Chapter 24
Helblindi stayed for dinner. Thor didn't thought much about it,but he had expected the visiting King to leave as soon as he was promised an opportunity to have casket of winters back. They ate in cold silence until Odin finished his meal and left.
Immediately after the old man was out of sight ,Helblindi asked,
" Where is Loki?"
" He is ...ah he is resting"
" Oh. I understand. I mean I would have not been well after going through the things he did face today."
Thor smiled, " He may have stayed behind just to avoid meeting Odin. I did not want to force him to come"
" Hmmm. Can I .., I mean if you do not object I would like to meet him."
" I can't promise you but I shall ask him.
.When do you want to meet him?"
" Now? Truth to be told, I have stayed just to see him. It was clear that he was upset."
" I would rather not upset him any further." , Thor was reluctant.
" I will not disturb him if he does not want to see me. But, please Thor king, he is my little sibling. We had thought him dead, and I just found out that our lost youngling is alive. I am sure you understand. Please I need to.
" I do. understand I mean. I have lost him one too many times. I shall ask him about this, King Helblindi and let you know. "
" Thank you. Would you mind if I accompanied you to him. I wish to leave early morning tomorrow."
" He is already in bed . It will not be easy to convince him."
" I have no qualms about waiting at the door for him, Thor.He is family and something tells me that he needs to be assured of the love of his family."
" If he refuses.."
" I will not be offended."
" Fine! Come with me after you have finished your dinner."
" I have. let's go"
_@_@_@_@_@_@_
Thor returned to darkness in his chambers.he wondered where had Nanna gone if Loki was not in mood to switch lights on. He found Loki on bed, silent tears rolling on his cheeks. The sight broke his heart. Until today, he had managed to consol Loki somehow on the situation, the younger man had accepted his life as it was and now he was told that he was not unwanted child of Jotun king but he was stolen away from a supposedly loving family. Thor did not know what to say. So he just layed beside his miserable lover and gathered him close. Loki started sobbing in his arms.
" Do you want to talk about it?"
" What is there to talk?" , Loki said sniffing in his chest.
" Helblindi uh wants to meet you"
" Not now , please!"
Thor could not argue, still he asked if he can invite the Jotun king for breakfast. Loki did not answer. They stayed like that for a long time. Thor detangled himself as soon as he was sure that the smaller man was asleep. He went out to find Helblindi and was surprised to see that the visiting king was still waiting.
" He is not well, my friend.Perhaps you should join us for breakfast."
_@_@_@_@_@_@_
Loki raised his eyebrows at the magnificent breakfast layed over the table.His eyes wide with wild curiosity, beguiling face with a smirk in place. Helblindi smiled at his expression, yet the prince's face was oddly pale, and dark circles cast a sad shadow over his eyes.
"I have no doubt that our king will gulp down all of this food!" ,Loki said smiling. Thor was relived to see him in a better mood.
" I don't mind eating all this, love .But it will not be polite to take all the food prepared in the honour of our guest." Thor said as he sat beside Loki. Loki nodded a greeting to Helblindi, this time smiling as their eyes met.It surely felt better than the nervous fleeting glances he got when they met earlier.
Thor kept the conversation light, and both Jotuns contributed. Not after long, Loki was talking animatedly to Helblindi and asking questions about Jotun seidr. It was fascinating for both of them.
At some point, Loki tried and failed to bring forth the ice.
" Perhaps you should try it again in your true form", Helblindi advised.
Thor saw Loki stiffen, he saw as the thin man's face blanked and lips thinned. There was no way Helblindi to not see his hesitation.
" Perhaps you should eat something, and stop pushing your food around, Loki" ,Thor said. He had observed that his lover was eating almost nothing.
" Perhaps you should stop mothering me!" , Loki quipped and then startled when Helblindi started laughing.
" I apologise. You remind me too much of Byleistr..my..uh brother back home."
Loki smiled ," Are you saying that me , your one brother reminds you of your other brother?"
