Chapter 18
He sees that Ned texted him last night asking to hang out, and only then does Peter realize that he hasn’t really told him anything. He has no idea that Peter is at the tower or what went down with May and John. He pushes himself up from his bed, looking out at the sun starting to light up the tops of the buildings below. He doesn’t know if he can tell Ned. It all seems like too much, and even if he tried he doesn’t know if he could find the right words. He doesn’t want to let Ned down though, he hasn’t been hanging out with him much lately, so he says sure, and suggests going to Delmar’s for lunch. He figures Ned’s probably still asleep, so he puts his phone back on the nightstand and gets dressed in a sweatshirt and trackpants. He’s surprised how quickly he’s adjusted to the Tower’s temperature. Tony and Pepper always had the heat up so high that he was almost sweating when he wore anything other than shorts and a t-shirt, but most of the time being comfy still took precedence. In the summer, he remembers he would always bring layers to put on in his bag whenever Tony invited him to work in the lab, because they always had the AC cranked and May never turned it on unless there was a particularly dreadful heat wave. He doesn’t know when he adjusted, but it makes it feel more real that he’s living here now. It’s not just a quick stay and back to the apartment. It feels weird.
—
“Hey dude!” Ned calls at him from across the street.
Peter smiles and jogs across to meet him, “Hey man, how are you?” He asks as they start their handshake.
“I’m good, but freezing out here. How about you?”
“Yeah same, like, where’s the sun to warm us up, you know?”
Ned smiles and they walk through the doors of Delmar’s to order. They sit down with their sandwiches at a small table in the corner of the shop and eat in silence for a minute.
“So what have you been up to on your holiday?”
“Umm,” Peter hesitates, “I’ve actually been kind of staying at the tower.”
“What!? Why!? That’s so cool! Living with Iron Man!”
“Yeah, yeah it is pretty cool.”
“But like, why dude? What about May?”
Peter rubs the back of his neck and scrambles to find something to say, but it feels like all the words have suddenly disappeared and he can’t even form a single coherent thought.
“Dude?” Ned asks again, concern appearing on his face by Peter’s silence.
“Umm, I kinda got into a fight with John, and May thought it would be good for us to have some space from each other I guess.”
“Peter, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do? I’m your guy in the chair, I’m here for you bro.” Ned reaches across the table and pats Peter’s hand resting there.
“Thanks, but I think I’m good. It’s just been kinda weird staying there, y’know?”
“Just ‘kinda’? Dude you’re living with Iron Man and Pepper Potts! That’s actually insane, of course it’s weird.”
Peter chuckles at Ned’s excitement, he finds it a little funny that he’s still shocked at these kinds of things even after finding out he was Spiderman so long ago. Sometimes it makes him realize just how weird his life is sometimes. The things he finds normal, but still weird, are actually pretty insane a lot of the time.
“True.” One of the nice things about being at Delmar’s is that aside from the rushes near breakfast and lunch, it’s relatively quiet most of the time, which means that he doesn’t have to worry about Ned yelling about him being Sipderman and all that as much as usual.
“Want to head back to my place? We can study for exams if you want, I know I should probably spend more time on English, but it's all so boring,” Ned says as they start gathering their stuff.
“Right! And some of the short stories are scaring! I don’t want to even think of them again, forget about studying them!”
They head outside and start walking towards Ned’s house when he sees her.
“Sorry Ned, I don’t think I’m gonna go with you, I think I might just head back soon.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you again soon though, okay?”
“Okay,” Ned replies, starting their handshake.
“See you later,” Peter says as they start walking away.
“See you later Peter,” Ned smiles and waves.
Peter sees him turn the corner and looks behind him, finding May walking down the street. He crosses, and jogs up to meet her. “Hey! May!” He calls when he is only a few feet away. She turns and looks confused for a second, before she sees him and smiles.
“Hey Peter, how’s it going?”
“Good. How about you, how are you?”
“Oh you know, same old, same old,” she responds with a tight smile.
Unfortunately, Peter does know. He frowns, and doesn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry,” he settles on.
“Don’t be sorry Peter, everything's alright. I- I miss you.”
