Believer
It was pouring by the time Theo left the shelter and limped back to his cheap apartment. The whole way back, he kept trying to think about where he'd seen Tom and why he caused such a bad reaction if he got too close. Thunder clapped above him and he was reminded of how he'd named the dog after one of the Avengers. The memory made Theo chuckle as he pushed open his door. Never had he met someone who so obviously disliked Thor and yet was willing to name something after him. Another clap outside of his apartment made him pause just after he closed the door behind him.
The Avengers... On a hunch, he limped through his apartment and into his room, making sure to close the curtains and lock the door before he pressed his cane down on a specific floorboard, popping it open. He carefully sat down on the floor in order to reach down and open the safe that was inside, taking out his old SHIELD files. He flipped through them, smiling a little at the feeling of nostalgia that simultaneously warmed and broke his heart.
Mr. and Mrs. Sharp were the ones who brought him into SHIELD, his mentors, a deadly pair that always watched each other's backs. They were like the parents he wished he had, the only ones who really knew and cared for him. He still had pictures of them in these folders...
He remembered that he'd been working on the helicarrier with Mr. and Mrs. Sharp, after Romanoff, Captain America and Iron Man had taken in the man that killed many of their fellow SHIELD officers and somehow brainwashed the others, but he didn't know what the guy looked like. He and the Sharps had been joking around as they made their rounds when an explosion had knocked them all off their feet. Theo had hit his head, that much he knew, and he remembered briefly seeing a bright blue light, but everything after that was a foggy blur until he woke up in the hospital. Mr. and Mrs. Sharp, however...
After that, he'd been forced to leave SHIELD, due to the head injury that caused his paralysis. He still helped on occasion from home, but those were few and far between. He hadn't looked at these old files since he first moved in and shoved them into the safe. But now he looked at some of the details of the whole incident two years back, wondering if Tom had any sort of connection to it.
But all he found was broad information about how Thor's brother, a guy named Loki, had come down with the intention of taking over the world and failing thanks to the Avengers. He and the Tesseract had been taken back to Thor's homeworld after his defeat.
And this... didn't help Theo at all. He couldn't really see how Tom would be involved in any of this. He seemed like a normal guy, and so did Jolene. Well... except for his weird reaction when Theo mentioned how he'd gotten his injury. Maybe he was one of the guys this 'Loki' mind-controlled? Why would he control an actor, though?
With a heavy sigh, he put the files back in the safe and sealed it up under the floorboards once again. This had gotten him nowhere. But now that he'd read a little more about what happened, he was kind of tempted to start reading a little more Norse mythology. Maybe it would help him somehow, even though he couldn't see how yet.
He was such an idiot. What was he thinking??
Loki wandered through the streets in his black suit, running his hand down his face, berating himself for being so insensitive and stupid. He couldn't just shove that onto her, she was still reeling from just knowing that she was an Asgardian and that she had lost her memories. He sighed heavily as he rubbed his forehead. He was so selfish to try and rush things. But... some tiny part of him hoped that maybe she would remember what they once had, that maybe things could go back to the way they were. Strange, how often his hope was crushed beneath fate's cruel heel only to somehow revive every time, even if it sometimes took a while.
He felt uncomfortable walking around New York with his face out in the open, even if Jolene had told him no one really knew who he was. But he felt exposed, vulnerable. So he ducked into an empty alley and emerged as a 'she.' It was times like these that Loki really appreciated her woman form because technically, she wasn't hiding. She was still Loki and this was still her body, but no one would suspect a thing even if they knew who she was.
Loki walked around for at least an hour before she stopped at a large plaque of some sort in an open area that was unusual for a crowded place like New York City. She frowned at it, seeing many many names etched into the metal. At least a few dozen. Flowers of all sorts lay all around the plaque, along with pictures of men and women, some ordinary citizens, some in uniform. Her eyes read over the large words above the names:
In memory of those who lost their lives on May 7, 2012.
"Did you lose someone too?"
Loki flinched a bit before she looked down to see a girl around maybe 13 years old standing beside her, looking up at her with big blue eyes that reminded her too much of Thor. "Er... no. I'm just... looking."
The girl nodded and moved closer to the plaque, placing a rose on it. "It would've been my mom's birthday today. She was a firefighter. She saved a lot of people."
Loki felt her heart clench painfully in his chest as she stared at the names. "I'm... I'm sure she's in a better place." she told her. Heroes went to Valhalla after all.
