Remerciez le Chef
Peter woke up early. Way too early for a Tuesday morning, considering he’d had approximately three hours of poor sleep that night. But he had some business to take care of before the day begun. Namely, the kwami nestled on the bed next to him and the ruby anklet secured around his ankle.
“Psst,” he hissed, gently nudging Suluu’s sleeping form. “Suluu.”
“Peter Parker!” The kwami was awake in an instant, shooting up and hovering in front of him. “You’re back! I’m back! We’re back together!”
“Shhhhh!” Peter raised a finger to his lips, looking around the room. He needn’t have worried. His bedroom was massive, and the chances of Adrien hearing him were slim. The boy slept like a rock. “I’ve got someone sleeping next door.”
“Oh! Right,” Suluu lowered their voice quickly, zipping back and forth in front of Peter. “Sorry, I’m just so excited! It’s been forever since I’ve been allowed to exist like this! And with you! You’re the best phoenix I’ve ever had! I can tell already!”
“No pressure or anything,” Peter mumbled, climbing out of bed. “I should warn you though, we probably won’t be suiting up very often.”
Suluu pouted, their beak turning downwards. “Why not?”
“Because one,” Peter said, pulling socks on over his anklet. “It’s kind of a lot to take in. Sure, it feels great, but also it kind of burns. Second because Helios isn’t my only secret identity.”
“What?” Suluu settled on the bed once more, tucking their little arms under their chin.
“You have to keep this a secret,” Peter warned. “No one in Paris knows, so I’m trusting you big time with this one.” If they were going to be a team, Peter had to trust the creature. Plus, it would be hard to hide his past times from a being that was practically tied to him.
“Even if I wanted to, I quite literally can’t,” Suluu said. “You’re my master, I have to obey your commands.”
Peter’s eye twitched. “Let’s not do that whole like, ‘I own you’ thing because that’s just weird. If you don’t agree with something I say or I’m ever asking you to do something you don’t want to do, you let me know, okay?”
Suluu’s eyes shone. “Really? You’re giving me freedom?”
“Uh, yeah? You’re a living thing, obviously. Consent and boundaries are important.” Peter shook his head. “Anyways, secret time.”
“Secret time!” Suluu clapped their arms together. “I love secrets!”
Peter donned his best Morgan Freeman impression, standing up straight and spreading his arms out slightly. “In the day time, I’m Peter Parker, boy genius who works for billionaire superhero Tony Stark. At night…Karen! Suit time!” He let the spidey suit burst out from his necklace, covering him head to toe in his familiar costume. “At night, I’m Spiderman, fighter of evil and protector of the people? I don’t know, it sounded better in my head.”
He deactivated the suit, becoming Peter Parker once more. “Basically, I already have a superhero persona.”
“Woah! That’s so cool and I’m so confused,” Suluu admitted. “And hungry.”
“Let’s get you some food, then,” Peter said, checking the time. Five am. Great. “What do you like to eat?”
“Soup!” Suluu cheered. “I haven’t had soup in eons! It was so delicious.”
“Alrighty,” Peter said. “We’ll take you down to the kitchen and I’ll do my best not to burn soup for you. And then I’ll tell you my story.”
And so he did. Peter didn’t hold anything back. For once in his life, he felt like he could be one hundred percent open with someone. The knowledge that Suluu was meant for him, that the tiny being was compatible with who he was beyond a physical level only encouraged him. It felt so good to get it off his chest, to just tell someone how he felt.
“So let me get this straight,” Suluu said, sipping soup from a spoon that Peter held up for them. “You got bit by a radioactive spider that allowed you to develop powers on your own, you’re part of an elite superhero task force, and now you’re in Paris, teamed up with two other miraculous users to defeat someone using the butterfly miraculous for evil? I missed so much these past years. And this soup is so much better than I remember it being!”
“Have you ever met the other kwamis?” Peter asked. Now that he’d had his turn to share, he wanted to know Suluu’s story too. He didn’t even know where to start.
“I’m the oldest kwami. That doesn’t mean I was the first ever entity, it just means my power was harnessed for human use before all the others. Even my corporeal form was too powerful though, even after the power had been limited, so they put this gem in my forehead. I was the test run, and I can tell you for sure, it was so painful. Without this gem, you’d burn up the instant you tried to transform, probably burning half the world with you.”
“Sounds fun,” Peter shrugged. “I can see how that might not be ideal though.”
“Definitely not ideal…,” Suluu gave him an odd expression. Right, sarcasm definitely hadn’t been a thing all those years ago. Peter resolved to give him? Her? Them? A refresher on modern slang when he got the chance.
“So, do kwamis conform to the gender binary?” Peter asked casually, drumming his hand that wasn’t occupied with the spoon against the table.
“Not necessarily,” Suluu said, polishing off the last of the soup. “Or at least, I don’t. Last millennia I was called a ‘he’ by my master, but this time around, I’m feeling like more of a ‘she’.”
“Aight, cool,” Peter nodded. “Do you have organs? Like do you have blood? Are you made up of cells?”
“These aren’t the usual questions I get,” Suluu conceded. “Usually they just ask about the powers and then move on from there. I don’t actually know.” She looked thoughtful. “How about we refrain from cutting me open to check, though.”
“That, I can do,” Peter said. “Is there anything I should know? About using the phoenix miraculous or whatever.”
“There’s a lot. It would take hours, possibly days to explain it all. But I know where to start. You, Peter Parker, are the new guardian of the phoenix miraculous. And as one of the ten people in your generation who could wield me, it is now your duty to guard the miraculous until you reach the end of your prime years. And then you can look for another wielder. But it’s always been hard for those who hold the phoenix miraculous to pass it on.”
“Why? Because they didn’t want to risk someone else’s life?”
