The Secrets We Keep

It was on every channel. The whole world was watching. Everyone was waiting for the secret that had captured the world's attention to be unmasked.

“Our top story tonight, Tony Stark, head of Stark Industries and alleged mobster is addressing a live audience today. For more information, we take you to Jessica Jones. Jessica?”

“Yes Edward, I am here now at Stark Tower where Mr. Stark is about to make an announcement. We have reason to believe Mr. Stark will be denying allegations that he is in fact Ironman. Sources have seen the suit flying around the city, with many speculating that Tony Stark is the man in the can.” Jessica paused and turned to see Tony Stark and James Rhodes walk on stage. “There is Mr. Stark and Colonel Rhodes now!”

Tony and Rhodey walked up to the stage, with Rhodey taking the mic. The cameras zoomed in on Tony as he strolled up to the podium looking bored. Rhodey shot him a warning look then took a deep breath. He adjusted his tie and cleared his throat.

“Good afternoon everyone,” Rhodey greeted as he scanned the crowd for any threats or rivals. None. “Thank you for being here. I am joined here today with my good friend, Tony Stark, who has an important announcement for the entire world.”

“Thanks, Rhodey,” Tony started, “There’s been a lot of speculation about whether or not I am Ironman, and the truth is…”

Tony paused. He thought about Pepper. What Pepper might say or tell him to do. Maybe what she wanted all along was honesty. And maybe she was watching right now. And maybe, he could finally do something right by her and tell her the truth upfront.

“I am Ironman.”

The room exploded in chaos.

--

Peter waved his little chubby arms in the air. Pepper smiled down at her little baby and hovered her hand above Peter’s hand. He wrapped his hand around her finger and smiled sweetly.

“Mommy loves you,” She cooed, and leaned down and kissed his face over and over again. Peter’s laughter bubbled out and filled the room.

Pepper had been doing this for the past 4 months. Her baby was 4 months old now. She couldn’t believe it. Time was going by so quickly. His first smile, the first time he held his head up on his own, his first laugh, all in the past. Those sweet moments went by so quickly, she was scared to miss another moment. She had been back at work for about a month now, not because she wanted to, but because she had to. Luckily, it was almost Christmas, and she would get some time off to be with Peter.

Pepper was so content watching her Peter that she barely registered the sound of the door jingling open.

“Mary?” Pepper turned to see May enter her apartment. She had given the Parkers a key to her place since May was now watching Peter during the day while she worked. May and Ben had been fantastic. May was so good with Peter, it was clear that Peter adored her. He would always coo and wiggle around excitedly whenever he saw her. Peter must have heard her voice just then because he kicked his feet out and tried to roll over. He was still working on that skill. When he realized he couldn't do it, he huffed out in frustration then grabbed his foot and brought it up towards his mouth.

“In the bedroom with Pete,” Pepper called back out to her friend.

“Awwww,” May walked up next to Pepper and looked down at Peter on the bed. Peter looked over to the voice and gurgled when he saw May. “His Christmas onesie is adorable!”

“Thanks, I just got it!” Pepper smiled. She loved this onesie too. The little feet had little reindeer on the bottom, and Peter seemed to love them too. Pepper quickly realized that her son loved warm fuzzy things. But what he loved more was attention. He loved to be held and talked to and would cry if Pepper put him down before he had fully fallen asleep.

Just then he made a soft whimpering noise, and Pepper immediately scooped him up. He leaned into his mother, seeking the comfort and warmth she always provided. He rested his head against her chest, and let out a deep breath of air. His sighs reminded her of Tony.

“Anyways, Ben and I got him a Christmas present,” May smiled, and held out a bag. “I know it’s not much, but it’s the #1 toy this season.”

When she had been with Tony, she had always stayed on top of the latest and greatest trends. Not necessarily baby trends, but she figured that if she had stayed with Tony, she would have had the time to worry about baby trends. Back then, trends had been important to her. Now, all she cared about was getting to spend time with Peter.

After Peter was born, she realized all the things she had once had, all the luxurious and expensive items, were worthless. The most valuable thing couldn’t be bought. They weren't things. They were feelings. They were moments and memories filled with love.

Pepper sat down on the bed and shifted Peter into the crook of one arm and unwrapped the present. She pulled out the red and gold plushie.

It was Ironman.

“It’s all the rage these days, what with Ironman flying around the city. Kids are obsessed, I had to fight some crazy mom to get the last one,” May smiled triumphantly.

Pepper forced out a smile. She had seen the news. Everyone had. Ironman, New York’s newest protector. Or so they thought. In the back of her mind, she asked herself why Tony really created Ironman. Was it a distraction? Or part of some plan? The statistics showed that Ironman had decreased mafia-related crime all over the city. Probably because every rival mob of Tony’s was too terrified of Ironman to do anything.