" I was trying to say that your relation reminds me of the bond I have with Byleistr. But now I think of it, you are too similar to him. You even have same facial features and expressions"
Silence fell over them.Everyone of the three was awkward now. But Helblindi had to speak, he needed to do it before leaving.
" I am happy that you have Thor by your side, sibling.But I have mourned your death, we all have. Father was so lost in his grief that he refused to speak with anyone else for days. It might offend you but I have been fighting jealous apprehension that you were the favourite son even after your supposed death. But I understood. You were our baby brother, pride and joy of house of laufey. We missed you little brother, I missed you, Loptr! " His eyes turned misty. Loki stared open-mouthed.
" Do you know that I killed Laufey", he asked in most condenscenting voice he could manage.
" Father died because he entered Asgard and tried to kill Odin in his sleep. It was not right, even if he had his reasons. And you were trying to protect the man you thought as your father. Whatever you did, you were acting as a prince of Asgard.I will not hold it against you."
" Why? What trick is this? what do you want from me?" Loki asked through stiffling sob in his throat.
" There is no trick, Loptr, . I understand that trust will not come easy to you... But I am ready to wait. Take all the time you need."
" Do not call me that.I am not the lost child as you think.I am a lost cause, raised in enemy's household. I didn't hesitate to kill my blood father even with knowledge of our relation. I tried to destroy your realm. Why would you want me in your life,is beyond me."
"Because that is what families do.To protect and love each other "
Loki's face darkened as he scowled. He turned to Thor,
" My king, can you give us a moment. I would like to speak with king Helblindi alone."
" Loki. He is just trying to..."
" be my brother? after absence of ...a thousand years? Do you not trust me,Thor. I have provided enough proof of my loyalty. Asgard is..."
" Your home.And I trust you with everything.But I don't want to leave you ."
" I wanted to say priority.Asgard is my priority... not home. I donot have a home." , Thor opened his mouth to argue but Loki stopped him with a gesture. " I understand that you worry about me, but I need this.I need to clarify my stand . Please Thor, let me do this."
Thor thought it for a moment gazing faces of other two and said, " Very well. but I don't want you to be hurt in anyway!" He looked pointedly at the visiting king who nodded understanding the warning.
Silence fell over them after Aesir king left until Helblindi spoke,
" Loki, youngling.I know it is difficult.."
" The truth, please!" Loki cut him off.
"...."Helblindi looked confused.
" Why do you want to associated with me. What do want from me?" , he clarified. Larger mans blue face contorted with sadness.
" Loki, I have already told you.We Jotun's live in packs.. we are loyal to each other and abandoning our own is greatest sin. That is why,our father, Laufey could not find peace after loosing you and dam.You have acted in desperation and bitterness but under that you are a fiercely loyal man with sweet nature.You are one of us and I don't need anything to love you. The joy to have you back is enough!"
Loki stood up and walked towards window," You have mistaken, your magesty. I am not sweet nor I am loyal to anyone. There is nothing in common with you other than my skin colour. And I certainly don't need a new family. I have had a family, and all I received from them is lies, negligence ,duplicity and betrayals.I am not blameless, I have paid them with equal amount of grief and regrets.Its better for me to be alone, for I am a creature of loneliness."
" Yet, you remain by Thor's side. I have inquired about you, your life has not been easy. You were never treated fairly, you never received unconditional love you deserve.You were either ignored or insulted even punished for the things you could not control.You could have left, long before you knew your true parentage.Still you stayed... because you are a Jotun and you could not just leave and forget them. I suspect allfather had some agenda to take you in.. He knew that once you associated them as family you will remain loyal to them and he could use that in Asgard's favour." , Helblindi paused seeing the smaller man's pained expression . Loki wiped his hands on his face and tried to hide the tears threatening to spill out.
" Youngling.. are you well?"
Loki snorted at the king's worried face. He remembered how he had thought Jotuns as monsters incapable of feeling.And here he was ,being consoled by their king who thought himself as his elder and kept calling him youngling!
"You are as worse as Thor! I am thousand years old, certainly not a youngling."
