“You really should not do that, love.” Her voice was no nagging . So, so nagging . She just wanted to eat some ice cream, pop tarts, and drink a five case of beer . Was that so much to ask? “Can you not mother me?” Skye barely suppresses a groan, shoving a large piece of her strawberry, frosted pop tart into her mouth. “I have to mother you!” Jemma shouts, a hint of a smile on her face. Skye shakes her head, moving to the trash can, and disposing of the empty blue wrapper.
Distantly, she can hear a few voices . They’re chatting, laughing, they sound like they’re having fun. She peeks around the corner, watching as her new teammates, Mack, Hunter, and her older one, Fitz , laugh and drink alcoholic beverages. “You should talk to them.” Jemma’s supportive, voice comes from beside her. Skye wants to laugh at that, dryly. Ever since the incident, things have been so .. different . “ I - I can’t .” She stutters out, cursing at how pathetic she sounds. She feels so small , so weak . It’s the worst feeling .
“Why’s that?” Jemma further presses, glancing between the hacker, and their teammates. Skye stares at the ground for a moment, silence as her response. “Skye?” Jemma tries again, her face soft, and concerned. It was pity, she knew it. Skye never wanted pity. “It’s just -“ Skye finally looks up, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. “Things are so .. weird now .” By then, Skye wants to cry.
She wants to curl up inside her warm blankets, and just sob. Like a scared little kid.
“Everybody - they all treat me like I’m gonna break. Just like I’m a fragile piece of glass or something . Like they have to walk on uh - “ she freezes, desperately trying to finish her sentence, which is proving quite difficult. “Egg shells?” Jemma offers . Skye nods .
“Things - they aren’t the same anymore.” Tears form at the edges of her vision, and quickly, she wipes them away, careful not to show her vulnerability, but failing miserably. The team knew it, she knew it, she wasn’t okay. She wasn’t okay in the slightest bit, but she never wanted to show it. She wanted to be like May, but less robot - ty .
To show some emotion, but the good kind . That was not going according to plan . “They don’t look at you any different, Skye.” The biochemist tries, placing a soothing hand on Skye’s left shoulder. Skye quickly shoves it off in anger, spinning around to face Jemma. “Yes they do! They won’t even - I can’t even have a co - conv -“ Skye yells, again unable to finish the sentence. “Conversation?” Jemma offers again, which only angers Skye more.
“Yeah! Conversation! See? You’re proving my point right now! I can’t even - I can’t - say a sentence without you having to help me find the word!” Jemma flinches at Skye’s words, but not saying anything further. “ I’m just an anchor, Jemma . To the team, to you . I’m just an anchor . I’m slowing you all down . And I can’t even do anything right anymore.” Skye’s yelling settles down as she speaks, no longer looking Jemma in the eyes. “ And I still don’t get it .” She mumbles, her head falling into her hands .
“Get what?” Jemma asks, the soft expression still across her face. “ Why .. Why am I still here? You guys can’t want me anymore I’m so .. uh - I’m so - what’s the word!” Skye screams, in frustration, earning questioning looks from her teammates. “Broken?” Jemma says. “Yeah! Broken! And - and the worst part . Y - you don’t even want me, Jem .” Skye isn’t even comprehending her own words. She’s just yelling. Releasing all the built anger and frustration boiling inside her.
“Of course I want you, Skye.” Jemma tries again, placing a hand on Skye’s . Skye flinches at the touch, and harshly snatches her hand away . “If you wanted me, you would be here. You left me, Jemma!” Skye’s screaming again, louder this time. “You left me.” She says a little quieter. “And now, now I’m losing my mind, talking to a fricken hallucination!” Skye screams one last time, before rushing off to her bunk.
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Hot tears stream down her red and puffy cheeks, as she hides under her blankets . It’s always been a thing. Ever since the orphanage, the millions of foster homes. To curl up and hide away from the big, scary world. As a child, she had gone through a lot . Abuse, rejection, hurt, and even so, none of that measured to the pain she felt in this moment. She felt so helpless , and .. useless . What good was she to the team in this state?
Shield had become a home for her . The team, a family. And now, she was sure this stupid injury was going to take that all away . She’d been used to it . Flaws, sending her right back to the orphanage . She tried her best to be nice, to be the perfect little girl, but it never worked. They always sent her back. She knew what they’d told her, that it had been Shield protecting her.
But a small part of her mind, was saying otherwise. That she’d been a problem. That her constant moving wasn’t entirely shield’s fault, but her own. Surely, that would happen here too. They would realize how useless she was, and just like all of the foster homes, they’d say ‘pack your bags.’ She wouldn’t protest, she’d see it coming, respect their decision. The day hadn’t yet come.