“No, because they simply became addicted to the power. They were bad to start with, or bad by the time they died. No one who has ever tasted my power has ever given it up willingly. No one except you.”
She stared at Peter like she expected this to be monumental information, but really Peter had just been courteous. He really didn’t want to inconvenience people, ever, and turning into an evil supervillain seemed like it would inconvenience a lot of people.
“I was just doing the right thing,” Peter laughed awkwardly. “Like I said, this hero stuff isn’t new to me. Got a few years under my belt.”
“You’re not wearing a belt,” Suluu observed astutely.
“Brilliant observation, Holmes. I’m afraid we’re going to have to bring you up to speed on a lot of stuff.”
“I understood that reference!” Suluu chirped excitedly. “Sherlock Holmes, written by Sir Arther Conan Doyle, initially published in-”
“Someone’s coming,” Peter whispered. They were a ways away still, but he could hear their footsteps headed towards the kitchen. “Hide!”
And there Peter stood awkwardly as Nathalie entered the kitchen, already dressed up in her suit for the day, her hair pulled back in its usual style.
“May I ask what you’re doing in the kitchen at this hour, Mr. Parker?” Her tone suggested she really didn’t want to know but conveyed a sense of disappointment nonetheless.
“I was…making soup.” Peter showed her the empty pot for inspection. “I got a bit peckish and soup was really the only thing that could satisfy my cravings so…?”
“You got ‘peckish’ at five-thirty in the morning?”
Peter met her cold stare, grinning at her with undertones of a challenge. What was she going to do, stop him? He’d already made the soup. “Yes.”
“Very well.” She turned and left, her heels clicking slightly as she walked away.
What died and crawled up her nasal canal? Peter thought bitterly. Out loud, he whispered to Suluu, “sorry, that’s the lady who works for the bitch dad who tortures the other boy who lives here.”
“She doesn’t seem the nicest,” Suluu admitted, flying out into the open once more. “But I’m sure everyone is capable of love, even the ‘bitch dad’.”
“Haven’t you been kept captive literally all your life?” Peter glanced at her sideways as he cleaned up the dishes. “And watched everyone who was good die before your very eyes?”
“I like to think that unbridled optimism is the best attitude to have,” Suluu said. “Although I do regret my past and how people have used me. But now I have a reason to have hope. You’re different than all the rest, Peter, I can sense it.”
“Just like I could sense you,” Peter realized. “I broke into that old guy’s house one time, and I could feel that pull. And then you were in front of me and it hit me like a train. Once you transformed me, it felt like the whole world was brand new. So I guess we’re sensing each other.”
“Your Spiderman sense!” Suluu squealed. “This is so exciting that you’ve already got powers! If you were to combine both Helios and Spiderman…Peter you’d be unstoppable.”
“I know,” Peter said. “But sometimes it’s good to be stopped. When the moment comes, I’ll combine you and my suit together, but I don’t think that’ll be for awhile now. Right now, all I have to do is get ready for school. I’ll download you a lesson on slang or something so you can listen to it throughout the day, I’ve got headphones somewhere in my bag upstairs.”
“Exciting!” Suluu cheered. “This is all such a rush!”
“We’ll swing by the bakery right now, before Adrien gets up. I usually grab a cinnamon bun for breakfast,” Peter said. “It’ll blow your tiny mind, if you’ve got one of those.”
“I have a mind! A brain is questionable, though.”
“I don’t doubt it, Su. I really don’t.”
“Please inform our guest that he should wait until a reasonable hour before commencing any sort of culinary action,” Nathalie said stiffly. She’d woken Adrien up from a deep slumber, one that probably would have cause him to be late to school if it weren’t for her interruption.
“Culinary what?” Adrien blinked, sitting up in bed. “Who?”
“Mr. Parker was making soup in the kitchen at five thirty this morning.”
Adrien had never pictured Peter as the sort to cook at all. He seemed like he would sooner burn toast than whip up a full meal at such an ungodly hour. “Are you sure he wasn’t sleep walking?”
“Adrien, you’ll never guess what I got us!” The chef himself chose that moment to stroll into Adrien’s room, holding a brown paper bag that Adrien recognized instantly as belonging to the Dupain-Cheng bakery.
“And what’s that, Mr. Parker?” Nathalie honed in on him like a hawk as Peter shoved the bag behind his back.
“I got us…a MST!” Peter chirped cheerfully, giving her a beaming smile. Both Adrien and Nathalie gaped at him. For once Gabriel’s stern assistant truly seemed to be at a loss for words.
“An…STD?” Adrien said slowly, in English, so Peter could realize what he’d said.
Peter nodded slowly, eyes widening slightly as enlightenment dawned on him. “Oh great, my acronym was taken, it appears. Welp, I actually meant it to stand for merveilleux sourire toujours, my bad. Smiles are good, always.” He gave them both finger guns, clicking his tongue.
“Peter, that makes literally zero sense,” Adrien resisted the urge to facepalm.
“Yeah, that’s because I made it up on the spot. I heard some guy on the street talking on his phone about MST’s and I thought it was something good.”
“Why would you think that was something good?”
“Because social cues are not my forte and everyone here talks the same whether they’re angry or happy.”
“Okayyyyy,” Adrien sighed.
“I will send you today’s itinerary before you leave for school,” Nathalie said curtly, giving Peter a withering stare as she left the room.
“That was way awkward.” Peter shook his head. “But I brought cinnamon buns, that was what I was going to say before I panicked.”
“You’re not very good at improv,” Adrien commented, running a hand through his hair as he got up. “Also Nathalie wanted me to ask you not to make soup at five in the morning ever again.”
“That was a misunderstanding,” Peter said. “I didn’t know the kitchen was off-limits at a certain time.”
