Chapter 18
Peter woke up surrounded by warmth. He hadn't felt so relaxed in a long time.
Content, Peter snuggled further into the feeling, slipping back into a blissful sleep.
Pietro rested his head on top of Peter's, happy to be with his soulmates. Everything just felt right in their little bubble.
It was another hour later before Peter stirred into a more alert state. It didn't take him long to figure out why he felt so comfortable and content.
Wanda and Pietro were nestled in close on both sides, still sleeping blissfully.
It didn't take long for the familiar feeling of guilt and worry started to creep in, only to be crushed by an even stronger feeling that left Peter's breath hitching.
Selfishness.
He wanted to be selfish.
He didn't know if spending the sight tucked in between his soulmates was the cause or not, but the desire to stay here with them was smashing through his fears like the Hulk.
Venom remained docile and quiet as Peter's emotions warred.
How could he do this?
How could he suddenly feel so strongly?
It wasn't right.....was it?
Hadn't he hurt enough people?
Without warning though, Tony's words returned to him.
"The real truth is that buried deep down, you know how you've been treated was wrong and that, no, you didn't deserve it and it scares you to acknowledge that fact because somewhere along the way, you suffered greatly for it."
From deep inside him, the feelings he had maintained for a little while after Ben and May's death pushed their way forward.
The feelings of his own self worth.
His want of someone to love him like he had been used to.
The desire to meet and be with his soulmates.
Soulmates who, he was currently tucked in between right now, and it was clear they wanted him. They wanted him, despite what they had seen and heard about him since he had gotten there. He felt it through their bond, even though he tried to ignore it.
He couldn't now though. Not while being so close to them. Soul bonds only got stronger with time and closeness, and he wasn't immune to the pull.
A pull he knew he wanted. It had never really left him.
He looked down at his wrist, the clear sign of their connection.
For the first time in a while, he missed Venom putting forth his own opinions, but the symbiote was silent, letting Peter work through his thoughts alone.
Maybe...maybe he could keep them.
Wasn't soulmates different from other connections?
Weren't the connections created due to ultimate compatibility?
He had never heard of soulmates breaking bonds, just never finding each other. Soulmates could be from anywhere, and some people actually never found them. While they could feel things from their other half, the lack of physical connection and proximity made it easy to push it aside and start lives with other people.
People who found their soulmates but didn't want to be together, separated themselves to prevent further connection.
Wanda and Pietro had put a lot of effort into getting closer to him, and how could he not want more? Soulmates were special, and he had so much respect for the two of them.
Maybe....maybe he could....try.
Maybe if he tried, he could become better. Maybe if he tried, he could keep them safe, and not lose them like he lost everyone else.
That was the problem, wasn't it? The fear that he could cause their downfall, because everyone else he loved had.
Then again.....he was a killer now.
That realization had his thoughts screeching to a halt.
He had....murdered people.
He had murdered people, and everyone was hunting him.
They are hunting me.
Peter startled at Venom's sudden emergence.
Those are my kills. I removed those criminals from the streets. You do not have the stomach for it.
Peter couldn't argue that point, but it was his body and how certain could he really be that it wasn't his choice to let Venom take over.
Venom seemed to scoff, as though the notion was absurd.
Was it though?
If he didn't have control.....didn't that make him....innocent? A victim himself? Like when Clint had been brainwashed by Loki?
Venom didn't make any attempt to correct him, but then again, maybe Venom himself wasn't completely sure.
His other hosts had been unable to maintain him, so how much could he actually know about being attached to a human.
Sure, he had only recently, very recently been able to see what Venom saw, having always coming to later.
Then again.....Venom had....wanted him to see, hadn't he?
Yes.
So, maybe he did have control over Peter's consciousness.
It didn't really matter though. Venom was a part of him, and if he was discovered, Peter would bare some of the blame.
He would have to. It wasn't like he had told anyone that he was actually a party of two.
Peter sighed.
