The Secrets We Keep

She couldn’t even look at him.

Currently, she was looking out her window in the backseat of the Audi. Peter was in Tony’s lap, happily giggling and playing with his father. The father she was trying to protect him from. Tony had refused to send Happy to the nearby Target for a car seat, claiming that Peter was much safer in his lap than any cheaply made Target piece of shit. Tony swore that he would hold and protect Peter in the backseat of the car like his life depended on it. Peter didn’t seem to mind. He had never been in a car before, so he was oblivious and happy. Peter had no idea how unsafe it was to not be in a car seat. He also had no idea how the danger stretched beyond just the car ride to the tower. With Tony being in the mob, the danger would last forever. Pepper glanced over at her innocent little boy. She wished she could have done better for her son. So many ‘if she had only’ scenarios were racing through her mind, but there was nothing she could do. They were in Tony’s Audi headed to the tower, whether she liked it or not.

A part of her was okay with that.

As she looked at Peter, she glanced up at the father of her baby. Her heart skipped a beat looking at Tony’s soft smile. Tony looked down at his son like he was the whole world. His strong arms were wrapped softly around their boy. He was so infatuated with playing and talking to Peter. Peter grabbed at his goatee, and Tony just tickled him. Tony laughed along with his son, just happy to have his son in his arms.

It was so pure, that Pepper could almost forget that he was a murder. Almost.

As the car entered the garage, Tony looked up from Peter. Pepper spoke before Tony could even open his mouth.

“I can carry him up,” Pepper offered, opening her door. Pepper was terrified of going back up to the penthouse after all this time. If anything, holding Peter could help calm her nerves.

“I got him, why don’t you get his bags,” Tony rolled his eyes. No way was he letting go of his son.

“Tony, there’s nowhere for me to go but upstairs.”

“I want to hold him,” Tony pouted.

“Fine, whatever,” Pepper rolled her eyes. So much for getting what little comfort she could from holding him.

The ride up the elevator for the family was silent. Peter just excitedly swung his legs while he was securely perched on his father’s hip.

When the elevator doors stepped open, Tony strode out, and Pepper took a hesitant step, watching the father-son duo walk forward.

“Welcome home Petey,” Tony said, kissing Peter’s cheek. Peter leaned into the kiss and hugged his father back. Peter’s arms barely wrapped around Tony’s neck, and Pepper could see how content Tony was.

But 10 seconds later, Peter was bored and wiggling to get down. He wanted to explore. There was so much to see and play with, he had to see if there were any cool Ironman toys. After all, this was Ironman’s home, and Peter figured Ironman had to have the coolest toys.

“He wants to go down,” Pepper explained when Tony didn’t appear to make any moves to let him go.

Tony looked at her, calculating whether or not it was safe to let him down. Even after all this time, Pepper could read his mind because she still knew how his mind worked.

“He won’t go anywhere; besides you have Friday to watch him.” Pepper justified.

Tony nodded, agreeing with her.

“Friday, watch Peter. Monitor his vitals, heartbeat, everything. Make sure he is always safe. Alert me if there’s anything at all.” Tony said.

“Got it boss, would you like to make this a protocol?” Friday asked.

“Yes, call it the Baby Monitor Protocol,” Tony confirmed.

“Yes boss, Baby Monitor Protocol is now engaged.”

Tony slowly lowered Peter to the ground. Before letting go, he kissed the top of his boy’s head. Peter ran off to look out the window at the city skyline. Peter pressed his nose against the floor to ceiling window and slapped his hands against the glass. Tony was glad the window was thick and sturdy, being bullet and shatterproof also helped.

“Pleased?” Tony asked Pepper in a bored tone.

“He is, can’t you tell? He loves all the lights in the city.” Pepper explained.

“I would know that about him if you didn’t run off,” Tony said with a hint of sadness.

“I’m sorry Tony, really I am. But –“

“If you say he was safer out there in that dump that is Queens one more time, I will lose it. I want what’s best for my family, that’s final. Family always comes first, no questions.”

“If family comes first then quit the business. If not for me than for him.”

“Even if I walked away, they would still come for us. Trust me, being here is the safest thing for him.”

“He shouldn’t have to grow up and become this, I won’t allow it.”

“You didn’t give me a choice! I didn’t even get to hold my son when he was born. Or see his first steps. Or hear his first word. I missed so much, and that’s on you.”