“My dad doesn’t like people wandering around the house. There’s a bunch of rooms even I’m not allowed in.”
“Why? That makes me want to go there all the more,” Peter tried to lean against the wall and slipped, stumbling backwards before regaining his balance. “I have been up way too long and I’m already tired.”
“I can tell,” Adrien laughed. “And no, you can’t go snooping around the house. That’s a recipe for trouble.”
Peter looked like he was about to argue, but then his phone rang. “This is work, I’ll be right back.”
He left the room for a few moments, giving Adrien enough time to get ready for the day. Peter’s call was taken in hushed tones, obviously something confidential. Not that Adrien was listening. Not that he desperately wanted to know what the Stark intern got up to. Not at all. In fact, Adrien respected Peter’s privacy immensely, and that was precisely why he totally didn’t have his ear pressed against his wall, straining for snippets of Peter’s conversation in the next room.
“You realize this is a horrible idea, right?” Plagg zipped out from beneath Adrien’s pillows, hovering next to him.
“Shhh! I can’t hear what he’s saying!”
“You couldn’t hear what he was saying before I started talking. Nothing has changed.”
“Go eat cheese.” Plagg was more than happy to comply.
“Bye, I love you. I mean! Bye!” Adrien heard Peter’s voice, suddenly loud and in Adrien’s doorway. Adrien leapt backwards from the wall, backing into his foosball table, falling to the ground.
“Dude what were you doing?” Peter asked, sliding his phone into his pocket as Adrien stood up.
“I was listening for rats in the wall,” Adrien nodded, hoping he sounded convincing. “That’s a very common issue here. Really big rats just…you know. Living in the walls.”
“Oh boy do I ever know. We had a rat infestation at my aunt’s apartment one time. Woke up one morning and a rat had chewed its way straight through my shirt and probably my skin too, now that I think about it.”
“Peter, what the hell.” Adrien walked past him, grabbing his school bag as he went. “Do you have a single normal story from your life in New York?”
“Lemme think,” Peter said, humming for a moment as he followed Adrien. “Nope! Not in the slightest. Also I have to go back this weekend for work.”
“Back to New York?” Adrien stopped in his tracks as they reached the bottom of the steps. “Permanently?”
“No! For a weekend, Adri. Two days. I leave Friday evening, come back Sunday. Don’t worry, I’ll bring back a really ugly shirt for you.”
“Great,” Adrien rolled his eyes, climbing into the car. It was a fairly silent ride to school, and Peter seemed slightly preoccupied with his thoughts. Adrien couldn’t help but wonder who he’d been saying ‘I love you’ to over the phone. Peter had never mentioned having a girlfriend.
They found themselves standing outside in the foggy weather, waiting for classes to start. There was no sign of Nino, Marinette, or Alya, so the duo stood in relative silence.
“Who’s that?” Peter nudged him slightly, nodding at a dude across the courtyard.
“That?” Adrien squinted. “Oh that’s Roland. He’s a grade above us.” He turned, walking into the school, searching for his textbook in his bag. He’d sworn he’d put it in there….
“I would let him rail me,” Peter said very matter-of-fact-ly and Adrien choked.
“I’m sorry?” Adrien managed through his coughing fit.
“Seriously?” Peter raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms in a challenging manner. “Bro, I cuff my jeans everyday. Every time someone says something I don’t know how to respond to, I give them either finger guns or a peace sign. I literally thought you’d figured it out by now, given that you were the one who bought me Doc Martens.”
What on earth was he talking about? Wait a minute….
“Oh my god, how did I not realize you’re bi,” Adrien laughed. “I feel like an idiot. Wait…” A thought had just occurred to him. Spiderman also did finger guns and peace signs quite a bit, now that he thought about it. Did that mean that Spidey was…? Spiderman was Peter’s colleague…. Peter had taken a work call then said he loved the other person at the end of the call. Were Spidey and Peter…?
“Wait, what?”
“Are you dating Spiderman?” Adrien blurted. Peter just stared at him, unresponsive. “Sorry, that was an awkward question, I just heard you saying that you loved whoever you were talking to this morning and I kind of connected the dots. I won’t tell anyone, I swear!”
“Did I ever say I was dating Spiderman? Did I ever say that?”
“No, but you don’t have to hide it from me, Peter, I can keep a secret.” Nowhere in Adrien’s mind did it occur to him that he might be incorrect.
“It sounds like you were given a connect the dots sheet for a duck and you wound up with the CN Tower. Adrien, I am not-”
“Hey guys! What are we talking about?” Alya walked up, slinging an arm across Peter’s shoulders.
“How I’m not dating anyone,” Peter said, giving Adrien a meaningful look. “And honestly I might never. I could die next week, you never know.” He was so dating Spiderman. Now that Adrien was thinking about it, he could see how similar they were. They’d be the perfect match, truly.
“I’m glad to see you’re doing alright after the car accident,” Alya said. “I thought you went to the hospital.”
“The car accident?” Adrien said, all thoughts of Peter and Spiderman flying right out of his head. “What car accident?”
“You didn’t tell him?” Alya said. “Peter got hit by a car yesterday!”
“I did not get ‘hit by a car’ yesterday,” Peter made quotation marks with his fingers. “A car gently wedged me between its front bumper and a bus. I’m fine, obviously. New topic, please.”
“Marinette said she thought Peter had died it was so bad,” Alya whispered to Adrien, like Peter wasn’t even there. He just folded his arms, giving her a sarcastic expression that didn’t really look as demeaning as he probably intended it to be. It came off more pouty.
