Next steps
Tony has the most unpleasant dream once he's been sedated for a very long time again, one he'd wished he'd forgotten about, but he knows those memories will never leave him, no matter how much he pushes them away. Tony's pretty sure this memory was the last time his mother took him to see Phil and Nick before she passed away. Of course, he can't remember what they were saying. It's just muffled sounds, but the memory is clear otherwise. He's maybe four years old, still small and chubby, and dressed to his mother's preference, which was no longer his and definitely wasn't his father's. His mother is holding him on her hip and makes his hand wave at the men who are coming up the street to join them at some cafe she'd set as the meeting place. Tony was still shy at this age and nervous around men, keeping quiet in case he would upset them, but he knows they must not be that bad since his mother is different from the way she acts around his father. Knowing her son, his mother puts him down to hug the men and then sits down at the iron table with them, and Tony climbs back into her lap. The memory gets hazy as he's dragged out of the sedation and blinks back to consciousness, staring up at the fluorescent lights and then seeing the machines beeping and hissing. They've hooked him back up again, and he wants to sigh, but he's tired and would rather not right now and cause his chest any more stress or pain.
Tony remembers Nick drifting in and out of his life after his mother's passing, but not much of Phil, not that he cared for either and not that his father would let him either. Howard hated the men and was very clear and vocal about it, so Tony never said anything to him when he noticed the men around, or they had contact. Nick did his best and kept good tabs on him so Tony didn't mind him still hanging around. He'd actually find it strange if the man did leave him alone. Tony lets his arm drift back to Barne's arm. He's surprised they gave him a metal one and one as advanced and intricate as it, but maybe it was over-compensated thanks to it being taken by Howard after all. Tony's tired, and he can't keep his thoughts on track, so he stops letting himself drift in and out as the time passes around him. People and voices blur, filtering in and out as he watches the shadows move, letting him know time is moving and the day is gone before he knows it. The sky is dark when he looks out. It is lit up by streetlights, cars, and windows. Even the hospital is dark. The odd few lights on are dim, and in the halls, the staff and odd other people or patients move around out there.
When he sleeps, Tony vividly recalls the night of the crash, which is a little too realistic for his liking. If he's going to be honest, this will be his worst nightmare to date. That same night, Bucky has the same nightmare; both are stirred up by seeing the other, and Bucky has to think that maybe this is what Fury wanted in a roundabout way. Tony and his dad had been driving home from an event. Just the two of them, just like it's been since mom died. He'd been high, but he almost always was now, and Howard was drunk, which is why he always was like the good role model the world sees him as. It was late and dark, and the rain pelted the windshield. Tony had been surprised at how well Howard was driving, honestly, but ever since they'd gotten in the car, Tony had had an uneasy feeling, and he was right. They were halfway home when they saw another set of headlights join them on the opposite side of the road, and that's when Howard lost control of the car. They had begun to barrel towards the motorbike at high speeds sobering Tony pretty damn fast, and he jumped from his seat easily since he never did put on his seatbelt. Tony had to clamber over his father and struggle against him as he jerked the wheel away from the motorbike. He was too late to miss them completely, but he should've been fast enough to not kill them, making the car spin before the impact. Tony doesn't know what happens to the bike as the car spun, flipped and rolled off the road down a small bank and into the woods lining the highway. At some point, he'd gone through the windshield and ended up at the bottom of a bank a few feet from the car, numb and nearly dead, so he simply closed his eyes.
Bucky knew he should've left before the rain had gotten too heavy and it had gotten too dark since he had taken his bike to Steve's, but at least no one else was on the road with him, and he had been making good time. He was almost home when headlights blinded him momentarily as a car approached him, going way over the speed limit. Bucky could barely understand what would happen before the car fishtails and headed toward him, not slowing down either. Bucky was getting ready to jump when the car got close enough, and he could see inside the blurry image of someone surging up to grab the wheel. He doesn't remember colliding at all or how he ended up on the ground in shock and his bike torn apart from the crash. He barrelled down the road as it had skidded with him and with him under it for a part of the way before his body finally shut down. Bucky could just make out the totalled car; the horn was still blaring, and a hand was hanging outside the driver's window. Bucky was rousable when the paramedics arrived and rushed him to the hospital for emergency surgery, but he wasn't aware of anything. He just hoped he'd make it out alive; he couldn't leave his mom or sister alone, not like this and not this early.
When the first responders arrived, Howard was already dead, slumped against the wheel. His hand had gone through his window. At first, they thought he was alone until more lights were set up in the area, and someone spotted Tony's leg peeking out from a bush. They quickly got him out and were able to shock his heart back to weak beats. They didn't bother taking him anywhere by truck and instead airlifted him to the best hospital in the area in hopes of saving him and removing the glass from his chest near his heart. They're got lucky Helen Cho was on-call and was familiar with Tony Stark as she'd treated him before. The surgery had taken Cho seven hours. Seven hours of a long, complicated, and dire measure before she could move him to an ICU bed with around an hour of care. His life was still in a very delicate state. Not even she can tell if he'd survive till morning, and that's only hours away. But he did it against his will. Though maybe now he could change his fate and see what life could look like if he got his shit together and started to want to live again.
