Well, it finally happened. The dreaded conversation that you didn’t know you should worry about until it was too late. The unfortunate discussion of your physical abilities that should have been avoided if you’d only known to steer away in the first place.
Your boss had called you fat.
“Technically, it was not a dig on your looks. Not that he’d ever say you looked pretty or anything. But he definitely wasn’t calling you ugly.” This was Clint being supportive. Ghastly.
“Don’t think of it as a criticism, but rather as an assessment that you can improve on.” Steve was marginally better.
“Come on, (y/n), we can work out together!” Thor was more helpful than the other two, but you still felt like you were stuck in a room of knuckleheads.
“If you guys are done messing around, I actually have a foolproof plan on getting her back in shape.”
You watched Tony wave his arms around excitedly until everyone was staring at him. You gave him a salute and snuck off.
“You look glum.”
Normally his old man lingo would make you smile. Today you just shrugged and stuffed another mini-Hershey in your mouth.
“Want to talk about it?”
You shook your head furiously and unwrapped another chocolate.
“Careful hon, those will go straight to your hips.” He tried to cajole a laugh out of you.
He ducked a second later when you threw
the bag of candy at him.
“...time of the month?”
You gave him a death glare and stomped out of the room.
He peered at your angry exit with confusion.
“Wait aren’t you supposed to be the smooth one, Bucky?”
“Come out of the vents so I can stick a crutch up your ass, Birdbrain.”
30 calories. 1 mile should burn way more than that for all the hassle it takes. Still, you were halfway done working off your first fun-size bar.
“See this is why you’re an agent. Using your frustration to power through a workout.”
Normally you would yell at Tony for trespassing into the secret treadmill room hidden behind your closet but he did rescue you from the Dear Abbie rejects earlier, so you stuck out your tongue at him instead.
“Now I know why you hid your treadmill in here. You look like an out-of-shape dog panting when you do that.”
“Alright new workout plan.” You punched the power button on the treadmill and leapt onto him.
“While I agree sex is great exercise, I think it’s a little too cramped in here.” Tony quipped as he blocked your fists smoothly. You forgot that when he wasn’t using tech and his suits he relied on hand to hand combat.
“I’m just using frustration to power through an ass-whooping!” You retorted as you jabbed and kicked with all your might.
“Yeesh!” He winced as your foot connected with his knee. Normally you were pretty much even in fighting skill but he was not in his element in the tiny room. Guess he would have to rely on the most deadly weapon in his arsenal. “You know Fury just expects a lot from you because he considers you one of the top agents.
And you know he’s right. Not necessarily that you’re not in good enough shape right now. But that he should be able to put you on the toughest cases.
You’re just that good.”
Damnit. Reason laced with believable flattery. Kryptonite.
“Fine. You win.”
You let your arms relax and motioned him towards the door. “Now get out. You don’t want to see my workout dying dog face.”
“Right, right.
Hey how the hell are you so good at sparring in such a small space?!”
“Do you want to know how many bruises I can give you in such a small space? No? Then get out!”
It was post-workout and you were in a bad mood. Normally you’d treat yourself to something unhealthy but Bucky’s comment was still stinging. Objectively you knew he was just teasing. Generally speaking you enjoyed his little barbs because it meant he was comfortable around you. And he had the most gorgeous smile. Oh and a sexy laugh.
But his timing and choice of joke today was impeccably terrible.
And you couldn’t even get some consolation fries.
Exercising was supposed to be a mood lifter, but here you were hungry and grumpy. Endorphins make you happy my ass.
In walked Clint with a salad with a bow on it. “For you.”
You looked at him bug-eyed. “I’m not sure if I should be touched or pissed off.”
“Please go with touched.”
You rolled your eyes so hard you could see your brain. “Just put down the leaves and leave me alone.”
“Smooth, Barton.” Bucky sauntered in.
“Where are your crutches metal-arm? I’m about to beat you to death with one.”
“ENOUGH!”
Bucky and Clint winced at your loud voice.
“All yours, buddy.” The archer leapt agilely into the ceiling and disappeared.
Startled but undaunted, Bucky walked over. His hair was slicked back and wet, but you were so mad you didn’t blush as you usually would.
“So I take it you’re still upset with me.”
You wanted to say No shit, Sherlock, but felt it was a bit harsh. So you chomped down angrily on a piece of lettuce instead. “What gave it away, James?”
