My chest hurts. Every inhale leaving blinding white spots in my vision. It hurts, it burns. I exhale and my energy drains. My limbs lay limp at my side, i curl into myself trying to stop the hunger pains. It hurts, oh god.
My heart rate, so slow ,thumps through my chest. I fear of how slow it is and how much time there’s in between each beat, that it will stop all together. It will stop pumping my blood , it will stop keeping me alive , it will stop burning calories
calories
calories
calories
“Please” I whisper pitifully. I pray someone will come into my room, sit me up and save me. But but no one comes in. And i stop listening for knocks on the door. They’ll never come.
I stand up and my vision whites out for a few blissful seconds. I hold my breath. I don’t think, breathe, exist. i’m nothing
And then i fall back onto my bed. I stare at the ceiling, dizzy and cold. My lips are blue and my nails are chipped. My hair is brittle and my stomach is rumbling with distant roars of a foreign scream.
I sit on the edge of the bed. Hoping to slip onto the floor and melt away. But i don’t. I grip the sheets and will my lungs to heave a breath. I stand on wobbly legs, shaking off the headache resounding behind my sunken in eyelids.
I walk to my standing mirror and pinch the skin on my stomach, thighs, hips, arms, neck. Everywhere. It’s not enough.
I pace around the room. Feet padding softly against the white tiles. The four walls around me almost taunting me. Closing in on me oh god oh god oh god oh god-
i open the door and walk out. It’s cold, but i don’t have the energy to fit my head through my hoodie. I walk to the bathroom and look at the mirror. “This isn’t real” i murmur as i touch the mirror. Everything around me fuzzes even more. A soft beige like filter feels like it’s covering my eyes.
In this moment, i cease to exist.
But i breathe once again
It catches me by surprise. My chest rattled almost painfully, heart thumping and thoughts racing.
I walk back to my bed, and lay down. The world stops spinning for just one second and i focus on the blood stains on my sheet. My vision zones in on the crimson stain. I’m flying and i’m finally free.
But the world spins again and pain incases my body. Every nerve cramps painfully, stomach clenching and fists squeezing. My chest implodes inward , heart stoping and movement halting.
i can’t scream
but i even if i could, i don’t think my vocal chords would’ve cooperated.
i fall down. Limbs flailing, landing rather harshly on my floor.
My vision whites out and i close my eyes.
i fall asleep
Finally
*
“ T-Tony” May cried into the phone.
Peter is dead
*
Nothing hurts anymore