Peter reached out with both hands to grab the Ironman plushie from his mom. He held it in his hands and looked at it for a long time. Pepper had never seen him so focused on one thing for so long. Peter then wrapped his chubby arms around his Ironman and held it close to him.

“Awww I think he likes it,” May commented and brushed one of Peter’s curls back. “Who knows, maybe it’ll be his new favorite toy!”

“Yea, maybe,” Pepper wondered how Peter could be so much like the father he never met.

“Also,” Pepper looked up and saw May holding her hands behind her back, “I got you, well, all of us, a gift. But it didn’t cost me anything!”

May stretched out her hands to reveal 4 tickets.

“What is it?” Pepper looked at the tickets. The MoMA Christmas Special tickets for tonight. “How did you know I liked modern art?”

“Oh common! Ben loves Modern art too; you both have literally talked about Jackson Pollock for hours.”

“How did you even get these? I heard they were impossible to get!”

“I told you about Filipe, right? He’s the doctor at my hospital that I always gossip with. His husband works for MoMA. And obviously, he knows all about you since we talk all the time and he thought it would be fun for all of us. He said he couldn’t wait to make me go and suffer. He and I both don’t fully get modern art, but obviously, we gotta support our husbands’ passion.”

“And Peter can come?”

“Uh, duh! That’s why there are 4 tickets!”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say,” Pepper paused, “Oh, but wait!”

Pepper shot up from where she was sitting on the bed and handed Peter to May. May instinctively wrapped her arms around her nephew, who wiggled excitedly to be in his favorite aunt’s arms.

May looked up to see Pepper holding a box.

“I was going to give this to you on Christmas, but since you gave me early gifts, I want you to have this now. And sorry I didn’t wrap it.” She handed over the box, and May handed back Peter, who eagerly grabbed his mother’s shirt with his tiny fist.

May opened it up, to find a framed photo of her and Ben sitting on their living room couch. May was holding Peter who was bundled up in a fuzzy blue blanket. He was smiling up at them, and May was smiling back at Peter. Ben had his arm draped around his wife’s shoulders, and was smiling at May. You could see the love in Ben’s eyes as he watched his wife hold their nephew.
May hugged the picture to her chest.

“I love it!” She cried out and pulled Pepper into a hug. “Thank you Mary!”

“You do? Good, it’s the least I could do for you and Ben. You both do so much for me.”

“Oh stop, you know we larb you and Pete tons,” May stated.

“Aww, I larb you both too.”

--

“You gotta admit, Ironman is working! Our rivals aren’t trying to fight us, if anything, we are doing so much the city.” Tony exclaimed with his arms stretched out.

Nat rolled her eyes.

“That’s what PR has been trying to push, that Ironman is good for the city. You better keep up that image,” Nat reprimanded, “because this is barely believable.”

“What’s not believable about it?” Tony shot back, “I’m patrolling Ironman remotely all throughout the city, and none of the other mobs have been dumb enough to challenge me.”

“For one? You’re a mobster and everyone knows it. And two, you’re literally just looking for Pepper.” Nat commented.

“So? Kill two birds with one stone.”

“So, are you actually going to help people? Because eventually, other families won’t be afraid of you,”

“Find Pepper first,” Tony looked down at their wedding picture on his desk. He couldn’t believe it had been almost a year without her. It was killing him.

“You know I haven’t stopped looking for her,” Nat said quietly.

“Neither have I,” Tony looked up at Nat, his eyes bright with tears.

“Tony?”

“Yea?”

“If you find her, what are you going to do?” Nat asked, her voice laced with fear.

“I would never hurt her, god did you really think I would?”

“No, it’s just – “

“I need her back Nat,” Tony cried out, “I can’t live without her.”

“Tony you can’t just force her to be with you if she doesn’t want to.”

“No, she loves me, I know it.” Tony looked down at the wedding photo again. They both looked so happy staring into each other’s eyes. There wasn’t a shred of doubt in Tony’s mind that he still loved Pepper. With everything he had.

“Love and fear are very different.”

“She doesn’t fear me,” Tony scoffed at the idea.

“She didn’t until she learned your secret.”

“What? That I’m in the mob?”

“She fell in love with a lie, can you blame her?”

“I love her, that was NEVER a lie.” Tony was starting to get mad.

“I’m not doubting that, but you hid something that was very important. Lifechanging information like this isn’t something easy to see past.”

“She loved me before, I’m still the same man as I was before she knew my secret.”