He wanted this, but he really had lost so many people, and it wasn't easy to just push aside the words he had had shoved down his throat. All the families that had looked at him as a curse and burden, all wondering why they had been unfortunate enough to be stuck with him, or telling him they now had worry they'd be the next to go.
Two sets of parents had been lost to him, and he had no family outside of them.
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Natasha smiled over her coffee cup as she watched Peter stir between fully awake and drifting back off.
Wanda and Pietro curled around him, keeping him snuggled between them.
Peter didn't seem to be in any mood to leave them though.
She knew he had been aware enough to figure out where he was, yet, he was willingly staying put.
"Still there I see." Pepper smiled, stepping beside her.
"Still?" Natasha asked with a raised brow.
"They fell asleep like that last night. Tony and I left them."
"All night, huh?" Natasha smiled. "He's partially awake now."
"No move to leave?"
"No."
Pepper smiled as she looked over at the three.
"That's an unexpected amount of progress." Tony grunted, joining the two.
His hair was disheveled as he nursed his black coffee.
"Finish that cup and then talk to us." Pepper said, slapping him lightly.
The quiet of the morning was suddenly shattered by the blaring of the compound alarm, signaling a need for the Avengers.
Wanda, Pietro and Peter jerked fully awake, jumping off the couch.
"What's going on?" Wanda asked, not awake enough to register anything.
"It's to early!" Pietro grumbled, wiping a hand down his face.
"Of course we couldn't be allowed a peaceful morning." Tony huffed, chugging the last of his coffee.
"Let's go kids. You coming, Pete?"
Peter looked around wide eyed.
"I sure you don't need everyone." Pepper said, stepping in as Peter's anxiety spiked.
Tony looked between her and Peter before nodding.
“Alright you two,” Tony said, turning to Wanda and Pietro. “Let’s go.”
The twins shared a glance at Peter, both hesitant to leave.
“It’s ok.” Peter said, looking between them.
“We..we’ll see you when you get back.”
The twins smiled brightly, each giving him a hug before following after Tony.
Natasha watched them go with a smile.
“You’re not going?” Pepper asked.
“No, I want to try to train a little with Peter. Our styles are similar in ways.”
Pepper cast a side glance where Peter shuffled nervously.
“Come on baby spider.” Natasha smiled. “Let’s go to the gym. Work of some of that nervous energy.
Peter looked at her with wide eyes before looking over at Pepper, his eyes searching for face for…..permission?
Pepper felt her heart clench at notion that Peter was looking to her for guidance.
“I have some things to take care of. I’m sure you’ll have more fun with Nat than me.”
Peter looked from her to Natasha and back again.
“O-ok.”
Pepper smiled, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his tense frame.
“Have fun, honey.”
Peter felt the press of a kiss against the top of his head before she pulled away.
“I’ll see you two for lunch.”
“We’ll be there.” Natasha smirked, placing her hands on Peter’s shoulders and leading him off.
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Peter found himself surprised by how much he enjoyed his time in the gym.
The focused atmosphere sent him back to when he had joined Steve that one time, and how easy it was to get lost in action without much thought.
Natasha was a skilled teacher, as well as more similar to his own fighting style, making her a great partner.
She was patient with him when he slipped into his thoughts, even though it wasn't often, and never pushed.
"How do you like your room?"
At least, she hadn't.
But it was a rather innocent question. Small talk really.
"It's nice." he replied, surprised to find he really meant it.
It was a nice room, and without even realizing it, he had allowed himself to like it.
A sinking feeling filled him.
He had allowed himself to develop feelings of attachment to this place.
"That's good."
Peter blinked as Natasha's voice cut through his thoughts.
"Tony stressed over the mattress and Pepper stressed over everything else."
Peter frowned as he copied the stretches she was showing him.
"The didn't need to." he mumbled.
"Of course they did." Natasha said, changing positions. "You live here now. No reason for you to not be as comfortable as the rest of us."
Peter swallowed hard, the sinking feeling only growing worse.
