I don’t know how many times i’ve begged and pleaded to no one in particular to love me. To wrap their arms around me in a silent promise that they’ll glue me back together when i eventually fall apart.
Give me back the promise that you broke.
Sometimes i wish i didn’t love you as hard as i did, because every drop of love i had went into saving you. And now i don’t know how to love myself.
I gave it my all, i gifted you every part of my aching soul neatly wrapped together . I gave every bleeding part of who i am and who i will become.
But i guess it fell short, because once us two, now became one.
I tried to love you so hard, hard enough for you to love me back. But i know realize i can never love someone into loving me back.
I wish we would’ve burned out slowly. Something beautiful and tragic and the lines between them have blurred that it’s up to the spectator to decide it’s meaning. Instead our flame was put out so instantly that the ashes rained upon me.
It drowned me out and filled my senses. A sweet sticky ash. It burned in a way i knew nothing was there anymore.
The lack of love bounced through every wall in the house. Screaming in my ears, a loud constant yell.
I tried to hold us. I picked up every lost piece with my bleeding hands and scarred knees. But when i gently laid the pieces in front of you, you said it wasn’t enough.
So instead of laying the pieces, i laid myself. Willing to give me up for you. And without a single tear, you marched away. Leaving me heaving on the floor.
The loneliness made me want to bang my head on the cracked concrete until flower like contusions formed at my temple , softly bleeding petals.
It’s a scary thought to face this big big world without you.
I thought time would heal, but all time does is remind me of the broken memories we could’ve had. I thought living one day at a time would make me forget you, but it only serves as a reminder that every single day is a day without you.
I wish i could’ve told you all the sacrifices i made for you. But you would’ve turned a blind eye towards it. Just like everything else i ever did for you.
I remember we were once perfect. A state of bliss. It felt like every romantic movie was written about us, and with any love songs i filled the blanks with your name.
Sometimes i think you perceived me the same way i saw myself. And maybe that’s why you left.
But i gave you a silent promise between my cracked and bleeding lips that i could make you love me the same way i loved you.
Every plead i made went through my broken heart, cracking and breaking it.
Yet, you somehow still found a way to hold it and break it one last time.
I found home in between the wedges of your ribs. My life was in your hands. And you played it like it was a game.
And you won.