The battle rages on around him.
Yet it seems to pause.
It is merely background noise.
If Peter were in a movie, this would be the moment when all sounds are muffled, time seems to slow down for everyone but the main focus of the scene and the character gets that determined look – like the I know what I have to do look – on their face. And that was the thing. He does know what he has to do. It's so painfully obvious.
He has known for a while now. He knows that if Tony gets the gauntlet, he’ll snap his fingers and restore the world to peace. End Thanos and his army of evilness. Is that even a word? It doesn’t matter, not right now.
The world would change just like that. No more Thanos. No more Tony Stark. Despite what May might argue, Peter isn’t oblivious. He knows about Morgan. He saw the look in Tony’s eyes when they had that reunion. He knows something has changed in his father-figure’s life. So maybe he doesn’t know about Morgan. Specifically. But he knows that there is someone, and that someone isn’t Pepper.
Peter spies Tony across the battle-field. Huh. He never thought he would say that sentence. Or think it, anyway. It sounds like something out of one of those fantasy novels he’s seen MJ reading from time to time. He’s read them too, but Peter’s reading tastes are more centred around academic papers. MJ reads stuff like that too, but she seems to be able to read a book an hour. She goes through them so fast. Peter sometimes wonders if she has some speed-reading superpower. Either way, she manages to read a lot.
He wonders if Ned and MJ were dusted, or if they continued with their lives.
Five years.
They would be in college by now. Peter wonders where they would have gone. Knowing MJ, she would have done some protesting in her time at college. Something about the freedom students should be granted in picking their topics for papers or something. Peter doesn’t know. Ned undoubtedly would have done something with computers or robotics. Maybe he finally managed to build that functional lightsaber. Were there any more Star Wars movies in the last five years? It would be awesome if there was, but Peter would have missed them. But surely the world would have had more important things to do when half of all life was dusted?
At the same time, why not? If the world was going to descend into chaos, why not have some entertainment for the ride?
Right now, there were other things to worry about. Like the fact that he was holding the gauntlet. The fact that he was slipping it on.
This is it.
Peter wonders what people around the world were doing. He imagines somebody sitting in their room, staring at their computer screen. Trying to write something. Trying to search for inspiration. He wonders if this is what MJ was doing. Or was she reconciling with the fact that she has been gone for half a decade? He instantly regrets not having the courage to tell her how he feels about her. He loves her. God, teenage feelings were really the worst. Distracting him like this.
In the end, does it really matter how he spends his last seconds. Thinking about his regrets.
Tony is looking at him. His eyes widening in almost slow motion. Taking it in. The scene in-front of him. – The kid. His kid damn it, was about to do something that would certainly kill him. Tony invented time travel to save this kid, and the rest of the universe of course, and now he was about to throw it away.
Peter sees that Tony sees what he is doing. He instantly thinks of May. How was she? Was she dusted too? Or did she move on with her life? Part of him does not know what would have been worse for her:
To miss five years of her life, or to lose Peter. The only family she had left.
Well, Peter guesses that it doesn’t matter now. She was going to lose him anyway. He was going to sacrifice himself. For the world. For Tony – so that his family doesn’t have to lose him. Peter knows what that is like. To lose someone. A parent. A friend. Granted, he doesn’t know what it feels like to lose a partner, but he guesses he came close enough with Liz right? She was the first person he had loved.
He hopes that Ned and MJ, and maybe the Avengers, look after May. He doesn’t want her to be alone again. He knows that after Ben, they only have each other.
But he knows that May will understand.
They both understand that everything can change in an instant. That someone could be lost in an instant. Hell, the entire universe understands that everything can change with the snap of fingers.
The world can change just like that.
Peter spies the other Avengers that he recognises: Mr. Rhodes – War Machine because the Iron Patriot never caught on – is firing at some of Thanos’ lackies. Captain America is wielding his shield and Thor’s hammer. Huh. That’s new. Ant-man is working with a woman who has wings. The Hulk…. looks different. Hawkeye is, well, shooting things. Peter cannot locate Ms. Romanoff. It’s a busy fight, after all.
There are other people too. The glowing woman, Carol, is totally crushing it. A lot of people, who Peter recognises as being part of the Black Panther’s army. They are totally killing it too. Who knew that a spear could cut an alien’s body into pieces like that?
It is time.
It has to be now. Peter raises his hand. He looks back at Tony. When did it become Tony? His mentor/father-figure’s eyes are wide and unbelieving. Peter tries to convey everything in that one look. Years of looking up to the man who he finally met a few years ago, well more if you count the years Peter has been dusted for, when he came into Peter and May’s apartment to talk about “the internship”. The man who lost quite a bit of Peter’s respect when he called his Aunt a “hottie”, but quickly redeemed himself when he kinda, sorta, not really, admitted that it was not appropriate.
How Peter wishes he could have more time with them. His Aunt who raised him as if he were her own. Who was for all intents and purposes, his mother. The woman who continued to raise him even after Ben died. Even after Peter killed him. He had admitted as such when May found out about Spider-Man and May had just wiped his tears away and told him that it wasn’t his fault. She wouldn’t hear it when he told her about the robbery and how he had just let the man go. How he had his powers back then but failed to use them. How he thought it was all a game. Until that night. Until he was too slow to save the only man who had ever resembled a father in his life. The man who was there for him but did not try to replace his late brother. Just as May did not try to replace Peter’s mother.
Oh, how Peter hoped that they would look after May for him. May will understand why he has to do it. She will understand that he can’t let anybody else die when he can do something about it. She will understand that he cannot just stand by and be idle. That he has to do something, and this was the only plan he’s got.
Peter takes in the battle around him for the last time. He sees the carnage. He feels his resolve growing. This is the right thing to do.
He snaps.