I Don't Deserve You

MJ walked up to the apartment that Ned had texted her. She was nervous, but she needed answers.

Knocking on the door, she was met with a woman she assumed was Peter’s Aunt May, from when he talks about her sometimes. 

“Hello, Mrs. Parker.” She shifted on her feet.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” She sent MJ a questioning look, her hands on her hips.

“No, but I’m a friend of Peter’s. And… I know his secret.” Her eyes widened, and she looked both ways in the hallway before pulling her in.

“Secret? Peter doesn’t have any secrets.” 

Like you pulled me in here because he doesn’t have a secret. Please.

“I know that he’s Spider-Man. He isn’t the best at hiding it.” May’s eyes grew wider.

“Who are you? Do you want something with him?”

“Like I said, I’m a friend of Peter’s… my name’s MJ, by the way… I, uh, realize that this isn’t the best way to introduce myself. I just need to know what’s going on with him.” MJ set a firm gaze.

“Oh, you’re the girl Peter was meeting today. You’re not… you’re not going to tell anyone, are you? Because I will send Iron Man—hell, all of the Avengers—after you so fast.”

MJ smirked. “Trust me, I won't tell anyone. I just want to be there for Peter, I guess. If that’s okay with you.” MJ could see May’s eyes soften, and she knew that she’d just won. 

“Well, I guess that’s okay… but the second you even think about outing Peter—“

“I’ll have the Avengers to talk to. I’ve got it, no worries. Just… could you tell me a little bit more about how it happened?”

———

MJ was satisfied by Peter’s surprise at seeing her in his room. He had a few scrapes, as May had warned her there would be, but that’s not what concerned her.

Peter seemed really on edge, flinching at the quietest noises. MJ assumed that this was some kind of spider thing, but May had refused to tell her much besides how he got his powers. She insisted that Peter would tell her the rest if he was comfortable with it.

“W-What are you doing here, MJ?” Peter gaped at her, like a deer in headlights. He knew that there weren’t any lies that could excuse climbing into his window in a Spider-Man suit.

“Well, when you left me at the café, thanks for that by the way, it was kind of obvious. Plus, I don’t think that I’ve ever seen you and Spider-Man in the same room together, so…” Peter rolled his eyes lightly at that.

“You figured it out?” Peter let out a long breath, averting her eyes.

“It wasn’t hard. You did a terrible job of hiding it.”

“So, why come here? To rub it in my face? Blackmail me?” Peter said dryly. MJ narrowed her eyes at him. 

“I-I’m sorry, I know you wouldn’t do that… I’m just kind of on edge right now, probably not the best time for you to be here.” Peter chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck and wincing. MJ’s eyes softened.

“Believe me or not, I just wanted to see that you were okay… well, maybe I wanted to rub it in your face a little, but that’s besides the point. I just want to be in the loop for these things, you know? And if you want me to leave, just say the word and I’m gone. I get it.”

MJ watched as Peter held his breath, awkwardly looking at the floor. 

“I really am doing terrible with this secret identity thing, huh?” 

MJ suddenly wished that she hadn’t come here. Peter was injured, for Christ’s sake! He probably needed time to be alone, to heal and shit. She cursed at herself for her impatience. 

“Do you want me to leave?” She held her breath. There was a part of her that wanted to stay, to hang out with him and make sure that he was okay, but she would never stay if he wanted her to go.

“I didn’t say that…” Peter blushed, his eyes widening even further as if that was possible. “B-But you totally don’t have to stay. I mean, why would you want to? All we could really do is watch a movie or something, but I’m not really the best company right now, so…” Peter awkwardly cut himself off.

“I like movies. But, I don’t want to intrude of course… well, that’s kind of what I was doing, but I don’t want to intrude more.” 

“We’re happy to have you.” May startled MJ. “Peter would love to torture yet another person to watch all of the Star Wars movies, wouldn’t you, Peter?” May wiggled her eyebrows to Peter, who rolled his eyes at her.