There was a soft knock at the door, causing her to jump slightly, and snap her attention to it. “Go away.” She mumbled, which came out low and muffled, from underneath her covers.
“Skye?” A soft, Scottish accent called out. She didn’t answer. “Skye, can I come in?” He tries. “Skye isn’t here -“ she mumbles again, sounding like a child. “Really?” Fitz couldn’t help but chuckle. “That’s weird, you sound a lot like her.” Play along. That was his plan. “Twin sister.” Skye mumbles again, still underneath the covers.
“I see. Well could you tell Skye, that her family is worried about her?” Fitz says with a small sigh, leaning against the door. Skye’s head peeks from out of her covers, and she herself sighs. “Skye says you can come in.” She sits upright, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, wiping at the tears on her face.
The door handle jiggles for a moment, before it opens slowly. “Skye?” His voice calls again, as he steps into the room. “Here.” She nods, suppressing a sniffle. “Skye, right? Or his twin? I don’t actually know.” Fitz jokes, walking towards Skye.
Skye rolls her eyes , and shakes her head, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “No , it’s me, Skye.” She knows he’s joking, but she feels the need to confirm anyways. Her comprehension, and speaking wasn’t the only thing affected by her brain injury . It took away her sense of humor as well. “We heard you yelling .. is everything alright?” Fitz asks, hopeful that she will open up to him.
“ ‘M fine .” She mumbles, slightly annoyed at the question . Of course everything wasn’t alright . She was broken . That was clear to see . And was sick of everyone asking about it . She didn’t want to talk . She just wanted to hide away. She wanted things to be normal again. She wanted Jemma back.
“You don’t look fine.” Fitz replies, gesturing to her red, puffy cheeks. “I’m FINE, Fitz!!” She snaps, loudly, causing him to flinch.
Seeing him flinch triggers something inside her, and she freezes, as though she’s seen a ghost. “Oh Fitz I’m- im so, so , sorry . I never meant t-“ she stutters out, a hand flying to her mouth in shock.
“It’s fine.” He reassures, a little more hurt then he’ll let on. “I was pushing you too hard.” He sighs, his expression softening. There’s that look again. The look of pity.
“Don’t look at me like that. Please.” She begs, staring up into his eyes.
“Like what, Skye?” He asks, bright blue eyes staring into her chocolates brown ones.
“Like I’m broken! Like there’s something wrong with me!” She shouts. The outburst takes Fitz aback slightly, and his only response is a quiet “I-“
“ All of you do it! You act like I’m gonna break or something! And if Jemma was here, she would be doing it too . But she’s not here , and it’s because of me.” There, she’d said it. She didn’t want to, didn’t want to accept the fact, but she had to. Jemma left, and it’s all her fault . Jemma left her, and now she’s picking up the pieces of her broken heart. Jemma left her, and she isn’t the same.
“I’m sorry Fitz . I really am . I keep having these outbursts . And I- I’m really , really worry for yelling at you. You’re just tryna help.” She sighs, burying her face in her hands again, as she had done earlier with ‘Jemma.’ “Hey.” He responds softly, placing a soothing hand on her shin. “Don’t apologize for not being okay. This, none of this is your fault. It’s Ward’s. And the next time I see the bastard, it’ll be too soon, might have to hold me back.”
Skye chuckles at that . “Hold you back from what? Tickling him to death?” There’s some of Skye, coming back slowly . Fitz places a mocking hand on his heart, a loud gasp feigning offense. “No! I’m gonna punch him and stuff.”
“And stuff?” Skye’s hands are at her sides now, looking right up at him. What a dork. “ Yeah and stuff .” Skye’s chuckles fade into a smile, shaking her head. “Whatever you say.” She stares down for a moment, playing with her fingers. She’s here, yet her mind is so distant. Always elsewhere, especially when she’s being spoken to.
She looks up at the sudden embrace though, surprised to see Fitz’s skinny arms wrapped around her, and his bouncy curls, resting on her shoulder. “Thank you, Fitz.” She whispers, after they pull away. “I - I really needed that .” He smiles, nodding his head. “ Any time.” He stands up from the bed, moving towards the door.
She grabs his wrist, a soft, gentle touch. “Stay.” She falls out to him, as he’s halfway to the door, from the bed. Fitz hears her almost silent plea, and nods his head. “You sure?” He asks, now inches away from the bed. Skye nods her head, scooting to the far left, moving to make more room for Fitz.
He smiles, slithering in beside her. “Just until you fall asleep.” He whispers, rubbing smooth circles on her back, to get her to sleep. She looked tired, and felt tired. And soon enough, she felt herself slipping away from consciousness. Maybe she would be alright.