" You are, for me! We donot identify each other as these split gendered aesir do.There are no brothers and sisters in jotuns.We are siblings and we call each other as elder or younger. Its normal for me to call you and Byleister younglings.If you don't like it, I will call you Loki or prince Loki" , He did not mention that his given name was Loptr as Loki did not seem comfortable with it.
" Oh. I don't mind as Thor also keeps calling me little brother. Wait, I cannot call you brother then, because you are bi-gendered like me. That is why you never call me , little brother even if you behave like elder brother. " Helblindi smiled seeing Loki talking as if to himself and coming to conclusions. This one was smart.
" So what am I supposed to call you?" , Loki asked.
" Syskin( Sibling), Elder, even Helblindi... Whatever you like. Byleistr calls me Blindi." , The king was happy to see Loki considered him family , albeit unknowingly. Loki caught his smile and sighed,
" Usually I am not easy to outsmart , but I am really exhausted right now. So feel free to be proud."
" Aye.I have heard about your mastery of words. But you don't need to guard yourself around me.we are family, you can say whatever you want.I will never use it for political purposes."
Loki suddenly gripped the edge of table as he felt the room tilt. a small whimper left his lips. Helblindi got up and supported the smaller god as he swayed on spot. He moved Loki to the chair and handed him glass of water. he hovered until he was sure Loki was stable and will not in fact fall over.
After some time Loki's eyes cleared , and still he wanted to put his head on table and rest. He noticed concern on the king's face and tried to smile, which came more as a grimace.
" Its nothing.Just a dizzy spell" ,he tried to assure.
" Are you sure you don't need healer?" , Loki shook his head in answer.
" You barely ate anything.You are thin like a stick and paler than paper.. You seem ready to keel over.And just now you almost lost your consciousness ... I do think you need a healer." Helblindi was clearly distressed.
" Do not worry ,Syskin.I am well!" ,Loki deflected cleverly using the kinship.
" Oh don't act smart.You are not well. "
Loki sighed and looked at the sealing in defeat. " Yes ,I am unwell. and I will get help. Just not now , please."
" Very well.I am leaving today, and if you have not consulted the healer by afternoon, I am taking you with me."
Loki looked at him with a mischievous smile onhis face.
" And what will you tell Thor and his court?"
" That they have ignored my sweskin's health and you now need a good bed and caring people around you." ,The king answered honestly. Loki's eyes glazed at the openess of the care shown towards him. Never in his life ,he had felt so wanted, not even with Thor until recently.
" Loki, tell me the truth? Are you happy here?"
"...." The silence worried Helblindi so he added,
" If you are not, then I will take you away. I will take you home, treaty be damned..."
" No! " Loki interupted. " Do not talk like that.I am still under punishment. We can't discuss breaking me out.Even if Thor let's go this , Asgard has a golden eyed watch dog. Who will be more than happy to charge me with treason and put me to death.", He then looked out of window and said, " Heimdall, I am sure you are watching me .Just understand that whatever he said was out of the concern about me.I donot plan to leave Thor , So just keep this to yourself will you?"
Helblindi gazed on thoughtfully, recieving a cheeky smile in return.
" You donot like Heimdall!". he stated.
" The feeling is mutual", Loki answered.
"You have nobody here!"
" Except for Thor!"
" So ,You stay for Thor." ,Helblindi realised, " You love him , don't you?"
" Yes. I think I have to accept that love him ."
" Well, I am happy for you sweskin! I can see that he reciprocates your feelings. Have you told him?"
" No not yet!"
" Tell him, I am sure he needs to hear it. He needs to know that you stay with him out of love not because you are forced to."
" I will! " ,Loki promised.
" And you need to take better care of yourself. I understand that you are upset but you need to eat more!"
" I will!" , Loki tried to assure him.
" I will write to you. Byleistr will too. He is going to go crazy with joy once he hears about you... I would have to bind him to prevent him from coming here to see you. Atleast until Thor's committee visits and decision is made about casket!"
Loki smiled.
" Donot worry.Thor has selected good people. Casket will be returned."
" I hope so. We will visit you more once we have it back, I promise you. You are not alone anymore!"
.
Loki stood up and hugged him.
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