That night, Winnie had waited at the door. Bec had already gone to bed, but Bucky hadn't gotten home yet, and no one had seen him since he left the party. Then, finally, sometime after midnight, she got a call that no one wanted to get. Bucky had been in an accident, and he was badly hurt. She was needed at the hospital immediately. In a blind, panicked rush, she grabbed her daughter and drove faster than she should have. Bec was still half asleep and scared but understands something is wrong with her brother. Bec joined her in panic and fear; she'd called Steve to tell him what was happening. It had been all too much to process, and they had to wait two hours before he finally came out from surgery. His left arm was gone from shoulder to fingertips. Since it was late, only his mother and sister could wait in his room for him to wake up; the others had to wait until visitor hours opened up. But at least when he woke, he wouldn't be alone and since he had been so groggy and confused, with a dull pain all over his body and a heavy left side. After he'd woken up some more, Winnie started to tell him what had happened, and he looked down, confused and shocked, seeing his arm gone. It took them hours to calm him down, and only for him to kick them out and refuse guests. He'd broken down once they were gone, and he needed time to understand how his life had changed and grieved what it was and what the future was supposed to be.
Both woke with a scream, lurching up. Bec is on her brother before he even finishes his scream, jumping on him, letting him know it was a dream and he was home safe, not on the road or in the hospital again. Tony's scream quickly changes to struggling to breathe. Everything is burning, and his back arches up a little as the machines go haywire around him for another time. Nurses are rushing in, and it gets loud again as they try to help him and calm him down before he can do even more damage to himself. Tony is gasping for breath as an oxygen mask is put over his face, and he's held down before he can rip off the wires or lines that were keeping him alive and well. In a breathless, garbled mess, Tony finds himself pleading for Nick to help him. He's out of his mind, so he isn't even catching it, but one of the nurses does. Within the hour of them having to mildly sedate him, Nick Fury is in his room, and Tony has to pause because, for some reason, Nick looks human to him. It's fucking late or early one am really, and here is this man, usually in black and leather and eye patches, and he's just not, and for some reason, it looks wrong. Nick must have gotten dressed quickly, wearing a pair of black jeans with his unlaced combat boots and a navy blue Shield issues pullover and glasses.
"The fuck are you wearing?" Tony breathes out confused, ignoring the man's panic
"Fucking Christ, child" Nick curses him and stomps into the room and drops heavily into a chair.
"Did they call you?" Tony asks, confused and tired, trying to gesture something, but his hand is too heavy and noodly
"You asked for me," Nick sighs.
"Oh," Tony says and looks back up at the ceiling, his hand still flopping a little
"Hey," Nick says, putting his hand over Tony's. It's alright, kid. Relax a little," Nick adds. Tony tries to take a deep breath, but it hitches, and he has to wince.
"I remember the accident now," Tony says. "Whole thing. And what happened to me after" Tony adds, his breathing picking up
"Easy, kid, you gotta breathe," Nick says, and Tony nods, trying to listen to him.
"We hit him. I mean, I know we hit him, but still, fuck, we actually hit someone. Howard hit someone. What fucking bad luck, god, we might have deserved this, but he sure as fuck didn't," Tony rambles breathlessly, and Nick squeezes his hand, trying to bring Tony back down.
"Hey Tony, look at me," Nick says, and it takes some more cueing until Tony looks over at him, his eyes still a little manic.
"It's over; nothing can change that, but what you do now can change. Something doesn't have to be for him or yourself, but things change, and you can make them," Nick tells him, making sure Tony stays looking at him.
"I'm alone," Tony says tiredly. "Not just neglected alone, like really alone. There is no one else. It's just fucking me," Tony says, and Nick has to take a second
"You're not alone, kid, not while I'm kicking, and Howard can't stop me now," Nick promises him.
"I still want to die," Tony admits to him.
"I know," Nick says
"And I am so tired," Tony says, letting go of a breath he'd been holding. "I don't want to be in pain anymore. I can't stand it," Tony adds, his hands starting to shake while sedated. It doesn't mean he still can't feel his body and the constant pain he's in
"You can't have any more meds, and you know why," Nick sighs, sitting back again, putting his head in his hand, elbowing bracing on the arm of the chair.
"Fuck you," Tony grumbles, having nothing to come back to at that.
Nick rolls his eyes a little, but he's got a small smile, while Tony just huffs and goes back to staring at the ceiling, trying to stop the memories from replaying in his head. By the time it gets to ten am, Nick has nodded off, and Tony is just numb and tired since they're keeping him sedated for the time being in case he has another nightmare or does something stupid. Tony had consented, and at least the number he felt, the less he noticed the pain, but he was a little loopy. Tony grumbles softly to himself, staring at his raised hand above his head. The lines in it annoy him, but he knows he'll get in more shit for taking them out. Tony glances over to look at Nick but notices something else behind him and squints his eyes, trying to focus enough to see what it is. After a moment, Tony can see Barnes coming down the hallway. He looks like shit and probably hasn't slept, adding to the jumpy feeling he's giving off. His sweater is too big, and his metal hand is in his pocket like he can't stand the sight of it, which probably isn't too far off. Tony frowns a little and lets his hand drop heavily back on the bed, waiting until Barnes is in the doorway and taking a moment to take in the sight of Fury like that.