“I am sorry Tony, truly I am,” Pepper did feel guilty. She couldn’t imagine not getting the chance to watch her son grow. But she knew deep down that she did what was right. To give him a chance at a normal life. It was what she had to do.

“We can work this out,” Tony said, resting a hand on her shoulder soothingly and started gently guiding his wife towards the bedroom. “Besides, let’s go put his stuff in the guest room. We can get everything he needs tomorrow and convert it into his bedroom tomorrow.”

“Is there a crib in the guest room already?” Pepper asked stopping in her tracks.

“He’s not a newborn baby, does he really need a crib?”

“Yes, Tony! God, he could roll off the bed and hurt himself, he’s not old enough for a regular bed,” Pepper exclaimed.

“Oh, well what do you suggest we do? The furniture store I like is closed. I’ll send Happy first thing tomorrow and make him demand same day delivery. I am not sending Happy out now to buy some crap from some garbage cheap chain like Target or Walmart. God thinking about it scares me.” Tony faked shuttered.

“You’re so pretentious,” Pepper rolled her eyes.

“Well then where is he sleeping tonight? The floor? My son is not sleeping on the floor.” Tony complained.

“He can sleep in the guest bed with me. I’ll hold him so he doesn’t roll off,” Pepper stated.

“You mean in our master,” Tony added.

“No – “ Pepper started, but was cut off.

“Pep, you’re still my wife, you’re no guest here. Common, tell me you don’t miss our cuddles?” Tony said, dropping his hand onto the small of her back.

Pepper rolled her eyes, and walked into the guest bedroom, leaving him behind.

“You didn’t deny it.” Tony smiled.

“Tony not now,” Pepper huffed, placing Peter’s things down.

“Yes now,” Tony protested, “You still love me, I see it in your eyes.”

“Yea well so what?!” Pepper seethed. “I have Peter to think about. What’s best for him? News flash, it isn’t the mob! You don’t seem to get that because you’re too selfish. And yea I still love you, I can’t help it! I’ll always love you, but I know it’s wrong. Everything you do in the mob goes against everything I believe. I fell in love with the sweet, eccentric man who helped people, not hurt them.”

“I do help people, what do you think Ironman is all about?” Tony explained. “I help those who need help. Real, normal, good people. It’s the bad people that I hurt. The ones like Hammer who kill innocent civilians. The Starks never kill civilians, it’s something we live by. Those that deserve to be killed are worse for society alive.”

“You don’t get to decide who lives and dies.”

“If I don’t, more good people will die. I’m making the world a better place for kids, kids like our little boy.”

“You really think you being in the mob is helping?”

“It is. Give me a chance, and I will show you how. Please.” Tony begged, taking his wife’s hand.

Pepper couldn’t help it, a tear rolled down her face. Maybe it was the fear, or maybe it was the hope that her husband wasn’t such a bad guy after all.

“Hey hey,” Tony soothed, wiping the tear from her face with his thumb. He gently cupped Pepper’s face in his hands, and she leaned into the comfort. “Don’t cry honey, it’s going to be okay.”

Pepper could only try and hold back the sob as another tear rolled down her face. Tony leaned in and kissed away her tear.

Pepper was surprised. This was the gentle, sweet man she fell in love with. It was like the murderer inside him faded away, and the Tony she knew and loved was here. She craved that Tony for so long, and she finally was back in his arms.

Maybe she could deal with this. Maybe, he wasn’t as bad of a mobster as she thought. Maybe Peter was okay here.

Or maybe he wasn’t.

“Sir, young Peter appears to be hungry. He is currently chewing on his hand.” Friday interrupted.

Tony leaned back from kissing Pepper’s face and took her hand.

“You hungry too?”

--

Dinner was a fiasco. Without a highchair or a bib, Peter made an absolute mess. He was covered in tomato sauce, and half of his pasta was on his lap or on the floor.

Despite the mess, Peter was grinning ear to ear. Being at Ironman’s house was fun. He had yummy pasta, and Ironman didn’t make him eat broccoli or peas like Aunt May and Uncle Ben would. And Ironman made a funny face every time he made a mess. So currently, Peter’s hand was smacking what was left of the pasta sauce on his plate, and smearing it on his face and shirt.

“Okay silly,” Pepper stood up and walked over to Peter, and grabbed the end of his shirt, and pulled it up over his head. “It’s bath time.”