“Well I didn’t die, surprise! You can’t kill me. For all you know, I’m the next Keanu Reeves. Immortal.” Peter’s tone was confident, but his eyes betrayed him. Adrien could’ve sworn he saw a flicker of genuine discomfort. He didn’t know what had gone down the other day, but obviously Peter didn’t want to talk about it. His friend had survived, that was the important part.
“That’s literally so crazy. Let’s get to class,” Adrien said quickly. Peter shot him a thankful yet confused glance before nodding his head in agreement.
“Oh wait, Peter, you have to come to the mall with me and Marinette after school,” Alya interjected.
“Me? Why me?”
“Because we need a male’s opinion,” Alya glanced quickly at Adrien, then back at Peter. “And you’ve obviously got an eye for fashion.”
“You’re aware that Adrien forces me to wear Agreste label clothes and literally picks them out for me, right?”
“It’s true,” Adrien offered as they headed to class. “The last purchase Peter made for himself was the ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen.”
“It couldn’t have been that bad.” Alya frowned.
“I’ve got a picture!” Peter said, pulling out his phone to proudly show Alya a photo.
“I rescind my previous statement.”
“See!” Adrien grinned, entering the classroom just as the bell rang. He and Peter slid into their seats, pulling out their tablets, ready for a day of learning and education. Luckily he didn’t have to learn for long, as Mme. Bustier quickly informed them that they had an assembly first thing.
“Sweet, I love assemblies!” Nino cheered, turning to grin at Adrien. “This is the drug one, so it’ll probably last the whole day.”
“All day?” Peter stared at Nino like he’d just told him his dog had died. “All day to talk about medicine?”
“That’s not quite what it’s about-” Adrien began to explain to Peter precisely what sort of drugs the presentation would be on, but was interrupted by the principal entering the room, telling them to head down to the auditorium.
“Hi Adrien!” Marinette greeted Adrien as they walked down the hallways. It was one of the first times he’d heard her address him without stammering, tripping, or injuring herself or others around her. Even Peter looked impressed.
“Hey Marinette!” He gave her a warm smile in return. If this was her coming out of her shell, Adrien was glad. Whenever he’d visited her as Chat Noir, she was always so much more fun and confident than her usual self. Maybe now he’d get to meet that side of Marinette.
With their luck, they were seated in the very front row. The front row was the worst spot in the whole auditorium. You couldn’t go on your phones or space out because the presenter was always right there. But Adrien had developed a talent for disassociating after all his years of modelling. It was a difficult and noble art to look engaged while letting one’s mind wander. One that he was surely about to put to practice.
“How do presentations here usually go?” Peter whispered as the lights in the room dimmed, lighting up the stage. “Are the presenters usually like, boring or smart or funny or-”
“DRUGS!” The presenter in question marched out onto the stage, gripping his mic like it owed him money and screaming the word so loud, everyone jumped and covered their ears. “I am Louis, and I’m here to talk to you today about drugs.” He paced frantically around the stage before coming right up to the very edge. Right where Adrien, Peter, and Marinette were sitting. That was never a good sign.
“What do you, young man, think of drugs?” Louis said aggressively, thrusting his mic out to Peter who took it hesitantly.
“I think,” Peter said, pausing as feedback screeched over the speakers. “I think drugs are necessary and they’ve come a long way in the past few years. Now that we’ve got a better understanding of how everything in the body and in our environment works, we’ve really figured out how to make drugs work to our advantage without having them kill us prematurely.”
Oh no, Adrien had forgotten to explain to Peter that the presentation was about drugs drugs, not the medicinal sort. And judging by good old Louis’s expression, things were not off to a good start.
“What’s your name, kid?”
“Peter Parker,” Peter answered honestly, turning around and waving to the crowd. The crowd was currently howling with laughter at the turn of events, but Peter seemed thoroughly unfazed.
“Okay Peter, you’re pro-drugs?”
“Of course! Drugs are great, I love them.”
“Are you aware of all the negative effects drugs have?” Louis challenged poor, blissful Peter who was either ignoring or oblivious to Adrien’s attempts to get his attention.
“Yeah, but the good outweighs the bad, don’t you think?” Peter smiled innocently at Louis, who seemed about two seconds away from losing his mind.
“They’re drugs! They’re horrible! Drugs ruined my life!”
“It’s not like they’re expensive here,” Peter shrugged. “Back where I live, man, insulin can cost hundreds of dollars. It’s insane.”
“Are you mocking me? I lost my family to drugs!” The presenter slammed his hands on both armrests of Peter’s chair.
“I feel like there’s been a misunderstanding,” Peter said slowly, apparently finally clueing in to what was going on. “I’m talking about prescription drugs.”
“I’m talking about prescription drugs too! Like Xanax!”
“I’m talking about like…Levothyroxine. I do not think we’re on the same page here.”
The presenter’s eyes were wild and crazed as he grabbed Peter by the shoulders and tried to shake him. Peter didn’t budge. “Is that what they’re calling heroin nowadays?”
“No, it’s synthetically produced thyroxine to help combat hypothyroidism?” The crowd was out of control at this point, and several cellphone cameras were on and pointed at the spectacle.
“Peter is not fluent in French,” Adrien decided that was the moment to chime in and break up the fun little dynamic Peter and the presenter had going on before someone got hurt. “He doesn’t realize that this is a presentation about the dangers of street drugs, not about the perks of the pharmaceutical industry.”
A moment passed, and both Peter and the presenter stared at each other before Louis slowly released Peter’s shoulders, stepping backwards. “Where are you from again?”
“America,” Peter deadpanned. “I’ve been told my accent gives it away.”
The rest of the presentation was nothing short of awkward. Louis seemed thoroughly embarrassed that he’d lost his mind at a sixteen year old who barely understood what was going on and Adrien had to hold back laughter at his perpetually disgruntled expression.
