i knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs
Burying himself with missions and projects is how Tony copes.
There was so much to be done after the snap restored the universe. Tony takes them all, hopes that exhaustion will distract his thoughts, will help him let go. Any excuse to distance himself from Steve.
But sometimes,
Sometimes he can't run away.
His mind wanders, and it often does bring him back to the memory when they fell apart. He curses how vividly he remembers that day in the bunker.
It's funny, he said 'Resentment is corrosive'.
He never said 'Regret is worse'.
He doesn't resent Steve or Bucky. For a while, he did. Half of the universe vanishing made him realize that hate is a strong word. Anger is what he felt. He could never resent Steve.
He wonders, about the what-ifs and maybe. That world of endless possibilities.
What if Steve stayed? What if he told him the truth? What if Tony ran away with him? What if the Accords never happened?
There's just, just so many things that could have happened. Tony wonders if there ever was another world where they never let go.
He wonders if there was a world where he wouldn't be haunted by what-ifs.