“We don’t have to watch Star Wars…” 

“Star Wars it is. You know, I’ve never seen those movies.” Peter gasped lightly, MJ giggling at the reaction she knew she would incite. His room was filled to the brim with Star Wars merchandise, so she knew he would want to show her the movies. What wasn’t Star Wars was Iron Man themed, which MJ couldn’t help but find that adorable.

“Oh, you have to watch it. I-I mean, we can watch whatever you want… but you’d love Star Wars.” 

“Whatever you say.” Peter grinned at her. She felt something in her chest warm, looking at Peter with his huge smile and curls falling in his face. 

She seemed rather cold and sarcastic to most people, making good friends hard to find. Most of them were scared off by this, wanting someone who was constantly giving them appreciation and approval. MJ wasn’t much of a people pleaser. That didn’t mean she didn’t want friends. 

She could never manage to make friends, and then Peter with his goofy grin and overly happy personality waltzes into her life and completely understands her. He was positive, and bright, and so good it was scary. Where other people were put off by her protective wall, Peter didn’t seem to give a single crap. She practically radiated “leave me alone,” and yet Peter did the exact opposite of that simply because he was Peter Parker and he could do that.

She would describe this incredible feeling in her chest as butterflies, but that would point to her being in love. She wasn’t in love with Peter. She couldn’t be. It had never happened before, she surely wasn’t capable of it. Right?

“Well, you might want to wait in the living room for a minute, unless you want to sit next to a guy in a leotard.” She snorted at him.

———

“May, can’t we do this later?” MJ was sitting on their couch, reading an article on her phone, when she overheard a whisper-yelled conversation between May and Peter.

“No, you know how your super healing is. No healing around small pieces of concrete in my house, it’s against the rules. You wouldn’t want to break the rules, would you, Peter?” MJ stifled a laugh at her quip, but she was intrigued by what she said.

Super healing? Since when do spiders—nevermind. It is interesting, though… I wonder if asking about it would be rude…

“Can’t we just dig those out later?” Peter whined.

“Oh, once they’ve been healed underneath your skin? Sorry, no can do.”

She heard Peter sigh, letting out a quiet, strangled noise when MJ assumed May pulled out a particularly annoying piece of concrete. She still couldn’t believe that Peter had to deal with things like this so regularly. It was even harder for her to wrap her head around the idea that he had unique abilities, ones that she still didn’t know about… she would have to be careful about filtering her scientific questions, so as not to scare him off. The thought of that terrified her.

“Can you at least hurry it up? She’s kinda waiting for me…” 

I don’t deserve you, Peter.

The thought crossed her mind in a split second, and she shook her head. Peter wasn’t hers, he would never be. But the thought of not deserving Peter wouldn’t leave her.

Peter was far too good, and it felt like she could never match him. She could never be as fun and free as Peter seemed to her. How could Peter ever find her interesting, when she wasn’t nearly as perfect as he was?

Stop over-analyzing this. He just enjoys being a friend with you, there’s not much to it.

“Ok, we can start now!” Peter emerged from the hallway, adorned in another T-shirt and jeans. The shirt, which MJ assumed was Star Wars themed, read, “Does R2-D2 have any brothers? No, only transistors.” 

“I’m two for two with pun shirts today, don’t you think?” He grinned proudly. 

“Peter, you get back here! I’m not done, you still need your Disney princess bandaids.” She put her hands on her hips menacingly.

“But those are for babies! I still don’t know why you got those... but Star Wars waits for no one!” Peter barged ahead, causing May to roll her eyes.

“Remember this when you get an infection, because we won’t be helping you.” MJ cut into their banter, regretting it immediately when they paused for a split second. But as soon as she saw their surprise, it was gone.

“Oh, I’m gonna like you.” May smiled at her.

“Not you too, MJ!” Peter jumped to join her on the couch, bouncing up and down with a puppy-like energy. “I still can’t believe you haven’t seen Star Wars. You’re gonna love it.”

“So you’ve said.”

“Good luck with him, MJ. Try not to annoy her too much Peter, she’ll never come back.” May reached over and ruffled Peter’s hair, making him huff and swat her hand away.