“That was an absolute disaster, why didn’t you interrupt sooner?” Peter glared at Adrien as they filed out of the classroom at the end of the day.
“I wanted to see what would happen.” Adrien shrugged, ignoring the way Peter rolled his eyes at his honesty. “Aren’t you going to the mall now?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact I am. And you’re not invited.” Peter crossed his arms over his chest, doing his best to maintain a miffed air.
“I know you’re joking, but that kinda hurts,” Adrien clutched a hand to his chest, pretending he’d been shot. “To think that they don’t want me, a model, there….”
“I’m only dropping the charade because I know you’re genuinely hurt about this,” Peter said, once again proving just how well he knew Adrien. “But trust me, you don’t want to go. Alya’s going shopping for like, bras and stuff. It’s not going to be a fun time.”
“How do you know? All she said was she wanted you to come to the mall with her. Cited that she needs a, quote, ‘male’s gaze’, end quote.”
“Okay, I’m going to walk you through the thought process,” Peter said slowly. “For starters, Alya asks me to go to the mall with her. Usually that’s something she would do with Nino, her boyfriend, or Marinette, her best friend. This time it’s her and Marinette going, but she wants a male opinion, yet she doesn’t automatically go to Nino. Meaning it’s something she needs a brotherly figure to tag along for. And no offence man, but you’re a literal model and you make everyone insecure.”
“Aren’t you literally ripped?” Adrien peered at Peter suspiciously, who veered away from his gaze.
“I work out on occasion. But I’ll see you later. Try not to get into too much trouble while I’m gone helping them decide between a corset style or pushup or whatever the fuck.”
“The fact that you know there’s different styles leads me to believe you know more than you let on.”
“I always know more than I let on, Adrien.” Peter winked, shooting him finger guns before running to catch up with the others. His statement had been innocent, but the mere suggestion that Adrien didn’t know the full extent of his knowledge was nearly enough to freak Adrien out. Just a tiny bit. There was no way that Peter knew about his…extracurricular activities, was there?
“So. Horrible,” Peter lamented when he returned to the Agreste household around dinner. Adrien had been sitting at the table, considering whether or not he should text Ladybug and ask to hangout that night. He was exhausted but it felt like it’d been an eternity since he’d seen her.
“Bra shopping?” Adrien asked. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t mildly curious about what went down, but judging by Peter’s expression, nothing interesting had occurred.
“No, all the gossip. I can never look at any of our classmates the same again, and now I know all their names. And all their relationship statuses. And every personal detail the two girls could remember.”
“What did they say about me?” Adrien wiggled his eyebrows at Peter who made a face of disgust.
“Okay for starters, never do that again. Secondly, we didn’t mention you once.”
“Makes sense,” Adrien agreed willingly. He was trying to text Ladybug under the table while not taking his eyes off Peter.
“I can literally see you fumbling with your phone and it looks like it is not going well.”
“I struggle with basic tasks,” Adrien agreed. “I’ve got to take a shower, see you at dinner?”
“For sure,” Peter agreed. “I’d offer to make soup, but apparently that’s not widely accepted by all members of this household.”
Adrien quickly disappeared into his bedroom, doing his best to craft the perfect message to sort-of-not-really ask Ladybug out.
“What am I supposed to say?” He asked Plagg, a generally unwise choice.
“‘Dear Ladybug, I say your name in my sleep constantly. I have a stalker-ish amount of photos of you on my phone. I should go to jail.’ That sounds like a real captivating conversation starter,” Plagg said, placing his tiny hands on his non-existent hips.
“That was terrible.”
“Well what do you have so far, Shakespeare, if my silver tongue is not good enough for you?” Plagg was right. Adrien had literally no idea what he was doing and his hands were clammy. Flirting was so much easier when he knew she would just rebuff him each time. Now that she might actually say yes, Adrien was about three seconds away from a full scale freak out.
“I’m gonna ask Spiderman.”
“Sure, ask Spiderman,” Plagg replied in a mocking tone. “Since Spiderman has all the answers.”
“You’re just jealous that he’s smarter than you. Plus, you should be glad that I’m going to him for relationship advice. You don’t have to listen to me complain anymore.”
“Correct! Ask Spiderman.” Plagg’s tone perked up instantly as he zoomed off.
[ hey Spidey I need some help ]
[ yeah, what’s up Chat? ]
[ I want to ask Ladybug to hangout with me tonight ]
[ and I’m kind of freaking out right now ]
[ it’s dumb I know ]
[ but I could really use some suggestions of what to text her ]
[ precisely how strong do we want to come on with this? ]
Adrien had to think about it for a second. He usually came on strong, but should this be a casual affair? When they’d kissed (currently the greatest thing Adrien had ever experienced) he’d been coming on very strong.
[ gimme a bit of both ]
[ alrighty here goes ]
[ my lady, my sun, my moon, all the stars in the sky and the ground beneath my feet, I so greatly crave your company… ]
[ how’s that so far ]
[ poetic, but I feel like it’s a bit too much ]
[ Roger that. I’ll make it like ten times more chill ]
[ I know we don’t have patrol tonight, but I’d really like to see you. Can we meet at our usual spot at nine? ]
[ Spidey that’s genius ]
[ I mean you are technically a genius so I shouldn’t be surprised ]
[ shut up Chat ]
[ just go get her, tiger ]
[ thank youuuuuuuuu ]
Adrien quickly exited the chat, opening the one with his Lady. He copied Spiderman’s message down, hitting send before he could second-guess himself.
“I did it, Plagg. I technically sort of asked Ladybug out.”
“You didn’t do anything. I watched Spidey tell you exactly what to say.”
“Okay, but I hit send and that’s the hard part. And I did it all in a very non-stalkerish way.” He paced back and forth, gesturing wildly. There was no way he was going to make it through the evening.
