Would You Be My Boyfriend?
Peter couldn’t wait until his next meeting with Steve. They texted each other like usual, but Peter could sense their relationship had changed. Every emoji, every word had the added meaning of blooming love. Whereas before, Peter was left anxiously wondering if Steve liked him, now he knew that Steve’s texts were full of subtext for feelings that were there.
They made plans to hang out the next Friday at Steve’s apartment. Natasha would be at work so they would have the entire place to themselves. Peter could only imagine the things they would do. A repeat of Saturday night? Perhaps followed by actual romantic, sensual, passionate, carnal sex?
He wanted to be prepared, so on Friday, before heading over to Steve’s he went to the corner store and picked up some condoms. He decided on the extra lubed ones, hoping they were big enough for Steve. It wasn’t like he could test the product before buying it. He had once before thought about buying condoms when he was in high school. He’d had no one to use them with, but he figured that he should be ready in case. However, he’d chickened out before heading to the counter because he didn’t want the cashier to judge him. But things were different now. He was more mature and more confident. And he actually had someone to use the condoms with.
He left the store with a successful smile on his face and put the condoms in his pocket as he caught the bus to Steve’s apartment.
When he got there, he took a second to make sure he smelled good and used his phone camera to check he looked good. Then, he knocked on the door.
Natasha opened the door once again. She looked surprised to see him, but smiled and let him in. “Hey, did you make plans with Steve?”
“Yeah, we’re hanging out. Maybe watching some scary movies or something.”
“That man...always with his scary movies,” she said, rolling her eyes. “He’s in the shower right now, but you could wait for him in the living room. I’m getting ready to go to work.”
“Okay,” Peter said with a smile and went to go sit on the big couch. Natasha left the room and Peter was left alone and restless. He was nervous as he always was when Steve was in the vicinity. Especially because there was the big possibility that he would be losing his virginity. It was a big deal to him.
He got up and started walking around the living room looking at the different pictures that Steve and Natasha had scattered around. There was one with both Steve and Natasha at a bar, looking like they were having fun. There was a professional-looking one of The Hulk, complete with her autograph.
Peter then saw a picture of two teenage boys in an embrace. He had to do a double take when he realized the smaller of the two was a young Steve. He still had the same adorably handsome face, but he was thin. Not the bulky muscle man he was now. The other teen looked about the same age but more muscular than Steve, and he wasn’t all that buff either.
“Oh, you found the Bucky picture,” he heard behind him. Peter turned to see Natasha with a scowl on her face. “Steve insists on keeping it in plain view instead of in his room, out of my sight.”
Peter remembered Steve talking about a guy named Bucky. He thought he recalled Steve saying he used to be his best friend but they’d fallen out of touch. “You don’t like Bucky?”
Natasha shrugged. “I don’t really think about him, but he’s Steve’s ex. So I automatically don’t like him. Doesn’t help that Steve still thinks they’ll reconnect someday.” She paused, looking at Peter as if she just realized who she was talking to. “But maybe he’ll forget all about Bucky with you around.”
Peter took a minute to think about what she’d said. Bucky wasn’t just Steve’s childhood friend, but his ex. It was funny how every time he had a moment alone with Natasha she talked shit about this mysterious ex that Steve had. An ex that had kept Steve in the closet. An ex that had isolated Steve from his loved ones. An ex that Steve still was getting over.
Peter turned back to the photograph. An ex that now had a face and a name. He thought he now understood why Steve had been so reluctant to give him a chance. There was a lot of history with Bucky that he didn’t know, but that he had to erase and rewrite.
“Anyway,” Natasha said, staring at her wristwatch, “I have to go to work. Bye Peter!”
“Bye.”
Almost as soon as the door closed behind her, Peter heard a door open in the hallway and Steve entered, hair wet, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. “Peter!” He looked alarmed and embarrassed.
“Hey, sorry. Natasha let me in.”
“You...I was gonna pick you up.”
“Thought I’d save you the drive.”
“Sure. Where is Nat, anyway?”
“She just left. Went to work.”
“Right. Work.”
Peter smiled at Steve, trying and failing not to stare at the man’s torso. His eyes started to wander lower…
“I should get dressed.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Alright, cheeky.”
“I bet. Turn around.” Peter liked teasing him.
Steve just rolled his eyes, a smile visible on his face. “I’ll be right back, Peter.” He left the living room and Peter went back to the couch to wait and further process what Natasha had told him.
Before he knew it, Steve was back, wearing a white t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. “I liked the other outfit better.”
“Shut up, punk.” Steve climbed onto the couch and whacked Peter with one of the throw pillows. “You make out with a guy a few times and suddenly you’re just a piece of meat to him.”
“I think we both know we did more than just make out. And what a piece of meat it was…” Peter smiled as Steve went red.
“Yeah well, you got lucky.”
“I got lucky? YOU got lucky. Don’t forget it was my lips wrapped around your...Steve Junior.”
Steve snorted. “Steve Junior?”
“Well, what do you call it?”
Steve smiled and then pursed his lips as if he was trying to hold in a laugh. He took a deep breath and then said, “I call it...the Captain.”
“The captain?” Peter couldn’t contain his laughter. “Captain of what?”
“America,” Steve replied, and then joined in the laughter.
The two calmed down after a while and Peter scooted closer to Steve. “Well, I’d like to take Captain America for a joy ride sometime,” he said, staring into Steve’s eyes.
Steve stared back and licked his lips. “I think Cap would like that very much.” A second later and they were on each other like white on rice. It wasn’t long before they were in a familiar position: Steve over Peter, with Peter’s legs wrapped around Steve’s waist. Steve pulled away from the kiss first. They both were all smiles and then as if he regretted it, Steve’s smile disappeared. He leaned up and got off of Peter as the young man followed.
