Enough
Kat decided to stay back, keep an eye on Tony while the team went to fight Thanos. She was sitting in a chair in Tony’s room when Pepper had come back, handing her a sandwich. “You need to eat Kat.” She told her. Kat nodded and said her thanks, taking a small bite of the sandwich.
“I wouldn’t be better off you know.” Kat said suddenly. Pepper tilted her head with a look of confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Tony. He said that I’d probably be better off if the team had never found me. That’s not true. I was living in a women’s shelter working at diner where I was barely making enough money to buy food. I wasn’t better off. Being here with you and Tony and everyone else has been the best I’ve ever felt in my life. You are my family. I never thought I’d have that again.” She said softly, wiping a tear from her face.
“Oh honey, you know he didn’t mean that. Tony gets so worked up sometimes. And after everything that happened with the Accords, you know he had put a lot of trust in Steve, and he just felt like it was broken.” Pepper told her, pulling her into a hug. “We love you like family Kat. You are our family.”
“Thank you Pepper. Thank you for everything you and Tony have done for me.”
Tony was still out when the team got back. Kat ran outside to greet them, and they all looked devastated. And Thor wasn’t with them. She met Steve first. “What happened? Did you get them?” She asked hopefully. Steve shook his head. “They’re gone. He used them to destroy them. We can’t bring everyone back.” Kat’s hand covered her mouth. “Where’s Thor?” She asked.
“We don’t know.” Nat said. “He killed Thanos and then just left.” Thor left. The closest thing she had to Loki was now gone too. Kat let out a choked sob and Steve pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He whispered to her. “It’s not your fault Steve.” She told him.
He felt like it was though. He was their leader. He was supposed to protect the team, and he’d lost them. They had all looked up to him. The look on Tony’s face earlier was one he would never forget. Tony had been right. He had told them they would lose together and then he went and left for two years. He felt like he broke this family apart.
The all had dinner together later that night, although nobody said much of anything to each other. Bruce left, saying that he and the Hulk had some things they needed to work out. Carol went back up into space, she was going to find out if everywhere else had experienced what they had. Rhodey was going back to the Government, to try and help clean up and offer his expertise, and Nebula and Rocket were also heading back into space to help anyone they could. Tony and Pepper left also, probably to go back to the tower or somewhere else, Tony didn’t really have much to say to anyone except Kat, who he told he’d be in touch with.
The days turned into weeks and Steve was keeping in touch with Stark Industries, pulling their resources together for relief efforts all around the country. He wanted to do something, anything to help. He was going to start support groups wherever he could, to try and help people cope with what was happening.
Kat had taken to drinking. A lot. Turns out Tony kept a lot of liquor at the compound. She would drink until she fell asleep and do it over again when she woke up. She barely ate, and she hadn’t used her magic since Wakanda. She didn’t want to. It reminded her too much of Loki and it was too painful.
Steve found her sitting in the middle of her bed, in one of Loki’s shirts, with a bottle of vodka in her hand. He hated seeing her like this. He hadn’t heard her laugh in days, hell she barely talked anymore. He walked in and sat on the bed. “Is it helping?” He asked, gesturing to the bottle. Kat shrugged her shoulders and held it out to him. “Makes me forget for a little while.” He takes it from her and takes a swig, knowing it won’t do anything to him. She tries to take the bottle back from him but he holds it away from her. “That’s enough. This isn’t a way to live Katherine.” He told her. She looked down and twisted her fingers in her lap.
“I can’t feel the pain anymore Steve. It hurts too much.” She said softly, letting the tears fall once more today. Steve placed a hand over hers. “Look, I’m getting an apartment in the city. It will be easier to be closer to the foundation. Come live with me.” Kat’s head shot up at him.
“It’s not doing you any good being here in this room all the time. Being in this room you shared with him, surrounded by all his things, it’s not helping you heal.” He told you. “I don’t know if I can heal Steve. It just hurts, all the time.” She sobbed. He nodded. “I know, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know if you can.”
She nodded. “Can I think about it?” She asked. He nodded, smiling gently. “Of course, you can. I’ll be moving by the end of the week okay? Just let me know.” She nodded and watched as he got up and left. She didn’t want to leave the room and his things. But she knew deep down that Steve was right. She was torturing herself. She pulled a picture frame off the end table and held it in her hands. It was of her and Loki. She had begged him to take the picture with her. He was standing behind her with his arms around her middle. She was looking into the camera smiling, but he was smiling down at her.
She suddenly felt herself getting angry. Why did he have to go? Couldn’t he have just sent Valkyrie? She was angry with him for leaving her. She was angry with herself for being angry with him. Thor is his brother. The Asgardians his people. She was still angry.
She set the picture frame back on the end table but she didn’t get it all the way on there because she wasn’t looking, and it fell to the floor, breaking the frame and the glass.
“Dammit.” She said, leaning over the bed to pull the picture out of the frame, she noticed writing on the back that she’d never seen before.
I hope this picture conveys just how much I love you.
You are the love of my life and I will cherish you forever.
Loki.
Fresh tears rolled down Kat’s face as she read the note over and over again. When had he written this?
“I love you Loki. I love you so much.’
Steve was in his office packing up the last few things before he headed out. He hadn’t heard much about his offer from Kat all week, so he figured she didn’t want to come with him. He understood why, he was just worried about her. But who was he to tell someone how to move on when he still loved Peggy? When he still carried her picture around in his pocket?
He looked up when he heard a knock on the door. Kat was standing there with two duffel bags, one in her hands and one at her feet. “Hey.” Steve said, getting up and taking her bag from her.
“I want to come with you.” She said softly.