up by the side of the road for any passing travelers. There are only a few tents scattered around and they definitely don’t have room for strangers to crash in.
Ashton casts a glance at Orym and when they see the faraway look in his eyes, they sigh and walk towards one of the merchants who’s starting to close down for the day.
“Hey, you still got time to sell?”
The man blinks at him, surprised, and, well, that’s fair. Ashton’s quite the sight with his glowing orb head. He composes himself before easily slipping on an easy smile. “Sure. What are you looking for?”
“A tent if you got one for sale. Maybe a couple of cloaks and goggles for this hellscape.” They still have the Ruby Vanguard and Paragon’s cloaks, but it’d probably be best if they don’t go walking around in their colors.
“I don’t really have a tent, but we got two bed rolls out in the back.”
“Is there a stall here who does?”
“Probably not. Our group mainly trades in cloth and tools. I only have those bed rolls because we don’t use them anymore, so it’s a little worn out.”
Well, it’s not like they’re in a position to complain right now. “Yeah sure, we’ll take that plus three cloaks and goggles. How much for everything?”
“Hmm, should run you about 8 gold and 2 silver.”
“Here, I got it,” Laudna interjects, smiling pleasantly at the man as she hands him the money.
The man pales at the sight of her and his smile immediately fades to a grimace as he takes the coin with a flinch. He stutters, calling to someone to get their purchased things but doesn’t take his eyes off of Laudna and Ashton doesn’t miss the way his hand seems to hover over the knife on his belt. Ashton frowns and steps in front of Laudna, crossing their arms and daring the man to make a move.
It takes a while, but they get their things and the merchant mutters a shaky “thank you” to which Laudna only smiles at while Ashton grunts, annoyed. They’re about to leave when the man speaks up again, “um. You aren’t going to be staying with us, are you?”
Okay, that’s it. “Listen here you fuck–“
A hand grabs onto the hem of his shirt and Ashton looks back to Laudna shaking her head. She looks back to the man who’s about ready to start running, “you have nothing to worry about. We won’t be a bother at all.” And then she leads them away before Ashton can punch somebody and get them kicked out of the place.
“Ashton, you shouldn’t start anything.”
“He had it coming,” Ashton grunts, hefting their things higher on their shoulder. “You weren’t fucking doing anything.”
Laudna shrugs, “it’s not like I’m not used to it.” She offers a hand and they hand her one of the cloaks to replace the Ruby Vanguard’s. “Although I have to admit, it’s been a while since that has happened.”
“It should never have to.”
“I know.”
They find Orym a little ways off from all the other people and sitting on a boulder as he stares up at the sky where Ruidus stays unmoved. He turns at the sound of their footsteps and waves a bottle in his grasp. If it didn’t hurt so much, Ashton would have hugged him right there and then.
They set their things down and even though Ashton wants to make a point by doing it in the middle of the road and in front of everybody, they agree that it’s better for them to avoid the crowd no matter how small. Ashton’s kind of getting sick of the quiet, though.
Orym sets out the cheap bottle that burns their throat more than it actually gives them that pleasant buzz that Ashton always seeks out in alcohol but at least the warmth staves off the cold desert night. They pass it around, taking sips while they stare at the makeshift fire in the middle of their camp. That shit took them a while to make because only Fearne knows how to produce flame. Having Laudna summon that new fireball she’d been working on just so they won’t die from hypothermia doesn’t sound like a smart idea.
“So,” Ashton starts because the other two are busy having a solo pity party, “that went about as much as I fucking expected.”
Laudna laughs and it’s the most bitter sound they’ve ever heard from her. “We didn’t really stand a chance, did we?”
“The Tempest,” Orym grips the neck of the bottle, “she couldn’t even– and then there was that man.”
“Yeah what the fuck was up with that.” Ashton nudges his foot against Orym’s so he would let go of the bottle before he breaks the only reprieve they have. “Solstices fucking suck.”
“And we don’t even know where the others are.” Orym takes a swig and passes it over, “gods, I hope they’re okay.”
“They gotta be when they have the healer.”
“And that’s assuming they’re all together in the first place.”
Laudna chooses not to add more to the conversation and instead stares off into the flickering flames of the fire. Orym moves to lay his head on her shoulder and it’s probably not that comfortable with her bones sticking out everywhere but he doesn’t mind and Laudna lies her head against his.
“I miss them,” she admits.
“I know,” Orym frowns, “I do too.”
Ashton knocks back the bottle to try and ignore the stinging in their eyes.
Despite barely tasting like anything, Orym ends up pretty buzzed by the time they finish the bottle. Laudna had excused herself some time ago to wander off to that rock outcropping, muttering something about trying to get Paté again. Ashton resigns himself to being the one to get their halfling to bed and hopefully make sure he doesn’t suffocate in his sleep.
Orym doesn’t protest when Ashton leads him by the arm to one of the bedrolls and helps him out of the armor. He only seems to stare forlornly at the distance, thinking about shit that would probably make Ashton’s own head hurt.
“Hey,” Ashton mutters, “you doing okay there?”
Orym tries for a smile, but it crumbles halfway. “I think I’m just tired, Ashton.”
Six years. Six years of trying to find answers, to put a reason for why his husband and his father had to be taken away and it all amounted to nothing when it finally counts. Ashton would be pretty fucking exhausted too if they were in Orym’s place. It’s a different kind of baggage they don’t know how to handle. It’s a loneliness Ashton has yet to experience himself.
Not really knowing what to say, Ashton just grips his shoulder and gently knocks their head together. “Get some sleep, Orym.”
“Can you check on Laudna before you do?” Orym rubs at his eyes, the exhaustion starting to weigh him down to the bedroll. “She shouldn’t be alone.”