“But in her eyes, you aren’t. She knows the truth now, and she doesn’t trust you.”

“Wow thanks for the help Dr. Phil,” Tony deadpanned.

“I’m just trying to set up your expectations. We may never find her.” Nat commented.

“No!" Tony slammed his fists on his desk. "We will never stop until we find her. She is everything.”

“I know,” Nat sighed. She felt bad for Tony. She and everyone else close enough to Tony could feel his pain.

“Sorry, I know I always bring her up,” Tony was always afraid of showing his biggest weakness. But with Nat or Rhodey or Happy, he couldn't help it. They were the only people he could trust, and he was in so much pain. Without Pepper, he could barely breathe. The pain swallowed him whole, and those three were the only pain meds that could take some pain away. If only for a moment.

“Listen,” Nat hated having the change the topic knowing how agitated Tony got when Pepper was mentioned, but it was past 5pm. “I gotta go, I have tickets to MoMA’s Christmas Special.”

“How’d you swing that?” Tony smirked, trying to forget the tidal wave of sadness.

“Well, when you work for Tony Stark people are afraid to say no.”

“You bet they are,” Tony laughed. “Have fun, Triple Agent.”

“I will, try and enjoy yourself for once yea?” Nat smiled at the door.

“I will once Pepper is home.”

--

Pepper was so happy that May did this for them. Standing here in MoMA was such a nice change of pace compared to staying in Queens doing nothing. Not that she didn’t like just spending time with her son, but getting out and getting to feel like an adult again was really nice. It also helped that Peter was fast asleep, cuddling his Ironman plushie. Pepper had tried to take the toy from him before they left to meet May and Ben to catch the subway, but Peter screamed the second she tried to take it away. At least he was happy and not screaming in MoMA.

“Did you know one of Pollock's paintings sold for $140 million a while back?” Pepper heard Ben comment to May as they stared up at the giant Pollock painting in front of the couple. Pepper stood behind them, not wanting to ruin their date night. She knew that they barely had time to get to go on dates, especially when they were helping with Peter so much. The last thing Pepper wanted to do was get in their way.

“What kind of idiot would spend that much money on splatter paint?” May whispered as quietly as she could, hoping no one would overhear. A couple next to them shot May some serious side-eye. So much for being quiet.

“It represents so much more than just that, he helped create Abstract Expressionism. He’s basically a revolutionary when it comes to modern art.” Ben exclaimed. How did he marry a woman who didn’t know the difference between renaissance art and modern art?

“It’s overpriced,” May stated as a matter of fact.

“It’s tasteful!!” Ben shouted. More couples looked over at the pair with questioning eyes, while Ben muttered out apologies. May just laughed.

Pepper smiled listening to them argue over art. But her attention was pulled away when Peter started to whimper. She could smell it from here, he needed a diaper change.

“Hey May and Ben,” Pepper called out to her friends ahead of her, who turned around to see what she needed. “I think I need to go to change Peter. I’ll be in the bathroom.”

Both Ben and May smiled and nodded, and went back to arguing over whether or not they would spend $140 million on a Jackson Pollock.

--

After Pepper strapped a new diaper onto Peter, she redressed him. She had gotten so quick at that. And he was such an easy baby. She talked to other moms, and they often mentioned how envious they were of her. He rarely cried. The only thing he would get fussy over was when he was tired or wanted to cuddle or when he was deprived of his new toy. It seemed like he was now inseparable from his Ironman.

Pepper strapped him back into the stroller and pushed him out of the stall with the changing table.

Pepper was washing her hands when she heard the door open. In all honesty, she wasn’t really paying attention to anyone else at the moment. She looked up at herself in the mirror and saw red hair she never expected to see again.

Both sets of eyes widened.

‘Don’t trust her.’ Pepper immediately thought.
‘Make her trust you.’ Nat told herself.

“Holy shit,” Pepper whispered.

Don’t trust her.

“Pep?” Nat couldn’t believe it. Out of every possible scenario, she never expected that she would find Pepper in a bathroom at a modern art museum. “Holy shit.”

Make her trust you.

“Um I gotta go,” Pepper quickly grabbed the stroller and took a step towards the door.

Don’t trust her.

Nat’s eyes widened as she saw Pepper grab the stroller. ‘Holy shit was there a baby in there? Whose kid is that? I can’t let her leave, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.’

Make her trust you.

“Wait! I um, don’t have a job anymore,” Nat lied through her teeth. A last-minute decision out of desperation, but Pepper seemed to stop rushing towards the door.

Make her trust you.
Make her trust you.
Make her trust you.

“What?”

