Chapter 4
Crystal held it together for the remainder of school by simply avoiding Matthew and Wanda, which wasn’t too hard since both of them were in a grade below her, so she didn’t share any classes with them.
She hurried through the parking lot to her waiting car and drove home, lost in thought and downright miserable. As she walked in the door, she could hear her mom preparing dinner in the kitchen.
She paused on her way to her room, her mind reeling, and turned on a whim to the kitchen. After exchanging greetings with her mom, Crystal started to work up the courage to ask her mom a question.
“Hey, mom, what would you say if I told you one of my friends is a lesbian?”
Unsurprisingly, Crystal’s mom froze for a second and set down the pot she was filling with water before slowly turning to face Crystal, an unreadable look on her face.
“Well... I would say you should try to accept her as long as you’re comfortable with that. Maybe let her know that if you’re going to remain friends, she can’t make a move on you because you’re not interested in that type of thing.”
Her mom glanced to the side, then nodded, seemingly satisfied with her answer, before turning back to the pot she had set in the sink.
Crystal barely managed to refrain from grimacing at her mother’s words as she took a deep breath before charging forward, because what did she have to lose at this point?
“What would your response be if I ever asked you what you thought of me maybe going on a date with said friend?”
This time, Crystal’s mother turned around without hesitation. Still, her face retained its eerily unreadable expression.
“I would say that would be absolutely uncalled for and inappropriate. I would say absolutely not and that would be the end of it, do you understand?”
She didn’t wait for a response before aggressively walking across the kitchen to the pantry to grab a bag of pasta from the shelf.
Crystal felt a surprising sense of rage slowly fill her chest as she stood tall, glaring at her mother.
“Well, what if I wasn’t really asking your permission?” She asked, desperately wishing her voice to cooperate even as it cracked and wobbled with uncertainty.
Crystal watched in fear as her mother’s posture changed from stiff to downright feral. She turned around with such force, the door of the pantry slammed against the wall of the kitchen. Without so much as a glance in its direction, she stormed over to Crystal until their faces were mere inches apart.
“It’s not up for debate! The answer is no!” Her mother’s voice steadily grew louder until she was yelling. “You will never be with a girl for as long as you live, do you understand?!”
Suddenly the fury burst through Crystal’s body as she stepped back to stare her mother in the face as she screamed
“I don’t care! I don’t care what you say! I will be with a girl no matter what you say! Even if it’s the last thing I ever do!”
And with that, Crystal ran out of the house and drove away.
•••
Crystal drove with no real destination in mind as she struggled to fish her phone out of her back pocket. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears with the realization of what she has just done.
For almost two years now, Crystal has suspected that she could be a lesbian. It started out with small things like crushing on female leads in movies instead of the males. Or noticing attractive girls walking down the street... She felt it was wrong, so she just suppressed it.
Easy enough because she wasn’t exactly the most attractive girl in school so the boys didn’t give her so much as a second glance, let alone a date invitation. Without any boys to refuse, there was no reason for anyone to question her sexual preferences.
But now. Now everything changed. Now Crystal had a stupid crush and her life was falling apart because of it. This is exactly why she tried not to act on her emotions. She knew this would happen.
She managed to yank her phone out and quickly dialed Matthew’s number, as the tears finally started to fall.
“Crystal, are you okay? What happened today? Did I do something wrong? Crystal... Crystal, are you crying?? Crys, talk to me. Crys you’re scaring me a little, what’s going on?”
Crystal had to pull over the car as her teary whimpers transformed into heavy sobs at the deep, genuine concern of her dearest friend. In a world of fear and uncertainty, where she thought everyone she cared for turned their back on her, of course she could forever count on Matthew.
She smiled at her phone, even as more tears streamed down her face. Matthew continued to ramble endlessly and Crystal would bet anything that he had started pacing. She took a deep breath and wiped her tears away with her free hand.
“Matthew. Matthew, listen, I’m okay. Matt- just shut up for a second, Matthew.” She said with a shaky giggle, “Listen.... I just, I really need to talk. Can I come over?”
Matthew snapped his mouth shut audibly and cleared his throat, reorienting himself.
“Yeah, yeah, of course you know you’re always welcome, literally any time, ever...”
Crystal let out a broken laugh and sniffled before responding, “ok, I’ll be right over. And Matthew? Thanks...”