Neither of you two should. Ashton doesn’t say but only squeezes his shoulder again. “Sure. I’ll get her.”
Ashton stays by the fire, just watching over Orym until he finally falls into a fitful sleep. They cover him with one of the capes and grab the bottle, grunting when it really is empty. Damn. He throws it away and wanders over to Laudna.
She’s crouched behind the rock and it casts shadows over her already dark frame. Her hands aren’t glowing as Ashton had expected, instead, she’s just playing with that ruby ring as she stares at the sky. Ashton sits down on the empty space next to her and says nothing, only closing their eyes and taking in the evening air because Orym didn’t ask him to talk – just make sure Laudna makes it back to their camp with someone.
What a waste that the world might be ending. Ashton would have taken the time to think of how this is the first quiet night in a while. Maybe they finally could have sat down Fresh Cut Grass about that whole flat Exandria thing. Gods know what a headache that gives the group.
(There’s a comfort in that noise and the kind of migraine you only get from friends. It hasn’t been a day and it’s already weird without Fearne trying to steal his shit every ten seconds or Imogen sneaking off when she thinks no one is looking. Even just the sound of Chetney whittling wood in some corner has lulled him to sleep more times than they could count.)
Ashton doesn’t know how long they’ve stayed there. Hell, he probably dozed off at some point but they only open their eyes when he feels a foot nudge against his own. Laudna doesn’t look their way, still stuck on watching the way the leylines move against the sky.
“I haven’t…” Laudna seems to curl into herself, “I haven’t received a Sending all day; neither of us has. What does that mean?” She grips the sleeve of her shirt, “Ashton, I’m terrified to think of what could have happened to them. To Imogen.”
“Hey, don’t go thinking about the worst shit – that’s supposed to be my job.”
“I can’t help it. Even when we were fighting, even when I died, I could still feel her. And now there’s nothing and I don’t know what to even think.” Laudna chews on her bottom lip, the crease between her brows deepening with each second, “she talked to Delilah when I was gone, did you know that?”
“Yeah. Right after you died, we all agreed to try asking her.” And every day he wishes they never had to ask that bitch for anything.
“It wasn’t only once. Every night, Imogen would seek her help and Delilah found it amusing; can you believe that?” Laudna goes back to staring at the ring on her finger. Ashton doesn’t know all the details but you’d have to be pretty fucking blind not to get the promise behind that gift. “Stuck in that horrible tree, Delilah would taunt me with Imogen’s promises. ‘Anything, she’d said’, Delilah would tell me. ‘She would exchange the world for you’”
That doesn’t surprise them. Imogen was barely herself in the wake of Laudna’s death – a husk of the woman who’d been traveling with them for months. She’d been angry, miserable, and desperate, and it was only Delilah’s own inability to offer any sort of fucking help that Imogen couldn’t strike a deal with her. Ashton had been jealous of it – still is, if they could be honest for one fucking second – because what is that like? To know someone would destroy everything for you? To have someone like that in his life?
(But Ashton gets it. Seeing Laudna broken and truly fucking dead scared him. There was no question as to whether he was willing to enslave themselves again to the worst fucking person in Exandria if it means getting her back and fixing what happened.)
“And I don’t ever want her to but I’m so selfish, you see? Delilah wants nothing but to burn this world and Imogen could help her, and it made me happy.” Laudna smiles but it’s so bitter. Bitter and self-deprecating and so pathetic it sends an ache through his chest. “I’ve never mattered to anyone before Imogen. I don’t think I could ever go back to a life that she wasn’t in. Is it so horrible to be wanted?”
“Of course not.” It’s the only thing Ashton wants, too. “I think we’re all just broken fucks who want to matter. You’re not any different.”
Laudna doesn’t quite smile, but Ashton likes to think she’ll be able to at least get a night’s rest after this. She takes his hand, gentle and careful to avoid the streaks of gold where it hurts the most. “I’m glad you’re here. I always am.”
Ashton looks away, ignoring the quiver in their jaw. “Yeah. Me too.”
They sit there for who knows how long and Ashton lets her wait for a message that might not come. The others aren’t dead, they’re all too goddamn stubborn to be gone, but Ashton doubts Imogen would have waited until nightfall before casting Sending if she could. Still, they wait with Laudna until her shoulders sag with exhaustion and the tips of her fingers are scratched from the edges of Imogen’s ring.
It’s only when Laudna looks like she’s about to collapse does Ashton finally take her back to the camp.
Laudna doesn’t even give him time to do the polite thing and nudges them toward the only other bedroll they have. “Go on, take it. I’ll snuggle with Orym.”
“What? I’ll just grab a blanket.”
“Ashton,” she rolls her eyes, already settling down next to the lightly snoring halfling. “I know it’ll hurt - it’s okay to be comfortable. Besides, Orym’s small enough that we’ll fit.”
Ashton grumbles but doesn’t argue any further. Partly because Laudna’s right that sleeping on the ground would hurt like a bitch, but also partly because there’s a warmth in their chest at the small gesture. He lies down and wonders if the others are also camping out in the middle of nowhere. They hope they’re not at least cold.
“We’ll get them back, won’t we?” Laudna whispers.
“Obviously,” Ashton crosses his arms behind his head, staring at the still-present leylines above them. “That fucker on Ruidus would have to come down themselves to stop us.”
“Yes,” Laudna agrees but doesn’t add more. There’s a shuffle and Orym grumbling in his sleep before, “goodnight, Ashton. Rest, alright?”
“Only if you do.”
It’s too quiet and Ashton thinks it will always be like this without the others, but he holds on to the remaining sounds from the two people they have with them and goes to sleep.