“Ok, so we’ll start with The Phantom Menace. There’s some controversy as to what order to watch the movies, but I think that chronological makes the most sense. The movies get way better than this one though, trust me.” He clicks on the movie, the intro starting on their small tv. Peter was visibly very excited, bouncing up and down before looking at her and stopping himself.

The bold yellow words started to pass through the screen with the theme music. Peter and MJ sat next to each other, with their legs stretched out onto the long portion of the couch. MJ found herself relaxing, eased by how casually this had happened. 

She had just shown up at his apartment and it had gone surprisingly well, despite how nervous she was about it. She regretted coming so spontaneously before, but she was glad that she had come.

MJ smirks as Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn start to fight the battle droids with their lightsabers. This was so Star Wars. She looked over to Peter, expecting to see his excited grin at the action, but seeing something much different.

Peter was wincing at each clash and shot, his eyes watering slightly. Her mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that okay, maybe he’s just really expressive when watching movies. But Peter looked like he was almost in pain. She reached for the remote and paused the movie.

“Peter, what’s going on?” She tried to sound casual. Maybe he was completely fine, and she was just misunderstanding. But it really seemed like something was up.

“Oh, well the Jedi are trying to—“ 

“That’s not what I meant.” She cut him off. His voice had sounded weirdly shaky and quiet, concerning her further. “What’s up with you? Don’t tell me you always cry and flinch like crazy in this scene, it’s not that moving.”

Peter huffed. “I—well, it’s kind of… hard to explain.”

“Is that code for it’s a spider thing? Because I’m past thinking that it’s weird. Tell me what’s bothering you.” 

“Well, uh… ever since the bite, things have been really different. I mean, obviously.” He cringed at himself. “But one of those things was my senses. They’ve all been dialed up quite high, which is kind of nice most of the time. Eavesdropping on people, no more glasses, it’s great.” He smiled, looking down at his hands.

“But I have this thing, I call it a spidey sense? Where… let’s say you were going to punch me, I can kind of sense it before it happens.” MJ raised her fist at him jokingly. “Well, sometimes it gets messed up around people I trust, so I wouldn’t try that out…” MJ tried not to make a big deal out of Peter unintentionally saying that he trusts her. 

“So, when my spidey senses are helping me during a fight, my other senses are dialed up even higher to help. And it is really helpful, being able to hear almost all of Queens and literally sniff out anything being hidden. It’s just… the after part that sucks.”

“It doesn’t go away?” Peter nods at her.

“Well, it goes away sometimes, but when I’m stressed out it likes to stick around. And then I can hear everything in Queens like it’s being played right into my ear. Hearing is always the most annoying one… That and touch, which is annoying if I’m hurt…” 

Shit, he really has to deal with this kind of stuff all the time. Like sensory overload on steroids. That must literally suck. 

It struck her just how different his life really is. Things she doesn’t have to think about, like an enhanced cut or a movie being too loud or bright, are problematic for him. She had always appreciated Spider-Man, but now that she knew it was Peter, her Peter, it was different. More real.

No, not my Peter. He’s not mine. But I wish he was—no, I don’t. I don’t want him… right? 

“B-But I’m not complaining! I love my powers, I wouldn’t trade them for anything, I’m not trying to act spoiled or anything…” 

This guy, I swear.

“So, no more Star Wars tonight, huh?”

“W-What? Of course we’re still watching! I’m fine, I’ll get over it. Oh look, it’s gone already! It’s a miracle!” Peter begged her with his eyes.

“Nope, no more Star Wars tonight.” MJ’s heart practically broke when Peter’s face fell, and she scrambled to fix it. “Key word being tonight. We can watch it another time. What, you think I’m letting you go that easy? I’m gonna love it, remember?” She teased. Peter’s face picked up, and he smiled at her.

“Really? I thought I would have scared you away by now, I really don’t deserve you.” He laughs.

You could never scare me away. And how could you think you don’t deserve me? You’re perfect, and I’m… me. You deserve more.

“Yes, really. But in the meantime, how does a documentary sound?”

“Booooring!” Peter rolled his eyes, straightening when he saw MJ’s glare. “Uh, what I meant was, I would love to watch a documentary! Why don’t you choose one?” 