“That’s up for debate.”
Adrien was a ball of nerves all through dinner, constantly checking his phone. Ladybug had yet to respond, his message still left on delivered.
“Hey man, are you okay?” Adrien’s behaviour did not go unnoticed by Peter, who was peering at him with a scrutinizing gaze.
“I’m so okay. I’m just being chill. Super chill, super cool. The usual.” It was a miracle Adrien didn’t stammer his way through the sentence.
“Sure.” Peter didn’t look like he bought it. “If you want, we can watch this really old movie after dinner, it’s called Lord of the Rings. It might help keep your mind off things.”
“Alright,” Adrien concurred. He needed something to keep him distracted, irregardless if Ladybug texted back or not.
And that’s how he found himself watching a nearly three hour long movie after dinner. It wasn’t necessarily the most gripping of storylines, and Peter had to explain most of it to him, but it helped take his attention away from his phone. That was until she responded at precisely eight thirty-nine.
Her text was simple, straight to the point, and entirely Ladybug.
[ Sure. See you then ]
“Okay, as much as I loved this movie, so so much, I’m really tired and I think I should go to bed right now.” Adrien whipped around to look at Peter, his eyes wide. He was obviously not tired in the slightest, but Peter took mercy on his terrible excuse.
“Yeah of course. It’s been a bit of a day for all of us, I understand if you want to turn in early. Goodnight Adrien.” He waved as Adrien exited the room. Peter was always so understanding and sweet and it killed Adrien to lie to him. But he could see what Spiderman had seen in him, that was for sure.
Adrien was early to the meeting spot. Plagg had complained about having to transform him but Adrien had eventually won him over, promising him he’d look into finding a Camembert cheese fountain.
“Stupid cat, I only ever said I would look for a cheese fountain, I never made any promises about buying one,” Adrien chuckled to himself in the night air.
“What?” She’d been sneaky and he hadn’t even heard Ladybug land behind him. But now he turned to look at her and his breath caught in his throat. She was so beautiful, the moonlight hitting her perfectly, her hair jet black and shiny in the night. Her blue eyes held all the stars and the night sky as she looked at him, and Adrien felt like his heart was going to burst.
“You came,” he whispered, barely believing it himself. A small part of himself still believed that their kiss had been a dream, one so realistic it seemed like a memory.
“Of course I did, I said I would.” She stepped closer, standing directly in front of him.
“Just to clarify, this is real, right? I didn’t imagine…,” Adrien’s voice trailed off and he waved a hand between the two of them, uncertain of how what to say. Didn’t imagine us? Didn’t imagine the kiss?
“Didn’t imagine what, minou?”
“The, uh, the…?” It was official, he’d officially short circuited. Where was that witty, Chat Noir persona when he needed him?
“The kiss?” Ladybug said innocently, looking up at him with bashful eyes as he failed to formulate words. “If it was fake, would I do this right now?”
She stood up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips to his, oh-so gently. And Adrien was officially a dead man. His brain had blown up, leaving him with no thoughts and no ability to move. When she pulled back, staring up at him once again, all Adrien could do was stand there and gaze at her, completely slack-jawed.
“Where’s the confident kitty from earlier?” She teased.
“He’s unable to come to the phone right now. Can I take a message? His brain has kind of been melted by a super hot girl.” It was a wonder he’d managed to say even that.
Thankfully Ladybug laughed, slinging her arms around his neck. Nope, it definitely wasn’t helping having her in such close proximity. “Just tell him that his Lady is looking for him. She came all this way just to see him, it’d be a shame if he was unavailable.”
Oh my god, she called herself your Lady, his brain was screaming. This is NOT a drill. Quick, do something! Anything!
Adrien let out the shakiest laugh he’d ever heard himself make before hitting her with a super-suave response. “Heyyyyy.” Since when did she get the upper hand?
“You caught me off guard last time,” Ladybug trailed a hand down his chest. “But don’t worry, it won’t happen again. No holding back here.” She raised a single eyebrow and it was his undoing.
He leaned down, kissing her with as much confidence as he could muster. It probably wasn’t one of his better kisses, but he really honestly couldn’t formulate proper sentences and he felt bad just standing there. Plus kissing Ladybug was like heaven on earth. She was an angel; him a mere, undeserving mortal. And there was no place he’d rather be than in her arms.
“Is that all you called me here to do?” Ladybug asked when he finally came up for air. “Not that I’m complaining.”
“No, it’s actually not,” Adrien said, forgetting to elaborate. He was too busy staring at her, committing her face to memory in case he woke up and it turned out she was just a dream.
“Earth to Chat!” She waved a gloved hand in front of his face, bringing him back to the present.
“Yes? Oh, sorry. I was just…,” Adrien took a deep breath, shaking himself out. He could do this. “Willyougooutwithmeonadatelikeadatedatetoacafeoraresaurantoraparkorsomething?”
“Sorry?” Ladybug blinked.
“Will you go out with me?” Adrien managed, swallowing hard. “I was talking to Spiderman the other day, and he was in civilian’s clothes overtop of his suit and no one even recognized him. And it got me thinking that maybe we could do that, and then I could take you out on a real date, where we wouldn’t have to meet in the middle of the night?” He looked at her hopefully.
“Chat, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Rats. Adrien was defeated. He slid down the nearest chimney, sitting on the ground and pouting like a child who’d been denied a cookie.
“I knew you’d say that. But I’m telling you, Spiderman is more famous than we are, and no one recognized him. And I mean no one. It was a miracle.”
Ladybug took a seat beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just I’m not sure that going public with this relationship is the best thing for us.”
“A relationship!?!?” Adrien squealed, turning to look at her so fast he almost got whiplash, the pout far gone from his face now.
