Distinctions
“It might be best to get some definitions straight,” Natasha said mildly. “Maybe it really is different for Asgardians.”
“Good idea,” Coulson said, and looked at Bruce. “Doctor Banner—”
“Not that kind of doctor,” Bruce muttered reflexively—but then he paused, and blinked. “Huh. Guess I am, this time. Or at least in the ballpark, for once. Biochemist, not neurobiologist, but—”
“The most qualified scientist in the room,” Coulson summarized, and even Tony shrugged and gestured for Bruce to take the floor.
“Right. So.” Getting to his feet, Bruce took a deep breath. “In the simplest terms, there are two basic ways that the human brain responds to commands. Subs respond with pleasure and the desire to obey; Doms respond with aggression and the desire to resist. Or, if you wanted to focus on the dopamine rush: Doms get it when others obey them, subs get it when they obey. Flatliners don’t have a strong default response, hence the name. That’s all just, uh, it’s basic physiology. I mean it’s easy to measure with fMRI—uh, a brain scan. The command response produces some highly revealing light shows.”
“So subs enjoy following commands, but Doms fight it?” Natasha clarified.
“Pretty much. Obviously, we’re more than our biology, and people are still debating the role of nurture and nature, whether we’re born this way or trained into it while we’re still too young to get measured. But all the evidence says that whichever category you start with, that’s the one that sticks—your brain response at six years old is the same response at sixty. And that basic drive, to dominate or submit, that’s in, what, eighty percent of the population? Round numbers.”
“So one in five is a flatliner.”
“Right. And I think subs outnumber Doms… not quite three to two? If literally everyone paired off, about half the Doms could have a second sub. Which plays into a lot of the romantic stereotypes.”
Tony scoffed.
Natasha made a moue. “And the connection to biological sex?”
“Uh, well, a lot of people used to think it was guys and gals, the way Thor just described it—some still do, despite all the evidence—but we’ve conclusively ruled that out. I mean, just on the face of it, there’s an even split between men and women… the numbers could never match up.”
“Basic statistics,” Tony piped up, vaulting to his feet. “Say you’ve got a room of a hundred thousand people, a representative sample of the populace.” Mouth open, he paused for a brief second. “Well, for those in the room who aren’t great at math, let’s keep the numbers simple and just call it a hundred. If twenty percent are flatliners, that leaves eighty people who aren’t. At a three-to-two ratio, that’s 48 subs to only 32 Doms.
“So let’s compare numbers. A representative sample would contain an even split of men and women. Fifty men, but only 32 Doms. Fifty women, but only 48 subs. At minimum, we can conclude that not all men are Doms, and not all women are subs.
“Furthermore, if the subs were entirely female, then only two women in the whole group could be anything else. If we assume women can’t be Doms, they’d have to be flatliners, which would mean that eighteen of the flatliners would be male—that’s ninety percent. Doctor Banner,” he added with a look of mock curiosity, “are flatliners mostly male?”
Bruce frowned and shook his head. “Every study I’ve heard of says they’re roughly fifty-fifty.”
“There you have it!” Tony crowed with a clap of his hands. “If the twenty flatliners are split evenly by sex, then the Dom/sub group must be likewise equal: forty men to forty women. The group of 48 subs must contain at least eight men. Q.E.D.”
Thor nodded thoughtfully, his brows drawn.
“That’s one in six men, or about seventeen percent, at minimum,” Bruce added.
“And the number might be significantly higher,” Natasha said, “since we’ve identified female Doms as well.”
Tony made finger-guns at her. “Right. So, from a statistical standpoint, there would have to be male subs, and from a biological standpoint, we’ve identified cross-gendered examples in both directions. Concrete evidence that Dom/sub and male/female are not a strict overlap.”
“Which is why that sort of idea is considered unscientific,” Bruce added, “and, honestly, a little offensive these days.”
“I see,” Thor said solemnly. “Truly, the nature of Midgardians is unlike that of the sons and daughters of Asgard, and I must feel the fool for having assumed otherwise. I would ask what recompense I might offer to make up for the offense I have given, however unwittingly.”
“It’s… really not that big a deal,” Bruce protested, rubbing the back of his neck. “Nobody’s born knowing all the facts. Most people… actually, I’m gonna say all people, or at the very least all humans… we’re all taught some sort of wrong perspective long before we encounter the right one. If we ever do. Heck, we’ve had germ theory for over a hundred years, and the practice of purification rituals for at least six thousand, but we’ve still got grown adults who waltz out of the bathroom without going near the sink.”
