Wishing to have drowned
Tony didn't care that the press was memorializing his spiral downwards he just wanted to party and forget, he didn't attended their funerals instead he got drunk and high and partied for days nonstop, came home with different girls and guys to drown out emptiness, built random shit, crashed his car a few times after drinking. The days he didn't go out he partied alone in self-pity playing with the guns and knives kept in the house shooting every mirror that showed how bad it had gotten, he lost weight, he self-harmed, he burned bridges and shut people out even though he wanted them to stay, he'd not sleeping or eating not that he did a whole lot anyway.
Tony wakes to the sound of machines and muted chattering as something pushes air down his throat to help him breathe, he can't move and everything hurts but he's not scared in fact he's numb to it he can only guess he crashed one of his cars again and this time it was a lot worse to make him end up like this but his only wish is that he hadn't woken up at all. Over the next few hours Tony slips in and out of consciousness as nurses and a doctors come and go doing their job and Tony just hopes he gets to die this time, he just really doesn't want to wake up but each time he does and his soul tires just a little more with each time his eyes open to find himself stuck in that fucking bed. The next time he opens his eyes he already knows he's not alone and a voice confirms it as the man's deep and calm tone breaks the silence of the beep machines and the hissing of air that had been his only company for what must have been days before he woke up today.
"I see they were right when they said you had woken up" The man muses mostly to himself not that Tony could answer him anyway
"Tony, do you know who I am?" The man asks and Tony glances over to see him
The man is big both in height and build with dark skin and salt and peppered short hair, one of his eyes is covered by a patch and he's wearing black suit pants with combat boots and a dark grey turtle neck under a black trench coat, he does seems a little familiar but Tony can't place him in any of his memories which says a lot but he might be a bit high still so.
"I'll take that as a no" The man huffs amused when Tony simply looks away almost dismissing him
"My name is Nicholas Fury I'm the director at SHIELD" Fury introduces himself and if he could Tony would have rolled his eyes
"You did a real number this time kid, they thought you'd be DOA" Fury tells him, and Tony wishes he had
"But I think that was the point" Fury adds, and Tony manages a slight glare
"I'm not judging kid, I have some questions but they can wait, you should rest some more" Fury says before getting up and leaving
Tony hates how his body does just that and he sleeps for the first time in a very long while. Over the next few days Fury comes and goes simply talking as Tony is forced to listen to him and he gets stronger each time but not strong enough to change anything and Fury seems stuck on the idea of him joining a special team not that Tony wants to. A week passes and while nothing has changed much Tony is sitting up a bit with the help of the bed playing a game on his phone and Fury talks his ear of once again but now Tony just thinks it's to annoy him since the man does seem to be enjoying it for someone so stoic, after an hour new something happens.
"I've been looking for you sir" Someone grumbles coming into the room Tony glances up to see an English man standing there annoyed
"What can I do for you Coulson?" Fury asks totally ignoring the comment
"Clint and Steve got hurt their just down the hall but we-" Phil begins to drone on
"Phil we're good to go" Someone around Tony's age cuts in and glancing up he sees a small group coming up
"I'll be there in just a moment" Phil tells them before gesturing to Tony with his eyes"I'll come back another time kid" Fury says getting up only getting the finger in return
As soon as they leave and are out of sight Tony tosses the phone onto the chair the man was just sitting in and undoes the gown with some difficulty to see the damage or more importantly one spot in particular, the spot glass had gone through his chest which is what should have killed him but it didn't knowing it's gonna hurt doesn't stop him though. Tony takes a shaky hand and begins to tear open the bandage and then pushes onto the wound until it starts to ooze blood and he can feel it both inside and out as it runs down him and tastes it in his throat but he keeps pushing until the machines start to go crazy around him and he starts to fade out. His last sight was of nurses and doctors rushing to the room panicked before he slips into the darkness hoping the damage is enough to kill him properly this time and this time he focuses on the darkness that's so cold and empty like he's drowning in ice water but still he walks further into it to the point it hurts like he's being stabbed by the cold and dragged further in by the heavy water of the darkness.
Outside Nurses and doctors rush to his failing body and lay him down as they start to frantically stop the bleeding and keep him from crashing but as the seconds drag on they can feel him fighting against them and he ends up flat lining twice but each time they bring him back and manage to stabilize him only for him to crash again. On the second re-stabilizing they manage to keep him with them and move him to the ICU still covered in his blood until a surgery room opens up and they can get him even though he'll still be in the ICU after and in a medically induced coma to make sure he heals enough before he can try it again as they're sure he will when he wakes up.