“What’s wrong?” Peter asked.
“I don’t want this to just be about sex. I really like you Peter. And...before we go any further I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me. And…” Steve took Peter’s hand and put it up against his quickly beating heart. “This is how I feel about you.”
Peter’s heart was racing as well. He was all jokes before, but now he needed to make sure Steve knew how serious he was about him. “I feel exactly the same way. I want to be with you Steve. I want to fall in love with you and give you that house with a pool of your dreams. I want to be worthy of your love and I want to know everything about you. I want you to know everything about me. And I want you to know that there are good guys and that I’m one of them.”
Steve had a smile on his face and looked like he was about to tear up. “Then Peter, I have a question for you.”
“I might have an answer.” He could feel both their hearts pounding away.
“Would you be my boyfriend?”
It was the words he’d been waiting, wishing, daydreaming to hear. A few weeks ago he would’ve never thought it was actually possible, but now, after everything they’d done and talked about, it was like releasing tension he didn’t know he’d been holding. It was his just desserts.
“Yes. Yes...Yes.” The two kissed again, though it was slower and shorter. They were all smiles again.
“Great. Boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend. I like the sound of that.”
“My boyfriend, Peter.”
“My boyfriend, Steve.”
“My way-too-young-for-me boyfriend, Peter,” Steve said with a small laugh.
“I’m not way too young for you!” Peter said with a playful glare. “I’m only—” And then his smile disappeared. “Oh.” He’d just remembered that Steve didn’t know his real age. “Fuck.”
“Fuck?” Steve asked with a confused expression on his face.
Peter took Steve’s hands in his. “There’s something I have to tell you. It’s not really a big deal, and I mean, you probably guessed it already, but...I think it’s good to be honest with each other.”
“You’re not like dying of cancer, are you?” Steve joked. “‘Cause I wouldn’t have guessed that.”
“No, nothing that grave. In fact, it might be adding years to my life…”
“Peter, what is it?”
He braced himself for the man’s reaction. “I’m not actually twenty-one. I’m actually eighteen.”
Steve smirked. “I know I’m old but no need to round up the age difference and rub it in my face.”
“No, Steve. I’m being serious. I lied about my age when we met at the bar. And I just forgot to tell you the truth.” Peter cringed as he spoke the words.
Steve turned his head like a dog that just heard a squeaky toy. He was silent as he processed. “But...you have an ID…”
“It’s fake. Made by a friend. To get us into bars.”
Steve looked away from him, deep in thought. Probably thinking about all the times they’d been drinking together at Quicksilver. “But...I bought you alcohol. I...you got drunk on my cider.”
“I was drinking anyway.”
“But you’re underage. If anyone found out I was buying you alcohol…”
“Who was gonna find out?”
“I don’t know. The bar owners, cops who raid gay bars. I could’ve gotten in a lot of trouble. Especially if they knew that we were having…”
“Sex? We haven’t had sex yet.”
“Yet? Peter, you’re...god, fuck, ten years younger than me.”
“So? It’s only three years more than you thought.”
“Three years too long.”
“Three years is not a long time.”
“A lot can happen in three years!” Steve was clearly angry.
All Peter wanted to do was calm him down. Once he could do that, they could talk like the adults they were and get back to being newly cemented boyfriends. A small part of Peter was already considering this their first fight.
There was a short silence and then Steve clearly stated, “I can’t be with you, Peter.”
“What?” No. Peter wouldn’t accept that. Only a couple of minutes ago they were happy and calling each other boyfriends. He wasn’t going to let it all go to shit after a silly thing he’d forgotten to tell Steve.
“I can’t trust you. We’ve been friends for like three months. You’ve had plenty of chances to tell me your real age.”
“And then what? You would’ve told me I was too young to hang out in a bar and too young to hang out with you?”
“Frankly, yes.”
“Oh, that’s bullshit.” Now it was Peter who was angry. “I’m still an adult. Whether I can or can’t drink by law doesn’t matter. I’m of age to date any other adult at any age.”
“Then go date them.”
“Are you being serious?”
“Yes, Peter. We can’t be together.”
Peter could tell he was being serious. He could see the anger and sadness in his eyes. He could see the deceit. But Peter couldn’t accept it. Yes, he lied about his age, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. He was sure there were plenty of eighteen-year-olds dating men ten or more years older and it didn’t matter to them. Love was love despite the age difference. They were fine. They were just getting started. There had to be another reason that Steve was so ready to give up on them so easily.
“This is about Bucky, isn’t it?” He almost regretted saying it as soon as the name came out of his mouth. The look of shock and hurt on Steve’s face made Peter suspect that he’d hit a nerve.
“What do you know about Bucky?”
“I know that he was toxic for you and that you’re still not over him. That you keep people at a distance because you’re hoping he comes back. That you’re pushing me away because a part of you still wants him.”
Steve’s demeanor changed and his eyes became almost lifeless. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Natasha told me. Bucky’s not only your ex-best friend, but your ex-boyfriend. You told me yourself that he made you hide your relationship and hide that you were gay. I just don’t understand why you still want him. I don’t understand why you can’t see that I would never do that to you. I lied about my age, but now you know. And there’s nothing else I’ve lied to you about. Steve, if you let me, I know that I can love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
“You know nothing, Peter Parker.”
The sound of those words echoed in Peter’s head. It was a definitive statement. Worse than hearing him say they couldn’t be together. It made them unequal. Peter knew nothing and Steve knew everything. Steve was being serious. They were over.
“Steve…”
“I want you to leave.”
“Steve…”
“Please leave.”
“I—”
“Leave.”
Peter felt defeated. His eyes watered as he went out the front door. He quickly turned around only to see the door slam in his face. “Steve…”