“There’s a reason Pepper follows me around with hand sanitizer at all the big events,” Tony griped. “Hands are disgusting.”
“Can’t disagree with you there; I’ve seen the Petri dishes.” Bruce rolled his shoulders uncomfortably. “Anyway, the point is, people grow up learning stereotypes and superstitions, and it takes a while for them to realize how much nonsense they’ve got stuck in their brain. People laugh at flat earthers and sovereign citizens, but literally everyone has internalized some sort of nonsense that they don’t yet realize is nonsense, or, conversely, they haven’t yet internalized a key fact about reality.”
“The important part,” Coulson interjected, “is being willing to change your perspective, once you realize it might be in error. The critical flaw isn’t ignorance or gullibility, it isn’t even prejudice; the critical flaw is getting so stuck in the belief that you’re right that you refuse to examine new information and consider that you could be wrong.”
“And science is the art of checking to see which things are wrong,” Tony said. “Lotta people get that backwards. When you try hard to falsify a theory, and it just won’t falsify, that’s when you might be looking at a fact.”
“Right. And that’s what we’ve done, with the study of Doms and subs. We’ve disproven the theory that it’s a straightforward connection to biological sex. Likewise, we’ve disproven the counter-theory that it has nothing to do with sex; the statistics clearly aren’t fifty-fifty. I mean it’s not a huge difference, but it’s still statistically significant: Male brains are more commonly Doms, female brains are more commonly subs, and the bell curve for ratings has a wider spread for male Doms than for female Doms… although of course that part might still be training rather than nature.”
“Powerful female Dominants are pretty rare, regardless,” Natasha agreed.
“Yeah. So, testosterone and estrogen do seem to play a role. There’s some key studies into, um, trans brains, showing that the statistics play out according to the asserted gender, not the originally assumed gender, which lends credence to the modern understanding of both, and reduces the likelihood that the skewed statistics are caused by upbringing.”
Thor was frowning again, with a look of bafflement.
“Got a question?” Natasha asked, keeping her body language open, her expression curious.
“Many,” Thor admitted. “But chiefly: If indeed there is so little distinction between the natural roles of men and women, at least in the area of domination and submission, why then has your Realm so long assumed the opposite? Surely it would be more obvious?”
Coulson nodded thoughtfully. “Partly, it was,” he began. “There’s variation, so it’s not always easy to tell—individuals can be more subtle or more pronounced—but many times it’s obvious. Yet people who are set in their ways of thinking can refuse to acknowledge what’s right in front of their face—”
“Gals being pals,” Clint snarked, his amusement doing little to tone down his general glare.
“Right. For a long time, people have come up with alternative explanations for even the most blatant forms of self-expression. What Agent Barton has just referenced is a common form of erasure: When there’s a situation that suggests a sexual or romantic attachment, and would be blatantly obvious in a traditional pairing—male/female, or Dom/sub—but it is misinterpreted, either willfully or obliviously, because the pairing is nontraditional. Two subs in bridal chains post that they just got married, and someone will comment about a double wedding or ask about their Doms… sometimes even if the photo shows the two kissing.”
“Or a Dom/Dom pair getting asked which of them wears the collar,” Tony added. “Because people figure there’s got to be a submissive in the pair, someone just pretending to be a Dom. They get stuck on the idea of traditional roles, and find it hard—or laughable—to imagine a pairing outside of the image they’ve got in their heads.”
Coulson nodded. “Legal equality isn’t the same as social equality. Throughout history, cultures have devised various ways to suppress cross-gendered behavior; many people hide their true natures because it can be dangerous to show yourself to the world if you don’t fit in a traditional box. Typically it’s the more conservative side that views it as a threat, but everything from religious dogma to locker-room bullying works together to ensure that the oddities get excluded from ‘normal’ society.”
“Even the media enforces a view of what’s normal and what’s an aberration,” Natasha said. “Heteronormative, gendernormative characters get played up, while ‘controversial’ versions get played down, or mocked. And the double standards are obvious. A sub disguising himself as a Dom has been a dramatic plotline since at least Shakespeare, but he still winds up in a romance by the end. A Dom dressing like a sub is still considered inherently ridiculous, and it’s not uncommon to have the villain be a Dom with subbish mannerisms.”
“At least society moves faster than the media does,” Steve mused. “Fashion isn’t nearly so segregated as it used to be. When I was a teen, collars were very public: If you were bonded, you wanted everyone to know it, and if you weren’t, you’d keep yourself covered up with a turtleneck or a scarf. The more conservative families taught even their kids to stay covered, long before they were of age to mate. Only Dominants got to strut around with exposed flesh; all those bare necks would’ve been scandalous, back in my day.”
