It Was An Impulse
The next day, Peter had his biggest hangover yet. He didn’t feel like eating at all, his head was pounding like an 808 drum, and the only time he got out of bed was to pee. Even the thought of his kiss with Steve wasn’t enough to put him in a good mood.
Scott tried to help by bringing Peter some water and Gatorade, but Peter felt so terrible that drinking them was about as much as he could do. Peter didn’t even feel like watching tv so after a while, Scott just went out to give Peter some space.
Peter slept as much as he could, but once he was awake, he just lay in bed. He checked his phone and when he saw that Steve hadn’t messaged him, he wanted to throw it at the wall. He didn’t want to be the first to message either. What if Steve wanted to take back the kiss? What if Steve was that type of man? The type that got to have his fun and then turned around and said he didn’t want more?
No. Steve was a good guy. He wouldn’t do that. Peter wouldn’t believe that. But with nothing else to do in bed, he let his imagination wander to all the terrible things that could be possible. He’d only known Steve for less than two months and he already thought he knew him, but what if he was a completely different person than what he’d thought? What if they got together and Steve revealed himself to be abusive? What if they got together and all Steve wanted from him was sex? What if Steve only liked him because he was a virgin and once he deflowered him, he didn’t want anything else from him?
Later in the evening, Peter got back into bed and checked his phone out of reflex. He didn’t think he’d get any messages since he hadn’t gotten any all day. But as he unlocked it, he saw a notification from instagram. He clicked on it so fast, his head pounded. Peter groaned and told himself he’d never drink as hard again.
The message was from Steve. “Hey.”
Peter was glad that Steve had been the first to message, but didn’t know what to think of the message. A ‘hey’ could mean anything. Hey...wanna come over and kiss again? Hey...I think we should just be friends. Hey...I said I would message you so I am.
Peter wanted Steve to elaborate on that ‘hey’ and sent back, “Hi.” If they were going to talk about the kiss, he wanted Steve to bring it up. Steve had kissed him, not the other way around. Peter would never have had the courage. And Peter had been the drunk one, not Steve. Steve had been completely sober.
“How are you feeling?” Steve wrote back.
So, they were going to play the long game. Peter decided to play along. He wasn’t going to bring up the kiss. “Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad,” he wrote back.
Steve sent back a sad face emoji and Peter wondered if that was it. Was the conversation over? They hadn’t even gotten to the good part. He was tempted to yell at him. Or to convey yelling as much as he could through text. Then Steve sent another message. “Should I text you tomorrow?”
At least he was being considerate about it. Peter wanted to say no. He wanted to get the conversation out of the way, but at the same time he wanted to elongate it. The less he and Steve talked, the less of a chance there was for Steve to tell him he just wanted to be friends or that he needed more time. It was ironic to think that in order for Steve to need less time, Peter would give him a little more time.
“I want to meet up in person,” Peter said. He knew he didn’t have to say about what. He knew that if the previous night, he’d been drunk and still remembered their kiss, that Steve had no problem remembering it. He knew that Steve knew they had to have a conversation about it. And Peter wanted to see his beautiful face again, because he knew that if Steve saw him in person, there was a better chance of him kissing him again.
“Do you want to go hiking on Tuesday like usual?” Steve replied. Peter smiled for the first time that day. It would be perfect.
The next day, Peter was feeling much better and was able to eat again. He went grocery shopping for both food and snacks he could take the following day for the hike. He didn’t know why he was looking so forward to it since there was a high chance that Steve would tell him he wanted to forget about the kiss and just be friends. He just couldn’t help but be happy at the thought of seeing Steve. The man was an Adonis.
Tuesday came and Peter was ready by 5am. Steve picked him up promptly and they were all smiles on the ride over. Steve asked Peter about his hangover and Peter told him it was the worst. He left out all the gross details about drinking too much water and throwing it back up, as well as any mention of diarrhea he might have had, sticking to talk about the raging headache and his inability to consume anything.
Once they got to the mountain, they started up the trail in silence, though Peter’s head was loud with anticipation. He half wanted to bring up the kiss and half wanted Steve to bring it up. After all, he was the older, more mature one. He had more experience with men and kisses. And if he was going to disappoint him, Peter preferred he did it as quickly as possible before he got any more hopes up. Not that that would deter him. Peter was smitten. Even an outright rejection from Steve would be taken with a grain of salt. The man did kiss him, after all.
The rest of the hike up was just small talk. Steve asked him what he was doing for thanksgiving and Peter replied he was spending the weekend with his Aunt May who would be driving over the next day to pick him up after his classes were over. Peter asked him what he’d be doing and Steve said he was going to spend thanksgiving day with Natasha, work with some clients, and probably go to Quicksilver on Saturday night like usual. Peter wasn’t surprised by the last part, and didn’t feel like he would be missing out since he knew Steve would still be there the next week. The more they spent time together, the less Peter worried that they would stop seeing each other.
When they got to the top of the mountain, they sat on their rock bench and stared out ahead in silence. Peter wondered if he’d have to wait until after thanksgiving to get any kind of kiss conversation out of Steve. It felt weird that he hadn’t even acknowledged it. It frustrated Peter so, he didn’t even pay much attention to the rising sun.
“So I guess we should talk about Saturday night,” Steve finally said, a lump of awkwardness in his voice.
“Yeah…” Peter replied. “I didn’t know how to bring it up.”
“I didn’t know if you’d remembered or not,” Steve said with a nervous laugh. “But you’ve been so quiet I figured you do remember and probably wanted me to bring it up.”
Peter gave a nervous laugh himself and a small shrug. He couldn’t deny it. “You were the one who...So, I felt like you should also bring it up. And explain it.”
Steve turned toward Peter, a sad look on his face. Peter didn’t like it. “I was the one who...kissed you. Yes. So I’ve brought it up and now...I’m not sure I can explain it. But maybe I can. Gimme a minute.”
Peter nodded and looked out toward the foot of the mountain.
“When you asked me if I thought of you as more than a friend,” Steve finally spoke, “I was caught off guard. Because I really hadn’t. But I think it was just me being blind. I mean, you were giving obvious signs and...I just wasn’t seeing them. So I started to think about it. And the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. You’re so different from anyone I’ve dated, Peter. And I think that might be a good thing. So Saturday comes around and I wanted Natasha to meet you because I think she’s the greatest judge of character I know. We talked and she told me she liked you, but to be careful and not rush things. Then what happened in the living room happened and I felt bad. Because I didn’t want to rush things. So to explain the kiss…”
Steve fell quiet again and Peter looked over at him. The man was staring down at the ground, deep in thought. Peter wanted to kiss him so bad, but he wanted an explanation even more.
“You were being so nice,” he continued. “And I just thought you looked so cute in that moment. I wanted to kiss you so I went for it. It was an impulse.”
And as if that was permission enough, Peter leaned over and went in for his own kiss. If it wasn’t then, then not ever. Their lips met and after an initial shock, Steve reciprocated. Then Steve’s hand was up behind Peter’s neck and their tongues were lightly crashing. Peter’s hands reached for Steve’s waist until they were fully facing each other. He didn’t want to stop. He wanted to make out with Steve forever. If the universe collapsed around them, he wanted to just remain in that moment for all eternity with Steve’s lips on his.
The moment was ruined when they heard some leaves crunching a few yards off. The two separated to see where the sound had come from and saw that there were some other morning hikers arriving. They turned back to look out toward the horizon, though they both had smiles on their faces. Steve reached over and touched pinkies with Peter.