The girl frowned at her with an almost defeated expression, as if she'd heard the same thing many times before. "I know. I still miss her, though."
Loki watched as the young girl walked away. So young, and yet forced to grow up so quickly... All because of Loki. Her fists clenched at her sides as she stared at the rose the girl left behind.
By nightfall, it was beginning to drizzle and she was still wandering around aimlessly, the names and faces of all those people filling her mind, haunting her like vengeful spirits. How many more would she have killed if Thor and his friends had not been there to stop her? At the thought of her brother, Loki winced. Did he ever visit these memorials? Did he ever look at their faces, their names, their loved ones who came to visit them?
Did he have to look them in the eye and know that it was his brother that killed their families?
Loki growled in irritation, rubbing her temple. A year since she'd seen the oaf in person and he still managed to invade her mind no matter how much she tried to keep him out of her thoughts. She hated this, she hated Thor and his stupid lightning and rain, she wished he could just move on. But as she unconsciously raced a finger over her chest where she knew the ugly scar lay, she knew she was lying.
She killed so many and hurt many more... She left destruction in her wake, left nothing but a trail of pain and suffering. She was nothing but the monster parents told their children about at night. She was nothing but the criminal her father--Odin believed she was. No matter how much she blamed Odin or Thor for pushing her to her limits, for not loving her the way a family should... she made her choices. Well... the choices that led her to Thanos, anyway... And even then, she had tried to kill her brother... No one forced her, no one controlled her... She tried to kill Thor. She almost succeeded.
His brother had so bravely, so stupidly, walked up to the Destroyer after it had razed much of the small town to the ground. Loki watched through the Destroyer's eyes, wondering what the actual hell his brother was doing.
"Brother... for whatever I have done to wrong you, whatever I have done to lead you to this... I am sorry. But these people have done nothing to you. They're innocent."
Thor had given him a smile, that pathetic little smile that he'd given him when they talked just before the coronation, and it had enraged him.
"Take my life, and know I will never return to Asgard."
It was an accident, a brief fit of rage at Thor's apology when he didn't even know why he was apologizing. He had momentarily forgotten Thor was mortal, he hadn't thought the blow would hurt him so badly...
That was her doing. Not Thanos, not the Other, not Odin. Loki chose to strike him, Loki almost killed his own brother. Maybe it was better that Thor didn't have her in his life. She was nothing but a snake in the grass, biting anyone that came close, both friend and enemy. Maybe it was best Sigyn have nothing to do with her anymore.
Loki gnashed her teeth in irritation. She hated guilt, she hated sentiment, and she hated feeling sentiment for that stupid oaf. He made his choices, she made hers, they were living separate lives, so why did he always come back to the forefront? She wished she could just forget him, it would be so much easier that way. And as though the Norns wanted to mock her, the drizzling rain suddenly began to pour onto her like a bucket of water had been dumped onto her head.
Loki just stood in the rain for a moment before she clenched her jaw with a frustrated growl. "Do you always have to mock me?!" she angrily shouted at the sky. "Even when you don't realize it, you taunt me! You idiotic imbecile!"
Thunder boomed above her, just making her irritation grow until she kicked over a random trash bin with a shriek of fury. She didn't care if she looked like a madwoman to anyone who might pass by, she just needed to get her frustrations out somehow. If her past self could see her now, throwing a temper tantrum, he'd have a fit. After a while of just kicking the trash bin hard enough to leave a noticeable dent and punching a hole into a brick building, she kept walking, shivering in the cold rain. She hated the cold, and she found herself constantly looking down at her hands to make sure they weren't turning an ugly shade of blue.
At some point, she was walking past a bar and she could hear a woman singing inside. Normally, she would have just walked right by. After all, taverns and bars were Thor's thing, not hers. But as he passed it, she froze. She could feel... magic in there. Powerful magic that most certainly didn't belong on earth. Curious and wary, she slowly moved to the doors and pushed them open, stepping inside despite how absolutely soaking wet she was.
"...there's an old man sitting on a throne that's saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut"
All around her, young men sat at tables, whistling and admiring the blonde singer onstage. Her eyes were a mix of yellow-green, her black lips pulled into a smirk as held the microphone close, a low cut green dress hugging her body as she sang, a gloved hand extending out to the crowd, right at Loki. If she was surprised to see her, she didn't show it, grinning mischievously as she eyed her through her lashes.
"Straight for the castle."