Suddenly, the red head stopped, coming out of her position to look at him. Slowly, Peter followed, uncertainty in his moves.
"I ran a lot too."
Peter blinked. Of all the things he had anticipated her ever saying, that never made the list.
"After the red room, I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. There are some things I don't regret since they turned out for the better, but I do have those that sit with me and the feelings never really go away."
The two stared at each other before she continued.
"Clint eventually caught me and I was brought into SHIELD. I won't lie and tell you I accepted them easily. I had moments where I forgot I was no longer alone, or that some of the methods I was used to using weren't exactly SHIELD approved. I didn't make a good impression on others either. I kept them all at a distance, well, all but Clint. He didn't give me the option of ignoring him."
Peter scratched at his cheek absently, letting her words process.
"Point is, I've been where you are. I'm sure there are things in my story that differ from yours, but in the end, the basics are the same. When you lose everything you knew, hard to think it's not your own fault after a while, hu?"
Peter's breath hitched.
"I didn't have the healthiest of coping mechanisms either. I threw myself into missions. Took a lot of damage I didn't need to. I'm pretty sure Clint and Fury were convinced I had a death wish. Who knows though, maybe I did.”
She took a thoughtful pause before continuing with a small smile.
“Then that mass of muscle came thawing out of his 70 year ice nap and a bond I didn’t think I had flared to life. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs but that was probably the biggest loop I’d ever been thrown.
Steve took it way easier than I did, the jerk. Can’t say I wanted it you know?”
Peter looked at her with slightly wide eyes.
“Never saw myself as a soul mate person. I had a lot of dark things in my life, and who was I to drag someone else in to that? A soul mate isn’t the same as a friend or work colleague. A soul mate will know every part of you given time, and for someone like me, that’s a terrifying thought.
It still can be at times.”
The way she spoke so casually about her own troubles and, even her bond with Steve, sat heavy in Peter's chest. It wasn't like she was lying. He could hear it and see it on her face.
"Anyway," Natasha said, standing up and stretching her arms over her head. "We should probably get upstairs. We've been down here a while and it's almost lunch time. Pepper will be waiting."
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"We really could've used Spidey out there." Clint groaned, looking at the singed skin on his arm. "That Electro guy is a part of his rouge gallery after all."
They all worse some sign of fight on them.
How did Peter do it?
"He's not ready." Steve frowned, a concerned tone filling his voice.
"He doesn't even have a suit." Tony sighed.
"What do you mean, he doesn't have a suit?" Sam asked.
"He ditched them both the very first time he was here. Hasn't held either of them since. I know you saw him basically refuse the web shooters in the gym."
"Ok. We can work with this." Sam said, looking at the others, eyes lingering a little longer on Wanda and Pietro.
"We focus on Peter's comfort here at the compound. No mentions of Spider-Man or any connected to him. So, not a word on who was causing trouble today."
"Right." Tony nodded. "With that said, FRIDAY?"
"Yes Boss?"
"Where are the rest of our merry band?"
"Miss Romanoff, Ms. Boss and Peter are having lunch."
Everyone shared at look before splitting off to clean up and join them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter looked up from his sandwich as the team entered the kitchen, all looking a bit tired despite obviously having cleaned up.
He felt a small pang of guilt for not having been with them to help, but it was gone as fast as it came.
He just couldn't see himself out there with them.
"How'd it go?" Natasha asked, looking them over, not missing the bandages or awkward movements.
"We got 'em." Clint shrugged, dropping down beside her.
Peter's eyes widened as he took in the bandage above Wanda's eye as she sat down beside him. He quickly grabbed her face and turned her towards him.
"Are, are you ok?" he asked, worry in his voice.
Wanda looked at him in surprise before her face softened.
"Just a cut. It looked worse than it was once it was cleaned up."
Peter frowned, running his fingers lightly over and around the area, watching her face for any signs of pain. Satisfied after a few moments, he lowered his hands.
"I-I'm glad you're ok." he said softly.