“I miss you too, May,” he says. And he does, but he also doesn’t miss living at the apartment. He doesn’t want to go back. He knows how Tony feels about it, he doesn’t ever want John to see Peter again. But if May stays with John, does that mean he’ll never live with her again? He doesn’t want to live with John, but he still misses May.
“We should spend Christmas together,” May suggests. Peter had barely thought about it, with everything going on he forgot it was so close. He can’t imagine not spending the day with May after doing it for so many years.
“I would really like that,” he smiles, and May smiles back. It’s the biggest one he’s seen from her in such a long time that his smile grows in response.
“All the decorations are already put up. I know we normally do that together, but it felt wrong to not have them up so close to Christmas - I mean it’s already the twenty third! Do you want to come back and see them? It will be just like old times.”
May wants him to go back to the apartment, and probably also expects him to spend Christmas there. He doesn’t know what he thought before, that May would come to the Tower, maybe? He feels sick at the thought of going back.
“I don’t know if that’s the best idea May, I mean with John there-”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry too much about that Peter. He’s really cooled off since you left. I think it was a good idea for you guys to have some space from each other. He feels really bad about the whole thing, I think you leaving really made him realize what he did. I mean, no one’s perfect, but he’s a lot better now.”
“I don’t want to see him,” Peter feels like he’s going to throw up.
“Okay, well if you come back now you won’t have to. He said he was doing some last minute Christmas shopping and wouldn’t be back ‘til after 6.”
Maybe he could go. If John wasn’t there and it was just May it would be okay, right? He does want to spend time with her, this might be the perfect way to do it without seeing John.
“Okay, I guess.”
“Perfect! I was just coming back from the store,” she lifts the plastic bag in her hand and tilts her head to indicate they start walking. Peter feels like his legs are mechanical, like they’re controlled by some outside force, moving him down the sidewalk beside May. ‘John’s not gonna be there, John’s not gonna be there, John’s not gonna be there,’ repeats through his head on a loop. He knows May is talking, but he’s finding it impossible to comprehend what she’s saying.
It’s a short walk to the apartment and when he steps through the door his body tenses like he’s expecting to be attacked. May shuts the door and sets the bag on the counter, putting some vegetables into the fridge. Peter looks around, and sees the decorations he remembers so well. He walks to the tree in the corner of the living room and sees an ornament that he made in elementary school. It’s some cotton balls and pipe cleaners glued together to make a polar bear, with two googly eyes stuck on, one on the verge of falling off. He jumps when he hears May behind him, “I remember when you came home with that. You didn’t want him getting squished, so you refused to put him in your backpack and carried him all the way home, with your one hand covering him to make sure the snow didn’t get on him,” May smiles at the bear, and Peter smiles too at the memory. “Here,” she pushes a cup of hot cocoa into his hands, and only then does he realize how cold he is.
“Thanks.”
“No problem, want to sit?” He sits down on the couch, making sure not to spill his drink, while May turns on the lights of the tree. She sits beside him and picks up her own mug of hot chocolate.
“I’m really glad you’re here Peter. I’ve really missed having you around.”
“Yeah, it’s weird not being here in a way.”
“I know what you mean, sometimes I open your door and expect to see you sitting there doing your homework like normal.”
Peter doesn’t mention that he hasn’t even done homework in a while, and can’t remember the last time she opened his door to find him at his desk. It’s been a long time, anyways. He just hums in response.
“I really like having you here again. It just feels right.” They sip in silence for a few minutes, watching the changing colours on the tree. He’s feeling more relaxed now than when he first came in, and it’s easier because John’s not there. He feels bad, suddenly. He thinks about how he left May all alone with John. When he was there, at least they had each other. But now he’s gone and she has no one, only John. He couldn’t imagine having to live with John on his own, he doesn’t think he could. He feels bad that he hasn’t visited May, or at least called more.
But maybe May is telling the truth. Maybe him being away for a bit helped John to not be so - whatever he is. Maybe he does feel bad about what he’s done. He loves being at the tower with Tony and Pepper, and he still doesn’t want to live here with John or anything, but maybe he could visit more. Maybe him going away to help John helped May too.