“I mean,” Ladybug suddenly looked…shy? “If that’s what you want to call it?”
“One hundred percent yes.” Adrien took both her hands in his. “Literally whatever you want to call it. As long as there’s a me and you, I couldn’t care less about the label you give it.”
“You’re sweet.” She rubbed her thumbs over the backs of his hands. “But I’m worried if we go public with it, people will question our ability to protect the city. Not to mention how the press would react, and the Ladyblog has some sort of bet going about whether or not we’ll get together….”
“Oh yeah, I am a regular better on that,” Adrien admitted. “Every time we worked together and something between us would happen, I’d place another bet. The bigger the thing, the more money I put in. Needless to say, after our kiss, I bet one hundred euros. I’ve probably spent around four hundred at this point.”
“Oh my god, Chat.” Ladybug laughed, shaking her head. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I was right, in the end.” He winked at her. “But I am kind of sad that I can’t take you out on a proper date. I mean, I really want this to be perfect for you. Any time spent with you is perfect for me, but I know you’re not really as crazy about me as I am for you yet, which is fine, so I really want to woo you like a proper gentleman.”
“Chat, you don’t have to do that. I like us just the way we are.” She shuffled closer to him, curling up against him and snuggling against his chest. “Plus, we can still hangout at night on the rooftops. It’s not that bad, when you think about it.”
“You’re right.” Adrien agreed, wrapping his arms around her. “Tomorrow, I’ll set something up for after patrol. Sure, it won’t be any fancy restaurant or whatever, but I’ll see what I can do.”
“I look forward to it.”
“Was that an acceptable amount of talking?” Adrien asked. “Because I’d really like to kiss you again but I don’t want to cut you off if you still had more to say.”
Ladybug hummed, tapping a finger to her chin like she was pretending to think. “Nah, I think that was enough conversation. I’m honestly impressed you made it this long.”
“It was hard,” Adrien laughed. This time, his kiss was gentle, patient. She was real, and she wasn’t going to leave him. She’d said they had a relationship, that they’d become an ‘us’. There was quite literally no way he could love his Lady more than he did in that moment and would forever more. Adrien didn’t have the guts to say any of that to her directly, instead kissing her harder in the hopes she’d get his message. And if the way her arms tightened around him was any indicator, she did.
“Ch-at,” she finally singsonged after god knows how long, pulling away from him and tapping him on the nose. “We both have school tomorrow, kitty.”
“Who cares about school?” Adrien nuzzled his face into her neck. “Any moment not spent with you is time wasted.”
“Well I’m tired.”
“I’m not.” As if to prove his point, he nipped lightly at her ear. She stilled slightly, as if considering, before her stubborn streak won over and she stood up. Adrien groaned, slumping his shoulders in defeat as she grabbed her yoyo, preparing to leave.
“Save some of that energy for tomorrow,” she gave him a smile that caused Adrien’s whole world to light up. Of course, he had to plan the most perfect, clandestine date ever in less than twenty-four hours.
“It’ll truly be a night to remember, My Lady.”
“Can you hack into something for me, please?” Marinette more or less slammed her laptop down next to poor Peter, who had accepted her invite to meet her early at the school. He’d been sitting on a bench, nibbling at a cinnamon bun while watching pigeons dance around, but he now turned to face her, evidently to see why she’d felt the need to murder her computer.
“Is that what you called me here for?” He looked up at her, raising one eyebrow.
“Well, given that you saw me in my underwear yesterday,” Marinette shivered at the memory. Alya had brought Peter along on their shopping trip for reasons she had yet to disclose, and it had been an awkward time all around. Alya had insisted that Peter pass judgement like a panel of judges at a swimming contest, and had even brought a notebook so he could give a score out of ten. “I figure we’re trauma bonded now. So I figured I could trust you enough to have you hack into the Ladyblog for me.”
“Why do you need me to hack into the Ladyblog? I’m ignoring the underwear comment.” Peter took her laptop, turning it towards himself. Marinette herself didn’t precisely know why she wanted Peter to hack into it. Chat’s comment about the betting had gotten her brain’s gears turning. She could easily find out his identity if Peter did his…hacker stuff and figured out who’d bet four hundred euros that Ladybug and Chat Noir would get together. The betting usernames and amounts were public, but as she’d suspected, Chat went by an alias. LadybugLover, to be exact.
“I need you to tell me who LadybugLover is,” she said, planting her hands firmly on her hips. “For personal reasons.”
“I can tell you their IP address?” Peter suggested, typing away.
“Will that tell me their name?”
“Maybe. Never mind, they’re using a VPN. Secure connection. It could take me a bit of time to figure out who they are. Not saying it’s impossible, but without my access to the Stark database, it would definitely take a few days.”
“Can you get access to the Stark database and figure it out?” Marinette sat beside him, looking at the small crease forming in his brow.
“Why’s this so important to you?” Peter asked, thumb casually running along the USB port. “Oh, I see.”
“What?” Marinette had no idea what he was talking about, and now she was scared that he’d figured it out. “What did you do?”
“This is Chat Noir, and if you figure out who is behind the account, you find out his true identity,” Peter said simply. “No can do, Marinette. Protecting superhero identities is my job.”
“How did you do that? Do you know who he is now?”
“Nope. I respect people’s privacy. I solved for the missing variable. Get it? Like putting two and two together except the missing variable was your motivation to get the information?” He grinned at her. Marinette couldn’t do anything but blink.