“Good answer.”

————

MJ had noticed Peter kind of dozing in her peripheral, but when she saw his chin dip to his chest, she stole a glance. He was indeed asleep, confirmed by the soft and slightly adorable snores he was letting out. She got a chance to check out his injuries, which were doing much better than she remembered. 

She noticed that what was a large gash on his cheek was now a fairly small and shallow cut. It seemed as he fell asleep, the super-healing she had yet to ask about had picked up speed. She watched in fascination as the cut started to very slowly close itself.

When Peter had first entered his room, there was the beginnings of a bruise on his face that was red, and she was sure there were others elsewhere. When he had come to watch a movie, it was more purple and blue. She watched as it inched towards a more green color, and in the course of a few minutes, into yellow before starting to fade. She was by no means a medical expert, but she was sure that bruises and gashes were supposed to take way longer to heal. 

There were a couple lacerations on his arms that were visible as well, which were also inching closed. She wasn’t sure if she was crossing some sort of boundaries by watching, but it was incredibly fascinating to watch. 

“I see he’s finally passed out. Figured it would happen about now.” MJ startled as she turned to see May walk in behind her. 

“Oh, yeah… does this usually happen?”

“Yeah, after a patrol he usually insists that he’s fine, but passes out a couple hours later.” May shook her head. “This kid is gonna be the death of me, I swear.” MJ snorted.

“Won’t he hear us? I thought he had super hearing.” 

May giggled, “He does, but I’m ‘fraid he won’t hear us. if I’m correct, you’ve probably gotten rid of his sensory overload by now. And he’s a heavy sleeper when his senses aren’t too dialed up.” To prove her point, she clapped her hands right above his ear, to be met with a soft snore. They both laughed, before what May had said hit her.

“You said I got rid of it? The sensory overload? I didn’t do anything…” MJ’s eyebrows scrunched.

“I’ve learned that when he’s around people he really trusts, like me or Tony Stark,” she rolls her eyes, “his sensory overload and Peter tingle can calm down. He feels safe when he’s near us, which helps his senses calm down and usually makes him pass out.” She cards her fingers through his hair, and he leaned into the touch subconsciously. It was undeniably adorable. 

“I figured that being around you would cause the same thing. It probably took a little longer, but he does trust you. Please don’t do anything to break that trust, I’ve still got that backup plan.” She winks at MJ. 

“Want to try something?” May asks, wiggling her eyebrows. MJ raises one of hers.

“Like what?”

“He would kill me if he knew I was doing this, but I don't really care...” May takes MJ’s hand, placing it on the side of Peter’s face. MJ immediately sputters, turning bright red and causing May to laugh at her. To MJ’s surprise, Peter leans into her hand in his sleep, letting out a sound that could only be described as a purr. May let go of her hand, and MJ decided to explore a little. She slid her hand into Peter’s hair like she had seen May do, exploring his curls with her fingers. Peter continued to purr softly, smiling slightly in his sleep. 

“Wow…” she mutters. 

“And if my calculations are correct…” May trails off.

To MJ’s horror and surprise, Peter reached an arm around MJ’s torso, squishing his face into the crook of her neck and shoulder. May laughed at her.

“There’s one thing that they don’t tell you about having your very own spider-kid…” 

MJ tried to wiggle out of his grip, which wasn’t very strong, but she simply couldn’t get his hand off of her. She tried pulling it off, but it seemed to be stuck to her clothes. Realization hit her.

“They’re sticky. Thanks for sparing me tonight, MJ. Consider this payback for showing up out of nowhere and figuring out my kid’s secret. I’ll tell your parents that you’re having a sleepover.” May laughed maniacally, walking away from her.

“Wait! Please help me! How do I—“ MJ growled as May saluted, entering her bedroom for the night. Peter’s eyebrows furrowed in his sleep, as if sensing her anger. He snuggled his face closer to her, humming in satisfaction.

“You’re lucky I’m not allowed to kill you, Peter. Very lucky. But when you let me go, you’re sure as hell going to need those princess bandaids.” 

Peter purred in his sleep, somehow knowing that she didn’t mean that.