"You look like shit," Tony says coldly, his eyes a little hazy, but he manages to glare at the other a little, still.
"I'd say the same about you, but I don't see a difference from the last time so," Barnes says, matching his tone.
"Fuck you," Tony grumbles, and Barnes guesses he's a little loopy from the painkillers.
"Why's he here?" Barnes asks him, nodding to Fury a little
"Apparently, I asked for him," Tony huffs, now glaring at Nick.
"Do you even know how you ended up in here?" Barnes asks him, and Tony sighs a little, his face getting colder and more shut down
"You've got the shittiest luck," Tony tells him, and that's all Bucky needed
"Good, live with it," Barnes says, that temper coming back a bit ready to take everything out on Tony if given the chance.
"You sound like pirate," Tony tsks, rolling his eyes and masking this a lot better than Bucky right now.
"What's wrong with it anyway? Must be fucking bad if I'm the only one who can fix it?" Tony huffs, though he doubts he's the only one able to do it
"Fuck if I know; for all I know, they could be lying to me," Barnes shrugs, running a hand through his hair.
"I'd take that bet, but whatever, describe it to me? Like, what the fuck is wrong? Cause that shit is brand new and top-of-the-line. You shouldn't have even been able to get your hands on it, compensation for my shitty sperm donor or not," Tony says, pointing to the arm.
"Wow, thanks," Bucy says, unimpressed and pissed off. "And it ain't compensation for shit. We don't know how I got it either," Bucky says, and Tony frowns.
"Give it," Tony says, making a grabby hand.
"I'm attached to it," Bucky drawls, rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, you like it, whoopy, give it to me," Tony snarks and Bucky feels the need to laugh but doesn't
"No shithead. It's my fucking arm. It's attached to my body," Bucky huffs, and then it clues in through Tony's brain fog.
"Fuck you. Come here then and tell me," Tony snaps at him, making a grabby hand again.
"Fine," Bucky huffs and moves to the other side of the bed so Tony can see it.
"No more, and start yapping tall, dark, and broody," Tony snaps when Bucky only gives him a hand.
Bucky rolls his eyes and sighs, but Tony just glares him down until Bucky unzips his hoodie and takes off that sleeve, leaving it in a short sleeve and the arm mostly on display, which Tony doesn't waste time getting his hands on. Bucky really has no idea what's going on with it; it's off and maybe not fitting or working right, and he tries to describe it as best as he can. Tony listens, his hands all over the arm, moving it this way and that, taking in every detail not just visually but through his hands as well as if he's memorizing every inch of it. Three minutes after Bucky stops talking and Tony just does whatever he likes, Tony finally starts to speak again.
"Oi, Nicky-Nicky-nine doors over there," Tony says, looking back at Nick, who'd been pretending to sleep since Bucky showed up in the doorway.
"Yes, tiny spawn of Satan?" Fury huffs, opening his eyes, and Bucky cracks a grin at that
"Real mature," Tony mocks a little, sticking out his tongue. "Why do you think I need to fix this shit?" Tony huffs, rolling his eyes, annoyed, but finally lets Bucky go, who quickly puts back on the sleeve
"You made it. You fix it," Nick says simply, and Bucky looks surprised and confused.
"I sure as fuck didn't give it to him," Tony snaps a little at him as Nick just crosses his arms over his chest.
"Like you said, bad luck now it ain't working right, so do somethin' about it," Nick huffs at him.
"Fine," Tony grumbles, crossing his arms. "Bring me my shit, and he can choose when we do this shit show 'cause I sure as fuck ain't going anywhere anytime soon," Tony says, annoyed, but he's not really rushing it either.
"Good," Nick says getting up.
Feeling out of place and needing out of the hospital before he freaks out, Bucky quickly follows after Fury, who leaves both, leaving Tony on his own again. Tony sighed, rubbing his hand over his face before yawning and deciding to try to sleep some of this day off. He hates being stuck in the hospital and everything about it, the pain, nausea, the machines, the poking and prodding, you name it. He hates it. At least he has something to do now, or at least when Barnes can stomach some time in the hospital, that is. The other got out a lot sooner than he did, and while he's probably in a lot of physical therapy and heavy actual therapy, it's not the same as being stuck like Tony is. He tries not to dwell on what his life is going to be like once he gets out, if he gets out, really. Tony doesn't really have much to look forward to or somewhere to go. It's all just leftovers from his parents and all their stuff. He has nothing of his own. He is what his parents wanted, did what they wanted, and liked what they liked; he's been a copy and puppet all his life. He has no life outside of them. Tony groans, his arms crossed over his chest, his head back against the pillow, and his eyes closed. He's not having a good time, and there isn't a lot he can do about it.