“You know what, you’re right,” she decided, reaching over and closing her laptop’s lid, sliding it back into her bag. “I shouldn’t be trying to figure out who he is.” What had even come over her? Things were finally going good for her and Chat, and here she was trying to ruin it for herself by hunting for his real identity. It was just the look on his face, when he’d told her that he wanted to take her on a real date, that had gotten her thinking. Longing, even, to know who was behind the mask. And that was dangerous. She couldn’t afford to think like that. It was for their own safety that their identities remained secret.
He’d tell you who he was if you asked him, her own thoughts betrayed her. It was true, Chat would tell her in a heartbeat. But then he’d expect her to reveal herself in turn and Ladybug just wasn’t ready to take that step. Neither was Marinette.
Because as soon as she revealed her civilian self, Chat Noir would realize that he’d made a mistake, that he wasn’t really in love with her. Marinette and Ladybug couldn’t be more different if they tried.
“Marinette? Are you okay?” Peter was still sitting there, watching her face morph along with the tumult of her thoughts.
“I’m great Peter. Sorry for wasting your time.”
“Hey, that’s what friends are for. You can waste my time anytime.” How was he always so understanding? Marinette would pay real money to see him mad. Almost subconsciously, her gaze dropped to his ankle, and her heart skipped at what she saw. A ruby anklet, secured snugly and just visible below the cuff of his jeans. Peter Parker had the phoenix miraculous. Meaning his kwami was nearby. Meaning Master Fu had managed to give it up after all.
Annnnddd she was staring. And Peter had noticed.
“You like my anklet?” He put his foot up on the bench, pulling up the hem of his pants so she could see it better. “My friend Ned got it for me. He’s always trying to do ‘bro stuff’, even more now that we’re halfway across the world from each other. And at first I was like ‘dang this totally isn’t my style’ but then I realized that the clothes I’m wearing aren’t even my style! So why not just add an anklet along with it!” He grinned at her, his lie seemingly oddly natural. In fact, Marinette wished he’d been bad at lying. Hell, she knew the truth and now she was thinking about how generous it was of Ned to get Peter such a nice anklet.
Why was he so good at lying? Had he lied about anything else?
Marinette hadn’t realized she was standing, peering closely at him, until Adrien walked up. Other students were starting to arrive, and Marinette had officially wasted their hacking time.
“Uh, can I ask what’s going on here?”
“Adrien!” Marinette yelled, stumbling backwards and tripping over the bench, arms windmilling. The two boys watched her fall.
“I was just showing Mari this sick ass anklet my friend Ned got me,” Peter slapped his calf. “This bad boy is a chick magnet!”
“Bro! It looks so cool!” Adrien bent down to properly inspect it as Peter raved about how great Ned was.
“The little sneak!” Marinette whispered to Tikki as she rifled through her locker. “He’s lying through his teeth!”
“Marinette, you lie all the time,” Tikki sighed. “Plus, he’s just preserving his identity. You can’t fault him for being good at it.”
“How often does he lie? It seemed so natural!”
“Maybe he’s just good at hiding his emotions. Aren’t both his parents dead?”
“They’re WHAT!?” Marinette said a little too loud, and everyone in the near vicinity turned to her in surprise.
Tikki winced as Marinette mumbled some apologies. “I guess you didn’t know. I heard Pl- some people talking about it. It’s kind of a tragic story, so I’ll spare you the details.”
“Oh my god I had no idea. I’m the worst person ever.”
“No, don’t think like that! Just go easy on Peter. Everyone’s fighting their own battles.”
“Do you think Adrien knows?” Marinette said, closing her locker and turning to head to class.
“Know what?” And there was Adrien himself! What a great coincidence. Well, no sense lying now.
“Did you know that Peter’s parents are dead?” Marinette whispered, thoroughly ashamed of herself for even gossiping about such things.
“Yes,” Adrien said sincerely. “It was one of the first things I learned about him. Might be one of the reasons we’re so close. He knows what it’s like to lose people, and I’d never met someone who understood-” Adrien choked slightly on his words. Was he…tearing up?
“He might be the only one who gets me,” Adrien managed, blinking away whatever tears had been trying to form. “It’s kind of funny how life sends the right people your way just when you need them most, isn’t it? Ever since Peter showed up, everything’s been going right. He’s like a brother to me now. You get it, don’t you?”
And Marinette did. Adrien had seemed so much happier since Peter had come into their lives. He was becoming more confident, and happier. She hadn’t noticed how serious he’d been until he suddenly wasn’t.
“I’m happy for you, Adrien. I really am.” She gave him a sad smile and he returned it.
“Thank you. I just hope that Peter feels the same.”
“He does,” Marinette said. “When we were shopping together yesterday, you were all he talked about. I mean, you and Spiderman. And that day when you were at the photo shoot and starving? He had the idea to call Spiderman and ask him to take you food, because it would take too long for him to go on his own. He cares so much about you, Adrien. He got hit by a car and his first instinct was to keep going so he could get you your food.”
Adrien’s eyes were sparkling, and Marinette could see the happiness in his features. She’d never seen him look like that, at least not while she was Marinette. And once upon a time, she may have been jealous that someone else was making him that happy, but now even the sheer notion of that was ridiculous. As long as he was happy, as long as he kept smiling like that, she didn’t care who the source of it was. Adrien and Peter deserved each other; someone who was there for them when the rest of the world couldn’t be.
“There you two are!” Alya’s voice interrupted the lull in conversation as she poked her head into the locker room. “Class started ten minutes ago, everyone’s wondering where you are! Peter even started a betting pool.”
“Of course he did,” Adrien grinned at Marinette. “What did he think we were doing?”
“Well most people thought you two were kissing, a few thought you were fighting, but he said you were talking…about his…dead parents?”
“Boy wonder strikes again,” Adrien shook his head.
Alya blinked. “You mean to tell me I just lost fifty bucks to Parker? Ugh! Why couldn’t you two have just been kissing?”