“You came from an era where staying unbonded was shameful,” Natasha observed.
“Well, yeah. Submissives were expected to find a Dominant before they left their parents’ house; being unclaimed past a certain age meant there was something wrong with you. And it was dangerous: If you didn’t find someone to protect you, any random Dominant might claim you against your will. That wasn’t even illegal at the time.”
“Scare tactic,” Coulson noted mildly. “That didn’t happen nearly as often as people claimed it did. The laws help keep people in check, but they’re hardly the only force that affects human behavior. Still, rigid gender roles are one way that the ‘normal’ people felt safer, even if it didn’t actually protect anyone.”
“And while I’m glad to see greater freedom,” Steve added, “it sometimes feels like we’ve gone backwards. Back then, guys touched each other all the time—we tussled a lot, embraced each other, carried each other. Slapped backs and held hands and sat on each other’s laps for portraits; it was just normal, human.” He frowned. “I’m not sure what all happened while I was in the ice, but it feels like we lost all that physical intimacy. I look around, I see guys trying hard to avoid getting too close, lest someone get the wrong idea.”
“Two Doms, chillin’ in a hot tub,” Clint sang out. “Five feet apart ’cuz they’re not gay.”
“People are still afraid of what other people might think of them,” Coulson said. “There’s a lot of performance to it. Many Doms try to appear more dominant than they truly want to be, and they mock those around them who are more true to themselves; they’re terrified of being perceived as undomly. So where a healthy Dom is a leader and protector, a toxic Dom goes to extremes to assert their dominant qualities, even when it hurts the people around them—or even themselves.”
“It’s not just fear,” Bruce said darkly. “Some Doms think that they deserve to be obeyed just because they happen to like it, y’know? Like it’s some sort of God-given right. They’ll start off an encounter assuming that they’re going to get what they want, and nobody better get in their way.”
Tony snorted. “R–slash–Entitled Doms?”
“Heh. Yeah. And then there are subs who grew up thinking that it’s wrong to disobey… wrong to stand up for their rights and desires. Or that it’s wrong to make their Dom unhappy, or wrong to make any Dom unhappy. Which is a problem, for obvious reasons, but it’s not easy to fix. All the intervention services and PSAs in the world can’t do much if you’re convinced that Domright is a fundamental law of the universe… or some sort of divine principle of moral conduct.”
“What of those who fight their own nature?” Natasha prompted.
“Well, um, a lot of cases of abuse lead to cross-gendered behavior. I mean that’s not the only reason, obviously—many people belie the stereotypical qualities of their gender, and of course the point of socialization is to teach kids how, when, and why to rise above their instincts, so we can actually get along as a society, but… there are Doms who seem like subs because they’ve had the resistance beaten out of them, and there are subs who’ve learned to resist abusive orders just to survive. Both types wind up dealing with severe mental health issues—anxiety, clinical depression, high risk of suicide, stuff like that.”
“Nobody’s truly happy being forced to compete with their own instincts,” Coulson said, gently. “But there are reasons a person might choose to do so. Extreme circumstances, or a particular interest that leads to an unusual choice in careers. Or just the desire to prove yourself, or to triumph over your own nature.”
“Sure. Like I said, we’re more than just our biology. Actually,” he added, a little more animated, “there are some fascinating studies suggesting that the extremes on both sides are prompted by an abusive environment. Uh, that is, a deep submissive or a hyperdom is just as much a sign of terrible parenting as a submissive Dom or a defiant sub.”
“Bringing it back around to biology,” Coulson said, directing his attention back to Thor, “I hope it’s clear that the brain response doesn’t determine behavior; it simply makes certain types of behavior easier or more natural than others. An intrinsic pleasure in following your own nature, and a stress response or threat response when acting against it. Regardless, we’ve gotten to the point where—despite lingering sexism and stereotypes—one’s position on the gender spectrum doesn’t determine one’s role in society.”
“Let alone someone’s personal worth,” Steve added, a hint of darkness to his tone.
“Nor should it,” Coulson agreed. “Humans have shown ourselves capable of rising above our own natures, in so many ways, and that includes gender.”
Silently regarding the group, Thor frowned thoughtfully. At length, he took a breath. “The ways of Midgard are passing strange,” he said, slowly, “yet I believe I grasp the point being made.”
Coulson inclined his head. “Then shall we make with the introductions?”