Peter squealed and kicked his feet as Pepper lifted the shirtless Peter into the air. Peter loved bath time, he loved splashing the water and playing with rubber ducks.

“I’nman come! I’nman come!” Peter chanted reaching one hand out towards his father.

“You want daddy to come help give you a bath?” Tony asked with a smile.

“Baf!” Peter giggled.

Tony grinned and followed his wife and son to the bath.

Tony watched everything Pepper did to prepare the bath. From testing the bathwater temperature, to pouring water carefully on Peter’s head without getting it in his eyes, to gently rubbing the pasta sauce off the boy’s cheek, he took mental notes so that he knew what to do for next time. Tony felt like he had to know because he wanted to be involved in everything related to Peter. He had to catch back up after missing so much already. Every moment he could spend with his son he would.

As Pepper dried off a shivering Peter, she turned to him and gestured for him to take the towel.

“I’m going to grab a diaper and his pajamas; can you finish drying him up?”

“Of course,” Tony took the towel, and Peter sleepily stepped over to his dad. Tony gently rubbed his back and shoulders dry, then wrapped Peter in the towel. He continued to shiver, so Tony pulled him in close, not caring if he got a little damp. Hopefully, his own body heat would help calm his shivering boy.

When Pepper returned, she saw her son wrapped in a towel, resting his head on Tony. She felt the soft smile creep up on her face. She let it stay, unable to force it away.

Her husband looked up and returned the smile.

As the pair worked to dress their little boy, Peter continued to blink away the sleepiness.

“Someone’s tired,” Pepper commented.

“Stowy,” Peter mumbled out leaning his head back down onto his father’s shoulder as Pepper pulled the pajama pants over his diaper.

“What?” Tony asked, unsure of what Peter said.

“He wants a bedtime story,” Pepper clarified, “I didn’t bring any of his books.”

Peter looked at his mommy with big sad eyes.

“No stowy?” He asked, his eyes filling with tears.

“I can tell you a story, common Pete,” Tony said, lifting his little boy up into his arms. Peter immediately smiled; the tears long gone. Tony strode out of the bathroom, leaving Pepper to follow. As they approached the bedroom, Pepper noticed Tony turn into the master bedroom rather than the guest room.

“Tony, we aren’t staying in the master.” Pepper complained.

“Pete, you want a story?” Tony asked.

“Mmm hmmm,” Peter confirmed.

“And you want us to cuddle, with you in the middle?” Tony asked.

“Peta’ cuddle sanwich!” Peter said happily, bouncing in his father’s arms.

“Then it’s settled,” Tony confirmed, lowering Peter to the bed. “We all sleep together tonight, deal?”

“Yay!!!” Peter giggled and clapped his hands. Tony helped him get under the covers, and Peter crawled into the middle of the bed and laid down.

“Don’t think I don’t know you’re using him to get what you want,” Pepper scolded.

“Believe me, I want both my baby’s close to me,” Tony smirked stripping down to his boxers and crawling in. “Please babe. Besides if you say no to cuddling I think Peter will cry.”

Peter was not listening at all to what his father was saying. He was entranced watching his father take off his clothing. Wanting to be just like his hero, Peter abruptly sat up and started pulling at his shirt.

“Off” Peter demanded and pointed to his shirt.

“No Peter, we wear our clothing to bed. Ironman isn’t setting a good example.” Pepper glared at Tony, who sighed and got back up out of bed.

“Alright, I’ll get a shirt. Pep, all your stuff is where you left it.”

Pepper sighed, giving up. Only Peter could convince her to sleep in the same bed as the man she left. She would do anything for Peter, anything to make him happy.

As she went to go get ready for bed, all she could think about was how conflicted she felt. She knew how terrible her husband truly was. She had seen him torturing men. But this kind, gentle Tony that she spent the last few hours with reminded her of what she had been missing the last two years. Seeing Tony with Peter made her heart melt. It made her forget all the bad things he did. But she still felt fear. Fear that she was putting Peter in danger. Fear that Peter would become a murderer. Fear that she was becoming complacent with everything that was wrong with her husband.

When she returned, she saw Tony and Peter lying down next to each other. Tony was tickling Peter, who was laughing and kicking hysterically.

“Oh good, mommy’s back. We can start the bedtime story,” Tony smiled and pulled back the covers for his wife to get in. She rolled her eyes, but obliged, sliding in next to Peter.

“Stowy!” Peter exclaimed and rolled over towards his mom so Pepper could wrap her arms around her son.