Inside Tony lets himself drown almost comfortably and the first time a blinding tunnel above him opens sending down a rope Tony doesn't reach for it instead moves further into the darkness growing heavier with each step and the second the rope doesn't stop and wait for him this time it tangles around him and drags him back into the light. While he doesn't wake Tony can feel himself still there just trapped under the surface and for a while he's angry, really angry but he grows tired again soon and gives up on everything only wishing to get high or drunk to make himself quiet but he's only able to watch himself and the room he's in like some sort of living ghost. Tony sits on the edge of his bed watching the people passing by the room as they hurry to someone else one of his hands rest on his own body's hand where he can finally feel some sort of warmth coming through heating him up and he watches for hours with nothing else to do, sometimes he feels his thumb rub circles on his own hand as if he's trying to comfort himself. The ironic image of himself laying in the ICU covered in wires, machines and bandages is funny since it's the most alive he's looked in ages and he can't help the smile that twitches on his lips at the irony of it all being on his death door looking more alive than when he was living his live freely.
Over the next couple of times he sees a few people linger on his room watching before they move on only to come back some time later and after a week or two the nurses start letting people in not that anyone comes in or wake him but right now he's okay with that. After a while someone finally comes into his room and watches from just inside the doorway to the side to stay out of the way and silently observes him as if he was some doll on display which granted he kind of is. Tony takes in the stranger, a boy probably older than him and bigger too at about six foot one and strongly built too with fair skin and the whitest ice blue eyes Tony has ever seen, he's got a metal left arm and his shoulder length brown hair is half tied up while he's wearing ripped black jeans with combat boots and a worn dark red tee. Tony's only guess is that he's somehow connected to Fury since no one else would be checking in on him but it makes Tony wonder as to why this stranger was here watching him, protecting him really acting like some sort of guard but the only person Tony needs to worry about hurting him is himself but maybe the stranger already knows that. Tony sighs and brushes the overgrown black curls off his forehead making it look as if a breeze had drifted in and the stranger seems to notice it as his eyes lock onto the motion and his head tilts slightly to the side since there should not be any kind of breeze in here and he's right there isn't.
After a few more minutes the stranger leaves just as quietly as he had come in leaving Tony alone with himself once again and he retreats back into his mind to see if he can find the darkness again but he finds nothing in the little area of his mind he's stuck in and he knows his mind is dreaming but Tony won't look at that he doesn't want to know. Tony stays there zoned out wishing for the darkness to wash over him instead as time passes him by Tony waits and waits until he feels warm tears escape down his face from what must have been one of the dreams he was having but then he feels something could wipe them away and he stands turning to look to find the stranger there again. The stranger was using one of his metal fingers to wipe off the tears that had managed to escape his grasp on the bottled emotions he's buried deep inside himself but as soon as the tears are gone the stranger moves away and out of Tony face and he surprises himself when it's his body's eyes clench along with his own confused squint at the stranger. Tony does it again and feels himself clenching the eyes again before relaxing again and tries something else this time he makes a fist but his hand doesn't do that instead his finger twitches against the sheets and he breathes a little deeper as if drawing his own breath. The stranger waits a second before he flags down a nurse who quickly comes in to check him over and when she adjusts the IV in his hand his finger twitches again and he breathes deeper again surprising her enough she freezes before she smiles a little and relaxes shoulders slumping and then he can hear her soft whispers.
"You did it" She gasps quietly
"You're breathing on your own" She whispers tears in her eyes
"Welcome back Tony" She sniffs hand resting on his hair, the touch is motherly and warm making another tear slip from his eye and down his cheek
"He can hear you" The stranger says quietly voice deep and cold but as calming as the darkness that had swallowed him before
"I know. You've been missed by so many" The nurse tells him tears on her cheeks and voice wet before leaving to take a minute to pull herself together again
The stranger doesn't say anymore and before he leaves he puts on the TV and Tony can hear the news replaying over and over as people he's known, people he's helped, people who have worried talk over and over and Tony settles fully back to himself and lets the tears fall as the world rushes by past him and he feels a little less alone.
"We have great news for our listen yours today we've heard that Tony Stark is stable and out of the woods" A news anchor says
"I don't like the Stark's much but Tony helped me son when he needed it most and I thank him everyday I get to share with son" A woman cries
"I have an arm again thanks to Tony and it hurt watching him on the news like that" A man admits
"Tony used to tell me he'd leave the light on for anyone who needed it and so ever since then I've left my light on" A young girl confess
"People all over the city have been leaving lights on since Tony Stark's near fatal car crash" Someone reports
"He only helps and he never asks for anything I just wish he would have let us help him" Someone young tells the news
"I know most adults don't feel the same as us or ever really believed us but we see who Tony is, we follow his work in the shadows, we support him in comments, and Tony if you can hear this we miss you! We really miss you!" Someone cries
"Tony's done so much for veterans, single parents, those in need and yet we all seemed to over look his needs" Someone says
"Artists have been posting tributes of support for Tony Stark and people are coming forward in support of him and his healing" An anchor says
"Mom when's Tony visiting? When he gets better love, the kids at the hospital miss him and his toys, My son is getting better because of Tony and I wish I could have repaid him" A woman says tearful with a young child next to her
"We left the lights on Tony!!!!" A group of kids cheer
And Tony sleeps to the sound of people telling him to keep going and maybe he can try again but he's so tired and still hopes when he shuts his eyes they'll never open again.