“I, um, no longer work for Tony,” Nat whispered, quickly glancing to see if anyone else was in the bathroom. She saw no one. “He uh fired me after you um left.”

“I’m so sorry Nat I didn’t mean to hurt your career, it’s just, did you know he was in the mob?” Pepper whispered the last part.

If anything, Nat felt kind of bad. Pepper had been terrified of her husband, and rightfully so. Tony was dangerous, and she was no better. She lied to Pepper for the entire time she worked for Pepper, and Pepper still had no idea. And she felt bad that she had to keep lying to Pepper. But Nat was a trained liar and a damn good one. The thousands of hours of training as an agent made it a lot easier for her to lie to an innocent woman’s face.

“Wait what? No! I didn’t know, but is that why you left?”

Pepper nodded. “I just couldn’t do it,” she said softly and looked down at the stroller. Nat followed her gaze and saw the baby wrapped in a blue blanket hugging what looked like Ironman.

“Is he…” Nat started to ask, but she could tell instantly. He was the spitting image of Tony. Those big brown eyes were identical to the ones she had been staring at not two hours ago. And if that didn’t give it away, he was hugging an Ironman plushie.

“Yea,” Pepper said. She knew what her old assistant was asking. Was he Tony’s? Does he not know about his own kid? Does she feel guilty about keeping her husband from his own child? Does she miss her husband with every breath she takes?

Yea.

“What’s his name?” Nat asked. Everything she could find out would be incredibly useful.

Don’t trust her.
Don’t trust her.
Don’t trust her.
Don’t trust her.
Don’t trust her.
Don’t trust her.

“Peter,” Pepper said softly. Despite how it was probably safe to tell Nat his real name, something reminded her over and over again not to trust her. That Nat was connected to her past, her very dangerous and unwanted past.

“He’s beautiful,” Nat wanted to reach out and touch him. To hold him. She thought that maybe she should grab him. But she knew she couldn’t do that. Security would probably try to stop her. Not that MoMA security would actually be able to prevent her from kidnapping, she could kill them all with one hand while carrying a baby. But causing a scene like that would be very bad for the Stark family. Very very bad.

“Thanks,” Pepper looked down at him and could feel the tears in her eyes. “I just - I just wanted to be able to give him a normal life, you know? A chance to be a kid, and not have his life decided for him. I don’t want him to ever have to kill someone like his father.” She whispered the last part out as if saying it would cause Tony to appear from thin air.

Nat nodded. Surprisingly, Nat understood. She chose to join the mob. She made her choices because she could. Peter couldn't. If Peter had been born where he was supposed to be, with Tony and the rest of the mob, he would have no choice. What surprised her more is how bad she felt for Pepper. To have to make a sacrifice like that, Nat couldn’t imagine doing it herself.

“Listen, it was good to see you Natalie, but I really have to get going,” Pepper smiled and quickly walked to the door.

“Wait let me give you my number, maybe we can grab coffee sometime,” Nat said hoping to stall her.

“I don’t think that’s a great idea,” Pepper said as she pushed the bathroom door open and walked out, leaving Nat alone in the bathroom.

Nat tried to process everything. Pepper had Tony’s kid without him knowing? He would freak if he found out. He might start murdering everyone in his path to get to his son. Tony would do anything for his wife, but for his son? The heir to his entire empire? He would do more than anything. She could feel the blood drain from her face in fear. The anger and resentment he would feel towards Pepper made her wonder whether or not Tony would actually keep his word and not hurt Pepper. She knew how angry he could get. Nat reasoned that yes, it was kinda terrible that she’s keeping Tony from getting to know his own child, but the tradeoff and sacrifice Pepper made actually made a lot of sense to Nat. That boy was just a little baby, he was better off not being forced into the mob. Nat finally understood why Pepper left. Finally, she found Pepper. Finally, she had answers to the problem the entire Stark mob had dealt with for the past year.

But what was the solution? Just because she knew why Pepper left and where she was, did that mean she should tell Tony? Tony trusted her, and Nat wanted to move up in the mob. Nat wanted to be a leader, not just a trusted bodyguard, assistant, and backup assassin. But at what cost to poor Pepper and baby Peter? Yet if she didn’t tell and Tony found out, what would he do to her? Kill her?

Nat stood there in shock for what felt like hours as she tried to figure out what to do. In reality, it was only seconds until her brain clicked into place that she should follow Pepper out. Nat realized she didn't actually know where Pepper was staying or what name she was using. Maybe she could try and figure out where Pepper was going and what Pepper was up to while she herself figured out what the hell she was going to do about all of this.

But when Nat opened up the bathroom door, and looked all over MoMA, Pepper was nowhere to be found.