In a move that lit his insides up, Wanda leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to his forehead.
It was almost like the flipping of a switch as Peter dove forward, wrapping his arms around her and letting out a sniffle.
Pietro stood, frozen in shock where he had walked out with a plate for both he and Wanda. Finding Peter wrapped around her was not what he had expected.
Wanda looked over at him with a hopeful smile while everyone else bustled about, trying to pretend that everything was fine and normal.
Carefully, Pepper stood up from her spot next to Peter, motioning for Pietro to sit down.
Pulling back from Wanda at the sense of a change, Peter looked over as Pietro sat down with a limp and wince.
"Are you hurt too?" Peter asked, turning fully to face him.
"Just a slight twisted ankle. It's heal seen enough." Pietro shrugged with a smile.
With his feelings on high alert from his interaction with Wanda, Peter threw his arms around Pietro, hoping to provide him with comfort.
Wanda smiled, slowly grabbing her own plate and sliding it in front of her while the two shared their own moment.
For the first time since Peter had arrived, a hopeful feeling filled both the twins and everyone else.
While they had never considered Peter a lost cause, for once, it seemed like he might not either.
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Peter didn't allow himself to think as he stuck close to his injured soulmates as everyone made their way to the common area to relax.
He couldn't leave them again. They were hurt because he hadn't been there to keep them safe. Staying with them now and helping them was something he could do at least.
Making sure they were comfortable, he slipped into the open space between them and wished he hadn't.
Now with nothing to do but sit, negative thoughts moved forward.
He wasn't supposed to be doing this. He wasn't supposed to be getting close to anyone, and yet here he was, doing exactly that.
His nerves spiked and tears pricked at the back of his eyes.
Everything here felt so right and good, to right and good.
Venom was no help in sorting out his feelings as he was more than happy to remain here with everyone.
Then...there was his talk with Natasha, or more like her talk with him.
They were a lot alike, much to his discomfort.
Her words sat heavy with him, as they felt far to familiar to him. They were things he identified with, things he knew what it felt like to deal with and accept as truth....but she didn't accept them as truth....did she?
Peter winced as he felt worry and uncertainty that wasn’t his creep through his bond.
He felt guilty every time he knew they were upset or worried about him. They were trying, he knew it, but he was the one with the problems, not them.
He could sense eyes on him and looked up to catch the eye of Natasha. She gave a look, heavy and full of emotions that he couldn’t identify all of them.
His stomach twisted.
If he listened to her, that would mean accepting Pepper and his mother, and the worry that came with adding a new family member that could possibly face the same fate as the others.
To listen to her would mean opening himself up to relationships with the team that don’t have anything to do with Spider-Man.
Spider-Man.
Listening to her would mean he’d have to decide how he really felt about his alter ego. How he felt about being him again.
Most importantly though, to listen to her would mean facing his bond with his soulmates head on.
He looked down at his lap, breaking eye contact with the woman who seemed to understand more than he was comfortable admitting.
He took a glance over where Pepper was seated next to Tony, pointing at things on her Starkpad.
As though she knew what he was thinking, she immediately looked over at him with a soft smile.
He felt his mouth twitch to a smile when Sam’s voice rang out.
“I am not watching another Harry Potter movie. I’ve seen them all with my nephews!”
“But I’m trying to catch up!” Steve grumbled.
“Seriously, how have you not already done that? These movies aren’t old!”
“I have a long list!”
Peter watched as the two glared at each other before shocking him completely.
The two men were soon rolling on the floor, fighting for the remote.
Peter watched as no one said anything, acting as though something like this was common.
“If his ankle wasn’t twisted, Pietro would be down there.” Wanda snickered next to him as they watched Clint join in the fight as well, loudly claiming how neither of them had good movie tastes anyway.
“I have the best taste in movies.” Pietro scoffed.
“So, that is normal?” Peter asked, looking between them.
“Very.” They replied in unison.
Watching the three grown men wrestle for a remote, Peter couldn’t stop the small grin that crossed his face.