“I, Well, you, just...” He started and stopped a few more times.
You put down your fork. Sure no one ever called him by his first name, but you had every right to. Why was he overreacting? Was everyone going bonkers today? “What?”
He sat down and exhaled slowly. Unnerved, you stopped looking at him and stared at his feet, finally noticing what was different about him. Well, besides his hem-hawing.
“You got your cast off?!”
“Huh? Oh, yeah.” He was relieved you were taking point conversation-wise.
“I thought you had another 5 weeks to heal.”
“Apparently I regenerate cells faster than the average human being.”
“Oh. Well, hurray! I mean, uh good for you.” You were excited for him, but still pissed.
“Yeah it was a relief. Since I was finally going to ask you out. Except you aren’t interested in me.” He looked away awkwardly.
“What, why did you need your cast off? WAIT did you say you were interested in me?!” You wanted to laugh at the bashful expression that crossed his face but you were pretty sure yours looked the same.
“It seemed like- maybe it was just wishful thinking- and really I could’ve done it better- but I don’t-“
“Damnit James tell me whether or not you like me right now!”
He looked at you, pink-faced with your hands on your hips, a piece of lettuce in your teeth.
And smiled.
“I like you.”
You felt a grin stretch across your face, and before you could help yourself you ran over and tackled him to the ground. Well, tried to. He took the full brunt of force and swung you around instead.
“This is why I waited to ask you out.”
“So you can pick me up on our first date literally?”
He chuckled and placed you on the ground. “I wanted to take you to the amusement park. But they don’t let cripples on rides apparently. You know back in my day we didn’t worry about lawsuits over every little thing.”
“Hey that guy died last year because his butt cast made the seatbelt loose. Have a little respect. Wait were you taking me to Funland?!”
He nodded. “The place you hadn’t been to in 10 years because your boyfriend dumped you after a roller coaster and you puked on him. I wanted to give you a good experience so you could enjoy it again.”
Your face colored twice as much, probably because you were both embarrassed and pleased. “You’re not supposed to remember things like that.”
He winked at you. “How about this? I’ll forget about that story and you forget about what I said earlier.”
You winked right back at him. “Deal.”
“Okay but I’ll have to find a new nickname for you. I didn’t realize you would have such an intensely negative reaction to ‘hon’. Did your terrible ex call you that too?”
“No, Bucky! It wasn’t the nickname, it was the fat joke. Rule number one in dating: never make a fat joke to a woman. She might have just heard from her boss that she needed to get in better shape.”
He winced. “Yikes. Sorry about that.”
“It’s ok. I’m not worried, I was just missing out on my favorite workout for a few weeks. I’ll be back in shape in no time.”
“What’s your favorite workout?”
You punched him in the arm. “Sparring with you, silly.”
He nudged you back. “I could’ve sparred on one foot. I mean I do it with one arm all the time.”
“Actually you have a magic mechanical arm, so no, you don’t.”
“Come on, (y/n), you know I don’t use full strength on that arm. It would be unfair to those without superhuman capabilities.”
“Wow, really? Ok you and me in the gym, right now!”
He raised his hands in defense. “I thought you forgave me for the fat joke!”
“Yes, but not for the time-of-the-month joke. Rule number two in dating: never make a period joke.”
He paused, before adding hesitantly, “Because it might be true?”
“No, because there’s no good reply to that. If it’s yes, she’ll be mad. If it’s no, she will also be mad!”
“This was so much easier when I could just take a girl to a picture show in my Buggy.”
“Ok rule number three: don’t talk about how much easier it was to date previous people!”
“Hey you told me that story about Nick.”
“Yes but it was not in any way flattering. And we weren’t dating then so it shouldn’t count!”
“So does that mean we’re dating now?”
You giggled. “Yes it does.”
“Good. I’ll take you to dinner. Those leaves don’t look that appetizing.”
“Yes I think Clint forgot to rinse the salad mix.”
“Ready to go in 15 minutes?”
“No way, we are stopping at the gym first.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Is this another dating rule? Workout before takeout or something?”
“Not exactly. But generally it’s frowned upon to claim you’re going easy on someone. Especially if you lost fair and square.”
He grinned. “Alright , you’re on.”
“So, James, huh?”
“I was mad. I think I deserved to call you by your official first name.”
“That’s too bad. I kind of enjoyed it.”
“Okay. Get ready to lose, James!”
“You’re on, hon.”