Chapter 1
All his life Peter has felt an aching pain in his heart. It burns slowly until he himself burns out with it. His mind fills with waves of insecurities and his chest implodes.
It hurts.
“Hanging out where i don’t belong is nothing new to me”
”You're a kid Peter, stop playing hero”
”You’re too young to be a hero son , much less an Avenger. I don’t know why Tony brought you here”
“Can you leave Peter ? We want to watch a movie just all of us”
I get tired and i get sick and then i lose the strength to leave
“Peter, me and Ned want to hang out today, we can watch a movie next week”
He stills walks with them changing classes
“Peter, can you shut up please ? No one cares to be honest”
He still sits with them during lunch
“Peter, you’re lucky we still hang out with you. Literally no one wants to be your friend”
He’s still friends with them
Who else does he have ?
I can’t handle change
I can’t handle change
Peter rocks back and forth on his bed. Tony is not in New York anymore. May and Happy are together and they’ve all moved to Manhattan. Michelle and Ned barely speak to him anymore
He can’t handle change
Nothing i do is ever good
Nothing i do is ever good enough
Nothing i do is ever good
”Peter-“ Pepper sighed. “Just leave it. I’ll handle it. Go to the living room or something”
“Peter, damn it” Tony said bitterly. “I told you to check over the equations, but it was still wrong and now the wiring is messed up”
“Spidey! Faster ! You’re slacking off !”
“You’re not good enough for the Avengers”
”Pick up the pace Spiderman! Either help or get off the field !”
“Peter, your grades are slipping. No spider-man this week” May sighed unhappily.
He knows this. He’s not good enough.
Nothing i do is ever good
Nothing i do is ever good enough
Nothing i do is ever good
“Maybe if you were better Pete” A bloody Uncle Ben appeared.
“I would still be here”
“Yeah Peter”
“You bring bad luck everywhere”
“You killed us”
“You killed us all”
He woke up in a sweat.
He’ll never be good enough
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
(I wanna go home now)
Peter cried out to the voices in his head. To the thoughts rattling around his brain.
They aren’t wrong, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
(I wanna go home now)
He muttered “Leave me alone” as he brought his fist harshly to his temple.
The thoughts won’t go away.
“I WANNA GO HOME NOW” He cried as his knees buckled, the note staring at him.
Home
I can’t help but repeat myself
“I know it’s not your fault”
“I know it’s not your fault” He kept repeating like a mantra in his head, visioning his younger self.
He knows it’s not his fault.
It’s his
Still lately i begin to shake
”Peter ? Are you okay?”
For no reason at all
The damn finally collapsed