Tony smiled, propped his head up with the palm of his hand so he could look at his wife and son, and he began his story.

“Once upon a time,” Tony started, in a quiet, gentle voice, “there was a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist –“

“What’s a playboy fanantopis?” Peter asked rolling back into the center of the bed.

“It’s uh… a king,” Tony explained, “A very special, smart, caring king.”

Pepper rolled her eyes.

“And so, this king lived in a magical tower, and he lived on the tipity top of his tower,” Tony said, as Peter rested his head on his dad’s pillow. “One day, he met the most beautiful woman in all the land. She had strawberry blonde hair and the prettiest blue eyes.”

“Like mommy” Peter smiled, turning to look at his mom. Pepper smiled back and brushed a curl out of her baby’s face.

“Exactly like mommy. And the king knew the moment he met her that she was the one for him. The king knew that they were meant for each other and that he would do anything for her. She was graceful, classy, captivating, brilliant, beautiful, and she had the biggest heart.”

Tony paused and looked at his wife. He meant every word of it.

“When they got married, it was the best day of the king’s life. When he saw his queen walking down the aisle during the wedding, his heart stopped. He knew he was the luckiest man alive. He thought they would live happily ever after. But one day, the queen learned a secret about the king she didn’t like. And even though she loved the king, she disappeared one day. She took their son, the prince, with her.”

“Oh no,” Peter whimpered softly.

“The king was heartbroken. He cried and cried and cried because he missed his queen so much. He would do anything to find his queen again. So, he did everything he could. He had all the knights search for her, but no one found her. It wasn’t until she was in danger, where an evil man was going to hurt her.”

Scared at the thought the queen could be hurt, Peter reached out with both of his hands to pull both parents closer to him. He pulled on their shirts until they were flush against him, with his parents’ legs touching below Peter’s body.

“But the king found her. The king saved her from the dangerous evil man. And even though the queen was still mad at the king for his secret, she was willing to give him another chance. And the king did everything he could to convince her that the secret didn’t matter.”

“Hm,” Pepper huffed, rolling her eyes. The secret did matter, but she didn’t want to start an argument and rile Peter up. Tony glanced at his wife knowing what she was thinking.

“Instead, the king made a new promise. He promised to be better for the queen and the prince. He promised to be a better king, the best husband, and the greatest dad in all the land.” Tony explained and pushed his leg in between Pepper’s. She let him, and their legs intertwined together.

Tony smiled to himself and glanced down to see his son’s eyes drooping.

“And even though the queen was very upset, the king made another promise. He promised her that he wouldn’t keep any more secrets. He promised that they could live happily ever after, playing with their prince and having lots of fun. And the king knew that he would be the luckiest king in all the land if she gave him another chance. And every day, he did everything to make his queen love him again. So, they lived happily ever after.” Tony said quietly and looked down to see his son’s eyes closed.

Tony watched his son’s breathing even out. In the low light, he could see all the soft features on Peter’s face. The rosy cheeks, the delicate curls, the little fists that were lightly holding the blankets. Tony was entranced. He still couldn’t believe that this perfect boy was his.

Tony looked up to see Pepper’s blue eyes watching him.

“I meant what I said,” Tony confessed softly.

“What?” Pepper asked quietly.

“I promise, no more secrets. We can live happily ever after.”

Pepper sighed.

“Tony it’s not just about the secrets. It’s about what you do every day. You kill people.” Pepper whispered.

“As I said, we kill bad guys, not good people.”

“How do I know that? And how will Peter even know the difference? He won’t understand.”

“And Peter doesn’t understand the fact that you hid him from his father,” Tony seethed, trying not to raise his voice. “It’s really hard to put on a straight face and pretend to not be hurt by what you did to me.”

“If you weren’t a killer I wouldn’t have done what I had to do,”

“You should have talked to me, told me what was going on in your mind.”

“I wouldn’t have left if I did.”

“Exactly,” Tony said.

They laid there, silently looking into each other’s eyes for what felt like an eternity. Pepper blinked, the fatigue hitting her like a truck. She had no more energy to argue with Tony today. She let her eyes slip close. Shortly after, she felt Tony shift in the bed, and lean over and kiss her nose.

“I love you Pep. So much,” Tony whispered, and reached out and pulled Pepper and Peter closer to his chest. He left his arm to drape over her back.

“Love you too,” She sleepily muttered, falling into a dreamless sleep.